Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the situations I put them in. Everything else belongs to somebody else and that's just the way it's gotta be, people. Thanks so much for reading and reviewing; I can't tell you how much I appreciate the feedback! Have a great day and hope you enjoy.

Boys Will Be Boys

Updating his records Captain Kurotsuchi grumbled under his breath, his mood both annoyed and contemplative. There were few things he hated more than an unsolved question, especially when his genius brain couldn't come up with a possible answer to it. Why the hell hadn't Captain Ukitake had sex with Nemu? It just boggled the mind. It made no sense. Drumming his fingers on his desk Kurotsuchi mentally cursed the thirteenth division captain to high heaven. She'd obviously been willing and Ukitake probably didn't get a lot of opportunities given his condition. He'd obviously been enjoying himself plenty, if Nemu's breasts were anything to go on. So why the hell had he run at the sticking point? It couldn't be because of his health concerns, since everyone knew Nemu was immune to all disease and couldn't get anything from him. Nemu had confirmed that he'd been able to get physically aroused, so that wasn't a possibility either. So what could it have been? Risk of pregnancy? Like he'd ever let her keep it if she did get knocked up, Ukitake was smart enough to know that, Kurotsuchi thought darkly. So then what? Men did not pass up free sex for no friggin reason. They were genetically coded from birth to want it.

The only viable possibility that came to mind was the reason he was in a piss poor mood. Bringing up his daughter's profile Kurotsuchi stared at the screen, his eyes running down the listing of her dimensions and basic data even though he already knew it by heart. The idea that any man might find his creation lacking in some way burned in his gut, to the point where he couldn't ignore the possible insult to his pride however much he might desire to.

What possible flaw could there be in her? He'd personally designed every inch of her; taking care to make her as perfect as possible. Even her breasts were perfect, exactly the same size, shape and color. No normal woman could claim to have such nice breasts as his Nemu's, Kurotsuchi thought with pride. Okay, so they weren't as big as that twit Matsumoto's, but who in their right mind would stick their assistant with those watermelons? They'd have gotten in the way, not to mention looked ridiculous every time the girl tried to move. Yes, his daughter's were perfect and nothing could convince him otherwise. What else did guys care about but breasts and that they had something nice and tight to slide into? Having given up on sex long ago for the sake of concentrating on his work Kurotsuchi considered that perhaps things had changed since his day. Were men caring about other things now? What else was there?

Could it be her lack of sexual knowledge? He'd explained everything to her, at least about female and male autonomy, and how the world had come to be overrun with dumb idiots for him to test on. He never had given her more than the basics though, Kurotsuchi admitted to himself, intrigued despite himself. He'd always assumed that women just knew how to have sex, the basics encoded into their genetics so that they at least understood the general principles of it. Maybe he'd removed those genes somewhere and not realized it? It was always a possibility. And she didn't have a mother to explain things to her either. That could have made all the difference as well. Women did seem to talk, more than they certainly needed to, maybe this was an oral tradition passed among them rather than genetics at all, the way it was with men. That would explain things, and that WAS something he could fix. Getting to his feet Kurotsuchi left the room in search of his daughter, finding her where he'd left her, inputting new data into the central lab computer, the one everyone had access to and that he told the general contained all his research. Yeah right. And Kuchiki would be announcing his engagement to that pink haired terror from the eleventh division any day.

"Nemu."

Getting to her feet instantly Nemu whirled around to face her father, her pupils the size of dinner plates. He'd pumped her full of sugar and caffeine to get her going, as evident by the way her hands twitched at her side, unable to keep completely still. She felt like she was going to burst out of her own skin, not a big improvement from before. "Yes, Father?"

"Leave the data. Go find Captain Ukitake and find out why he left without having sex with you than report your findings back to me."

Blinking a couple times Nemu just nodded, knowing better than to ask why. Besides, she really wanted to know that too.

"You could try to talk to him, but I don't think you'll get much in the way of an answer." Nanao informed Nemu ten minutes later, as they stood out on the front porch of Ukitake's home. "He got a message from Captain Hitsugaya, and whatever it said had him going straight for the nearest bottle. Shunsui won't tell me why either." Nanao added darkly, still pissed off by the fact that she was being left in the dark. Something was very wrong with Ukitake, and as his friend, she had a right to know what that something was. Especially since she'd planned a special dinner for two with Shunsui, which definitely wasn't going to happen now. She'd even wore the slutty underwear he'd been nagging her about, just for him. Now she was stuck in this damn thong with no chance of him ripping it off her anytime soon. Could they be any more uncomfortable?

"A message from Toshiro san?" Nemu had gotten a message from him too. He'd sent her a quick email saying that he and Matsumoto san were being sent down to earth immediately and therefore he couldn't meet her for dinner as they'd planned. Had Captain Ukitake and Toshiro san made plans too? Was that why Ukitake was so upset? If so, Captain Ukitake must have been really looking forward to whatever they'd planned to do, to hurt his health this way. Two hours of straight drinking on an empty stomach was not a good idea for a healthy man, much less one with Ukitake's constitution.

