Chapter 25: Intro to Knots
Summary: Sans gas leak, the study group deals with Professor Cornwallis
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A/N: Apologies for the delay! It's a massive chapter, so hopefully that makes up for it. :)
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Annie tore down the hallway, clutching the straps of her backpack as her mascara ran down her cheeks. She knew she probably looked like a lunatic, and while somewhat aware she shouldn't be embarrassed by that given the circumstances, she felt so anyway. But thankfully no one was around, as class was still in session. She spied the Administration office up ahead and quickened her pace, eager to get within the safety of its familiar walls.
She stepped inside and let the glass door close behind her. Glancing over her shoulder, she was relieved that he hadn't followed her. She doubted he would want to make a scene, and she certainly had tried to make a scene.
She plopped her backpack down behind the desk and sat in her chair, her eyes still watering. She thought through what had just transpired, both impressed with herself and scared about the ramifications of her actions. She had screamed to high heaven; her mother would have been proud.
If she had had a stiletto she would have smashed it into his balls.
Of course that probably would have made things worse, but they probably weren't that great as it was. He now knew she was married to Jeff, and while he likely didn't have standing to fail her, it probably wouldn't take much for him to make the argument that Jeff deserved to fail History.
If Jeff failed History he wouldn't graduate.
Her heart sank at the thought, and she then realized she wasn't able to see the computer screen. She began wiping at her eyes, gasping in shock as she noticed the black smudges on her hands. She reached for her backpack and unzipped the compartment for Sophie's baby wipes, thankful she tended to keep some extra with her.
As she dabbed her eyes, using the reflection in the computer monitor to guide her, the Dean came out of his office and startled.
"Why Annie, I didn't think you were on until next hour." He moved over to face her, and she quickly swiveled her chair away while frantically wiping her eyes.
She mumbled, "I'm sorry."
"Oh, that's okay. You know you're always welcome here." His smile then faltered as he realized her demeanor. Stepping over to catch sight of her swollen face, he gasped and said, "Oh, Annie, what's wrong?"
She sniffed and looked up at him, noticing he involuntarily cringed at the sight of her. She swatted the air and said, "Oh, it's nothing. I was just upset, but I'll be fine. Everything's fine!"
Uncharacteristically silent, he came closer and pulled up a chair. As he sat down, he said, "Did you and Jeffrey get in a fight?"
"No, it's not about Jeff." She sniffed some more, but found herself relaxing a little. She was starting to feel safe.
"What happened?"
Her voice quivering, she said, "I don't know if it'll do any good to tell you."
"Try me. I'm your Dean."
His words continued to help her feel calmer. He was her Dean, and while he had his shortcomings, he had always demonstrated that he had her back. She knew she could trust him. She glanced toward the main office door and seeing no one, turned back to him and said in a low voice, "I have a problem."
"Go on."
She took a deep breath and then, smiling slightly, said, "I went to see one of my professors to ask if I could miss a class and do a makeup assignment, and he was…." she hesitated a moment before adding, "inappropriate with me."
She looked up at the Dean, noticing he had gone paler in color, something she hadn't been sure was possible. She searched his face for some reaction, some sense that he understood and would take the matter seriously.
After a few moments of heavy silence, he cleared his throat and asked with a slight squeak, "What do you mean by inappropriate?"
Her voice softer than she would have liked, she replied, "He asked me to….oh god….he asked me a few weeks ago, but at first I pretended I didn't hear him, then I pretended I didn't understand, and then I finally said no I didn't think that would be appropriate, and he stopped and said okay, but this time he closed the door, and he wouldn't let me leave, and he insisted…..he wanted me to let him rub…."
-"You don't need to say it."
"My feet."
At her final word, the Dean moved his head back and frowned. "Your feet?"
"Yes."
"Now why on earth?"
She threw up her hands in incredulity and shouted, "I don't know! I assume it was some sort of…" she moved down to a hissing whisper as she said, "sexual thing."
"He propositioned you for sex?"
She bowed her head and began studying her hands in her lap as she ripped up the wet wipe. She suddenly felt irrationally stupid. She mumbled, "Well, no. I don't know if he would have done that; I didn't let him rub my feet."
"Oh well, then everything's okay."
She shot her head up and glared at him. "What is that supposed to mean?"
The Dean cocked his head and placed his hand on his chest as he said, "I mean the whole thing sounds awkward, but nothing really happened. You refused and he backed off."
"I refused a few weeks ago and this time I had to scream. And then I pushed past him and ran."
"Oh my."
"Yes, oh my."
She felt herself becoming incensed, and then an alarming and growing part of her began to be consumed with self-doubt. After all, he hadn't followed her, and technically nothing had happened.
She took a sharp intake of air and decided to articulated one of her fears. "I'm concerned he might try to mess with my grade since I refused him."
The Dean shook his head and smiled slightly, which irritated her. He said, "Your grade? Why Annie, if I saw anything less than an A on your transcript, I'd change the grade myself and put that professor on notice! You have absolutely nothing to worry about. You're one of our top students."
She felt a burning sensation in her chest as she began to realize the hopelessness of the situation. He was probably right that Professor Cornwallis wouldn't alter her grade. But that wasn't her main concern.
She said, her voice in a tremble, "I guess you're right, but I'm worried about Jeff's grade. I think he might try to fail him because I said no."
At these words, the Dean sat up straighter and began to hum, tapping his knee with one hand. Finally, he said, "That would be much more difficult to prove."
"I know."
"Well, isn't this peachy."
She finally managed to ask the question she felt she shouldn't have to ask.
"Don't you even want to know which professor?"
She readily noticed his evasive gaze. Of course the Dean wouldn't do anything about this, as he was known to be conflict avoidant, and despite his sunny disposition and frequent declarations of taking care of his students, she was suddenly and completely aware that he would not help her. She began to ball up the wet wipes in anger.
He noticed and said quickly, "Annie, you have to understand this could be very messy. We have a teaching shortage as it is…."
-"I thought you'd protect me. I wish someone would."
His face sank at her words and he said, "I'm sorry. Yes, please tell me who it is and I will have a chat with him."
"No disciplinary action?"
"I'll talk with him first."
She felt the tears well, and it was then the outer office door opened. They both looked up to see Professor Hickey pushing through the entryway.
"Christ almighty. Craig, someone was screaming, but I can't find anyone in the halls."
