.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. No copyright infringement is intended.

Special thanks to Gredelina1, Snarkymuch, Mary-Alice-Brandon-Cullen, Augustmoon99, Arrr and Verseseven my wonderful pre-reader/cheerleader team. And to Grrlnorth for beta'ing this mess for me.

Chapter Twenty-Five — Missing

Charlie POV

I had researched all I could, I talked to the doctors, but nothing could have prepared me for the horror of watching my daughter suffer through the first weeks of treatment.

Renee couldn't stand it; she tried, but it was just too much for her to bear. In a complete reversal of roles, she became the responsible one, dealing with the paperwork while I took care of our little girl. Bella may have been a grown woman, but she was still my baby, and in the worst of her illness, she was just as dependant on me as she had been the day she was born

At first, she was embarrassed to be so dependent on me, but it didn't last long. She lost all sense of embarrassment after the first day, and by the end of the third, I wasn't sure she even realized it was me who was helping her.

I watched her sleep, just as I had when she was a baby, scared that she would stop breathing. It seemed impossible that her body could take so much punishment and keep going, but it did.

One night I fell asleep in the chair beside her as I did every other night, but instead of being woken by her cries as another wave of nausea hit, I woke to see her sitting up in bed.

Though her throat was raw from the vomiting, she managed to make herself heard to order me home for the night. I didn't leave immediately. I kissed her goodbye and promised I would go home and sleep, but instead I waited outside her room, watching as she read the Christmas cards from her friends and brushed away tears.

When I got back to the house, Renee woke. I hadn't been back there for longer than it took to shower and change since Bella's surgery, and when she saw me, she thought the worst. Her screams brought Phil racing from the bedroom.

"She's okay," I chanted, holding her in my arms. Phil stood back and let me comfort her; this wasn't about who was married to who, it was about one parent comforting another. When she finally quieted, I passed her into Phil's arms and explained what had happened at the hospital, and why I was home.

We all saw the New Year in, together in her hospital room, drinking apple juice out of paper cups. The kids from La Push called, and she chatted with them, listening to their stories and accepting their well wishes.

A few days into the New Year, she had an examination by her surgeon, and he declared her ready for the radiotherapy. She wanted to come back to Forks for the treatment, but they said she wasn't fit to travel that far. We compromised, and she was allowed to go home to Renee's house if she came back in for the treatments during the week.

All was fine for the first couple of weeks. She went into the hospital in the mornings for her radiotherapy session, then when we got home she would sleep for a while. In the evenings, she would sit with us and talk with Jake and her other friends on the laptop. We settled into a routine which in itself was reassuring; it felt like we had some control over what was happening. We were wrong.

One night I was woken by a crashing sound. I raced to Bella's room and found her convulsing on the floor. I knelt at her side, whispering reassurances she couldn't hear while we waited for the ambulance.

When we got to the hospital, she was swept away from us, and we waited powerlessly as they ran their tests and tried to stabilize her.

After hours of waiting, a doctor finally came to us with some answers. She had swelling in the brain. Whether a delayed reaction to the surgery, or possibly the radiation, there was no way to know. They treated it with steroids, which worked, but also trashed her immune system. A simple cold became pneumonia, and I was back to watching her as she slept, scared if I closed my eyes, she would stop breathing.

In the midst of her fever, she raved and cried, sometimes for me, sometimes for Renee, but most of all for Edward. She said she didn't want him to know, but as I watched her suffer, I wondered if he should be here too. For all he had done to hurt her, I had done the same. He had left her because he was trying to protect her; I had kept the truth from her for the very same reason.

I made a deal with myself that if it looked like we were really going to lose her, I would find him. They should get the chance to see each other at least once more.

I didn't have to make that call. After a week of agonizing, waiting, and offering up prayers to every deity I could think of, she opened her eyes. Instead of the glazed, fevered look that had haunted me for days, she was my Bella again.

xXx

Bella POV

I missed him. I missed them all, so much so that it was painful, but at least I'd had the extra months with him that I wouldn't have had otherwise.

The Fates must have been on my side the day I got accepted to Cornell. Knowing my time was limited, they had given me an advance preview of heaven. I had been with them again, had made love to Edward; I was able to love my angel a little longer.

Sometimes when I was alone and feeling the weight of what was happening to me, I would think over my time with them. Poor Carlisle, no wonder he had been so harsh on the first day. I wondered if he knew I had called him Dr. Douche. Esme's heartfelt, and at the time baffling, greeting the day I went to their house. Emmett and his insane breathing trouble when we went running. Most of all my Edward; he had struggled more than any of them. First with his safety statistics about my bike, and then my queries about his mental status. I wondered what they thought when seeing me ride up on my motorbike, even better when I announced my plan to go running.

