I have been suffering from major writer's block, unreasonable projects, and eye strain causing homework.
Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note.
"Ryuzaki, it's 3 in the morning. Can we go to sleep now?" Soichiro looked like a graying mess that came out of an elephant's as- I mean, posterior.
"No. We must stay awake. This video is critical to the investigation." L, on the other hand, was unaffected by the late night stay-up.
"But we've been watching the Charlie the Unicorn series for hours!" Matsuda whined. Within the last forty-five minutes, he seemed to have grown a mustache shadow.
"I am determined to know where this Candy Mountain is!" L retorted defensively. "I must pick up any hidden clues on its location, even if it means watching these videos until my eyes have melted out of my head." Angrily, he snatched up an unsuspecting donut and began devouring it. "And I'll keep watching!" the detective continued, crumbs flying out of his open mouth. "And I won't give up because I AM L!"
Light grimaced as he continued to watch L's obscene eating habits (Damn, I forgot to poison the donuts again) and made a failed attempt to ignore the sounds of the man's teeth against the sugar infested, frosting filled dough. "Ryuzaki, this is just a stupid video on a stupid YouTube site made by a stupid person who had nothing better to do with their stupid lives because they are stupid." With this amazing explanation, Light leaned back on the couch and stared challengingly at the detective to see if he would dare defy his epic logic.
"Light-kun?"
"Yes, Ryuzaki?"
"Your mother is a pineapple."
"…."
Soichiro shifted in his seat, palm on knees, leaning forward. "You just called my wife a pineapple."
L seemed somewhat apologetic. "I'm sorry Yagami-san, I didn't mean to call your wife a pinea-"
"You know she's terrified of pineapples?" Soichiro stared sternly at the panda-man.
No one could really tell if L's mouth was open because there was a pastry stuck in his pie hole or if it was agape in surprise.
"I'm sorry Yagami-san, I had no ide-"
"You know why she's terrified Ryuzaki? Hmm?" Without giving Ryuzaki a chance to answer, he continued immediately. "Because her father got killed by a serial pineapple. Do you know what it's like to have your father killed by a serial pineapple Ryuzaki? Do you?"
"Well…"
"No you don't."
"…."
L continued to chew/choke on his pastry nervously. "Thank you for your wife's interesting….back story Yagami-san."
"You're very welcome."
Ryuk hovered over the fatigued Light. The boy seemed to be on the edge of unconsciousness, and for the first time in his life, not aware of his surroundings.
Heh….might as well kill some time…
It was forty five minutes later when Light began to hallucinate. Or so the Task Force thought.
"No I don't want to pick pickles with you!" muttered Light incoherently.
Soichiro glanced uncomfortably at his son, then his boss. "Uhhh Ryuzaki…" the man began, which was returned with a "shut the hell up" from Ryuzaki.
"Light-kun, please be aware that you are in the presence of older men. Don't shout repulsive things when you are in this room," L cautioned the auburn-haired male.
"Plug in the blender and frappe the cucumber," was the teen's reply. "Mince it nice and good and chug it down with one slurp. You like that don't you?"
L's normally cool and calm façade was broken. Only for a moment. Was the younger man drunk? Did he "accidentally" slip some drugs into Light's coffee?
"Light-kun? I don't understand…"
"Tomatoes cannot love. They have no souls!"
L could only stare at Light, completely dumbfounded. Nowhere, even in the deepest corners of his genius brain, could he find a proper response. What in the world was wrong with the teen? Did his brain explode?
"Light-kun. What is your father's name?"
"Chuck Norris roundhouse kick."
"Ahh. Okay then."
L was perfectly satisfied with the non-Light filled silence. For the past half hour, then teen hadn't piped up. Not even one word was uttered from his lips. It was a good moment. As if nothing could ever happen in the world. Like nothing could ever go…
"Put on your big girl panties and start doing it."
Damn.
L proceeded to ignore the ranting male, though failing as time went on…and on…and on.
"Eating bunnies will give you explosive diarrhea." And then it was, "Mr. Sally would not enjoy your buttercups and tea." And continued to, "Bananas don't make peace, they suck and swallow them."
The detective's patience was running hazardously thin. He began to smash his head against the keyboard of his laptop.
"A pony peed in my apple juice!"
How lovely.
Ryuk cackled everytime L injured himself out of annoyance. Really, it was all too much. And with the sleep-deprived Light it was even funnier.
"The Tomato King stole my banana!" Light screamed when Ryuk flung the yellow fruit from his hand.
"I see Light-kun," L answered blankly.
"It's bleeding banana blood!"
"How horrible."
"It didn't learn any economics!"
"Pity."
"All it wanted to do was eat a grilled cheese sandwich!" Light sobbed into the banana carcass.
"Oh well."
Light continued to cry. "It was the ponies! They did this to him!"
L immediately walked over to Light, forcefully injured his crotch area, and resumed sipping his coffee.
Thank goodness for crotch areas.
This was a pretty random chapter. Review please?
Happy Holidays to all!
I hope you have a great Christmas~