Author's Note: I had to write this and get it up. I absolutely had to…the characters demanded it!
The Choice
Bella opened her eyes and stared up into a brilliant blue sky. Clouds drifted across it in a lazy, unhurried fashion as a hawk dipped and soared on the currents below them. A breeze teased the hair on her forehead, bringing the mingled scents of flower and fruit. Her nose twitched. She could pick out orange, lavender, cinnamon, rose, vanilla, and lemon. Next her ears began to hear the singing of birds as the breeze continued to wind its way around her. Peace encircled her like a comfortable and familiar blanket. She felt weightless…at ease with herself and the world around her.
Then her memory began to stir.
"What is it?" she murmured. "Something I must do…but what?"
She glanced up to the sky again as if to seek for an answer, but the sight of it drove the thought from her mind. Though it kept the beautiful blue color, she seemed to see through it…as if the sky were no more than a translucent bowl turned upside down over her and this small patch of green. Stars twinkled overhead; despite the dazzling sunlight, she could make out stars and constellations. She sat up, entranced by the sight.
The breeze rushed by her once more and this time the scents made her dizzy. Rich and heady, the smell of fruit and flower filled her. She felt as though she had walked through her entire life with a head cold and only now breathed in the fullness of apples and gardenia for the first time. Bird song rang out to be answered by the calls of other living creatures, each building their notes into a grand music of life. The vibrant energy surrounded her, pulling her to her feet and calling her to join in their dance.
But she didn't know the steps.
Her eyes drank in the color-drenched land where she stood on a tall hill. Sweeping grasslands and giant forests surrounded her, spreading out across a vast distance. Never before had she seen such a vista – not even when standing upon the height of the Carrock.
"The Carrock," she murmured, another niggle of unease tugging at her.
Laughter distracted her thoughts. Familiar laughter. She spun, trying to find the source. Her eyes grew wide as she now spotted a gate between two giant trees. The gate looked like a common garden gate…but it stood taller than even the door to Beorn's house. More laughter echoed across the grass…and two more voices joined along, making their own harmony, a harmony which blended into the sounds of the surrounding nature.
"Mama?" Bella whispered. "Papa?" She choked back a cry. "Bilbo?"
Her feet began to stumble towards the gate…towards the laughter of her family.
"Bella."
She stopped. That gentle voice too sounded familiar, though she had never before heard it with her ears – only with her mind. Her eyes lingered on the gate for a long moment before she turned towards the voice.
A tall figure stood nearby – like a woman she appeared, too solid for an Elf though and yet too ethereal for the race of Men. Hair the color of rich brown soil curled down her back. A delicate circlet of gold and mithril rested atop her head above eyes the color of deep green which bloomed with warm affection. Green too was her raiment with designs of flowers and fruit picked out in metal threads of every color imaginable. A sense of power flowed from her and through her…a power that caused Bella's knees to tremble.
"Do not fear, my daughter," Yavanna encouraged as she stepped forward to take Bella's hands. "This is my garden and there are few who have greater right than you to be here."
Strength poured into Bella and her tremors ceased. Joy welled up within her heart. "Green Lady!"
"You have done well," the Valar smiled. "Beyond all our hopes, you have conquered and returned life where it had been lost, forsaken."
Memory rushed through Bella. "The heart!" she gasped. "Thorin!"
"Peace!" Yavanna soothed. "Be at peace. Both are well…you saved them both."
"Oh!" Bella sagged as emotions cascaded through her – relief, joy, and then uncertainty. Not fear, but more of a…question. Her eyes sought the rich green of the female before her. "Your garden, Green Lady? This is your garden?"
"It is."
"Then I…" Bella's voice trailed away. After a moment she cleared her throat and tried again. "Am I…am I…dead?" She didn't feel dead. In this place, surrounded by such overwhelming sights and sounds and scents, she felt more alive than she ever felt before.
"Yes," Yavanna replied in a soft tone. Then she chuckled. "And no."
"I'm sorry?" Confusion wrinkled Bella's brow. "How can I be both?"
The Valar released one hand to gesture towards the garden gate. "The moment you enter through the gate, you will indeed have passed from the life you knew before. The world where light and shadow war for supremacy will be behind you and you shall find your rest in my garden, there to remain until such time as your spirit moves beyond the knowledge of the Valar." She retook Bella's hands, holding both of them once more. "For this moment, this eternal now, you are in the space between life and death – one foot in each world as it were."
"But…why? Should I not be one or the other?"
