Chapter 25: Guilty Consciences and a Camping Trip

Haiku

Joining in a lie

Helping to protect a boy

From learning the truth

Dan stands outside at the front door of the Lester residence with the aid of his crutches for support. It has been two weeks since he was discharged. During those two weeks, he met the rest of the twins' friends and resumed his work at Dillion's. Seeing the Suggs, Alfie, PJ, Louise, Ian, and Anthony didn't stir any recollection of memories about them, but he hopes that the more time he spends with them, the more likely he'll start to remember something, even if it's as small a memory as watching a movie with them. Any memory of the last two years is better than nothing.

Thanks to Phil, Dan has used the last five days to find the courage in himself to ask Fiona on a date. When he wasn't working or getting to know his friends, he was hanging out with Phil, rehearsing what he'll say and how he'll act around Fiona when he pops the question. In the span of those five days, he went from being a stuttering, fumbling date virgin to a confident teen who knows his way around the field of romance. He also debated whether or not to go through with his supposed plan of the CD, but decided to save the idea for after the date (if Fiona even agrees to the date at all).

So here he is now, about to do the one thing he once believed he'd never get to do in his high school life. It's 15 minutes past 1 PM (he binge-watched Food Wars on Crunchyroll until 2 AM and didn't wake up until about two hours ago). He texted Fiona when he woke up for the day to ask if he could hang out with her, and he held back from squealing like a schoolgirl when she agreed to.

"Don't be a weenie," he mumbles. "Fiona likes you. You like Fiona. Your dream girl is awaiting your first move."

After taking a few deep breaths, he removes his phone from his jeans' pocket and sends a text to Fiona. Hey I'm here

Not one minute following the sent text, the front door swings open, revealing the female Lester twin barefoot and wearing a pale pink spaghetti tank top and green athlete shorts.

"Hey Howell!" she greets.

"H-hi," he stutters. Focus, Dan! Where's your confidence?

"Come on in. Phil already left, so it's just us today."

He nods, wobbling his way into the house. He's aware that Phil is with PJ, Joe, and Louise at an arcade for the day (it was Phil's way to give a few hours for Dan to be alone with Fiona), Alfie and Zoe is on a date to who knows where (he's surprised to see how a duo who's constantly bickering with one another can still be in love), and Ian and Anthony are helping one of their friends' siblings apply for a job (he's envious of Fiona for being able to have college friends simply because she was courageous enough to approach them while she was at Best Buy last autumn).

"Did you eat lunch yet?" she asks once the door is closed and Dan is making himself comfortable on the living room couch.

"I ate a quick brunch before I came." If you count a bowl of Lucky Charms as a late breakfast so I could rush over here to see you.

"What did you eat?"

"An omelet."

She raises an eyebrow, looking as if she's not entirely convinced. "You sure?"

"You think I'm lying?"

"No. You haven't been out of the hospital long and I just wanna make sure."

"Why? Did Phil avoid eating too?"

"Er… no. Sorry. I worry a lot and sometimes I stupidly think your amnesia can make you forget to have a healthy diet."

He chuckles. "If that were true, I'd live on a diet of water and malteasers."

She chuckles along with him. "You'll drop dead if you did that." She starts to head to the kitchen. "Want a drink at least? I have iced tea in the fridge."

"I'm cool with that."

When Fiona leaves to grab the drinks, Dan undergoes another series of deep breaths. This is it, Dan. Don't be a chicken. When she comes back, ask her the question. Rip it off like a Band-Aid. It's not hard. All you have to say is "Will you go out with me?" Ninety-five percent of the entire male population has asked this question to the person they like. What he has to cross his fingers for is to be the 45% or higher of the male population who asked that question who doesn't get a rejection.

"Dan?"

He blinks. As he was lost in his thoughts, Fiona returned with two cans of iced tea, placed them on the coffee table, and is staring at him in curiosity.

"Yeah?"

"What're you thinking about?"

"Ummm… things." The time is now! "Actually, there is something I want to talk to you about."

She joins him on the couch. "What is it? Wait, did you remember anything?"

"No… it's something else."

"Which is…?"

He gazes at her nervously. "I was wondering… would you like to catch a movie with me sometime?" Yes! There you go. That wasn't so hard.

She looks at him tentatively. "Are you asking me out?"

He nods.

She remains silent for about a minute. He's mentally curled into a fetal position, bracing himself for the embarrassment of hearing the word 'no.' He shouldn't be surprised for his first attempt to ask a girl out to end with rejection, though he cringes at the thought of being awkward around Fiona after today. Having to get over his crush until someone else catches his eye would be hard to do (he hates to admit how he'd partially be in the clingy category if he ever had a boyfriend/girlfriend).

