A/N—Reminder that I don't own these characters and that all credit goes to the creators of "Big Time Rush."
I couldn't wait any longer, so I'm posting tonight. FINALLY. WE ARE FINALLY HERE, THE FINAL BATTLE. There's not a lot to say about it, so I'll just let you read. I'm nervous and excited about this chapter.
Also, the next two chapters will be flashbacks from James' point of view. I wasn't sure how to include them. Considering doing it as a separate story like a companion piece, but decided it needed to be part of this. James' side of the story needs to be told before he and Kendall can move on and figure out how to proceed with their lives.
Kendall expected he'd pass the next day like a zombie, dread making him run through the motions of living. Instead, what he discovered as he showered the following morning was that he was excited.
Today was the day he would make James Diamond's dreams come true.
Obviously James would have something to do with it as well, but with Kendall's help there would be no question—James was going to win not only the contest, but a recording contract and a future doing what he loved most. Though Kendall experienced a small pang whenever he stopped to remember that by giving James this he was losing it himself, it wasn't enough to make him swerve from his course. James deserved this.
He arrived at the studio in good spirits, surprised to find Gustavo in the same. "Thank you for not hating me," Kendall said as they were preparing to leave for the television studio after hours of rehearsal. "I know how badly you wanted to beat Hawk."
"Kendall," Gustavo began, resting an arm over his shoulders to lead him toward the lobby, "I've learned a lot of things through this experience. One, don't let Kelly catch you doing something she can blackmail you with."
From behind them, Kelly laughed. "Did you tell Kendall about that?"
"He doesn't need to know, so just keep your mouth shut."
Even more curious now, Kendall considered asking but let it drop; he'd get it out of Kelly eventually. "What's the second thing you learned?"
"That there are more important things in life than winning. I mean, who doesn't love to win? Who doesn't want to be the best?"
"I always did before moving here."
"So you get me. Sometimes, though...the happiness of another person is more important, and if you have the power to give them that happiness...you know?"
Kendall nodded with a smile. "I know. And that's all I'm doing today."
Kelly moved up to Kendall's right side once they were outside the building. "I'm proud of you. Both of you, actually. You two finally learned the meaning of life."
"Or at least the meaning of love, in my case," Kendall sighed. "Sacrifice. I think sacrifice is the ultimate meaning of love."
"Well said!" Gustavo agreed. "Let's go give away our dreams so others can be happy."
Gustavo was shut away in the passenger seat before Kendall turned to Kelly. "He's in love with Hawk, isn't he?"
"It's a long story," was all Kelly would share. "Maybe one day he'll tell you about it."
Considering Kendall was only here for two more days, he hoped it would be soon.
Walking through the stage area and the hallways felt surreal to Kendall, almost like a dream. He still had the following day's results show, but this would be his last time truly experiencing the building where he'd learned just how much he loved to sing and perform. After running through his sound check, he made a point to thank the crew members he'd gotten to know during the process, and each wished him luck. Three of them confided they hoped he would win, making him feel a moment's guilt until he spun around to leave the stage and spied James stepping onto it.
For a moment he couldn't look away, James somehow glowing in nothing more spectacular than ripped jeans and a sleeveless t-shirt. It was the most stripped-down Kendall had ever seen him on this stage and yet it was so true to the James Diamond he'd grown up with that it gutted him, making him ache to hold his childhood friend in his arms. He could have easily escaped the stage on the side nearest him, but Kendall needed to be close while he could and so walked slowly past James toward the other wing. He felt James glance over and immediately met the gaze, which for one second showed a glimpse of the old James before the hatred returned. "I thought you were done."
"I am. Just...leaving."
"We have a show to run here, so could you maybe hurry it up?"
Refusing to let the tone hurt, as he knew James would continue to lash out like this and that it was deserved, Kendall nodded. He stopped after three more steps, though, looking back over his shoulder. "Hey."
James rolled his eyes before deigning to give Kendall his attention again.
"Good luck. You really have so much talent and I'm sorry that it took me this long to see it."