"Buzz, could you please come back later? I'm in the middle of something here."
Hickey stopped short at the sight of them. His eyes went to Annie's, and he immediately began to shake.
She sniffed, "Sorry." She looked down and continued to knead the wet wipe, finding that she was rapidly losing the energy to fight anymore.
"You're the one who screamed."
His matter of fact tone hit her in a way nothing else seemed to since she had left Cornwallis' office. She was snapped back to reality. Someone had heard her. It had happened. She wasn't crazy or delusional. And even if Cornwallis didn't fail Jeff, what he did was not okay.
Not okay in the slightest.
Hickey barged behind the desk, and at the Dean's attempts to shoo him away, sneered and then pulled up a chair. He sat and stared at Annie, waiting until she lifted her head.
"You wanna tell me what happened?"
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Jeff's phone buzzed as he sat in the cafeteria with Abed, waiting for Annie. She was over twenty minutes late for lunch, and he knew she had to attend the administration desk soon. He picked up his phone, expecting to see a message from her, but instead was greeted with a different text:
[Unknown number]: It's Hickey. Meet me in the Dean's office ASAP.
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Jeff and Abed made their way toward Administration, Jeff growing intensely worried about what he would encounter once he got there. He tried to tell himself if Annie were hurt, they would have told him; this had to be something else.
"This is a tense moment, Jeff. Tell us your thoughts."
He turned his head toward Abed, and suddenly realizing he was holding a camera in his face, scowled and then resumed looking straight ahead.
"Don't film his."
"Film what?"
"Stop. Please."
Abed brought the camera down and continued walking by his side.
X
Jeff knocked and then immediately opened the door to the Dean's office. Annie was sitting on the couch with Hickey in a chair near her and the Dean seated behind his desk. He immediately noticed her red eyes and smudged makeup, his heart rate rising even more as he silently began to panic.
Hickey lifted his head and said, "Have a seat." He motioned for Jeff to sit down next to Annie on the couch.
Annie smiled half-heartedly at the sight of him and said, "I'm fine."
As he sat down, he took her hands in his. "Are you?"
"Yeah, um, pretty much. I was just upset."
Jeff knew that this could not possibly be a matter of Annie simply being upset. True, he had seen her become seemingly irrationally furious over the loss of her purple pen, but in hindsight that was even understandable, given what he later realized was the significance of the pen to her. He was also aware that Hickey seemed to be taking this matter seriously, and everyone at Greendale was well aware that Hickey never liked to butt into other people's business. He knew he had a soft spot for Annie, but even that wouldn't explain his current demeanor, which seemed to be one of intense focus with a hint of rage. The guy's hands were trembling. It was barely noticeable, but Jeff saw it.
Hickey then seemed to realize Abed was in the room, closing the door behind them. At Hickey's glare, Abed clarified, "I'm closing the door for privacy."
Jeff explained, "He came with me."
Annie, glancing at Hickey with concern, quickly added, "I don't mind if Abed's here."
Hickey merely grunted and then asked, "Annie, you wanna update Jeff, or I could?"
"Um, I can." She gave him a nod of confidence and then addressed Jeff. She gulped before she said in as calm of tone as she could muster, "I went to talk with Professor Cornwallis about us missing class next week, and he behaved inappropriately with me. I didn't want to upset you, so I didn't tell you about this before, but he did the same thing a few weeks ago. I told him no then and this time he was insistent so I ended up screaming and running out of his office."
Jeff stared at her completely dumbfounded. He took a moment to let the information sink in. Cornwallis was a snooty prick to be sure, but he had no idea the guy was a sexual harasser (rapist?). He felt a burning in the pit of his stomach as it dawned on him that he had readily agreed to let Annie talk to the guy alone. It never occurred to him not to; Annie was so good at kissing up to professors, he didn't even question that a professor would take advantage of that. And why hadn't she told him what had happened a few weeks ago?
Wait…what happened?
He asked aloud, "What did he do?"
She smiled slightly and replied, "He asked if he could rub my feet. Look, I know that might not seem like a big deal, but…"
-"What the hell?!"
"Jeff…"
"He asked if he could rub your feet? That's creepy and gross."
"Thank you. I agree." She then nodded decisively and appeared to regard him with an esteem she usually reserved for when he was making a Winger speech or being nice to Britta.
Hickey scooted forward in his chair and said, "Noel's a pervert. Craig just told me he was kicked out of Oxford last year for having an inappropriate relationship with one of his students." He sent a glare over to the Dean and added, "Way to pick your faculty, Craig."
The Dean placed one hand lightly on his chest and said in a soft voice, "Now, Buzz, it may have been consensual. And I probably shouldn't have divulged that sensitive information."
Hickey immediately sneered at him. He barked, "It's not consensual in either case, whether the student agreed or not! Due to the power differential, a student can't consent to a relationship with a teacher. You should know that."
"Well, Ian and Britta…"
-"He's no longer her teacher. Even he knew better than to take things any further while she was in his classroom."
"Good point."
Jeff turned his attentions back to Annie, feeling her squeeze his hands. "Are you okay?"
She nodded. "I'm afraid he might take my refusal out on you, by failing you or something."
Jeff let her words sink in, and he was honestly pretty horrified that she was even thinking about him during all of this. Annie always looked up to her teachers, and now one had used his power to try to take advantage of her. He pushed down the thought that Adam had done something similar even if Annie had been willing and smitten with him. Hickey was absolutely right; there was no way a student could consent to a sexual relationship with a teacher.
True, he had entered into a relationship with Michelle, but that really was consensual. He had actively pursued her, and she had initially rebuffed his advances. While they didn't begin their relationship in the ideal way, they were eventually honest with the Dean and removed Michelle from a position where she needed to evaluate him or hold any power over his academic career. He knew better than to bring any of this up in the moment, of course, certain that the Dean was having difficulty enough as it was figuring out how to properly conceptualize and address the situation.
This was clearly a case of Professor Cornwallis being a creep.
He said to Annie, "Don't worry about me. We'll make the bastard pay."
The Dean interjected, "As I explained to Annie, I'm going to talk to him, and we'll clear this whole thing up." He picked up his phone. "I'll just give him a call and tell him to come down here."
At his words, Annie's eyes widened in fear. She involuntarily let out a squeak, and Jeff asked, "Can I take her somewhere first, or does she have to be here for this?"