Nanao gave her a look of understanding. "That was my response. I asked them what could possibly be so bad that Ukitake would react that way but all Kyoraku would say was that it was a guy thing. Why do men think drinking can solve their problems? All it does is prolong the inevitable, and usually making it worse on top of it."

Her father experimented on her or his latest batch of test subjects when he was upset. Nemu thought she'd prefer the drinking method but thought it best not to say what she was thinking.

"So what did you want to ask him anyway?" Nanao asked, curious as to what had brought the girl by.

Opening her mouth to respond Nemu paused, wondering if maybe this fell into the category of things she shouldn't talk about in public. She'd been doing that a lot lately, and making a lot of people uncomfortable in the process. It seemed like sex could only be talked about in certain situations and ways. Better to err on the side of caution. "I don't know if I should say or not so I think I better not tell you."

Now her curiosity was really piqued. Raising an eyebrow Nanao just barely stopped herself from pressing her friend, since she'd unfortunately been trying to get Nemu to use this sort of verbal discretion for decades. "Well why don't you take a seat out here and I'll see how he is then. No point in you having to see what idiots the men are making of themselves if you don't have to. It's so sad it stopped being funny an hour ago."

"Thank you."

The men were exactly where she'd left them, the only difference being that in that half an hour they'd ingested even more alcohol. Please god let them run out soon, Nanao thought as she looked them over from the doorway. Then she'd have an excuse to knock all their heads together, when they were stupid enough to tell her to go get them more.

At least they were still dressed and upright, she thought cynically as she cleared her throat to get their attention.

"Hi, Nanao chan!" Always pleased to see the love of his life Kyoraku beamed over at her, full of good will and drunken cheer. "You look more beautiful every time I see you."

"Which is why you men always ply women with drinks at bars." Was her sugary sweet response. "So they don't realize what they're sleeping with until the next morning."

When all they did was give her blank stares Nanao clued into the fact that they were too drunk at this point to get sarcasm or wit. She might as just well get to the point, since it was no fun if they couldn't understand her skilful and underhanded insults. "Jushiro san, are you up for company?"

"Is Hitsugaya here?" The thirteenth division captain asked, looking like a man who'd just asked if the Grim Reaper had come for him.

"No, Lieutenant Kurotsuchi."

Wow, Nanao thought as he paled even more. She hadn't thought he could look anymore scared. Apparently Hitsugaya might be the Grim Reaper, but Nemu was Satan himself.

"Tell her I'm not here."

And now he sounded like a little kid, pleading with his mother for five more minutes of t.v. time.

"She already knows you're here, Captain."

Now he looked like she'd just kicked a puppy in front of him and Shunsui was shooting her dark looks like she'd done something even worse than kick a puppy.

"Nanao chan! How could you do that to him!" Horrified that his love would do something so cruel to his bestest friend in the whole wide world, Kyoraku was too drunk to realize that because he'd refused to tell Nanao anything about Ukitake's problem, she couldn't have possibly realized the gravity of what she'd done, letting Nemu near Ukitake in his present state.

"Excuse me?" Crossing her arms in front of her Nanao cocked her hip to the side in an aggressive manner. "Did you tell me that I was supposed to tell everyone that Ukitake wasn't here? No. Did you bother to even tell me that Nemu was somehow involved in this whole mess of yours? No. Did you even bother, for that matter, to tell me what is going on here in the first place so that I can at least get a sense of what the hell is going on? No. All you've done is drink liquor like it's going out of production and making me mad. VERY mad."

"Uh oh." He was in deep, deep shit.

Seeing what was happening Ukitake struggled to clear his mind enough to come to his defense. "It's not his fault..it's mine because-"

"Save it." Holding up one hand to stop anything else he might say Nanao just shook her head. "I don't want to hear it." After pausing for reflection Nanao finally spoke again. "One of you go out there and see Nemu. I won't lie for either of you." Turning on her heels Nanao headed back through the door without another word.

Since there was no way in hell Ukitake was going out there to face her it was pretty much a given that a minute later Shunsui was stumbling out onto the porch, using the building's exterior to keep him upright.

Pacing in front of the porch in the hopes of working off her artificial energy it took Nemu a moment to realize he was even there. When she did though, she hurried over to him since he looked like he could keel over at any moment. Taking his arm Nemu couldn't help but asking him, "Why are you so drunk already? I thought you had an excellent alcohol tolerance."

"I do normally." Giving her a rather sheepish, lopsided grin Shunsui was glad for the extra support. "But I haven't eaten anything since eight last night and since then I've drank more than I usually do in a week. Ukitake and me both actually."

