25

The clack of Diana's bo hitting mine made me concentrate even harder. I knew she was humoring me. That her reflexes and speed made her able to be me every match without effort, but that wasn't the point. She was working to give me the skills and the technique I needed. She was limiting herself to human reaction times and I was following her lead (not out of choice), parrying and thrusting with the staff, trying to match her blow-for-blow. She raised her weapon above her head to strike and I took the opening to surge forward, shoving my weapon into her stomach, knocking Diana off her feet and onto her back.

I didn't stop, just brought the bo down for a strike to her head, stopping last minute before shattering the wood on her. "Yield."

Diana nodded and got to her feet. "I'll give you a few minutes, Kal. You're sweating a lot and we have been going for over an hour. That was well done."

"You let me," I countered, grabbing water and gulping greedily.

"I don't use my strength and speed against you. I'm not a psychic like J'onn. I can't anticipate every move in that way. You had abilities once yourself. Sometimes it is possible for one to be surprised."

I grinned and wiped at my neck with a towel. It wasn't yet noon on Monday. Chloe would be coming by later tonight for taser and additional instruction on the scimitar (Diana and I did that too, but she was better at broad swords). Still, Diana and I had a lunch hour or two, really; it was nice to know the boss. We'd used it to do more combat training. I was beginning to not suck, and, yeah, muggers of Metropolis beware even if a bo was probably about as outdated as a long bow. However, it wouldn't stop Granny.

Oddly, the thought of being reduced to some type of gibbering mass scared me more. It was one thing to be dead. I'd done that, albeit not permanently. There was something about losing myself that scared me more. I'd already lost my identity as The Blur , lost my senses and perception of the world, had even lost some of my native intelligence. But I think a lot of it was related to what the Phantom had done to me. That has scared me badly, because, to be honest? The day my dad showed me my ship it had occurred to me that I'd had some kind of psychotic break. Be honest, I claim to be an alien with infinite powers and the last of his kind. Doesn't that sound crazy to you?"

I mean, yeah, it is true, except for the part where Darkseid stripped me.

Still, there are days I wonder where I'm not still back in Fairview, gibbering in a corner and this is all some bizarre illusion in my head.

The thought Granny could scramble my mind even more thoroughly scared the ever living Hell out of me. Grabbing, my staff, I started back to the mat, frowning when Diana touched my shoulder and shook her head. "What?"

"Kal, we've been at this for too long. You have more work to do as do I and you need to take your days of rest and pace yourself. Chloe will be over here in about seven hours to do scimitar training anyway. You'll be in this room by six-thirty tomorrow morning to work more on sparring with Bruce. You need to pace yourself."

"Granny won't let me pace myself," I countered. "We're getting deeper into the summer, it'll be August in a week. Bruce, Chloe, Ollie? They're all leaving soon. I need to be able to defend myself."

"And if you were to pull a hamstring or tear a muscle, you'll be useless for months to everyone. I know you want to be the best as fast as you can, but you have limits now. You're shaking and breathing pretty hard. You have to learn when to listen too."

"I feel fine."

Diana sighed and I found myself on my knees faster than I could blink. It took me longer than I'd have liked to get myself standing and, yeah, I was a little dizzy. "You managed to best a goddess today, even if I wasn't using my speed and strength. Take pride in what you've managed and give your body respite."

"But Granny-"

"You're safe as houses here, and you know that. Rest. No one asks you to be all things at once, we just ask that you try. Bruce won't forgive me if you show up tomorrow with something torn."

"He seems half the time like he is trying to get me to tear things, you know?"

"He knows how to train one safely, as do I. There's a difference between demanding absolute effort and attention and pushing beyond what one can do. Today, you have reached a new level in your competence. Tonight, perhaps yet more."

I sighed and sat down at the small table in the corner of the dojo, grateful when Diana followed and offered me more water. "I am a little tired."

"After two hours, more than forgivable."

"You are a pretty good mentor, though," I admitted. "But you have practice, huh?"

She nodded. "I've had women under me and taught many things."

"If I were Oliver, I'd take that opening for a joke."

She shrugged. "You are not. You're far too polite for it."

I blushed. I wasn't very good at innuendo unless red K was involved. "I know. I, uh, actually meant with Cassie. Chloe said that you'd really taken her under your wing after she'd been all inventive and, um, a little larceny-y and helped save you first."