Hickey said, "Annie, you can go. I'll stay here with Craig and co-lead this interrogation."
"Now, Buzz? Interrogation?! Surely, it's not…"
"Interrogation."
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Annie sat with her head against Jeff's chest, feeling a slew of emotions wash over her. She had been alternating between fear and anger for about an hour now, and the adrenaline was taking its toll. She lifted her head and smiled at him.
He returned her expression as he continued to run his fingers through her hair.
Abed was tapping a pencil against the low table in front of them, as he was seated on the couch opposite.
"Can you please stop that?"
"Sorry." Abed ceased his tapping and glanced at his camera. "I wish they would have let me stay. I could really use this as research for any crime dramas I might pursue in future projects."
"Right. Cause that's the most important thing."
Abed tilted his head and addressed Jeff. "You think I don't care, but I do. Annie is very important to me. She's a member of my study group and the lead in my current project. I want Professor Cornwallis to get the chair."
"He's not going to be executed."
"I know. I was just trying out that line."
Annie placed her hand on Jeff's chest to steady him, noticing he had been tensing as he had been speaking to Abed. She pushed herself up into a seated position and said, "I'm glad you're both here by my side."
As she smiled slightly at Abed, he made a gunning gesture at her and winked.
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Hickey and the Dean came into the study room a little while later, making sure to secure the doors and then join Annie, Jeff, and Abed near the sofas.
As Hickey lowered himself into a chair, he groaned, "Well that was a bust."
Annie frowned. "He denied it?"
"Yup."
She gasped, "But he did it! He was so creepy!"
Hickey nodded and was about to say something when the Dean interjected, "He says he may have mentioned something about your shoes; he says he was admiring them, thinking of buying his daughter a pair for Christmas and that you misunderstood. He seemed very apologetic if he caused you and undue distress."
"He asked to rub my feet!"
Jeff felt his blood boil and he snapped, "Dean, you can't possible believe that."
"Well of course not, but he was very convincing…"
"Seriously?" Jeff leaned forward and said, "Abed, hand me something to hit the Dean over the head with."
"Gotcha Jeff." As Abed reached into his satchel, Hickey lurched forward and smacked his arm.
Seemingly otherwise unreactive, Abed said, "I was just assaulted by a teacher."
"Shut up."
Abed widened his eyes and then let out a low sarcastic whistle but made the decision to stay silent.
Hickey turned back to Annie and Jeff and said, "He's a slimy one, all right. I could tell he was lying, but he's very practiced. The shoe story was a smooth way to acknowledge something was said but then place the blame all on you."
"I can't possibly go to my next class with him!"
Hickey let out a grunt and then clasped his hands in front of him. He bowed his head, and they all waited as he appeared to think through something. He finally spoke.
"I have a plan."
"Plan?" Annie felt a rush of excitement, for she had confidence in Buzz Hickey.
"I have rope."
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"Are we sure this is the best idea?"
Jeff asked the question for the seemingly thousandth time since they had devised their plan. He didn't want the creep in their apartment, and he didn't want him anywhere near Annie. But Annie had been insistent, even being the one who offered their apartment as the ideal location for their sting operation.
Oh yes, this was a sting operation. Abed had been referring to it as such on several occasions. Hickey didn't even roll his eyes anymore and seemed to intensely focus on procuring supplies and recording equipment.
Annie had quickly emailed Professor Cornwallis to apologize for her behavior, stating she had been having a stressful day and was reconsidering the makeup assignment she would need to do so that she would be allowed to miss class that next Friday. She shared she had talked over the situation with Jeff and that they both agreed she could complete the assignment as requested so that they would both maintain their class standings.
The whole wording made Jeff want to vomit, but Hickey had coached Annie on the phrasing, stating that Cornwallis was likely to read between the lines and think she and Jeff were agreeing to his terms.
They had pulled Ian into the scheme, obtaining his consultation on Cornwallis' psychology. He agreed that a guy like Cornwallis would obtain an ego boost from thinking that Annie's husband would agree to Cornwallis rubbing her feet in exchange for a grade. It would be a way to humiliate Jeff and assert his dominance. He then muttered something about taking comfort that he would be the only true British professor left on campus if this scheme were successful.
To Jeff's mild surprise, Annie's eyes had flared at the thought of using Cornwallis' own narcissism to take him down. So Jeff got out of her way and let her send the damn email. He then mustered up his best fake smile in class as he knew arrangements were being made for Cornwallis to come over to their apartment that weekend.
Of course they clued in all of the study group members. They were all incensed at what had been done to Annie and eager to help. Troy threatened to punch Cornwallis but then was quickly calmed by the thought of helping shove him into something at the appropriate time. Britta and Shirley agreed to be as sweet as pie to Cornwallis and provide Annie with emotional support during the event, and then there was Pierce.
Pierce seemed pretty upset that Annie was looking to Hickey as a mentor and savior.
"Am I being replaced?"
Annie frowned and walked over to him in the study room. She tilted her head and said, her voice full with concern, "Of course not. I'll always need you."
"Will you?" Pierce sighed almost wistfully as he glanced over at Hickey sitting amongst their friends at the study table, hammering out plan details. Pierce had removed himself from the proceedings a few moments ago, feeling useless, and had been muttering under his breath near the couches. He was surprised Annie could hear him.
"I need you now."
"But Professor Hickey? He's the one with the plan, not silly old me."
Annie's lip quivered as she continued to look up at him. She said, "I need you to help with this plan. You've been here since the beginning."
"You've always been my favorite."
Before Annie could cry, Abed joined them. She startled at his appearance by her side, for she hadn't heard him leave the table.
He said with a frankness that probably wasn't needed in the situation, "Hickey is a more lovable character. True, he's gruff, but he's not racist or sexist. The audience likes him better, plus he's more reliable. He shows up in the scenes in which he is written, or at times he takes the place of Pierce who at this point in the narrative would make more sense to be involved. But Pierce tends to not materialize. Why is that?" He cocked his head and awaited Pierce's response.
Pierce began to stammer, and Annie placed her hand on his forearm and turned toward Abed.
She snapped, "Stop it. You're hurting his feelings."
"He doesn't worry about hurting my feelings, Annie. Isn't that right, Pierce? I'm A-bed the Ah-rab."
"You're a weirdo is what you are."
Annie rolled her eyes. "Please, both of you." She said to Abed, "Professor Hickey says mean things to you too."