"You're pretty brave, aren't you?" she says. "You're not usually the one who makes the first move."

"Phil said the same thing to me a few days ago, so you aren't wrong."

She smiles. "Whatever hints Phil might've dropped on you, you caught on."

"So… is that a yes?"

She giggles. "Of course it's a yes, goofball."

He beams. In his mind, he has gotten out of his fetal position and running circles around the room in joy wearing nothing but a speedo (he also watched a couple episodes of Free! during his anime binge-watching last night).

"Great!" he says, trying to maintain a composed expression. "So when do you want to go out?"

"Uh… I'll let you know." He would have asked to go on their date this weekend, though the two of them and the rest of their friends have other plans this weekend. They had received their parents' consent to allow them to join the Suggs family for a camping trip as an end-of-the-break adventure before they, with the exception of Ian and Anthony, head back to school next week.

"Okay then."

I'M GOING ON A DATE WITH FIONA FUCKING LESTER. I'm gonna thank Phil with a lifetime supply of Muse albums.

~:~

Next to a dumpster in a deserted alley, a man and a woman are talking in hushed voices of their next move in their diabolical plan.

"Are you sure, madam?" the man inquires. "There's a possibility that we will fail again."

The woman sighs. "I admit, this is a bit of a long shot, and I miscalculated what happened last time. But we have to try."

"Trying can lead to disaster, madam."

"Do you not have trust in me?" she snaps. "I hired you for a reason, Wade. Now is not the time to have doubts."

He bows his head. "I'm sorry. I only wish for your success."

Her eyes soften. "I know you do. I also know you have a family, and you would do anything for them too, right?"

"I-Indeed, madam."

"We're doing this, Wade. We learned from our mistakes and I swore to do better next time. I will not admit defeat until the end."

He nods. "I'll do my best."

Her mouth curls in a half-smile. "Our best is all we need to accomplish our goals."

~:~

That night, Fiona sits on her sky blue beanbag chair next to her bedroom window. She's still on a cloud nine from her afternoon with Dan, but she can't blame herself for the simultaneous guilt that's also pounding at her chest. Your no could've helped him be one step closer to getting his memories back.

She should be happy. This is what she wanted. She's doing what Phil asked her to do. She's finally being given the chance that she dreamed of having ever since she first met Dan.

However, it's all absolutely wrong. Not merely because she's practically being forced to take Dan away from Phil. It's also because a relationship with Dan that would appease her family and possibly the entire school but disappoint her friends, the people that, after the weeks she spent with Hannah, Katie, and Jessica, she knows she can't be without.

It's not too late, Fi. You can still take it back. She could text Dan right now and tell him that she changed his mind. She could tell him that she isn't ready to be in a relationship yet and to wish him the best of finding love with someone else. If she does that, she could chase the guilt swarming around in her head like a group of angry hornets.

And what about Phil?

She has respect for Phil. He loves her just as much as Dan. She sees how hard it is for her brother to watch his boyfriend falling for someone else. He gave up the person that taught him about the romantic spectrum of love for the person who always tried to put her happiness first before his. And her? All she has been is selfish. She was too caught up in her feelings for Dan to see how difficult it was for Phil to control his own emotions for her sake. And when the truth about Dan and Phil came out, instead of rationalizing the situation, her anger took over. Her envy boiled over, leading her to wallow in her loneliness despite her time spent with Hannahconda and her posse.

I can't do that to Phil. She thought it was Phil who hurt her; in reality, it was the other way around. She was the one that hurt everyone with her resentment. In some way, if she had a proper discussion with Phil before the beach trip, they could've avoided the accident altogether. No one could have gotten physically hurt, and Dan wouldn't be in a state where he can't remember every complicated, life-changing event that happened to him over the last school year.

The power is in her hands. She has the choice to tell Dan the truth before they head back to school.

But she won't.

It's wrong for her to lie to Dan, yet it's also wrong for her to break her promise to Phil. The latter may be the lesser wrong, but there's no telling how Dan would react. His confusion could lead his condition to worsen, which is definitely what she wants to avoid doing to him.

She can't be responsible for committing any more wrongs.

The favorable solution is to bite her tongue, go on a date with Dan, and hope for Phil to realize on his own that what they are doing will only make him hate them more later on.