"Cassie is remarkable. I have no great love lost for Zeus. The way he treats my sisters-both divine and mortal-is appalling."

I frowned, trying to remember eleventh grade world literature. "Swans and golden light and maybe a bull? I forget. Cassie's dad might have gotten around a little." I blanched. "Oh God, did he...with her mom?"

Diana frowned. "As far as I know it wasn't without consent. He was lying to her at the time, pretending to be human."

"Well who doesn't do that," I muttered.

"You came clean eventually to Lana and, at the time, as far as I've been told, you were mortal. You had a whole summer of it before, yes?"

"Yeah but I knew it was always going to end. I knew the Fortress was never going to really let me out of my destiny. This is different. I know I'm like this for keeps."

"True, but while Cassie is everything one could hope for in a pupil-smart, dedicated, brave-her father is a disgrace to the pantheon."

"More and Artemis and Athena fan, eh?"

"Assuredly so. I've been working with her when she's not in school in D.C. for about a year."

"D.C.?"

"Yes, I can't remember which school, public though. Her mother works for the Smithsonian. I trust you've heard of it and visited it by now."

"I went to see Air and Space when mom got sworn in. It's amazing."

"Yes, her mother is an archaeologist."

"Greek stuff?"

"Of course. Why are you inquiring about my protege? Are you looking for tips now that you have one of your own?"

"Conner and I are complicated. I mean, he's not just some kid who was Blur-crazed. He's me, kind of, and he's Lex, kind of, but he's also his own guy. I'm never sure if I'm too parental with him or not enough."

"I assure you that is normal whether you're related or not.

"Cool. I just...well, caught. Conner's kind of lonely."

"I see," she said, frowning. "He has friends in Washington, does he not?"

"Yeah and us, but he's just...he's seventeen and girls are perking his interest and, I dunno-"

"You would like for me to help you set up our, how do you call it, 'mini-mes?'"

I blushed. "I'm sure Conner will be a gentleman. I mean, yeah, he's half Lex and Lex was always pretty worldly and stuff but he's half me and I'm a gentleman."

Diana laughed and I sighed. Yes, definitely, in another universe she'd have been someone I could have liked as more than just a teammate. "If you give me Conner's number, I will give it to Cassie. I can't promise anything, but I'll try."

"And she's blonde, right?"

Diana laughed again. "Kal, you are so very transparent. Yes, she is."

"Good, I told him that. Mini-me definitely likes blondes best."

"So does the full adult version," Diana said dryly. "I'll work on it. I suppose it's noble of you."

"How so? The kid's lonely and I think a girl with powers will understand him better, and, to be honest, less accidents or traction for both of them."

"True, I have noticed things melted around the Watchtower."

"Z needs to wear more clothes," I said. "Anyway, how is it noble?"

"I...you have let my sister go beautifully, and now are trying to give your brother Conner opportunities you never had or, more accurately, never took in order to make him happy. You are a credit to your sex."

I snickered and finished my drink. "We had to drag you out of the theater thirty minutes in before you tore the screen down because of all the gratuitous ass shots. You don't think anything of my sex."

"I think highly of you and Bruce, Conner too for the most part."

"And Ollie?"

Diana shrugged. "What is the expression? I think that Chloe could have done better."

I blinked, having nothing to say to that.

"He's young, Clark," Bruce said, striking at me about three-quarter speed with his left arm. I grabbed the blow out of the air and moved to angle it for the break. I didn't get that far, dropped his arm after making the motion slowly. I was practicing how to take a block and make it an offense rebuttal. I couldn't actively break Bruce's arm, but I was practicing the motions so that on someone else, at faster speeds, it'd be automatic.

I didn't like the idea of maiming people, even criminals, but Bruce had a point. I couldn't always be certain I'd knock them out like I'd always been able to at full strength. If snapping a wrist kept me from getting stabbed, I could understand the logic in that.

I didn't want Chloe or mom to go to my funeral.

Sighing, I assumed my stance again and worked the mirror image of the move as Bruce struck with his right. "We were all seventeen once. Oliver has his old yearbook so I know even you were."

"Do you think it's best for there to be such entanglements?"

"Between Conner and Wonder Girl? I dunno yet. You and Diana have a thing. Oliver and Chloe are getting vow renewed. It does happen. We're with each other a lot, we know each other's secrets. It makes sense that we'd date among each other."

"He's still young, especially considering his origins. It's a little early for him to be trying to date."