Abed shrugged. "I guess it doesn't bother me as much. He didn't try to play mind games with my Troy and sequester him in his mansion, plus he's a fascinating reference for my next project, which I think will be a detective film noir or perhaps a buddy cop show, with me as the buddy. Pierce would be terrible as a detective."
At this, Pierce stepped forward with clenched fists. In a raised voice, he said, "Shut your mouth or I'll leave everything in my will to Troy and tell him he needs to sail around the world for a couple years before he can inherit."
"You wouldn't."
"I would. Then we'll see who's miserable. Yes, then we'll see."
Before Abed could respond, Jeff had leapt to his feet and joined them. He slapped his hand on Piece's shoulder and said, "We have a very special role for you, Pierce. Please come over to the table so that we can fill you in."
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"Stupid Hickey. I have rope too, you know."
Shirley sighed as she stepped on a stool to hang the garland in Jeff and Annie's living room. "Pierce, stop having a pity party."
"I'm not."
"Really? Wouldn't it make sense for you to do this rather than me? I'm a foot and a half shorter than you." She glared down at him, and he shifted uncomfortably from his spot.
Flinging down his rope, he motioned for the garland, and Shirley smiled sweetly and gently stepped down from the stool. She glanced down at the object now on the floor and made a tssking sound before bending down to pick it up and regard it.
"Now what is this?"
"It's rope."
She squinted at the gnarled mess in her hands. "There are so many knots. We can't use this." Pausing to consider something, she added, "Not that I'm quite clear on what we need rope for anyway. I thought Annie was going to record his confession. But we can't coerce it out of him, can we? It wouldn't hold up."
Hearing Annie's question, Annie left Jeff near the windows where they had been adjusting the curtain, and approached Shirley. She smiled widely and said, "Of course we're not going to tie him up. Bu…Professor Hickey just said that because he was angry. He used to be a police detective. He knows we can't do that." Annie's eyes unnervingly danced as she continued to regard Shirley.
"Well if we need rope, I have rope."
"Stop it, Pierce. And anyway, this is a useless mess."
At Shirley's words, Pierce began to unobtrusively sulk.
Jeff tilted his head in thought for a moment and then asked the room, "Are we sure Profess…Buzz was just saying that about the rope? He seemed pretty convincing."
"Jeff!" Annie gasped and then added, "Professor Hickey is upright and professional." She puffed out her chest slightly in indignation.
"Sure he is." Jeff finished adjusting the drapes and then joined them over by the garland. "You want to add more Hanukkah stuff to offset the Christmas crap?"
Annie nodded while ignoring Shirley's glare.
He added, "You really want to have this be an actual holiday party?"
She grinned. "Yes, because I'm hoping we will all have something to celebrate by the end of this. We can get rid of our History professor, obtain a proper substitute teacher, and then all receive proper grades."
"So you're okay if the Dean is our temporary teacher? Cause I don't know what else he's going to come up with at this stage."
"Yes," She hesitated for a moment before adding, "Or whomever he chooses to act as a replacement for the remainder of the semester."
"You remember he had Duncan fill in for Anthropology, right? That was kind of a disaster."
She shrugged and strutted over to a chair to fluff a pillow, and he followed, regarding her with amusement. She fluttered her lashes and looked up at him with a questioning tilt of the head.
He placed his hands in his pockets and chuckled before saying, "You're really into this."
"Into what?" She looked down and continued to fluff.
He leaned forward and captured her eye. In a teasing tone, he said, "This idea of a sting. It's a mad caper you're totally and completely into."
She said in an almost whisper, "Well, maybe we could launch a caper every once in awhile, mister."
He licked his lips and was about to lean forward when Shirley's loud ahem interrupted them.
"Good Lord in Heaven."
"Hey, we're married." He shrugged with a smirk.
"That doesn't mean you can engage in innuendo in front of your friends."
Annie scrunched up her face in confusion. "Innuendo? I literally meant a caper, Shirley."
"You did?"
Before a startled Jeff could ask another follow-up, Britta entered from the hallway holding Sophie's hand.
"She's all ready to see baby Elizabeth."
Annie turned and smiled at Sophie, who was beaming back at her while wearing a pink and purple striped romper and holding her bear. She walked over and bent down to give her a hug. As she pulled back, she said, "You will have so much fun with baby Elizabeth, and then we'll all have a party later."
"Yeah, I wan pawty."
"Good."
"But I really wanna see baby El-iz-beth."
"Of course, sweetie. Make sure to give her the present we wrapped, okay?"
"Okay, Mama."
Jeff joined them and crouched down. He explained, "I'm going to take you over to see her. Let's get your coat."
Sophie nodded and Jeff and Annie stood. Jeff watched Sophie take her coat from Britta's outstretched hands and begin to put it on. He gave Annie a quick kiss and then smirked at Shirley before he turned back to Sophie and said, "Okay, let's go!"
"I say goodbye to Wuffles?"
"Yes, of course you can say goodbye to Ruffles."
Sophie started to turn back toward her bedroom, but then stopped and looked up at Jeff. She abruptly asked, "Daddy, do you think the Hulk's feet are ticklish?"
Jeff, who was now in the middle of putting on his coat, stopped and squinted. He paused briefly to consider her question and then simply answered, "No."
Sophie's grinned and then screeched, "Hulk smash!" before running out of the room.
Jeff nodded and bit his lip as Shirley, Annie, and Britta giggled.
Pierce remained sulking in the corner.
X
X
Abed cocked his head and stared into the pot on the stovetop.
"Don't do it."
Replying to what he knew was Troy's silly over-caution, Abed explained, "If we need to knock him out, we could easily drop a Mickey into the soup."
Troy frowned but continued to stir. "Professor Hickey didn't say anything about Mickey Mouse."
"I meant a Mickey, as in a roofie."
Troy's eyes widened. "How do you know this stuff?"
"Next up on our watch list will be film noir, Troy."
"Noir? Is that like Blaxploitation films?"
"All the characters are White."
"Then I think I'll pass."
Abed shook his head. "I'm sorry. That was insensitive of me."
Troy turned to face him and sighed. "Hey, you're not White either. Why do you wanna watch that stuff?"
Abed shrugged and placed a small glass vial back into his pocket. "For research. I need to know how they made racist exclusionary films to get the genre down. We can always remake one with a cast of color."
At this, Troy nodded emphatically and smirked. He turned back to the soup and said, "Now there's a thought. I like it."