"My daughter." Yavanna's voice deepened with all the affection of a loving mother. "You have done a great service to the world…and to all the forces of light."
"I…I just did what needed doing."
"And this is your greatest gift – to do that which is necessary without thought of a reward." A tall man stepped up beside Yavanna. Shaggy black hair framed a strong handsome face with piercing gold eyes and a short beard. Metal adorned his clothing – all of it in the natural tones of rock and stone. His voice too Bella found familiar.
"Great Smith."
"Hail and well met, my daughter." His smile glinted in the sunlight. "Your humility and compassion do you credit, little one."
Color flushed into her cheeks and she tried to shift the topic. "But…the others are safe?"
"Above and beyond any expectation," Mahal nodded. "Your Companions have come through the battle with their lives intact. All shall bear new scars for their work this day, but they have such stories to tell their children and their children's children."
A small giggle escape her. "And they'll brag over every new scar, I'd wager!"
Laughter spilled from Yavanna and Mahal as they shared her elation. Yet more laughter came through the garden gate and she glanced back towards it. "The garden…" Her voice, barely a murmur now, trailed away.
"The garden awaits you," Yavanna offered, "if you choose to enter."
"Choose?" Bella blinked up at her. "I have a…choice?"
"You have indeed earned the peace of my beloved's garden," Mahal allowed in a solemn voice.
"Bella!"
Her name echoed through the sky and she spun in a circle seeking for the source of that heart-wrenching cry. Never before had she heard her name called in such a desperate fashion.
"You may enter the garden should you wish," the Great Smith continued, "but there are many who would miss you." Sorrow deepened his voice still further. "Many of my children among them."
"Thorin."
Yavanna and Mahal exchanged a glance as she whispered his name. Mahal moved forward and knelt down on one knee that he might look her in the eye. His warm, calloused hand rested on her shoulder. "Here me, daughter of my adoption, beloved of my children – you have a choice to make, a choice given to few among the mortal races."
"I…I do?" She shook her head. "But…why?"
"For your sacrifice." He glanced up to his wife before turning his golden gaze back to Bella. "The final destinies of mortals are unknown to the Valar, decided only by the One, but he lays this choice before you. Should you so choose, you may enter into the garden and find rest for a time – a rest without the shadows, a rest without fear."
Bella nodded. "And…and my other choice?"
"To return to your life upon Arda," he replied. "Though the shadow has been defeated for a time, it will spring up anew. It has not yet been destroyed. It may be that you will return to a life which will yet see more war, more danger." Mahal paused and then gave her a gentle smile. "But it will not be a life lived alone. My mountain will ever be open to you and my children will be your family."
"My parents?" she murmured. "My brother?"
"They rest in the garden," Yavanna answered. "And they will rest there until their journey continues."
Tears pricked Bella's eyes. "So I must choose between them and my Dwarves? Between my two families?"
"Fear not," the lady smiled. "Your parents and your first brother will tarry long in my garden – long enough for you to join them, regardless of how many years pass on Arda. There is no time in the garden…time has no hold there." She brushed a hand over Bella's hair. "They will wait for you."
"Bella!"
Again the cry of her name disrupted the peace of the hilltop. This time, instead of Thorin's voice, she thought she heard her brothers. If she chose to enter the garden…she would lose them. She would be in the garden while they would one day walk in the halls of Mahal. The idea of being separated from them tore at her heart. No matter how peaceful or beautiful the garden, she knew a part of her would be forever broken at their loss. Better that she put off such loss for as long as possible. Tears welled in her eyes and she tried to blink them away. "If…if my parents and Bilbo will wait," she choked, "then please…I would go back."
"Are you certain?" Yavanna asked.
Mahal gazed at the Hobbit with steady eyes. "You must be sure, Bella. The choice cannot be unmade."
One tear spilled down her cheek. "Yes," she replied, her voice wavering despite her conviction. "Please…I want to go back. I want to go back to them."
A new sound rolled through the sky like the ringing of a giant bell. It jolted her, lifting her heart and filling her with new strength. "So let it be." She heard the voice, deep and penetrating, with her ears, her heart, her mind. Her breath paused, waiting to see if the voice would speak once more. Something in her longed for it, strained to hear that rich, life-giving sound.
"Breathe, my daughter," Yavanna laughed. Understanding wove through her voice. "The One has granted you the wish of your heart."
"And because of your choice," Mahal picked up the thread of conversation, "we may offer you gifts of our own."