~:~

Laughter fills the air as the Suggs and the friends arrive at the camp site. They've been eagerly awaiting this day since Joe and Zoe brought it up to the friends the previous week. It's the first time the friends are all going on a camping trip together, and with the addition of Dan, Ian, and Anthony, they are excited to see what the day has in store for them.

"Oh, how I love the great outdoors," Alfie says, spreading his arms out wide.

"You're only saying that after our last hike," Joe points out.

Zoe giggles. I wonder what would've happened if he wasn't there. We probably wouldn't be where we are now. "Says the one who doesn't have a girlfriend."

Joe huffs. "I'm doing just fine without my own lady love, thank you very much."

"I'll tell Miranda you said that."

"Don't you dare."

"Oh, I'd dare."

Alfie moves back to Zoe's side and grabs her hand. "You're just saying that because the lovebug has never bitten you."

Joe drops his backpack on the grass. "Tis better to be single than to love from afar."

"I heard that!" PJ calls out.

So did Phil. Ever since Fiona confided in her and Louise about Phil's choice to lie about his relationship with Dan, she too has been crushing her urge to spill the beans on her brunette friend. She can't stand to see the longing in Phil's eyes whenever Dan makes sneaky glances at Fiona. Phil asked for everyone the day after Dan woke up to keep their lips sealed and to leave it to him to decide when to tell Dan the truth. The seven friends, Ian, and Anthony all disagree over Phil's decision, but there's nothing they can do. To Zoe, at the end of the day, Phil is still one of her best male friends. She can't betray him.

"Lady love?" She turns her head to look at Alfie, who's gazing at her with a worried expression.

She gives him a small smile. "Sorry. Didn't mean to space out."

"Were you thinking about Phil?"

She nods. "I'm just worried about him. I really don't like what he's doing to Dan."

"Me neither," he says in agreement. "Imagine how Dan will feel when he finds out the one he's actually in love with is the sibling of the one he thinks he likes."

"And if it's not us that won't tell him, surely someone at school will slip," she adds.

"I know, right? If only we could put him out of his misery."

"Hi guys." Zoe and Alfie cease speaking when they see Dan walking toward them. "What are you talking about?"

"Oh… you know… relationship stuff," Zoe bluffs.

Dan nods in understanding. "Zoe, your dad wants you and Alfie to help him gather some wood for the fire."

Thank god! I need to be away from them for a few minutes before I drag Dan away from here and tell him Phil's his boyfriend. "Thanks. Tell Dad Alfs and I will join him in a few minutes."

"Alright." Once Dan leaves the pair, Zoe and Alfie share a that-was-a-close-call look to each other.

"Do you think he caught any of that?" Alfie asks.

"I hope not." It'll be their fault if Dan starts having suspicions.

"We gotta be more careful next time."

"Ditto. Philzilla is one hell of a creature I don't want to lay my eyes on if we're responsible for ruining this entire cover-up."

~:~

A few hours later, the sun has retired for the day and dusk stretches its long shadows across the woods. Flames reach for the sky at the camp site. The ten friends sit on logs around the fire in a loose circle, each holding a stick with at least one marshmallow attached.

Louise has her laptop resting on her lap. Her iTunes is on, her Road Trip playlist on shuffle, playing songs to cover up the relative silence around their camping zone. With the nearest WiFi hotspot several miles away from them and no one's phones having any cell reception, they've been relying on music, icebreaker games, and banters to pass the time. Prior to the trip, Alfie was dreading to have several hours without being online. Now, his perspective about camping being a slow torture of being internet-less to being a time to have fun time with his friends, as well as some intimate minutes with his girlfriend.

Wish you're here with me, Matt. Louise thinks. She isn't too saddened to be without her boyfriend, though having Matt sitting next to her could help to deal with the constant heart eyes of the only stable couple in the group.

Louise scans the area. Mr. and Mrs. Sugg have left the friends about a half-hour ago and are in their tent. PJ, Joe, Phil, Ian, and Anthony are challenging each other to a Nintendo game on their 3DS's. Alfie and Zoe are cuddling as they feed warm marshmallows to each other. Dan and Fiona, despite having their date on a later day, are talking to each other and treating the night as their first date. Even in the darkness, despite the smiles that Fiona consistently makes toward Dan, Louise can see the guilt masked beneath her best friend's blue irises. And, over to the side, she catches Phil's occasional dejected glance at Dan.

Hmmm… maybe I could do something about that.

Once Rihanna's Work finishes playing, she pauses the song and quickly scrolls through the playlist for the song she reserved to play for the right moment. This could backfire, but it's worth a try. This is for you, Phil.

"Hey everyone!" she shouts.

The friends stop what they are doing.