Hazel eyes turned to stone. "Nice try, but it's too late to get in my head. I don't care what you think anymore, so nothing you say is going to mess with me."
"Yeah," Kendall sighed. "I know. But you also know me well enough to know when I'm lying. And when I'm not. So. Good luck."
After a firm nod, Kendall left the stage at a quicker pace, this time not looking back. He couldn't stand to see more of the hardened heart he'd helped create.
"Two things."
Standing at the side of the stage to watch James run through his songs, Kendall glanced back at the sound of Gustavo's voice. "What?"
"Come with me, we won't be able to hear each other over this."
"No, I want to watch him."
"You'll see him tonight, we don't have time for this."
Kendall reluctantly let Gustavo drag him from the stage area and toward the dressing room. "What's wrong?"
"They don't want you to do the song."
His momentum stopped, Kendall freezing in place. "What? Too bad, I'm doing it."
"It doesn't go with the theme, which was rock."
"I don't care. What are they gonna do, refuse to let me perform? This is the last night, they can't boot me off."
"Which is exactly what I told them when they informed me you needed to do the Bon Jovi one. So you're welcome, you get to sing your horrible love song."
"Really? Thanks!" Shocking even himself, Kendall launched forward to pull Gustavo into a hug.
"Okay okay back off, I don't do hugs. Ew."
Kendall laughed while hugging him tight anyway. "I'm glad it was you I got and not Hawk. Just so you know."
"You should be. Now can you not...thank you." Feeling much better when Kendall stepped away, Gustavo continued. "Let's go find Kelly to discuss the second thing."
The three of them were seated in Kendall's dressing room before Gustavo said, "They want you and James to run through the duet together before the show."
"Oh. That's awesome, let's do it!"
"He's refusing," Kelly shared.
Kendall blinked slowly at Kelly, his heart clenching. "Why?"
Kelly sighed. "He's actually trying to pull out of the duet altogether."
"What? Why? I thought it was mandatory."
"It is," Gustavo agreed. "But he says..."
It was Kelly who continued when Gustavo hesitated. "He says he doesn't want to share a stage with you. He's throwing a full diva fit and threatening to walk away from the show if they make him do it."
"What the hell? What sense does that even make? He can't walk away, there'd be no show."
"Exactly, which is why he knows they'll give in. Just like you with changing your song at the last minute."
"Dammit," Kendall complained. He stood up and turned away from them, fighting tears. "Does he really hate me so much that he can't even look at me?"
"I'm sorry." Kelly's hand was suddenly on Kendall's shoulder, squeezing gently. "We have a back-up song for you at least, should he get his way. You still remember the Bon Jovi one, right?"
"Of course, I just..." Kendall ran a hand across his eyes. "I was going to use the duet, along with my own song, to...you know?"
"I know." Kelly pulled until Kendall was facing them again. "This was all going on while you were doing sound check, and Hawk said he'd work on James to convince him to do the duet. So it might still happen."
"It won't." Kendall shook his head. "James isn't gonna give on that. He hates me too much. He's going first tonight, right?"
Gustavo nodded. "Yes."
"Good. So he'll go out there and be fantastic, then I'll go out there and sound like crap compared to him. All I care about is that he wins."
"Kendall, what are you gonna do once you're back home?" Kelly wondered.
"I don't know," he admitted. "Just...try to keep living, I guess."
"Are you sure you want to do this? It's not too late to do the other song and—"
"Positive. That's the one thing I do know. James is going to win this."
"Okay, then. You've got about an hour. Is everyone coming tonight?"
"Yeah, Mom and Katie will be here soon. Logan at some point."
"Good. We'll be out by the stage if you need anything."
"Thanks."
Once alone, Kendall's thoughts were too loud. He wanted to be around others, he wanted to be alone; the enormity of what he was about to do was sinking in, the knowledge that he was purposely walking away from his future.
It's just one path, his mother would have said. There are others. Find the path you're meant to go down.
This was James' path, not his. For awhile they'd walked the same path, and it felt good to have him close again—even if they never quite walked together. Now it was Kendall's turn to take the fork up ahead.
Alone.