"That would do it." Nemu agreed. "Is Captain Ukitake not coming out to see me then? I s that why you've come instead of him?"

"Sorry, Nemu chan. He can't hold his liquor near as well as I can. He's pretty much out for the count right now."

Studying his face Nemu felt her chest tighten up. "Why are you lying to me?"

"WHa?"

While he gapped at her in shock Nemu pushed the issue with the only logical explanation. "Does he not want to see me? He told you to tell me he couldn't see me?"

"Of course not!"

"You just lied again. You're playing with your hair. You do that when you're lying and feeling guilty about it." He didn't want to see her. He'd sent someone else to talk to her because he didn't even want to talk to her, much less touch her. He didn't want to be around her.

Even drunk as he was, Shunsui's vision was still clear enough that he saw the single, perfect tear that slid down Nemu's pale cheek. Reaching out to touch her he felt his own chest tighten when she pulled away from his touch.

"I won't bother him with my presence then. Excuse me for interrupting you both." And for the first time in her life Nemu ignored a captain's command and turning her back on Captain Kyoraku got off the porch and started walking down the well worn path with her head bowed low.

She'd only been walking down the deserted dirt path for a minute or so when she sensed the presence of others. Raising her head Nemu say Isane coming up the path, a basket under her arm and a scowl on her face as she glared up at Captain Hisagi. Apparently the two were still not getting along, Nemu noted absently.

Seeing Nemu walking towards them Isane paused the argument they were having for the moment, lifting a hand to wave in greeting, only to falter half way through once she caught sight of the girl's face. Picking up her pace Hisagi kept time with her as they hurried over to the twelfth division lieutenant. "Kurotsuchi san. What's wrong?"

Surprised Nemu wondered how they could tell that anything was wrong. Nanao had assured her that her pupils were almost a normal size now. "I'm fine."

Not believing that for a moment Isane handed the basket she'd been carrying over to a surprised Hisagi. "Go take that up to the house. I'll be right there in a minute."

Girl talk, Hisagi surmised, understanding that women had weird, mystical ways of communicating things to each other that guys had zero hope of ever understanding. Obviously Isane was picking up something, something that he probably didn't want to know anyway. "Fine. Lieutenant Kurotsuchi." Nodding his head in respect Hisagi headed off to find out what the men were doing, leaving the girls to chat.

Taking Nemu's hand Isane tugged the girl over to a grassy spot off the path and then tugged again to get Nemu to sit down beside her on the soft summer grass. Isane had never seen Nemu upset before, so something big must have happened. Since Nemu never complained about her father and couldn't be having guy troubles, there was only one thing she could think of. "Now something is definitely wrong. Did you have a fight with Nanao san?"

Surprised Nemu shook her head. "No, Nanao san isn't mad at me." That would just be icing on the cake. And where had that expression come from anywhere? A philosophical baker?

"Well something's wrong. Tell me about it. A lot of the times, having someone give you a second opinion on things can really help. The whole two heads are better than one thing."

She did have a point there. What if the forth division lieutenant could tell her why Captain Ukitake might not want to see her. They were fairly close after all, and she knew Captain Ukitake better than she did. "Captain Ukitake doesn't want to see me and I don't know why."

That was very strange. Isane had never known Ukitake to be anything less than a perfect gentleman where women were concerned. Obviously it couldn't be because he was sick, that would have been an acceptable excuse that Nemu would have understood. And for that matter, why would something like this upset Nemu enough that she actually showed signs of distress? Nemu could have both arms chopped off and not changed her expression. Come to think of it...uh oh. That damn sex challenge thing. Nemu had been in on that, hadn't she? And ever since that challenge had gotten around the Soul Society Captain Ukitake had been acting out of sorts. "Kurotsuchi san...are you by any chance involved with Captain Ukitake?"

Nemu didn't understand. "What does involved mean?"

"Are you two...having sex?"

"We started to and now he won't talk to me."

"I think you'd better start at the beginning."

Waiting nervously on the front porch Nanao gave a sigh of relief when she caught sight of Isane coming up the path. When Captain Hisagi had come in and mentioned that he and Isane had passed Nemu, who'd looked visibly upset, it had taken all her will power not to chase after the girl. She should have known something was up when the idiot guys had broken out the good liquor, completely ignoring the plate of sandwiches she'd broken down and made for them. The bastards. Hurrying down the steps to meet Isane Nanao got straight to the point. "Is she all right?"

"I'm going inside to pack, and then I'm going to see if Captain Kuchiki will let me stay at his house. You're going to want to do the same once you hear what those bastard, assehole men did to poor Nemu san!"

Note: There is now a side story for this fic, a oneshot called "She's My Soul" for the Gin/Ran fans. Not necessary to read though, just a too long for this one shot.

Also: In next chap Soifon and Zaraki, as well as Bya/Yachiru will have some fun scenes