"Cool cool cool."
"No, this soup's pretty warm."
They passed a few minutes in silence, Troy carefully adjusting the temperature on the burner while Abed snooped through the cupboards.
X
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"Everyone know their roles?"
At Hickey's gravely voiced question, the study group members exchanged nervous glances. They were seated around the living room, Hickey awkwardly crouched in a hard folding chair, his arms draped over the back of it as he leaned forward. He sat in the middle of the room next to the coffee table.
Abed sketched something in his notebook before nodding. He then said, "I think it's good we're doing another sting operation."
Hickey squinted at him in confusion and annoyance. He said, "I'm probably going to regret asking this, but what do you mean by another one?"
Abed cleared his throat and replied, "We conducted a sting with Annie's ex, when he was threatening to take Sophie away from her."
"You're kidding me." Hickey cast Annie a concerned look and took in her nonverbal confirmation before turning his attentions back on Abed.
"No, I'm not kidding. We did. Of course, it didn't go according to plan at all." Abed paused and then dropped his notebook on his lap. With dramatic hand gestures in front of his face, he continued, "Or did it? For unbeknownst to the audience, we had a second plan in mind, the real plan. Britta came in and saved the day, and we made sure Sophie was safe from a drug-addicted loser."
He accepted Troy's hand squeeze and then gently pet Troy's shoulder as he broke out in sobs.
"We couldn't let anything happen to Sophie!"
"Of course not, Troy." Abed continued to pat Troy's back in a way he had seen others comfort each other.
Hickey turned back toward Annie, who was tearing up herself as she leaned into Jeff's side. He said in a low and steady voice, "I'm impressed."
She smiled weakly and let out a quick laugh. "It was something we had to do. And my friends all came through for Sophie. I trust they can do this." She then sat up straighter and said to everyone, "Thank you guys, for being willing to help me with this, too."
Britta gasped, "Annie! Of course we're going to help. It's not your fault Cornwallis is a jackass. And we don't want him anywhere near Greendale. This is the only way we can make sure he gets fired."
"Thanks, Britta."
Hickey asked once more, "Does everyone know their roles?"
X
X
The evening proceeded. Worried that Ruffles would become aggressive, Annie and Jeff stowed her safely with the Dean next door. The Dean was likewise banned and told they were going to try to talk to Cornwallis and get him to confess. The details of the confession, however, were left out, as they didn't want the Dean stopping them or interfering. They all breathed a sigh of relief when he took Ruffles with him back to his apartment.
They had invited Cornwallis to their "holiday party" for the study group, explaining that they were already planning on having an early party before the end of the semester and that they thought it would be lovely if he could attend. Annie then took him aside and explained in a hushed tone that Jeff had wanted her to fulfill her makeup assignment in their bedroom during the party. At this, Cornwallis had raised his brows and clarified, again in whispers, that he was merely asking to rub her feet.
Before Annie could react, he added in a low voice, "Of course if you'd like to proceed further, we could always arrange another time later on, perhaps right before final exams. I could get a hotel."
Annie smiled tightly and the batted her eyelashes a little too forcefully as she said, "I'll talk it over with Jeff."
"You do that. I'm sure he wants to do well in class. I hear he's planning to graduate in the spring."
Annie thought back over the exchange as she stood in their bedroom. She stared at the bed and stiffened as Jeff came up behind her put his arms around her.
"You don't have to do this."
"I want to take the son of a bitch down."
"Yell for me if he tries anything."
"I won't have to. I'm wearing a wire, remember?" She turned and flashed him a little, moving down her buttoned dark green dress so he could see both the top of her boob and a dark black wire.
He nodded. "I see. Don't let him see it. Or your boob."
She buttoned up the dress and glared at him, "Of course not. God, I feel like I'm going to throw up."
"Morning sickness?"
She snapped her head up in incredulity that he would bring this up now, but at his hesitant and vulnerable expression, she softened her stance and said, "I meant because of what we're doing today. It's too early to know that, Jeff. "
His eyes widened slightly and he affected a nonchalant scoff. "Right. Of course, I knew that."
Before she could respond, Hickey creaked the door open and said, "I think he's here."
X
X
They stashed Hickey and his spy equipment in the bathtub, curtain encasing it in case Cornwallis walked by. The rest of the study group arranged themselves casually yet awkwardly around the living room and dining area.
Annie steadied herself and then walked to the door. She opened it and greeted their hopefully temporary professor.
"Hi, Professor Cornwallis. We're so glad you could make our party."
"Of course, Miss Edison." He flashed her a leering smile and then stepped inside.
She took his coat and he ventured in further, taking in the sight of the group. He announced, "Well, hello everyone. This seems like a cheery party. Alas, I can't stay long. I've got my daughter in town." He glanced at everyone's nervous smiles and, spying a pile of wrapped presents on the coffee table, added, "Didn't want to appear rude. Was I supposed to bring a gift?"
Annie replied with an affected cheeriness, "No, of course not!"
Cornwallis turned toward her and gave a slight nod, his yellowed teeth protruding from under his chapped lips. Annie involuntarily recoiled.
The tense moment was broken as Jeff entered from the kitchen and almost shouted with forced confidence, "Professor Cornwallis. Can I show you around, starting with the bar?"
Cornwallis gave Jeff an intense look that smacked of curiosity and pity. He stepped closer and said, "A lovely place. Very feminine."
Jeff smiled tightly at was he assumed was a jab at his masculinity in allowing his wife to submit herself so he could get pass the class. He pushed down the bile and said simply, "Annie's the decorator in the family."
Cornwallis nodded condescendingly as Jeff poured him a drink. As Jeff was about to hand it to him, he asked, "May I use the loo?"
Jeff kept his eyes off his friends as he heard the faint rumblings. He said, "Of course. Down the hall on your left." He placed the drink on the dining table and gestured down the hall.
"Thank you."
After Cornwallis had closed the bathroom door, the study group members gasped more audibly, and Troy began to emit a series of increasingly higher-pitched whimpers. Jeff lightly smacked him on the side, which caused him a stern look of reproach from Abed.
"You can't hit my boyfriend."
"Are you actually calling him your boyfriend now? I'm always confused with you two. Like are you platonic? Romantic?"
"Yes."
Annie cast Troy a concerned look, and he almost unobtrusively shook his head. She tilted her head in thought.