"It's a movie, Bruce," I countered this time grabbing his leg and bringing down my elbow at his knee, again not breaking anything but clearly aping the correct movement at partial speed.

"I have heard people enjoy those. Diana doesn't seem to."

"Wow, a second joke. Do you need some water?" I asked ducking as he roundhouse kicked at me face.

"No, but I think she would be a woman who'd appreciate a nice opera."

I snickered. "Wagner, definitely." Off Bruce's gape, I sighed. "I'm from Kansas not Mayberry. Also, for good or ill, Lex was my best friend for like five years. I learned a lot of boring rich people things from him. Luthors? Huge opera fans, though more Mozart."

"I'm sorry, that was rude."

I blocked an uppercut and threw one of my own. "Nah, people think farm and they think deprived. Chlo did when she first met me and I showed her the barn. I think she was gonna go into conniptions when she realized we actually had a computer and the internet."

"A fate worse than death for Chloe, yes, life without the 'net," he said, stopping and heading to the wall. I took that break to gather in some breath and to keep stretching. We were five hours in and the first round of cramps were beginning to creep in. "Still, they're young and immature. Heartbreak for either of them would be bad."

"They could be great together, even just as friends. I mean it has to be hard for Cassie to be a girl with superstrength and all that knowledge that not only are Greek gods real but she's one of them. I worry all the time about Conner. He jokes about it, but I know it eats him up his a clone. He talks about coming from a petri dish way too much for him to actually be that relaxed about it."

"A next generation support group then," Bruce asked, handing something to me.

I frowned at the gloves and heavy metal gauntlet spikes. "We're going for Mortal Kombat ? Diana and Chloe have the weapons part."

"And so Diana has told me. You're coming along well with the bo and even the scimitar. I'm-"

"You're never pleased," I joked.

"Mollified, then. The taser..."

"I only shocked Chloe the once! She got better after thirty minutes."

"You may need more work on that one," Bruce said charitably. "These are not so much weapons as reactions for blocks. They're enhancers. I assume when you finish designing what you want in a patrol out fit, you'll include gauntlets for their obvious usefulness."

"So I can be your mini-me?"

Bruce sighed and strapped on a set of his own. "The more weapons the better. My mentor in Bhutan used these with me often. You'd be amazed at how well they'll stop a sword."

"Really?"

He nodded and picked up a lithe blade, not nearly as heavy as the ones Diana preferred to wield when she had free reign of his weapons' collection. "Exactly, now take the first position. And pay attention."

I gulped at the sword in his hands.

Bruce didn't have to tell me twice.

"So," Ollie said, casually. "You're getting a costume?"

I frowned for more than once reason. It was August first. No leads on Granny, less than six weeks before Chloe was out of my town permanently and less than eight before she renewed her vows. I was doing much better, felt stamina and strength I never knew I'd find. I just...time was running out, my time with Bruce's tutelage, my time with Chloe still in my day to day life in person, maybe my life itself, depending on what Granny had in mind.

It made a guy nervous.

"Yes," I replied, pushing aside some of the budget summaries for the Watchtower he was reading over back in his hotel suite. "R and D, you know? I already did get into a serious brainstorm with Lucius about how to improve you and Bruce's armor. It'll never be flexible and resist a straight shot at the same time. Movement sacrifices the safety."

"But you need to be able to move."

"Exactly. I'm not a math genius but I can research. There was a lab out in New Mexico that had been working on a polymer that can strengthen the body armor. Again, try not to get a straight shot, but it'll still be better than what you had. Bruce is having his suit redone this week. I assume you'll want the same?"

"Nah, bullet wounds are fun!"

"So that's just one of you then," I said, smirking at him. "Well if we found the right polymer blend and you and Bruce are upgrading. It makes sense that I'd get something of my own."

"So you going my route?"

"Leather-like fetish, hardly. People talk."

"Let 'em. I have the hottest blonde this side of the Mississippi on my arm."

I sighed but let it go. I'd learn to deal better with the pain; I knew I would.

"True, and the cod piece to compensate. OUCH!" I hissed when the thrown pillow hit my still sore nose. "Don't be a jerk."

"The cod piece is to scale," he huffed.

"If you say so. I dunno. Chloe has a look to her with just the kevlar and leather jacket and, yeah, when I go out with Diana or J'onn I don't mind it, but I want to be safer I guess. Bruce is overkill and looks terrifying. I don't want a cowl."