Panic scratched at his chest. Was this how James had felt the day he moved away?
Worse. He felt worse because he was losing his safety net. Let him have this.
Unable to sit but instead pacing the small room, Kendall wished Logan would hurry up and get here to save him from his own mind.
Logan couldn't get away until close to showtime, making it Kendall's mother who provided the distraction he needed. "Where's Katie?" he asked when she walked into the dressing room alone.
"She stopped to talk to Lucy. Don't get mad, they're friends."
"I'm not," Kendall admitted. "I think Lucy's got a good heart under all her split personalities. If she didn't, James wouldn't be with her. Unless she only shows him one side of herself..." That was something to ponder. Should he be concerned for James?
No. He'd already known Lucy would most likely break James' heart. Nothing he could do about it.
"Either way, she seems to make James happy, so...enough about him." Jennifer smiled up at Kendall. "How are you?"
"Nervous," Kendall sighed.
"Is Logan coming?"
"He'll be here as soon as he can. I wish he'd hurry."
"It's gonna be fine, honey," she promised. "You're gonna go out there and blow everyone away and I know how hard it is on you to think of James losing, because you do care, but you need to think of yourself. Do this for you."
Kendall couldn't meet her eyes. "What's meant to be will be."
"You're meant to win this." After hugging him tight, she said, "I need to get in my seat, we're only about ten minutes away. You're gonna be amazing, Kendall. Make me proud."
He hoped that one day she'd be able to see it his way, that she'd be proud of him for sacrificing something so monumental for someone who deserved it more. "I will."
Kendall's phone buzzed a minute later and had him letting out a relieved breath.
"Waiting to pull into the lot now. Are you up first?"
"No, he is. I just have to do the intro thing but then I'm done until it's my turn. Come straight backstage."
"Got it. See you soon."
He was about to return the phone to his pocket when the symbol for the Scuttlebutter app caught his eye. Kelly hadn't bothered him once today to post on it, and Kendall knew that was because she no longer was desperate for him to win. He thought now of the fans who'd believed in him, in those he would be letting down tonight. Guilt crushed him so that he opened the app and prepared a new post.
"Whatever happens tonight, I'm thankful to all of you who believe in me.
Remembering that James had to believe he would be winning fair and square, Kendall added one more thing before sending the post through.
Don't forget to vote. Let's kick ass tonight!"
A text from Kelly came in almost immediately. "Perfect post. Is there nothing I can say to change your mind?"
"No. I'm sorry. Any word on the duet?"
"He's still resisting."
"Dammit, James," Kendall murmured. Which reminded him, he needed to find Katie or at least Lucy to pass on how important it was that James hear his song. Now down to seven minutes, Kendall headed out of the room and down the hallway. He searched the entire backstage area and found Hawk with Rebecca, but no sign of James or Lucy. He sent a text to his sister, who obviously wasn't paying attention to her phone because he received no answer. After peeking out from backstage, Kendall frowned; Katie wasn't in her seat, either.
Was she still with Lucy? Where was Logan? Why was all of this so hard?
Finally biting the bullet, Kendall jogged back to knock on James' dressing room door. When it opened, James' eyes were wide for a second before the usual dislike came over them. "What do—"
"I'm looking for Lucy."
"She's not here."
"Where is she?"
"What am I, her keeper?"
Kendall grasped for patience. Then again, maybe he could just tell James himself. Gazing into the glare aimed his way, though, he knew better; James would do the opposite of anything he asked. "You have no idea where she is?"
"She was running around with your sister last time I saw her."
"Damn," Kendall sighed.
"I already told you I don't want you anywhere near her."
"Relax, I just have to ask her for a favor. Please tell her I need to talk to her as soon as possible." Sensing that James was disinclined to help him in any way, Kendall added in a softer voice, "Please."
For one second there was a flash as James' stony exterior wavered. "Fine."
"Thank you."
"I still hate you."
Kendall's heart cracked. "I know."
"But..."
Now his breath caught, Kendall waiting in agony for whatever else James had to say.
"Good luck."