"Oh…" Bella blinked, pulling herself out of the dreamy moment of breathlessness. "Oh, but…I don't need anything. Just to be going home is enough."
Booming laughter seemed to bubble up from somewhere deep in Mahal's chest as he shook his head. "You are truly my beloved's daughter, are you not?" he chuckled. "For once, little one, perhaps you will let us be generous without questioning too much?"
"Leave her alone," Yavanna scolded him, affection blazing through her as she nudged him. The love between them almost took form in color and light as their eyes met. Then she tapped one finger on his cheek. "I like her the way she is," she continued. "And since we're going to give her the gifts anyway…" Her voice trailed away as she raised her eyebrows.
"You first then, my love," he nodded, still chuckling under his breath.
"Bella, my daughter," the Green Lady intoned as she placed her fingertips on Bella's forehead. "I give you a gift of long life. I would not return you to your chosen family only for them to lose you too soon. They too are mine…in a way. So I give you the years to share. As your chosen family grows and ages, so shall you."
The gift awed Bella. She had not yet considered what a short life she would have in comparison to her Dwarves but now…now she did not have to fear growing old too soon and leaving them! Fresh tears spilled down her cheeks. "Thank you!" Her voice sounded weak in her own ears, caught as it was in a throat tight with emotion. "Thank you, Green Lady."
Yavanna pulled back, a gentle smile on her face. Those deep green eyes turned to her husband. "My love?"
"I too have a gift for you, daughter of my adoption." The Great Smith tightened his hand on her shoulder. "Though I hope it will be long before you have need of it." Delight sparkled in his eyes. "When next you return to my beloved's garden, you will find a door that only you may pass. This door will never be locked to you…and through it you shall find a passage to my halls. As my daughter you have right to enter within and be reunited with your kindred among my children. I would not see you separated forever from either of the families you love."
Bella buried her face in her hands at this and wept, unable to hold back the tears. Never…never could she have wished for this. Not in her wildest dreams would she have thought that she might be given such gifts. The sheer rush of happiness fountaining in her heart had to go somewhere and it poured forth in tears of joy.
"Peace, daughter." Yavanna and Mahal spoke…or did they sing? Such a harmony as their voices blended…any musician would give everything he owned to try and recreate even a fraction of that music. "Be at peace."
She looked up and found herself far from the hill where the Valar still stood watching her. Instead she found herself at the beginning of a path through the forest.
"Go now." The beautiful harmony flowed with the breeze. "Go back to your kindred and know that you take our blessings and our love with you."
"Thank you!" Bella called out, waving to them. "Thank you so, so, so very much!"
A mist came down and covered the hill as they waved back.
She turned and faced the trees as she dried her cheeks with one sleeve. "Well, no time like the present." Her feet carried her forward into the unknown. No fear darkened her heart, and though she grieved a little that she had not set eyes on her parents or her brother, that grief did not weigh her down. Now she knew beyond question that they were happy and peaceful and beyond all pain.
"Bella!"
Her other family, her Dwarves on the other hand…they needed her. She could now hear her name being called in many voices, all of them dear and beloved to her in their own way. Friends, brothers…and Thorin. His voice she could hear above and beyond all of the others. Her feet hastened until she all but flew down the path. The trees grew closer together, looming ever more the further she went. Shadows deepened and she began to feel aches and pains in her body. She must be getting closer. No fear or pain could live in Yavanna's garden, but Bella could not be sure what type of pain she returned to face. Now she remembered the burning of the heart's rekindling. What did she return to? For a moment she paused, almost stumbling to a stop.
Was she blind? Maimed?
"Bella!"
She gave herself a fierce shake. It didn't matter! All that mattered was returning to her family!
There! The end of the path!
A great fire blazed before her, crackling and giving off such immense heat. She paused, eyeing those dancing flames for a moment. Then she took a deep breath and whispered a plea to the Green Lady and Great Smith.
She jumped.
Bella opened her eyes and stared into a pair of striking blue eyes – eyes the color of sapphires. "Thorin!" she gasped, coughing a bit as her lungs tried to remember how to breathe.
"By Mahal." Those sapphire eyes fell closed and a pair of strong arms hauled her up against his chest. "Bella," he murmured. She continued to cough, leaning into him. "Bella," he repeated as if no other word would do at this moment in time. "Bella."
She curled her fingers around a fold of his shirt. Her voice sounded like the weak mew of a kitten, but it seemed to echo in the room around them. "I'm back."