After a few moments of absorbing Levi's request you began to calm down. You gently dabbed your eyes with the bed sheet scrunched in your hand and took a deep breath. Levi felt so warm with his arm wrapped around you, with his head resting against yours. His hair pressed into your temple, and his eyelashes brushed your cheek. The occasional flutter stilled as if he'd closed his eyes.
"Understand me Levi…This is something I've never told anyone about. Not even Tia or Luke….and I'm a little worried…you're opinion of me will change." You sniffed.
Levi's hand firmly clasped your shoulder.
"I'm listening." He uttered.
"You remember that night at the Spring Celebration when we danced together and you returned my pocket watch? Well, as I mentioned that night, after my Father died my mother began to struggle raising my brother and me alone. Things got desperate very quickly however and she wrote a letter to her sister, my Aunt Voletta asking for her help. It was quickly decided that my brother, Hagan and I were to go and live with her and her husband, my Uncle Mathis. A talented yet ruthless merchant with a heart as cold as his money. He was mostly interested in Hagan and that's when he began worming his way into my brother's head like a parasite. Draining him of any thought of his own and replacing them with only an unquenchable thirst for knowledge and money. Mathis' plans for me however only required the assistance of Voletta. She would spend hour upon hour every day, fashioning me and molding me into what she called "a lady". Despite all that she would only let me wear boy's clothes. She and my Uncle were afraid that my Father's killer would come looking for me eventually so I lived in disguise for the following two years. But I learned over time that my Aunt was smarter than she looked. There was another reason why she dressed me as a boy. I overheard her and my Uncle talking late one night…about an arranged marriage and a family by the name of Gotric. She was protecting her husband's investment. What better way to protect a young lady from the curious eyes of men than by dressing her as one. I didn't argue about it though. Dressing like a boy allowed me to move around more freely and even practice self-defense with my brother. We'd arrange secret meetings in the garden and recite the fencing techniques Father had been teaching us since we were small. It was the only time I ever got to see my brother, other than meal times. We were finally discovered and my Uncle soon put a stop to the secret meetings altogether. After that my brother started to change. He rarely spoke and took to ignoring me completely. It was lonely and I missed my old life...when all four of us were still together. I had nothing left after my brother disconnected from me. Only that old pocket watch…and my lessons. I was less than willing to learn what she had to teach…and yet somehow even today I remember most of that useless information. The correct manner of speaking when addressing a gentleman or a lady. What position to leave your napkin in when you leave the table. What colour dress to wear on a cloudy day... This new life had effectively become prison. My bedroom might have been decked out in the kind of finery every little girl would dream about. Soft cotton blankets, vibrant wallpaper, oak furnishings…a most luxurious cell if ever there was one. I missed Father and Mother so much. I quietly hoped that both of them would turn up on the front door step and take me home and go back to living the way we did before. An impossible hope for what seemed to be an impossible fate. I'd stay up all night just listening to the music from that old pocket watch, praying for even the slightest chance that something would change for the better. I'd often be tired the next day from crying the previous night. I was frequently punished for it during that first month by Voletta's unrelenting whipping stick. I learned quickly that there was no sympathy to be found with her. Her discipline was nothing like Recruitment Training. But I suppose she toughened me up for it. My heart was reluctant to sway but I tried my hardest to learn everything I could if it meant escaping from it someday. I excelled at etiquette and recitals. There was some pleasure to be had whenever she held music lessons. It was the only time I could feel expressive in any way. An outlet for my frustrated young mind. Always on the piano…but getting the chance to sing was my favorite. I wasn't any good at it…but it felt like every note breathed was a tiny fraction of myself forgetting where I was and stepping into a higher plane of existence. Anywhere other than that place.
But the true highlight of my day was getting the chance to read books in the study…but especially the newspaper in the mornings. After my father's murder I developed what I can only call a morbid obsession. Most days there was some new article or report on criminal activity in the area. I wanted to learn all I could about this place that kept finding its way into my day to day life. A place called The Underground. Another city that lay deep down under the ground. The papers made out like it was the central nervous system of crime within the city. There was bound to be someone down there who would know something about what happened to my Father.
There was this one group I used to follow in the news. There were never any clear pictures though. Just vague descriptions.
"Two supposed adolescent males. One tall and skinny, with silvery hair. The other, short with black hair. Accompanied by a young red-headed female of average height. Wanted for numerous counts of theft and illegal use of military property."
Levi…you mentioned that night at the party about the sort of life you used to live…and your two companions…I just occurred to me that the group I used to follow—"
"It does sound an awful lot like us. There weren't any other gangs who used 3D gear to get around. "
"Yeah! You guys were hot news nearly every day of the week at one point. Always on the run from the Military Police. Poor guys never stood a chance at catching you…that is until they got the Survey Corp involved and upped their game. I always loved reading about you! It was like following an adventure novel. I used to imagine what it would be like to fly like that. It was because of you I fell in love with the dream of getting the chance to fly someday. I'd dream about it a lot. I was always sad to wake up because in the dreams where I was soaring through the sky high above the city…I felt more alive than I did when I was awake!"
You leaned away from Levi and looked straight in the eye smiling excitedly.
"…Levi do you know what this means?...You were my reason for joining the Survey Corp!"
Levi paused for a few moments. His face almost seemed…disappointed.
"So…the reason why you're here is…because of me? I'm the reason why you chose this dangerous life instead of doing what a sane person would've done?"
"Well…yes and no. You inspired me to try out for the military. But it was Gotric who finally pushed me over the edge and leave that life behind. " you said as you trailed off and began fidgeting with the lengths of your hair, stroking the ends that trailed down over your shoulders.