Kendall swallowed hard. Emotion skyrocketed as he fought to keep from spilling out his feelings; the song would do that for him. "Thanks."
The door slamming in his face felt like a symbol of what was happening between them. It had opened for a short time and now was about to close again. Kendall pressed his hand to the wood, wishing it didn't exist. "I love you," he whispered.
"Kendall!"
Logan's voice was like sanity returning. "Logan!" He ran down the hall to scoop his friend up in a hug, feeling both stronger and weaker as the feelings came to the surface. "Thank you for being here."
"Wouldn't miss it. You sure you want to do this?"
"More positive than ever."
The intro interview was a breeze to fake his way through, Kendall putting on the show of excitement for his upcoming performances and stating that he felt good about them. When asked to say something to all the fans out there who were watching tonight, he thought it over briefly but then said the same thing he had on Scuttlebutter about those who believed in him, and it was heartfelt when he thanked them. He also added, "When you vote after this, do what your heart tells you. Vote for the one who really deserves it." That was sure to piss James off, should he ever actually watch this, but Kendall didn't care; let James continue to think he was a dick.
It bothered him that Katie's seat was still being used by a seatfiller. Where the hell was his sister?
The second he was off the stage, he texted Logan. "Where's Katie?"
It wasn't until commercial break that Logan replied. "Your mom's wondering the same thing. She hasn't seen her since they got here."
"Lucy's with her and she's missing, too. What the hell is going on?"
"Lucy's not with James?"
"No, he's back here with Hawk getting ready for his performance. Do you think they had a fight?"
"That could work in your favor."
"Right? Should I try talking to him? No, he'll just think I'm trying to mess him up. Is there any way you can come back here and make sure he watches my performance?"
There was no answer to that, Kendall frustrated as he stood away from everyone else. James was being given a last-minute pep talk by Hawk and Rebecca. Clad in the same outfit from earlier along with the addition of his leather jacket, he looked extremely nervous, Kendall again frowning over the absence of Lucy. Shouldn't this be when he needed Lucy most? Kendall was half-tempted to go take over for them, knowing what James needed to hear better than Hawk and Rebecca anyway.
James' attention was arrested by Logan entering the area, Kendall watching as hazel eyes followed Logan's progress with a glare. When Logan neared Kendall, James dropped his gaze, piquing Kendall's curiosity.
"I thought James liked you," was Kendall's greeting.
"He did. He hasn't seemed quite as friendly since that night in the gym."
"Well, you're my friend, and he hates me, so..."
"He still talks to Carlos, though. And he knows Carlos is a friend."
"I don't know. Why do I even bother trying to figure him out?"
"Because you love him and you can't help it," Logan shrugged. "Gonna make it hard to convince him to do anything I ask, though."
"I know," Kendall sighed. "Where the hell is Lucy? Or even Katie, they just disappeared without a—oh."
Katie had suddenly appeared around a corner. She beckoned him from the hall, gestures and expression showing urgency.
"Come on."
Without explanation Kendall dragged Logan after him, not surprised to also find Lucy present once they'd entered the hallway. "Is this some plan to tie me up so I miss my performance and James wins? Because—"
"Just shut up!" Katie hissed. "We're out of time!"
It was James' dressing room they were led to at a run, Kendall unable to keep from looking around once inside. It was disappointing in that it was a twin to Kendall's own other than a gym bag that most likely belonged to James. "Were you in here the whole time?" Kendall questioned. "Did James lie to me earlier?"
"No, just...shut up for a second!" Lucy yelled. "We've spent all night trying to talk James out of it, but he won't budge, so we're coming to you instead. He's gonna throw the contest."
The room was silent for a full five seconds while Kendall and Logan absorbed that. "What?" he finally managed.
Lucy rubbed her face in frustration. "It's been his plan from the start. That's the only reason he flew to Boston and made sure to get on this show, because he was determined to make sure you won. He felt horrible about hurting your knee and ruining your life and he just...Kendall, you can't let him do this, he's throwing away his whole life!"