"What's up?" PJ questions.

"Who wants to have a dance party?"

Zoe chuckles. "Girl, I have two left feet."

Louise grins. "I'm aware of that, but we're in the middle of the woods, there's no witnesses except for your parents, and there's no one to take a video of our clumsiness."

"Video or no video, I'll still be embarrassed," Phil says.

Your embarrassment could help you out. "Then you might change your mind once I play the song."

Using the mousepad on her laptop, she clicks on the song title.

Zoe leaps up in excitement as soon as the first couple seconds of the song plays.

"Lou! Why didn't you say you'd be playing this song?" She tugs on Alfie's hand. "Who gives a flying fuck about my two left feet? This is my jam!"

Alfie laughs, moving to stand up too. Zoe dashes closer to the fire and starts to dance. "Damn it, Louise. Out of all the times to bust this song out, why now?"

"Because-" Louise balances her laptop on the log and joins Zoe and Alfie, "This might be the only time this song is ever fitting to play."

"You got that right!" PJ abandons his 3DS on his log and goes to Zoe, Alfie, and Louise. "Dance party!"

No signal on our phones

Leave 'em busy with the dial tone

It's all good, we don't need no one else

One by one, the friends huddle together and dance as if they are in a night club. With the fire raging on, the active bodies is a near flawless scene for a music video. But, like the Halloween dance, Phil remains on the sidelines, content to watch the rest of his friends grooving to the music.

"C'mon Phil!" Louise yells, pulling on the sleeve of Phil's shirt. "Let loose! No one's gonna care about your own two left feet."

"I'll pass," he answers, directing his attention toward Dan and Fiona, who are dancing next to Zoe and Alfie. "Don't wanna intrude everyone with my horrible moves."

Louise leans closer to Phil until her mouth is inches from his ear. "Phil, I did this for you."

Surprise surfaces in his eyes. "What do you mean?"

"Phil… We're all against what you're doing to Dan. You say you want to help him get through his amnesia, yet you're being a hypocrite by not telling him the things he has to know. We're all being liars for your sake. But this is me helping Dan without saying anything."

"I'm still not following."

She sighs. "Join us. Dance with Dan. This could be a chance for him to fall in love with you again, all on his accord."

As if Dan knows what they are talking about, he breaks away from the group and goes to where Louise and Phil are.

"Phil! Why aren't you dancing? You're missing out on Ian's disco moves."

"I… don't know," Phil says.

Dan smiles. "I'm looking like a robot high on weed over there. You can't be any worse than me."

Phil chuckles. "High on weed, huh?"

Louise winks. "See? Even Dan wants you there!"

"Yeah!" Dan looks at Phil pleadingly. "Please? The song's almost over and it's catching on to me. No wonder Zoe and Fiona love it so much."

"It's why Asian music rocks my world," Louise says. "And even if it ends, I'll play it on repeat till Phil does something like the sprinkler with us."

Sa tabing dagat, tayo lamang dalawa

Going somewhere no one knows, we're chilling all night long

Let love take us higher

Sa tabing dagat, tayo lamang dalawa

With the back stereo, we're singing our love song

By the bonfire (fire)

Phil stays sitting on the log for several seconds until he shakes his head and stands.

"You owe me, Louise," Phil tells the blonde-haired girl.

Louise beams. She rushes back to her friends, and she watches in glee as Dan grips on Phil's elbow and leads him to where Fiona is.

Reminder: next time, let Dan in on everything that involves getting Phil to do something I want.

~:~

In the midst of the dance party, concealed by a thicket of bushes, a man watches the friends with a pair of binoculars.

"Shit," he grumbles. "Madam will not like this."

I'm doing my job. No matter what, Dan must remain clueless, and I won't let Phil ruin madam's plans.

~:~

Several minutes past 2 AM, Dan is sitting alone on one of the logs at the camp site. The fire is gone and everyone is either asleep or playing on their phones. Dan is having trouble falling asleep, so he thought breathing in the cool night air could help him out.

Being in the woods with his close friends makes him happy. There was something about the dance party earlier that stirred familiarity in his stomach. Maybe it was watching Fiona dance better than backup dancers at concerts or finally seeing Phil dance with them. Either way, he couldn't contain the positive adrenaline that coursed through his veins as he danced in ways he never thought his body could ever move.

Have I ever been at a bonfire before? Maybe that's why I danced so well. Phil did mention during the car ride to the camp site that he was at their school's Halloween dance last autumn, where he shared a slow dance with Fiona.

He wonders what slow-dancing with Fiona was like. He must have felt as relaxed as he was just a few hours ago.

