If you're reading this...

A nation mourns as a father reflects on his loss...

Horatio's POV

It was the weekend before 4th of July. My team and I had been working for 72 hours straight on a serial killer case and were nowhere near a suspect. I dismissed them for the weekend, hoping that we could tackle the case anew on Tuesday. I had a feeling the whole day that something was wrong, but I couldn't pinpoint if it was about the case or about something else.

I had finally settled down for the night, I took the case files in my hand to see if I had missed something. I heard the knock at the door, I hadn't been expecting anyone. I assumed it was Eric or Calleigh coming over with any new information. Imagine my shock when I saw the two uniformed Army officers at my door. I didn't hear anything past them asking me if I was Kyle Harmon's father. All of the files in my hand fell to the floor. My worst nightmare had come true. I had been afraid for his life everyday since he left the year before. His emails became more & more sporadic. He had always told me that no news was good news, but I knew something had gone wrong. The officers came in and told me that my son had died saving a woman and her children. It didn't make the pain go away, but my son died doing what he could to save someones life. It was a long way from where he had started.

The thought hit me suddenly when I realized that Julia didn't know. She was still at the hospital, she had a meltdown after Kyle's latest deployment. I received all of the information regarding Kyle's final trip home and before the officers left, they told me the same thing I had told the many families before, we are sorry for your loss.

I felt as if I had been hit by a ton of bricks. Losing a loved one doesn't get any easier, I lost my mother, at the hands of my father, my wife and my brother at the hands of a monster and now my only son, at the hands of a never ending war. The hardest thing I had to do was to tell Julia about our son. I swear, even a week later, I can still hear her screams.

The funeral was like a nightmare that was never ending. The entire department showed up to pay their final respects. My team had stayed behind the entire day, they felt my pain as their own. As I watched the casket of my son lower into the ground, the tears that I had tried so hard to hide spilled. Julia clutched my arm as tight as she watched the same scene unfold in front of our eyes. No one deserved to go through this, no one deserved to lose a child, especially not in this manner. I led Julia back to the car and placed a kiss on her head. She looked at me through the tears and asked me why I let him go.

A week after the funeral I received his footlocker. Inside I found his final letter...

Dad,

If your're reading this letter then it means that I didn't make it home. We were told to keep a letter in our footlocker just in case something went wrong. I'm guessing that in this case it did. I wish I knew where to begin, so I'll begin with this. Thank you. I know that we didn't have the easiest start, but I am glad that I met you. I spent my entire life searching for you and my mom. I'm glad that I got to meet you both and given the chance, I wouldn't change a thing. You taught me so much in the short time we had together. You taught me how to be a good son and an even better man. I had hoped that when I joined the Army that I would make you proud. After all of the things that I had done in the past, I needed a chance to make things right.

I wanted you to know that I met someone special before my latest deployment. Her name is Melissa and dad you would love her. She's amazing, she makes me feel like I am on cloud nine. I am going to ask her to marry me. She is everything I have ever wanted. I really do hope that you get to meet her, because I think you would love her as a daughter. I need you to do me a favor, if you read this letter I need you to tell her that I love her and that she was the first thing I thought about in the morning and the last thing I thought about at night. I wanted to make her my wife.

I need you to take care of mom for me, I know she won't be able to handle anything happening to me. Tell her that I'm sorry for the pain I've caused. I'm sorry for hurting her.

Dad, if you're reading this, I'm already gone. But know that I was proud to be your son. I hope that in the short time we were together, that I was at least half the man you were.

Love,

Kyle

Horatio sat on the floor reading the letter as the pain of his loss over took him. His son was a better man that he ever was. His son gave his life so that others could live. He knew that his pain would eventually subside, but right now it was intense. He was proud of his son, he had always been. His son was a soldier, his son was a hero.

So lay me down
In that open field out on the edge of town
And know my soul
Is where my momma always prayed that it would go
And if your reading this, I`m already home

-Tim McGraw