Kendall was too stunned to speak as his brain tried to compute it all. Logan's gaze narrowed, though, not at all convinced. "How do we know this isn't some attempt to get Kendall to lose on purpose?"
Though Lucy groaned in frustration, Katie argued, "It's not! I didn't know any of this until tonight, but Kendall, it's true!"
"It can't be," Kendall said slowly. "He hates me. He's made it clear every step of the way that—"
"Oh please," Lucy interrupted. "He's so in love with you it's pathetic. He took drama classes in high school, he's that good at hiding it. It's all an act. Kendall, I know you have no reason to trust me, but I swear on my favorite guitar that I'm telling you the truth. James is going to go out there tonight and purposely throw away this competition and I know you hate him, I know you think he hurt you on purpose but I swear he didn't, all of this was for you. The songs he sang, didn't you listen to any of them?"
Mind reeling, Kendall managed, "Yes, they were about an ex who hurt him—"
"No!" Lucy shook her head adamantly. "Every single one was about you! You hurt him. You left him. And I know you're with Logan now and that's fine, he's accepted it, but he never got over you. He's killing his own future to give you one. Please, don't—"
"I'm not with Logan!" Kendall yelled. "How many times do I have to tell you that? We're just friends!"
"I tried to tell her!" Katie joined in.
"There's nothing between us," Logan agreed. "I mean not...nothing like that. Kendall's just as pathetically in love with James." At a look of betrayal from Kendall, he shrugged. "Might as well be honest, let's be done with all these games. If you two love each other there's no reason to hide it anymore."
"She's dating him!" Kendall pointed out. "That's plenty of reason to—"
"We're not," Lucy assured him hurriedly. "He wanted you to think that so you wouldn't know he's gay, he was always terrified you'd figure out how he feels about you, but...it's true?" Lucy smiled, reaching up to cup Kendall's cheek. "You love him?"
"Half of my songs were about him, too," Kendall admitted. "I just didn't write them myself. Except...oh my god. Lucy. The one I'm performing tonight. He has to hear it. I wrote it and it's for him, please, you have to make sure he hears it!"
"Done. Fine. Just...don't win." Her hand dropping away, Lucy's eyes showed that she was sorry to ask that and knew how much Kendall would be giving up. "If you love him, you'll let him have this. Katie said it was all about revenge for you and I get that, but—" She fell silent when Logan couldn't hold back a laugh.
"I'd already planned on losing," Kendall smiled. "I decided that a week ago. I've been trying to be nice and get back into his heart but—"
"It's killing him," Lucy nodded. "Every day it's harder and harder for him to keep up the act because he says you're acting more like the Kendall he fell in love with and—"
"But why did he have to hate me for this to work? Why couldn't he be nice and still let me win?"
Lucy rolled her eyes. "He says you have this weird thing where you try harder when you're angry. Like it fuels you or something. I don't know, something about you rising to the challenge and the more of a challenge it is, the—"
"The more Kendall gets off on it," Logan smirked. "It's true. I've seen that from the start. This guys knows you so well."
Katie waved her hands to shut them all up. "Guys! It's about to start! How are we going to stop James from messing this up?"
"Shit," Kendall muttered. Without warning he was gone from the room, sprinting and ignoring the complaints from his knee in his hurry to reach the stage area. The host was riling up the audience, James standing at the side and looking down as if trying to get himself into the zone. "James!"
The cry broke through James' trance, and he looked back just in time to see Kendall rushing him. "Go away, I don't need your—"
"I'm going on first."
"What? No you're not, they already have it set up for—"
"Gustavo!" Kendall yelled, his hands reaching out to grip James' biceps. "I'm up now! Tell them!"
"Kendall, what the fuck?" James attempted to step away, Kendall holding him tighter. "Let me fucking—"
Gustavo called back, "We're down to thirty seconds, there's no way—"
"Make it happen!" He waited long enough to see that Kelly and Gustavo were moving before returning his attention to James. "I don't have time to explain right now."
"You're fucking crazy! I'm going on first, you can't just—"
Kendall shut up him with a kiss that did what he'd hoped—dazed him enough that he couldn't function well enough to fight. It was a task to end it when he did, as James had just started to kiss him back when Kendall heard the countdown begin. "Listen to this one," he begged. "It's everything I want to say to you and never could."
