Here in this chapter is one of the funniest opening scenes in a while :). And I'm at 5,000 views!
Chef glared at the cameraman intern. "If I catch you pointin' that thing at me one mo' time, so help me, your head's gonna be where your kneecaps should go."
"Uh, Mr. Hatchet," said the intern nervously, "it's a camera. It has to be pointed at you, otherwise the audience can't see you guys."
"You think I give a cupcake? Let me tell ya, intern, I know that's a gun. Stop tryin' to assassinate me, you bastard! Some intern Chris hired, can't even mind his business without killin' his frickin' employers!"
"Chef, it's a camera. You're not going to die if it points at you, I swear!"
"For the last time, yo son of a bitchy gun, stop sticking that thing in my face, 'fore I stick this at you!" He extended his middle finger at the intern, who rolled his eyes.
Meanwhile, Sierra parachuted onto the dock. Dropping her parachute into the lake, she exclaimed "Oh my gosh! It's so good to be back again! I just love being on camera! Don't you, Chef?"
"What, do you think I like gettin' shot in the head, bitch? She crazy, she crazy!"
"Chef, cameras don't shoot you! Well, actually they do, but in a different way!"
"WHAT?!" yelled Chef. "ARE YOU TELLIN' ME THOSE THINGAMAJIGGERS ARE EVEN MORE TERRIBLE THAN A NORMAL WEAPON?! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!" He jumped off the dock screaming and swam away until a mutant squid pulled him under.
Sierra stood there dumbfounded, not sure of what to do. She glanced at the intern. "Just show us your poem," he said.
"You sure?"
"It can't hurt."
"If Chef's right it can. In fact, if he's right, it hurts a lot!"
The intern face palmed. "Okay, if you die you can sue me. Deal?" Sierra nodded and handed him her poem.
"It doesn't really rhyme, but it feels Old Englishy. And guess what it's about? Cody! AIEEEE!"
Cody, Cody, Cody!
My crush of eternity!
Cody, Cody, Cody!
How sweet thou art!
I loveth thou forever,
Since the moment I first,
Laid eyes upon you,
Cody, Cody, Cody!
I saw you on thoth TV,
And this I knew,
That I must come to you,
Cody, Cody, Cody!
So I, distraught with love,
Endeavored to joineth the show,
With great success I might add,
Cody, Cody, Cody!
All those campers I had stalked
For year after woeful year,
Wereth there, but I could care less!
Cody, Cody, Cody!
Yes I only looked to you,
Doth that you would look to me,
Looketh, Cody, looketh,
Cody, Cody, Cody!
You tried to vote me off,
Sure I was sad,
But I never leave my Cody,
Cody, Cody, Cody!
We made it through,
Eliminationeth,
After eliminationeth,
Cody, Cody, Cody!
The final four,
Me asks doth how,
We made it so far,
Cody, Cody, Cody!
Doth I blew up the plane,
Chris was insane,
I lost the game,
Cody, Cody, Cody!
I tried to help you,
To the final two,
That didn't work out so well,
Cody, Cody, Cody!
Too bad,
So sad,
BUT I'VE STILL GOT YOU,
CODY CODY CODY!
Suddenly, the camera fired a bullet. Sierra ducked, and it ricocheted off a rock, came back, and killed the intern. Sierra walked away, whistling.
Next up is Alejandro, the final veteran contestant. His poem will be written as if he got runner-up, since this story is based off the U.S. endings.