Jeff, oblivious to the interplay, said to the whole group, "Now, let's not panic. Just because Hickey's in the bathtub does not mean we're screwed."
Abed said, "I agree with Jeff. If this all goes south, we can always go to plan B, which given our past sting operation, will turn out even better and more exciting and less icky for the audience."
Jeff turned toward him. "Abed, I hate to break this to you, but we don't have a plan B this time."
Abed merely shook his head with a wry smile and scuttled off toward the dining area.
Pierce stepped forward and held his gnarled mess of fibers above his head. Almost manically, he said to Jeff, "I have rope!"
"Shhhh…guys, I hear the sink." Britta slunk back in to the room, for she had followed Cornwallis down the hall.
Jeff rolled his eyes. "At least he washes his hands."
They resumed their "natural" poses.
Annie approached Cornwallis and handed him the drink Jeff had poured. She smiled sweetly and said, "I'm so happy you're here. We were all saying how nice it's been to have you as a professor this semester."
She ignored Jeff's eye rolls from in back of Cornwallis and decided to lay it on even thicker, just for the sake of it. She wanted to take the bastard down. "I'm really hoping we call do well in the class, but with you as our professor, why I know we'll all get the grades we've worked hard for."
"Well, you, Miss Edison, I have a feeling you'll pull of an A."
"Really? Why, that would be terrific."
"Care to give me a tour?"
Annie knew the second phase of their plan was kicking in. She turned to Jeff and said, "Jeff, I'm going to show the professor around. Would you mind getting the hors d'oeuvres out for everyone? We'll be back in a little bit."
Cornwallis winked at Jeff as he finished off his drink and placed it back on the table.
X
X
Annie joined Cornwallis on the bed. She gingerly sat down, making sure to keep her breathing regular. She supposed it didn't matter if he suspected she were nervous; after all, part of his thrill was that he was getting her to do something against her will, with her husband's explicit permission. She turned toward him and caught him eyeing her with curiosity.
"What is it?"
He laughed. "You needn't be nervous, Miss Edison. You're merely showing me your apartment."
"Right." She felt her cheeks redden as she asked, "So, um, if I…." she glanced down at her feet and then looked back up and continued, "I get an A?"
"You deserve an A."
She realized that wasn't good enough for the recording. She said, "So if I let you rub my feet, you'll pass Jeff?"
Cornwallis stared at her for moment, seemingly bemused. He then cleared his throat and said, "You needn't worry. Your husband is getting an A in the class as well. See?"
At this, Annie's eyes widened and she suddenly stood. Turning to face him completely, she clenched her fists and yelled, "No!"
It was at this that Jeff and Hickey burst into the room.
X
X
It was quickly determined that the whole sting was a bust. Annie hadn't gotten Cornwallis to confess to anything explicitly, as she had stopped the conversation too short for them to have anything definitive. He hadn't actually stated he would grant a grade in exchange for the favor; he had merely stated that Jeff and Annie were getting A's.
But Hickey and Jeff and thought Annie was in danger, and as they rapidly realized what she was ranting about, they both became somewhat despondent.
"An A?! You're going to give Jeff an A?!"
Cornwallis was now frozen in shock as he stared at Hickey and Jeff.
At his lack of reply, Annie took a step closer and lowered her face a little so that she could look him in the eye. She barked, "Look at me."
His eyes still wide, Cornwallis slowly turned his head back to face her. He instinctively gulped and shirked a little under her intense gaze.
She stepped even closer and jabbed her finger into his chest as she hissed, "You're going to give Jeff an A when he's been lazily writing up garbage for his assignments all semester whereas I've been working my butt off? That's outrageous!"
"Well….I….suppose….." Jeff, who by now pushed his way between them, cut off Cornwallis, who was now wobbling slightly as he sat on the bed, from his stammer.
Jeff held one palm firmly against Cornwallis' chest and the other on Annie's shoulder. As he continued to feel the pressure of Annie against him, for she was still staring daggers at Cornwallis, he snapped, "Annie! What the hell are you doing?!"
"He's being completely unethical."
At these words, Jeff dropped his hands and turned abruptly to fully face her, crossing his arms over his chest. As she started to fall forward, she steadied herself and looked up at him with an intensity he thought she reserved for lost pens or her mother.
He gasped, "Unethical? Yes, Annie, he is being unethical, which is why we hatched this scheme in the first place." He squinted down at her as he added, "And I notice you seem to be more upset at the idea that he would grant me an A rather than the idea he coerced you into letting him rub your feet…"
-"It was supposed to be so you wouldn't fail, Jeff. You don't deserve an A. I deserve an A."
Jeff was left momentarily and uncharacteristically speechless. He continued to regard her as if she were an alien and Hickey stepped forward, finally speaking to save them from this awkward moment.
"We've got to move to plan B."
Jeff snapped his head in Hickey's direction with a questioning look. It was news to him there was even a plan B, but he supposed nothing should surprise him. Hickey did seem like a man to have secrets.
Hickey, now sporting an unnerving almost grin, walked over to where Cornwallis continued to sit dumfounded and woozy on the bed. Keeping his eyes on Cornwallis, he touched his ear and grunted, "Abed, get my rope."
Cornwallis suddenly fell unconscious against the pillows.
X
X
"So, Abed drugged Cornwallis."
Jeff said these words more to himself than to anyone else and continued to stand far off as he watched the study group members follow Hickey's instructions, Annie eagerly listening to everything and half-squealing with delight.
Pierce and Hickey were grappling with the rope, Shirley attempting to grab another end as Britta rolled Cornwallis' limp form down the bed.
Hickey sneered at Pierce, "What the hell is this?!" He held the gnarled mess up.
Pierce replied confidently, "You're not the only one who has rope."
"Oh for crying out loud, this ain't rope. It looks like a scouring pad. Fine for scrubbing pots, but we ain't scrubbing pots tonight. We're scrubbing brains."
"She's my favorite."
Hickey frowned at Pierce's words, as Shirley stepped in between them and said sweetly with a hint of menace, "Pierce, this isn't the time to get into this. You and Professor Hickey can discuss Annie later."
Hickey glanced over at Annie in confusion, watching her as she steadfastly assisted Britta in pushing Cornwallis forward so they could obtain access to his hands. He then turned back to Pierce and said, "You want to fight about Annie."
"I was here first."
"What is she to you?"