James was still staring back with wide eyes, incapable of speech, when Lucy approached to gently pull him back. Kendall's last vision before turning away was a stunned James flanked by Lucy on one side and Katie on the other, Logan standing behind Katie and nodding at him in silent encouragement to do what they both knew was right—even though Logan stood to lose him.
As the host had promised James would be performing after the break, he explained to the audience there had been a mix-up and joked about the beauty of live television, Kendall thanking him quietly for going along with the change. He'd of course had no choice, but the crew had and they'd all made it happen in a matter of seconds. "Thank you," he mouthed to them, then spun to face the crowd. The lights went down as they'd discussed during his sound check, leaving Kendall in complete darkness other than the spotlight shining down on him, and once the music kicked in, Kendall let it overtake him.
I can't take this loneliness
Made mistakes and I regret them
I'm sorry for the things that I did
I'm sorry for the way I acted
You mean the world to me
I want the world to know
Don't let me go
Don't let me go
I can't find no one else like you
I can't stand this hollow home
Vacancy signs down the road
I'm sorry for the things that I said
I'm sorry for the way I left it
You mean the world to me
I want the world to know
Don't let me go
Don't let me go
I can't find no one else like you
It was simple, but it was heartfelt, Kendall pleading into the darkness where he knew James to be as he cried out the last lines. When the lights came up James was still there, the others having backed up a short distance so that he stood out with tears staining his cheeks.
The second Kendall was far enough in to be out of sight from the audience, he backed James around a curtain and kissed him again, heart growing lighter with each passing second as James returned it just as passionately. "You hated me," James finally whispered.
"I was an idiot. I should've known you wouldn't hurt me intentionally."
"You should've," James agreed. "I would've died for you."
"I'm sorry," Kendall murmured before pressing their lips together again because now that he knew what it felt like, he couldn't stand not to. "I thought you were with her."
"Aren't you with him?"
"No. He's with...someone else. There's not a lot of time to explain everything right now so let me just say this. Go out there and win this, James."
James shook his head. "I can't, you deserve it after I—"
"You deserve it more. This is your dream."
"But you have nothing."
"I have enough. Nothing in life makes me happier than seeing you shine. I never saw it back then because I thought hockey was as important to you as it was to me."
"It was never about the hockey, Kendall. It was always about you. I would've done anything to stay near you."
Kendall's hands came up to hold James' face, their lips brushing together before Kendall said, "I was stupid to leave you behind. But this...I'd already planned to throw it away and make sure you won."
"No. You need to win, you need to—"
"I just need to watch you come alive. There is nothing better in this world, James. Not even hockey."
This time it was James who initiated the hungry kiss, Kendall wishing they were in a different time and place to explore it more. He broke away as soon as he was capable to breathe, "Win this for me. But more importantly, win it for you." A snippet of James' performance returned to him and he smiled. "Take your passion and make it happen." That was the right thing to say, James' eyes lighting up. "Remember that feeling. You can have it all."
"What I want most is you, though."
Kendall placed a soft kiss to James' lips. "You have me."
"Even when you go back home?"
"For as long as you want me."
"Pretty sure that's forever."
Kendall grinned, the old standby coming back readily. "And ever."
Rather than the smile he expected, it was fear that stared back at him from eyes that were green in the dim light. "You've said that before."
"I—"
"Guys, sorry, he's up."
James was dragged away by Lucy, who looked back in apology while Kendall followed.
"Did you convince him?" Katie whispered once he'd joined them at the side of the stage.
"I don't know," Kendall admitted. "I tried."
Everything happened fast then, James suddenly out on the stage while the crowd screamed for him after Lucy backed out of sight. "Well?" she asked. "Is he gonna win it?"
"I hope so."
"He can with this one, if he wants to. In case you don't figure it out, this is about you. The first song he ever wrote."
