Based on characters from the Twilight© by Stephanie Meyers. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No copyright infringement is intended.

25 DETERMINATION

I became determined to watch Carlisle hunt. I wanted to learn how he managed to walk away from the hunt satiated and spotless. I had tried twice to see how he did it. Each time I had fallen victim to my covetous thirst's reaction to his hunt. Long before he tasted blood I wound up running off to find a source for myself, all thoughts from and about him forgotten. He didn't need to hunt as often as I did so that also limited my attempts to learn from him.

I stuffed my bloody shirt into my pants pocket not wanting to wear the filthy thing but I had to take it with me. I ran to the area where Carlisle was hunting. He was following a herd of elk. This time my stubborn curiosity was in control though just barely, my anger fueling my resolve.

In reality, I knew I needed help so I sat on the ground wrapping my arms and legs around a tree trunk and locked them in place. I was stubbornly determined to watch Carlisle from here and not move. The tree was more of a visual and tactile aid to help me focus. I probably looked ridiculous but I was intent on my goal, my anger feeding my determination not my reasoning skills. I was desperately interested to find out how he did what he did. I was going to do everything I could to stay with him until he tasted blood. I HAD to know how he did it.

I listened and watched through his eyes as he chased down a huge elk bull that was following its harem. He carefully broke the animal's neck after he caught it so it wouldn't feel pain but its heart continued to beat. It wasn't what I could see through his eyes that finally taught me. He could have told me how to do this a hundred times but it didn't sink in if he had. It was what he felt with his hands and his mouth that gave me hints to his secret. Until now I would have never recognized the clues they were so subtle even if I'd been able to follow him this long.

At last, I saw how he isolated and squeezed the large artery in the neck shut with his fingers just before his teeth, with almost surgical accuracy, cut through it, avoiding the large veins. Carlisle might not want to hurt the animal but he was still a bit of a hedonist, leaving the heart beating, letting the heart pump the hot, wet, soothing blood into his mouth. With unmistakable pleasure he drank in the surge of pulsing blood, not rushing the experience letting the animal's heart do the work. The blood eased his parched and burning throat. He totally controlled the animal and the blood flow.

I could feel the thirst screaming for blood, the urge fire-raking my throat. Elk blood was not the best tasting blood but if you did it his way it was, oh, so much better. My stubborn curiosity tenuously held onto its control over my body and mind. I was trembling as I continued to listen while Carlisle leisurely fed. I could feel my arms tighten around the tree and I knew I had only a few more moments of control.

Abruptly the elk's heart stopped. Quickly he sliced the large veins with his teeth and eagerly drained the rest of the still hot blood, it wasn't as satisfying as the blood straight from the lungs through the heart and but it fueled his body and soothed his thirst's ache. He drank without a hint of my bloody savageness.

I heard a crash and felt a thud against my chest. Suddenly aware of my actual surrounding I found that I sat with my legs still wrapped around the trunk of the tree. My arms wrapped tightly across my chest. Splintered wood and sap coated my shirtless arms and chest where I had crushed the tree against my body. The rest of the shattered tree was lying beside me on the ground. Now that I wasn't focus on Carlisle's mind it was easy to regain control over my own reactions. I was breathing rapidly but amazingly still in control of my body.

If I had any hope of making his technique work for me I had to be there with the beast to get it done. I couldn't hide in the corner of my mind and ignore the whole thing. I had to have control to do it. The beast was unconcerned with anything but getting to the blood. I had never tried to exert any power over the thirst when hunting and I wasn't sure how to do it.

When I was watching him I was so intent on how he was able to feed and stay clean I hadn't been able to tell how he controlled himself and it would be another ten days before he fed again. I didn't have the strength to watch him as he made his way to another elk. I found myself also running but toward the bear I'd smelled earlier.

It was less disgusting than I thought it would be when I was somewhat in control. I was determined but didn't get it quite right the first time or the second. I needed practice both trying to control myself and the blood. It still wasn't the last night I had to destroy my bloody clothes.

A week later, I was able to control myself and fed with very little mess. Even better I was able to rein in the beast, and stopped feeding excessively. I lost the need to hunt every night. I was proud of myself and Carlisle was impressed.

Carlisle went back to work but only part time. He left me for four hours a night while I was in the deep wilderness. He returned for administrative work only, he didn't deal with patients. I couldn't block his mind and he was concerned that his stray thoughts could overwhelm me.

I was now able to roam around the garden and our forested grounds and enjoy the scents without having to fight the thirst when I caught the faint smell of our neighbors. Edward Tell was still gone.

I was almost ready to make my first trip into the city.