"Do you want a cape?"

I blushed and looked back down at my note for Lucius. "Not that much."

"Oh my god! You want a cape!"

"It's not really a cape. It's a memory fabric and he like parasails with it! I never got to fly. I'd settle for hang gliding with it."

"You want a cape. So you're gonna be like Bruce but without a bat-shaped mask?"

"No! I was thinking navy for my colors and, I guess, still with the 'El' shield. Navy and no cowl makes it completely different. Oh and no stupid cod pieces."

He snickered. "You get shot there and then you'll wish you had one."

Huh, embarrassing or not, Oliver did have a point. Maybe I'd revise that no codpiece rule. If they were bullet proof then that did make logical sense.

"Okay, then yeah, I don't mind Bruce's overall idea. I never got the leather fetish thing or the no sleeves."

"Uh-huh. When's the wedding?"

I rolled my eyes. "I'm not a copy cat or infatuated. It's just practical."

"Copycat-Man, defender of Metropolis."

"I was doing this long before any of you got off of islands or out of Asia. I'm the original."

"Just saying, you two will match. It'll be cute at meetings."

"Fuck you, Ollie."

"You're just jealous cause I have more style."

"Boys, boys," Chloe said, smiling at both of us and I gulped. She'd come out from their bedroom with an assistant-Chloe had one now-trailing behind her, making notes. My friend was wearing the dress she was planning to wear at the wedding (technically for the press and her cover "Anne Hatcher" their first ceremony and not a renewal). It wasn't like what she'd worn with Jimmy, not a princess type thing, no bows. It was sleek and simple and reminded me of stuff that mom's favorite, Audrey Hepburn, would have worn.

I'll admit it. The problem of being an only child was that mom did some of the girl stuff with me. It made me an excellent cook and baker, but I also had seen more chick flicks than a guy my age should have.

"Sidekick, you look amazing," Ollie said, beaming and kissing her. "All of Star City will be jealous as hell."

"Great Chlo," I said, working overtime not to blush. "Isn't this bad luck?"

"Meh, it's a superstition and, besides, we're already married. I had to get the final measurements right for the adjustments," she finished. "Ollie, you're going out with Bruce tonight, right?"

"But be back in time enough for you, Goldilocks."

I rolled my eyes, kill me now.

"Great. Clark and I can do errands downtown." Code for Watchtower work when civilians were present.

"I think Lois is already gonna meet you there," Oliver said, a little stiffly. "Should be fun for everyone."

Yeah, my ex, the girl I loved but couldn't have, and that fun fact they were related. Great.

"Cool," she chirped, disengaging from Oliver and heading back to the door, her assistant following behind her. She hesitated when she looked down at my sketches, most computer-rendered. "I like it, Clark. It's good."

After she was gone, I stuck out my tongue at Oliver. "Ha, told you!"

"So," Chloe said, starting to link her arm through mine but then thinking better of it at the last minute. I sighed. "Friday's the big day, right?"

"Conner's a nervous wreck. He's already called me five times for fashion advice and it's just Tuesday!"

"Wow, he's asking you for dating attire advice. Poor bastard. I hope he has Lex's sartorial preferences. I love you, Clark, but flannel? Not hot. The same three preschool colors? Also not hot."

"Purple is not a dating option for guys."

She chuckled as we walked down ninth together. "Lex does carry it off well."

"So did Tess, proves nothing, just that Luthors have a Caesars fetish. I could advise someone on how to look great!"

"No, you couldn't, Blur. Please, have him send me and Lois a text with his thoughts on his outfit. We'll help him."

"Lois isn't great at it. She tried to suggest I get a hood and glasses as a disguise. Do I look like Ollie?"

Chloe stilled for a beat and shrugged. "Nope, but we know what works on a guy. Plaid is a date killer, Clark."

"Maybe Cassie's not shallow like you are," I mock huffed.

"Tell Conner to text me first. Hell, let's turn this process over to Aunt Chloe. You're a terrible dater, Clark. He shouldn't ask you for advice."

"I'm not that bad! I've come a long way from not-a-dates with Lana."

"Uh-huh. You sure Kryptonians aren't colorblind?"

"Nope, besides, wardrobe freakouts aside, I think he's really nervous. I know it's just a small thing, just dinner and he thinks they'll go to see the new Planet of the Apes ."

"Yes, nothing says young romance like monkeys overthrowing humanity."