"Oh no," Kendall breathed, knowing it would be a song about how he'd abandoned James. "What—"
His voice dropped away as the music started, though. Logan laid a hand on Kendall's shoulder to let him know he wasn't alone, and after reaching up to squeeze it in gratitude they watched James launch into what would one day become his first hit single.
You took my hand, you showed me how
You promised me you'd be around
Uh huh, that's right
Kendall's heart dropped into his stomach.
I took your words and I believed
In everything you said to me
Yeah, that's right
Without warning the chorus hit with a power unlike anything James had unleashed before, him screaming the words into the microphone so intensely that Kendall's body was riddled with goosebumps. The lyrics hurt while at the same time Kendall was blown away by the strength James communicated with each breath.
If someone said three years from now you'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out cause they're all wrong
I know better cause you said forever and ever
Who knew?
Tears dripped steadily from Kendall's eyes and he did nothing to stop them. He deserved this because every line out of James' mouth was true. James literally had punched someone for saying that.
Remember when we were such fools
And so convinced and just too cool
Oh no, no no
I wish I could touch you again
I wish I could still call you friend
I'd give anything
When someone said count your blessings now before they're long gone
I guess I just didn't know how, I was all wrong
They knew better, still you said forever and ever
Who knew?
Kendall was thrown back to that playground and the bully who'd told James it would end like that, that Kendall would leave him one day. He'd sworn to James he never would, had actually used the words "forever and ever."
And then done exactly that.
How in the world was it possible that James could still love him? He'd lied, he'd devastated his best friend. James deserved so much better.
I'll keep you locked in my head until we meet again
I won't forget you, my friend
What happened?
The final chorus rocked the house, even the crew milling around stopping to watch while silently cheering James on. They saw what Kendall did, that this was James at his best and there was nowhere else he belonged. "I knew," he whispered to himself. "I knew you had this in you."
If someone said three years from now, you'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out cause they're all wrong
That last kiss I'll cherish until we meet again
And time makes it harder
I wish I could remember
But I keep your memory
You visit me in my sleep
My darling, who knew?
My darling, I miss you
My darling, who knew?
With a softly sung, "Who knew?" the music came to a halt, only Lucy's and Logan's grip on him keeping Kendall from running out to the stage. It seemed forever before James could get away, people in the crowd rushing forward and reaching out to touch his hand as he passed, and Kendall saw that for once James wasn't crying; he was glowing. The world was going to embrace his James, and suddenly Kendall felt the need to hold on as tightly as he could.
It was with that fear that Kendall dragged him in the moment he was within reach, James folding into him eagerly while Kendall held on tight. "I'm sorry," was all that kept running through Kendall's mind and falling from his lips. "I'm so sorry."
James silenced him with kisses to his neck, a non-verbal promise that he was forgiven, until Kendall's panic made itself known.
"I don't know what's gonna happen, we have so much to talk about, but I won't leave you again, not like that. Don't let me go. Please just...don't let me go."
"Shh," James soothed, and as his hand passed over Kendall's hair, Kendall was eight years old again and shaking in fear. "I'm here." Hawk attempted to approach but James warned him back with a look. "Promise me forever and mean it this time."
"I meant it then. I didn't know we'd be leaving, James."
"You know what I mean. I don't care where you go, promise me forever."
"And ever," Kendall choked out, trying to keep from breaking down as James' hold tightened.
"Hang on," James whispered. "There are a lot of cameras back here right now, I need you to hold on until we're alone."
"Right." Kendall forced himself to man up and stop acting like a frightened child, taking a deep breath to brace himself before straightening. Knowing James was needed by Hawk and that Gustavo would want to touch base with him before the next song, he asked, "Can we talk later?"
"Come to my apartment when you get back."
"I'll be there."
He sealed the promise with a kiss, not caring if anyone photographed them. Let them, he had no intention of hiding this.
"Are we doing the duet?"
James pulled back to smile at Kendall. "I can't think of a better song for us to sing to each other. Can you?"
A/N—Again, the song Kendall performed was "Don't Let Me Go" by Heffron Drive. James performed "Who Knew" by P!nk, but of course we'll pretend he wrote the song himself. :P