I was certain they had abided by my wishes to stay away and allow me my privacy. If they knew what was happening, they would have been here with me. I would have been open to Alice's visions. I didn't know if, after I was gone, something would trigger a vision to tell them so. It was horrible to think that they might learn of my death through a vision of my funeral, but it was worth the risk. The longer he remained unaware of what happened to me, the longer he would live.

He would learn the truth eventually. I was human, and, even if I didn't have cancer, I would die one day. My hope was that he would assume I lived to an old age. I had written a letter and Jacob had mailed it to my old house for me. I told Edward what I needed, and hopefully it gave him something to focus on other than the pain of our separation.

xXx

They say you know you are getting better when you are no longer too sick to mind being in a hospital. If that was true, I would have been 'better' after the first month here. Not counting my small reprieve at Renee's, I had been stuck here for ten weeks and I was losing my mind. Thankfully, I was getting out. I'd had my last dose of radiotherapy on Friday, and after being observed for the weekend, I was permitted to leave. If I was okay after two weeks resting at home, I could go back to Washington.

I was sitting in the chair beside my bed, my bag packed and my head wrapped in a scarf. There was still a bald patch around the incision site, made worse by the radiotherapy, and I couldn't always be sure it was covered by my hair.

Charlie ambled through the door and snorted when he caught sight of me sitting with my bags perched on my knee like an old lady at a bus stop.

"You come to spring me Chief?" I asked huskily.

My voice had changed since I got sick. Whether because of one of the treatments, or the pneumonia, or the constant vomiting, I didn't know, but it was now quieter and huskier than before. Jacob found this endlessly amusing. He teased that he would have to set me up with a 1-900 number to boost my income when I got home.

"Now, I know you're doing better," he said, grinning widely. "You're teasing me."

"Yep, now get me out of here before they find something else wrong with me."

His eyes tightened a little, but he didn't comment. He and Renee had grown used to my predilection for dark humor lately.

He eased me to my feet and wrapped an arm around my waist, helping me into the wheelchair. My body wasn't showing quite the same desire for recovery as my mind. I still felt frustratingly weak a lot of the time, but I could at least ditch the wheelchair at the exit.

Charlie was going to stay in Florida for another week, then, if I was okay, he was heading home to help set everything up for me. Renee would travel out with me a week later.

My house had sold almost immediately after going onto the market. A very generous buyer called Mr. Randall had paid well above the asking price for a quick sale. I was under no illusions about who the generous buyer was. If it made him happy to buy the house, I wasn't going to stop him. I would have done the same if the roles were reversed.

"You okay, Bells?" Charlie's voice pulled me out of my thoughts.

"Yeah, I'm fine, just thinking deep thoughts."

"Anything you want to talk about?" he asked.

"I don't know. Do you have any thoughts on the state of the economy or global warming?" I deadpanned.

"Oh, well, um…" He caught my grin and returned it. "Yeah, you're definitely doing better."

There was obvious relief in his tone.

xXx

Renee was waiting at the door for us when we got back to the house. She rushed forward to hug me as Charlie helped me from the car, and then hesitated as I swayed on my feet.

"Don't I get a hug?" I asked with a raised brow.

She embraced me tentatively, Charlie's hand at my back steadying me.

"It's so good to have you home," she said fervently. "Phil will be home soon. He took the day off so he could be here to greet you, but I realized we didn't have any of those milkshake things you like, so he ran out to the store."

The 'milkshake things' were in fact liquid meal supplement drinks the doctors had recommended to help me gain some of the weight I had lost, and they tasted like crap.

"Do you want to lie down for a while?" Charlie asked. "Or should we set you up in the living room?"

"I want to unpack my stuff first, and then I think I'll need to lie down a while."

He led me into my bedroom and sat me on the chair by the window. Renee came in and unpacked my bag for me while I sat uselessly and told her where I wanted everything put.

Moments like these were frustrating; I wanted to be doing these things for myself, but I wasn't able to, nor was I foolish enough to try. It had been hammered into me by the doctors that I had to rest. My body was already fighting a war against the cancer, and I needed to save my energy for that.

I spotted a pile of things on the dresser, that I knew I hadn't brought with me: a blanket I used to have on my bed at Charlie's, one of the throw pillows Sue had made for me, and a stuffed toy.

"Jacob sent some of this stuff down," she said, seeing where I was looking. "I didn't know you had a bear, it's cute."

"He's Grey," I whispered.

"So I can see," she said, looking at me with concern. Clearly she thought I was a little addled.