"Hmm, maybe Conner shouldn't go to a throw over humanity film, actually."

"I'm kidding. I'm sure whatever they see, they'll have a great time. There aren't a lot of superstrong teen heroes out there. I assume they'll have tons in common."

"I...yeah, but I get it. Dating's a blood sport."

"Don't need to remind me. Have my Prince Charming."

"Queen Charming," I snickered. Yes, I am four. Yes, his name does amuse me. Deal.

"Still, I think Conner and Cassie could really be cute together."

I rolled my eyes at Chloe's use of the word "cute." Sometimes, Watchtower could be a real girl. Reaching down, I pressed in the code to open the main entrance for the 'Tower and we both entered and made it briskly to the elevator, Chloe's metal key giving us access to the top floor. "Hmm, blonde superheroine and a Kryptonian. I've seen it work before."

She gave me smile number three as she stepped next to me on the elevator. Reaching over she squeezed my hand. "Almost."

As the doors shut, I sighed and leaned over to stroke her cheek. "Always. I...you really have a pretty dress Chlo. If I still had heat vision-"

"Clark," she warned, shifting under my gaze. "Just thank you for the compliment. I can tell Oliver really loves it too. I...he's happy you're being so supportive. The wedding wouldn't be right if you weren't there, you know?"

"I do," I replied, squeezing her shoulder and then breaking contact. I wanted to kiss her so badly, maybe a few years ago I would have, feelings of other people be damned.

"Yup. I...you're just doing so well overall. Martha's thrilled. Bruce and Diana aren't effusive by nature but they think you're great!"

"I know. What about you?"

She swallowed and looked up at me. When she spoke her voice was husky. "You're a hero."

"Oh Chlo," I said, getting off the elevator and holding open the main door for her. "I'm just not getting my ass kicked ninety percent of the time. Now it's like seventy-five and Oh My God!"

"Holy Shit!" Chloe shouted looking between my face and the sofa of Watchtower, the sofa where Lois and Z were making out with each other.

Already shirtless.

Good thing Conner wasn't here or the whole tower would have been nuked.

"Smallville?" Lois shouted and I kept my eyes closed for a long time, listening through fabric rustling and zippers zipping. "What the Hell?"

"Lo, we were coming to help Z with some recon and decloaking spell rundowns. What are you doing here?" Chloe asked, tone clipped.

"Well, I live here, cuz, duh."

"Clark," Z said, her tone quieter than usual for her. "We're both dressed. I even magicked myself up a sweatshirt. We're decent."

I looked up and blushed. Z's hair as mussed and Lois had lipstick all over her. It was just...I didn't love Lois. I'd been fond of her. I'd cared about her a lot and still did as a friend, assumed we had an amazing and fated future together. If I were honest, I thought the sex was good. I'd certainly never heard any complaints from her. So what in the Hell was she doing making out with Zatanna of all people?

Had I?

There was no way I was that bad in bed, no way!

"I don't understand. I just...what the Hell is going on?" I sputtered.

"Clark, it's not what it looks like," Zatanna started.

"So you two weren't rounding several bases on a work shift and I didn't see both of you here topless?"

"Lois, Z, I know we said get along better but...this is very confusing," Chloe said, her voice as soft and subdued as Z's.

"Cuz, I know. I...it just happened. I can't even...this is the first time it got this far, I swear."

"Not an excuse. You want to make out, you both do it when someone's already relieved you of duty," Chloe said firmly. "Your personal time is your own, Zatanna. Don't confuse the two again. Lois?"

"Yeah?"

"You and Zatanna should go get some dinner. I...we need a minute."

Lois, blushing a little, nodded as well. "Right. Z, you coming?"

Zatanna nodded and both women were out of the 'Tower in record time.

"Goddamn it!" I yelled and I was kicking ineffectually at the iron railing of the Watchtower stairs before I even knew it.

About three months ago, I could have kneaded it like Play-Dough between my fingers, melted it to nothing with a look, frozen it as deeply as liquid nitrogen with my breath. Today I couldn't get it to budge and my right leg was getting sore. Chloe, actually daring to touch me for once, pulled me off and pressed on my shoulders until I sagged in on myself and sat on the bottom stairs. I didn't have the energy anymore.

"What is the matter with you? You could have hurt yourself."