"The daughter I never had. And although Jeffrey and I have had our differences, I did end up giving him my blessing to pursue her. But she doesn't need another father. She knows if things with Jeffrey go south, she's always welcome to move into my mansion."
Hickey hesitated for a moment and then said, "That's marvelous. I'm not lookin' for no daughter, but even if I were, we all know Annie has a father, since we all met him on Thanksgiving." He squinted at Pierce and stepped closer as he said, "And since we're both here, my guess is Annie needs both of our help, but if you continue providing me with completely useless material," he held up the gnarled rope as he continued, "then you might as well leave."
"I should leave?"
"If you don't help."
"So you need my help?"
"Oh for…."
Shirley loudly cleared her throat. "Yes, Pierce. We need you desperately."
"Well, why didn't you say so?"
x
x
"I'm gonna punch him in the balls."
"Troy." Britta firmly placed her hand on his arm to stop him from approaching Cornwallis' unconscious form, now encased in what seemed liked a ridiculous amount of rope. He was seated in a chair in the living room, his head slumped forward and arms behind him.
"But I was told I could shove him."
"You already shoved him, remember?"
"Yeah, but he doesn't know it." Troy glared at Cornwallis but then sighed and stepped back. He turned to expect Abed by his other side, but then noted Abed was standing firmly next to Hickey, taking notes.
Hickey said as he popped his knuckles, "I'm gonna crack his neck."
Annie smiled nervously with a hint of excitement and asked, "Really?"
Hickey, ignoring Abed's move toward him as he turned to face Annie on his other side, said, "Metaphorically."
"I see."
Jeff raised his eyebrows and then frowned, but made the tactical decision not to say anything. He placed his hands on Annie's shoulders in an attempt to calm her, but he sensed she was more than getting a little thrill out of this whole thing right now. He had to admit to himself he was impressed.
Hickey pulled up a chair and turned it so its back was facing forward. He straddled and plopped himself in it so he was directly facing Cornwallis.
"Abed, smelling salts."
It was about thirty seconds before Cornwallis came to, letting out some groans and then gasping as he realized what was happening.
"You tied me up!"
"Yes, Noel, we did. Because you're a bastard."
"I'll have you know, I'm not a bastard. I'm also the direct descendent of General…"
-"Sir Charles Cornwallis. Yes, we know. You drive everyone insane in the faculty lounge. God, I hate you."
Cornwallis' eyes widened at Hickey's words, and he gulped. He then realized the whole study group was standing in a half arc behind Hickey, all giving him intense stares. His eyes went to Annie, who stood in front of Jeff and was folding her arms over her chest with a look of gleeful rage.
"What are you going to do to me?"
"That depends."
"I didn't do anything. You'll have to let me go."
"Noel, Noel, Noel. You've been very bad. Miss Edison told me everything, you know."
"And I told you and Craig she was mistaken."
"And she was mistaken tonight as well?"
"Nothing happened tonight."
The Dean slipped in from the entryway, unnoticed by the others. He stood behind Jeff, using his form to hide him, and listened to the proceedings.
Annie glanced at Abed and nodded. He pressed record on a big black box and then crouched down and held the microphone under Cornwallis' mouth. She waltzed over to him and said, "Professor Cornwallis, please tell us what you asked me, Annie Edison, a student in your history class, to do in exchange for a grade."
Cornwallis considered this for a moment and then said, "It doesn't matter what I say. I'm tied up. It's coercion."
"Please tell us anyway."
"Nope."
She stepped closer and asked, "Did you not request that I allow you to rub my feet?" She lifted up her leg to reveal she was no longer wearing her sensible flats. She pointed her toes outward in their stockings, and Cornwallis shivered a little.
He said with a slight tremble, "I may have asked if you would allow me to do that, yes. But you said no, so I stopped."
The Dean began to turn a shade of pink and clenched one of his fists.
Annie nodded and placed her foot back on the floor as she asked, "And then a couple weeks later, I was in your office again, and you asked me if I'd let you rub my feet again, is that not correct?"
"Yes. You came back to see me. I assumed you were interested."
"And did I not keep the door open and you got up and closed it?"
"So we could have some privacy."
"And then I screamed and ran out."
"And then you came back to tell me you had overreacted, and then you invited me here for some private time."
Jeff pushed down the urge to smack the guy, exchanging menacing looks with Troy who was also fuming. He then glanced at Shirley, who for some reason was now holding a baseball bat and muttering things underneath her breath while shaking her head. He briefly wondered if she had smuggled in the bat with her purse.
Seemingly unfazed by Cornwallis' creepiness, Annie flashed a smile and asked, "And when you came here, did you not state that if I let you rub my feet you would give both me and Jeff Winger an A in your class?"
"Well, yes, that was the implication."
"I'd just like you to clarify for us, please. What grade would you have given Jeff Winger if I were to have let you rub my feet?"
"An A."
"You bastard."
Jeff finally stepped forward and said, "Oh, for Christ sake, Annie."
"Shut up, Jeff. We're talking about serious academic abuse of power."
Hickey motioned for Abed to shut off the recording equipment, and he then said, "We have a confession."
Cornwallis let out a short laugh. "You do not! That will never hold up! I'm tied with rope!"
"But it's true?"
"Of course, but no one will ever believe any of you. You're all students in my class who want good grades, and you're a professor who has a reputation for being a whack job. If you have anyone listen to that recording, I'll just explain that you were jealous of me and that you've been threatening me all semester."
"That's not true, Noel."
"I know, but no one else knows. Buzz, I have you beat."
Annie pursed her lips and lightly pushed Jeff to the side as she said, "I know what you did, and everyone in this room knows what you did. Give me the A I deserve, give Shirley an A and everyone else in here their appropriate grades as well, and that means giving Jeff a C minus."
"Hey now…" Jeff's face fell.
-"And then resign."
Cornwallis began to chuckle, clearly mocking Annie's seriousness. At this, the Dean finally stepped forward and said, "I'm the Dean, and I've listened to all of this."
"Craig?" Cornwallis stared in almost horror as the Dean moved over and regarded him with an intensity no one had seen before.
"Yes, I know. And frankly, I don't care that you're tied up. This is a team of my scrappy Greendale students, and they've done me proud." He turned toward Annie and said, "Annie, I'm so sorry I didn't handle this properly. Please forgive me?"
"Of course."
"Thank you." He turned back to Cornwallis and said, "You're fired."