"Yo Dan." PJ yawns, crawling out of his sleeping bag. "Can't sleep?"

He nods. "Am I an insomniac?"

PJ shrugs. "Beats me. But you're lucky you're not sharing a tent with Joe. He's a snoring log in there."

Dan laughs. "Is that why you came out here?"

"If it means putting some distance from Mr. Snore."

Dan scoots over to the far left of the log to give PJ space. PJ gets himself comfortable on the log before he speaks again.

"Nice weather for a camping trip, right?"

Perfect weather. I would've bailed if I felt one raindrop on my head. "It's nice. Thanks for letting me come along."

"You don't need to thank us. It wouldn't be the same without you here."

Dan crosses his legs. "I must've made quite an impression on you then when you all met me."

PJ smiles. "It's hard to ignore someone who has the exact same music taste as Phil."

"Right. Phil told me I met you all on your first day of 11th grade and Joe's first day of high school."

"Uh-huh. You two instantly bonded because of your love for Muse."

Dan grins. Phil never told me that. "Really?"

"Yeah. It was the first time Phil ever met someone that had his exact same music taste."

"Wow. No wonder we get along so well."

PJ nods in agreement. "You coming into our lives was one of the best things that ever happened. You know what's real and while you sass better than housewives in Beverly Hills, you have an open heart."

"Which is why I like Fiona, right?"

PJ hesitates for a second before he nods again. "Love is shitty, but hey, it's what keeps the world balanced."

"You speak like you know what love is." Aside from Zoe and Alfie, he isn't aware if anyone else in the group has crushes on anyone.

PJ stares at the leftover charred wood where the earlier fire burned. "Depends on your definition on love. I mean, I don't know if Phil even mentioned this to you, but there is a girl I like."

"Who is it?"

"Christy Kendall."

Dan looks at PJ in confusion. "Christy?"

"Yeah. I've liked her for a long time. She was my first kiss, but only because of a stupid game of spin the bottle during summer camp, which I don't think is really stupid come to think of it." He sighs. "You've only seen her a handful of times since she has other friends, but she sort of reminds me of you. She has your sarcasm, but she's really dirty-minded." He chuckles. "It's what I like about her. She's silent but fierce."

"Then why haven't you told her how you feel?" Dan inquires. The way PJ talks about Christy makes it seem like the curly-haired teen should have been dating this girl by now.

"Because love is also fear." PJ breaks his stare away from the fire to look at Dan. "I'm not scared about rejection, because hell everyone thinks it's obvious that she likes me back. I guess… it's because once two people are in love, two people also have the potential to walk down the path of heartbreak. I'd rather be safe and love from far away than to have the one I love and eventually be forced to let her go."

Dan mulls over PJ's response. Was fear a reason why he hadn't asked out Fiona too? What if Fiona and I don't work out?

PJ shakes his head. "Forget I said anything. Christy and I are one thing. Don't worry, you and Fiona are perfect together. Trust me on that."

"That's what all you guys are saying, but I'll only believe it if an 'us' happens."

"You and Fiona will be fine. She isn't one of my close friends for a reason."

He's right. I've got to stop putting myself down. "Okay. And if I could be of any help, I think it's bullshit for you to hold yourself back. Tell Christy how you feel while you still can. You won't know what you're missing until the chance disappears for good."

"Now that's very Dan of you to say," PJ says lightheartedly.

Very Dan of me? Damn, they know me better than myself.

Dan brushes his palm on the log.

Love may be a messy feeling, but even without his memories, it's what he still has a grasp on.

SO SORRY FOR A WEEK WITHOUT AN UPDATE. *bows repetitively* I typed up the next chapter over Thanksgiving weekend though, so that should be coming to you tomorrow.

PINOF 8. *dying whale noise* idk what people are saying about it not being too exciting. I loved the relaxed, easygoing, casual vibe of the vid. It represents Dan and Phil perfectly. But seriously, when Dan carried Phil, dead. xD

I've been eager to write this chapter because I had the camp scene in mind for weeks. Bonfire Love Song by my teleserye bae James Reid was a song that played on my iPod one day and I thought, "I love this song so much. How can I fit it into IPY?" And thus this chapter was born.

I intended to write the last scene with Dan and Phil, but I thought there weren't enough Dan and PJ moments. When I thought about it, I realized how PJ's crush on Christy somehow parallels with Dan and Phil's situation. But ugh, it's painful to write my two babies apart.

Phan will win ya'll. This isn't the end of Hobbit Hair and Philly.

~ AA