"Not his color," I said, fisting away the tears that sprang to my eyes at the sight of him. "It's his name, it's Grey."

"He sent this too," she said, handing me an envelope. I knew what it was as soon as I touched it; I could feel the hard corners of the jewel case. I tore the envelope open and looked at the treasure it held.

"Can you put this on for me, please?" I asked, handing her the CD. A moment later, the familiar tune of my lullaby emanated from the stereo.

"I think I want to lie down now," I said, pushing down the surge of emotion the song caused.

She helped me over to me bed, and I curled up on my side. She eased off my sneakers and handed me Grey. I clutched him to my chest, imagining I could smell Edward's sweet scent clinging to his fur.

"It's a very pretty song," she said.

The scalding tears began to fall, and I made no effort to hide them.

"It's a love song."

xXx

Edward POV

Even before the first day of term, I knew she wasn't coming back. I hadn't been to her house, and Alice hadn't searched for her, but I knew nonetheless. It was an absence, a physical sensation of loss. I felt sure that if I wanted to, I could follow the pain all the way to her side, wherever she was now. But I didn't.

I went to class, I spent time with my family, and I waited.

Emmett told me her house was for sale. He had driven past one day – though he didn't tell me, I knew he was hoping to find her there – and saw the sign. I called the realtor, and using one of my many aliases, I bought it. I told them I wanted a quick sale and paid far more than the asking price. Whatever she was doing now, I wanted to make sure she had plenty of money to do it.

A private moving company came and cleared out the house, leaving only a few items of furniture that were bound for the dump. I paid them a hefty tip to leave them there, and that is how I came to spend my nights in her old house, curled up on her old bed. I wasn't drowning in the misery, I still had hope, but it comforted me to at least have something of our time together to cling to.

When I arrived home one night, I saw that there had been mail delivered. I recognized the scent as I pulled it from the box, the odor of werewolf almost completely overpowering her scent.

The stink of werewolf was explained as I saw the post mark; it had been sent from Forks, Jacob must have posted it for her. It was addressed in her familiar untidy scrawl: Mr. Edward Anthony Masen Cullen. She hadn't known my full name when I was with her the second time - it had never come up in conversation - so I knew, as I fingered the envelope, that she remembered.

I wanted solitude to read this, to be able to vocalize my feelings without being observed, but I knew better. If the letter said what I feared it would, I wouldn't be able to stop myself running. Back to Rio or further I didn't know, but I wouldn't come back.

"She sent a letter," I said tonelessly, as I entered the living room.

"What did she say?" Emmett asked hopefully.

"I haven't opened it yet, I was worried that if I was alone…" There was no need to explain further, they understood.

I tore open the envelope and read aloud.

Edward,

I remember.

I know what happened then and now, and I understand why you made the choices you did, but I am not coming back.

I was unable to read more, the pain of those words tearing at my heart. My hand clenched unconsciously, crumpling the paper. Carlisle uncurled my fingers and smoothed it out.

Would you like me to read it for you? he asked.

I nodded. I could not bear to do it, but at the same time, I had to know what she said. Esme wrapped an arm around me and rested her head on my shoulder, comforting me, giving me the strength to keep listening.

I don't regret the months we had. We got our second chance to be together, and I had time with the family I loved. Had you not lied, I would never have known Rosalie for who she really was. I regret that I didn't have the same opportunity with Jasper, but I understand why.

You were right all along, your world is not safe for me. I don't blame Jasper for what happened; it was natural, as was what Laurent did, but through your world I have lost too much to risk it again. Don't ask Alice to look for me. Know that I am doing the things I should be doing. I am taking some time off from college now, and experiencing the other things the world has to offer.

I worked hard for my chance at Cornell, and now the place is spoiled for me. You have to take advantage of the opportunities that you have. If I know you, and I like to think I do, you will be planning to disappear off to another town to start again already. Don't. Stay and work. Get the degree and use it. You have a gift for understanding minds, use it to help people.

I once told Rosalie that no one lives forever. I was wrong, but that doesn't mean you should waste the time you have been given.

Please leave me to live my life now. The safe, human life I was supposed to have.

I love you.

Bella

Carlisle cleared his throat unnecessarily as he finished. "At least we know she is okay."

Alice wrapped her arms around herself, her expression mournful. "What are we going to do, though?" she asked.

"We are going to do as she asked," I said. "We let her live her life, and we will live ours."

Though what kind of life I could have without her, I didn't know.

Thank you to all who read and reviewed the last chapter. If you would like a teaser of the next chapter let me know in a review or a PM.

Simaril x