"That day began like most others did. However that morning my Aunt had the servant help me dress. The Gotric family had sent us an invitation to attend Adler's fifteenth birthday party. I was less than enthusiastic. The one time she wanted me to dress like a girl in the hopes of leaving an impression on the boy she'd chosen for me. The dress she picked out for me was a piece of art in its own right. A lush shade of cream like elder flowers, trimmed with lace with a pale pink sash around the waist. My Aunt gave me the gift of a new ribbon for my hair. It was the very first time she'd smiled at me so genuinely. I wondered if perhaps she had envisioned this for her own daughter if she ever had one. But it was just a passing thought. For a few moments she held my face in her hands and looked at me like she was proud of me. I wished that I could've been wearing that dress for someone I actually wanted to impress. I knew wearing something like that would make me the centre of attention. I was scared of course. It would have been the first time I'd left the house in months. The party itself was something to see. Everyone there was dressed so elegantly. You'd think the King himself was going to turn up. The garden was bigger than the courtyard back at base. The summer sun was blazing through a clear blue sky while the guests conversed on the pristinely cut lawn in their collective of gatherings under their parasols. A string quartet playing under the gazebo while servants weaved in and out between the huddles of guests carrying tray after tray of wine glasses. It was rather strange however as that there was not a single other child to be seen. It was quite daunting walking towards the house through an ever shifting labyrinth of bodies with eyes that merely rolled down to observe me while their noses pointed skyward with pride. I hated every second of it. It felt as if their eyes were closing in on me from all around. It was like nothing I'd ever felt. Such judgmental glassy glances became suffocating. I felt like a butterfly trapped in a bottle. I became separated from my aunt in the confusion. The vicelike grip of my corset was too much and I ended up passing out in the crowd. Everything went dark for a few moments before I regained consciousness. I woke up on the patio gazing up at the sky and the face of a boy came into focus. The boy turned out to be Adler Gotric. That same head of wispy ashe blonde hair and hazel brown eyes that looked down upon me so coldly before. I never expected him to be quite so gentile for his age. He soaked his cravat in water to cool my face. To be honest I was expecting him to be spoilt and as arrogant as the rest of those old penny pinching clowns. He seemed…different. We ended up talking all afternoon. His eyes were friendly and warm…yet when I asked about his father he looked so sad…almost lonely. I..I won't lie. I wanted to learn more about him. I hoped that he might have felt the same way I did about the idea of arranged marriage…He seemed restless about the idea. He wanted to fulfill his role in the family of marrying the girl of his parent's choosing…but at the same time I could tell he was lying. I felt hostility from him whenever he brought up his father. There were moments during that conversation that sent chills through me as he described in detail how…he…he wanted his father to drop dead. His eyes turned cold, much like they did that day out in the Forest Facility…those were the eyes that yearned for the pain of another. He made me feel very uneasy very quickly as he went into graphic description. You'd never think such a gentle looking face would hide such…malevolence. It bothered me so much that I felt that marrying him would be a very unwise decision. There was something…not…normal about him. I've never trusted anyone who is able to change in character so rapidly like that…It scared me. I broke the conversation calmly but as I tried to walk away he suddenly became almost irrational. He grabbed me by the wrist until it hurt and began accusing me of spying for his father and threatened to hurt me if I told anyone of our conversation. There was a struggle and the next thing I knew he…he pulled out a cutthroat razor and…"
You paused for a moment as you looked down at the bedcovers where you were holding Levi's hand in yours so tightly your knuckles glowed white. Your mouth was dry as you ran the scene through your brain and released your Captain's hand from your nervous constriction. Levi said nothing as he began rubbing his fingers to rid them of pins and needles.
"Uh-Sorry." You flustered.
"You got a grip. Maybe I should make you drink." He said as he rolled his wrist around a few times with a crackling.
"A glass of water would be good. I wasn't expecting my throat to get so dry. Must be this sterile hospital air." You sighed as you ran a hand through the hair around your face and fidgeted with the lengths of your hair that sat upon your shoulders as you thought about your story.
Levi rose from his spot on the bed beside you and washed out your teacup from the tea tray before replenishing it with fresh cold water. You took the cup from Levi and downed the whole thing in seconds.
"Alright now?" Levi asked taking a seat in the chair at the bedside and folding his hands as he crossed his legs in waiting.
"Yes thank you Levi…Yes…Even then it seemed that Gotric showed signs of an…unstable nature. I tried to leave the conversation. He stopped me and suddenly became violent. He lost his temper and out of no where he pulled a razor on me. I thought for sure he was only brandishing it to keep my attention on his every word. But as I attempted to flee he…he caught me by my hair and yanked it back with amazing force. He pulled so hard it felt like my neck would snap. I felt like a mouse cruelly being held by the tip of its tail…dangling helplessly only able to cry out feebly as the cat teased it with a claw. I cried and I cried but no one came as Adler pinned me to the floor…and…he cut my hair. As he sat on my back, the razor sawed back and forth as I slowly felt the tug on the back of my head ease up with every strand severed. The next thing I see is my ponytail sprawled across the floor in front of me. Those same locks of hair that my mother used to lovingly brush every night before bedtime. The moment that thought crossed my mind I realised I had nothing left to hope for in the world I was thrown into. Those rich bastards surrounding me couldn't give a shit…They only had their own best interests at heart…and Gotric was no exception as I hoped he might have been. Finally after all the chaos someone finally discovered us. We were dragged away from each other never to set sights on each other again for a very, very long time. Despite having been found practically scalped by Adler, still holding the razor…my family told me I only had myself to blame for it…It was then I decided I wasn't going to put up with that shit for the rest of my life. I remember how cold it was after losing my hair. I had nothing to fidget with when I was lost in thought missing my parents…It's one of the reasons why I chose to grow it so long. It may put my life at risk but I've never had a problem with it. No Titan has caught me yet so I must be doing something right." You smiled sadly.