"You think! I...what am I supposed to do, Chloe? I can do some math still and I know I have five weeks until you go home and seven about until I have to give you away and it's killing me because I care about both you and Ollie and I'm not gonna be that jerk again. I'm not, but it's hard to even breathe."

"I...you don't have to come. You were there with Jimmy and now that you...that you heard how Skeets said it was going to be...it's not really fair. I'd understand."

"I've always been there before," I said, not really sure if reminding her she was on her third ceremony at almost twenty-five was a good thing or not. "I'll be here again. It's just...there's no one else. Even if could get over you, I'm tired, Chlo. I'm very tired. I'm not myself anymore cause the gold K fried everything I was, but I'm not human either. I can't do it again, can't try and have a relationship and explain down the line to some woman-who will never even match you by the way-that I'm not like everyone else and 'oh yeah, do you want a teenager with heat vision?'"

"You don't have abilities," she countered.

"I don't anymore because of an accident. My DNA's fine, so any kid I had..."

"Would be like Conner," she finished, biting her lip first and then switching to smile number four and I let her pat my shoulder like I was six because I didn't have the energy to fight anymore. I just didn't. "There's someone out there for you, you know. I...I had thought that Lois would have gotten her shit together over the General. I did half expect you to bounce back, I did."

I snorted and looked out the large stain glass window. "She seems to be batting for the other side currently. I...how did I turn your cousin gay?"

Chloe shook her head. "That's a misnomer and wrong idea. Sexuality's more fluid than that, like a Kinsey scale thing. Lois had a few flings around the base when she was younger. I mean, yeah, mostly guys, but Z's not her first."

I blushed. "I can't...I thought she loved me. Apparently it's not just the powers that were her thing. I must not even have the right, um, you know, for her. God, I'm such a fucking loser."

Her hand was on my back, hesitantly at first and then rubbing wide circles over my shoulder. "You're not. Lois...I told you. She has her own hangups. I know it's hard for you to think you made your fiance, you know, but you didn't. She's just always been bisexual."

"I suck. I drove her into the arms of a woman she hates. I'm so pathetic. I drove her to Z, you to Ollie. Back in the day I shoved Lana to Lex. Everyone leaves me."

"I...Clark, this isn't-"

I sighed and swiped at my eyes. "It's always about us, Chloe. We should have been together from spring formal on, at least after Dark Thursday. Skeets saw the real future where we were going to be the Lois Lane and Superman. We've fought it so long, Chloe, and I don't want to fight it anymore. No other woman has ever understood me like you do. No woman will ever want to deal with a handicapped alien anyway. I just...Chloe, this is a low blow but it hurts so much less than the day you told me you and Ollie were renewing."

"Clark-"

Maybe I had more Conner in me than I thought. I leaned down then and kissed her, holding her as she struggled at first a bit, then she relaxed and returned the gesture. After a long while of urgency and need, I pulled back and grinned at her. "I love you, Chloe. No other woman, not even Lois, she wouldn't be you, Chlo. None of them would ever be you."

She slapped me across the nose and I hissed; it was still healing after all. "I'll call Diana. You can't be left alone here. I know that. I get that. I...I'll be in the sick bay until she comes. Clark, I have the dress. The invitations are sent. Oliver's been my fucking husband under the radar for six months. I...don't come to the wedding."

"What?"

"Don't come. You'll do this there. I know you, what you did with Lana or wanted to do. Just don't, Clark. I'm going home tomorrow. I can't do this anymore."

"You are home!"

" Star City ," she corrected, standing up and walking to the medical alcove. "Bruce and Diana have you covered. You have a job. You have a good lead on what you're going to be like post-Blur. You can defend yourself well enough with blades, gauntlets, and staffs, if not tasers. With Diana as your shadow and bodyguard. I've done my job. You know I have."

"You job wasn't supposed to be make me outgrow you. I was never supposed to do that, other than vertically!"

She snorted and placed on hand on the sick bay doors. "You outgrew me forever the day you left me weeping on this floor, broken and alone. I love you Clark, I do. But this is never happening and I'm going home ." She slammed the doors in my face then and I could already hear her fumbling through her purse for her cell and leaving me alone, hoping to god she wasn't going to tell anyone what I'd broken down and done.

Sighing, I put my head in my hands and forced myself not to sob. She was right; this place did amplify the loneliness. I couldn't imagine what it had been like, being here alone for months, being here even as I'd left her, but I was beginning to get a better idea.

One I didn't want at all.