"But I'm tied up! I'll sue!"
"I don't see you tied up. Does anyone else see him tied up?"
Everyone murmured their emphatic nos."
"See? Easy peasy."
"But….."
"Abed, can you edit out that little part at the beginning of the recording where he talks about being coerced?"
"Got it."
"This is insane! You drugged me and tied me up!"
"There was drugging involved?" The Dean placed one hand lightly on his chest as he turned to regard the whole group. "You guys, I am so impressed!"
x
x
Eventually they untied Cornwallis and sent him on his way. He didn't say much, especially after the Dean made a show of getting on the phone and discussing the situation with one of the Greendale attorneys. Everyone began to come down from the high of their caper, and settled in around the coffee table. Jeff and Annie brought out appetizers and drinks for everyone, and then spent some time in the kitchen quietly comforting each other before placing a call to Nancy to ask her to bring Sophie back.
The Dean left and returned with Ruffles as well as a basket full of kittens for some reason. Ruffles seemed to be more than a little intrigued and let out a series of muffled woofs whenever a study group member passed a kitten over to another.
The Dean reached down and plopped Ruffles on his lap. "She was so curious about them next door, but she behaved herself."
"Yeah, she's used to my mom's cats." Jeff leaned back and draped his arm nonchalantly in back of Annie as he watched her complete enthrallment over the small furry creature in her palm.
She grinned. "Sophie's going to be so excited! Jeff, maybe we should keep one."
"Crap."
Shirley leaned forward and asked the Dean, "Who's going to be our new History professor?"
"Ian owes me a favor."
Britta started to say something, but the Dean waived his hand. "Not to worry, Britta, I will grade you."
She frowned as she asked, "Do you know anything about Eastern European History?"
"Nope."
Annie tensed smiled tightly in indignation as Jeff placed his hand on her thigh.
They were interrupted by a knock at the door. Jeff rose and came back with Sophie in his arms and Nancy trailing them, Elizabeth strapped to her chest.
Jeff smooched Sophie on the cheek and said, "Hey munchkin, look what the Dean brought over."
At the sight of the kittens, Sophie started to squeal and Jeff plopped her on the ground so she could run over to the group. He turned toward Nancy and asked, "Was she okay?"
Nancy laughed, "Yeah, of course." Spying the main attraction, she added, "Hey, you're not keeping all those kittens, right? I mean they're cute, but..you know." She indicated with her head toward Elizabeth and silently mouthed, "New kittens and new Edison-Winger babies."
He smirked at the realization that Annie had been chatting with her in regard to their plans, about which he figured he shouldn't be that surprised. He let out a low whistle. "No. The Dean's just a little intense." He bent down a little and patted Elizabeth on the head. "Hey, babyperson."
He motioned for Nancy to join them around the coffee table full of presents. The Dean attempted to hand off a kitten to her, but she politely declined and unwrapped Elizabeth so she could sit on her lap.
As they all ooohed and awed over the kittens (and Sophie playing with the kittens as Ruffles licked her face), Hickey unobtrusively stood and silently made his way out the door.
Glancing around the group, Abed asked, "At nice times like this I wonder what's happening in the darkest timeline?"
X
X
X
Jeff tossed and turned in bed that night, his mind still racing from the day's events and from the happy family time they had all shared that evening.
And Abed's words.
He groaned in pain as he stepped foot into a darkened living room. He quickly spotted Evil!Sophie sitting on the couch, a soft spotlight shining on her as she sat with her tattered bear. No Ruffles was in sight, as there was no Evil!Ruffles in this timeline.
Evil!Sadie, surprisingly strong and advanced for her age, toddled over to Evil!Sophie and smiled at her. But it was an evil smile, and Sophie shook her head through her tears. It was then that Evil!Jeff came over and sat down, pulling Evil!Sadie onto his lap.
Evil!Jeff said with no hint of sensitivity, "You need to play with your baby sister."
"No."
Jeff suddenly felt compelled to act. He stepped forward and revealed himself to a startled Evil!Jeff, who gasped. "Who the hell are you?"
Jeff said emphatically, "I'm you, but I'm not evil. I'm here to take Sophie back with me. I can't leave her here again." He walked over and picked Sophie up, and she instantly began to suck her thumb as she placed her head on his shoulder. He gave her a comforting kiss on the head and murmured, "Everything's okay. I'm going to take you to see Ruffles and Mama."
He began to carefully remove the black felt goatee from her chin.
"What about Sadie?"
Startled, he realized she was now looking at her sister, who was in Evil!Jeff's lap and staring at them, her eyes wide and blue like his own, a slightly different shade than Annie and Sophie's. She was now tearful and appeared frightened by Evil!Jeff.
For the first time, he fully saw her. Not as an evil!baby but as a babyperson. She was his babyperson, and she didn't deserve any of this crap.
He suddenly marched over and took her, which was surprisingly easy. Evil!Jeff let out a gasp and stood but didn't attempt to take her back. Jeff shouted at him, "You don't deserve these kids. I'll make sure they're both loved. And I won't play them off each other."
Evil!Jeff sneered, "Sure you won't." He began to flex his mechanical arm, which Jeff all of a sudden realized was pretty stupid and un-menacing.
"I won't."
"But Sadie is ours. Even if we won't admit it, we will always favor her."
"That's bullshit."
"She's our blood."
Jeff glanced down at Sadie and Sophie in his arms and their worried but adorable faces and then addressed Evil!Jeff once again. He affected a most sincere Winger speech:
"Tonight I spent time with my found family. We all came together to defeat a villain, and we did it by supporting each other, putting up with each other's shortcomings, and ignoring the fact that we are not blood related. Family is chosen, and I've chosen Sophie. She will always be my family, and I see no difference between her and Sadie. They're both my children, equally."
With that, Jeff left.
It more than a little anti-climatic.
X
Jeff turned over on his side and spied Sophie snuggled between him and Annie. Just to be sure, he gently moved his foot, and felt Ruffles' warm body near the end of the bed. He wrapped his arms around Sophie and Annie, who was sleeping soundly and facing away from them. He stretched to place a kiss on the back of her neck and took a moment to reorient himself to the peacefulness of the present and to the fact that they were all safe and happy. He let his hands wander over her stomach and considered the possibilities that lay before them, and for the first time, he didn't feel neurotic about any of it.
He dozed off with a contented smile on his face.