SPOILER WARNING: IF YOU HAVEN'T PLAYED THE GAME YET, PLEASE DO!
OTHERWISE THIS WILL MAKE NO SENSE OR RUIN PARTS OF THE GAME YOU HAVEN'T GOTTEN TO YET.
SO PLEASE, GO PLAY IT, SERIOUSLY!
...
WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE?
YOU BETTER HAVE PLAYED THE GAME BY NOW.
I WANT NO RESPONSIBILITY OVER SPOILING THINGS FOR OTHERS.
Never was I more grateful for a bath in my life.
I never notice the bone brothers had a bathroom during my last visit, but I could care less, the steaming water is so soothing to me, yet falling in water all day who would guess a bath would be the highlight after?
"Mmmm~. This is heaven~."
[BEEP-BEEP]
And just like that it's hell.
What is it this time?
...WTF!?
"Boyfriend request?! Who the fu...Oh. I should've known you'd do that Metta."
You don't stop do you?
Starting to regret letting him have that picture.
"Metta, you are pushing your luck there. Send."
[BEEP-BEEP]
"Darling! Thank you very much for that lovely memento of love you left me. I'm touched~."
"You did that when I was sleeping! Don't take pleasure in it!"
"Calm down dear. You know I only tease the ones I love~."
I want to slap you in the face!
"Metta...dear sweet Metta. You are playing a game that isn't very wise. I'd stop now if I were you. Before you tease something that will hurt us both."
"Fine...I'll ease up on the flirts. But you need to do one thing for me first."
"And what is that?"
"Accept the request. Let's make it official!"
I should hang up and end it like that...but that would be a bitch move.
Last I checked, I'm no bitch.
"I will not accept a request of such magnitude after only knowing you through our romps on camera. It wouldn't mean anything. That's not real love. Take your time. Get to really know me. Then and only then, will this be brought up again. Okay Happs?"
He takes his sweet time to reply back.
"Are we at least still on for our date?"
"I'm in Snowdin, so I think we need a reschedule on that."
"Snowdin? Why are you in Snowdin? It's those skeletons, isn't it?! I can't believe after everything we've been through, you'd go and cheat on me with skeletons!"
Oh...my...god...
"Hahahahaha!"
"Why are you laughing?"
"You're jealous!"
"I am not jealous!"
I have you now Mettaton.
"If you're not jealous, then I can tell you this...I'm in their house."
"No."
"And am bathing as we text."
"Don't make me come over there! So help me, I will!"
"Know what...you're adorable when hit with jealousy. For someone who loves pink, green suits you too."
"This isn't funny!"
"I'm sorry. I know when I hit my limits."
"Thank you."
"Gotta go though. Gonna get out of this tub and slip back into that outfit you gave me~."
Did I just break him?
"Metta?"
"Darling..."
"Yeah?"
"I will marry you someday!"
How the hell does he still make me blush even in text?!
"Later Happs."
"See you next time sweety~."
Like that the odd drama is over...for now anyway.
I swear he makes me feel like I'm in a sitcom or soap opera sometimes.
Though my words were true, using my phone I retrieve the outfit he gave me, it now being thankfully dry, I keep forgetting this function works both ways and I don't need to find a box to get my stuff out...silly human.
Perhaps I press my luck with Mettaton too much, he certainly does so with me, this tit for tat teasing is going to blow up in our faces one day, I just know it.
Hell, I could've really blew his fuse had I sent a photo of me in the tub, but again, I'm not a bitch.
Now redressed, I exit the bathroom with a heavy sigh, all this stuff with boys weighs a lot heavier on my person than I first thought it would.
I head downstairs and plop on the couch, checking the time on my phone...8:25pm.
"Damn it. Time flew by. Better call mama before she worries herself into another illness."
[RING]
Hope I'm not calling during dinner.
"Hello?"
"Howdy mama."
That's it, I give up, Flowey you win this round, that's my greeting from now on.
"Oh, my child. Thank goodness you called."
"Is everything okay?"
"Everything is fine. I had just grown concern. I haven't heard from you for a while."
"Sorry, my bad. I didn't mean to take so long. Took forever to find the boys. They were in Waterfall being trained by Undyne the whole time and didn't have their phones."
"Sounds like they were a bit thick skulled there."
"Nope. Just silly boneheads."
She giggles.
"In the mean time...Are you on your way home now?"
"Would if I could, but it's gotten a bit too late for treading in snow. It seems to get even colder at night, so I'm gonna sleep over at their place."
"The cold shouldn't be that bad. I made that sweater fairly thick."
"Yeah...About that. It may have gotten messed up."
"Are you hurt?"
"No, I'm good. But the sweater, not so much. Sorry."
"The sweater is not my concern, you are. And if you truly are okay, then I am happy."
God I love her mothering.
"I'm glad that you're doing better too mama."
"Oh no, I have to go now child. I can smell burning."
"Here's hoping your food isn't overdone."
[CLICK]
"Heh...the woman controls fire, yet can still burn the pan every now and then. So cute."
I end up just relaxing there for quite some time after calling Toriel, listening to my MP3 and staring up at the ceiling, letting the music create images in my eyes as parts of my brain shift into others...effectively getting lost in the flow of sound.
"All day staring at the ceiling. Making friends with shadows on my wall...All night hearing voices telling me, that I should get some sleep. Because tomorrow might be good for something. Hold on, feeling like I'm headed for a breakdown. And I don't know why...But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell. I know right now you can't tell. But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see, a different side of me. I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired. I know right now you don't care. But soon enough you're gonna think of me. And how I used to be, me. Talking to myself in public. Dodging glances on the train..."
Sudden movement draws my eyes to the top of the stairs, Papyrus must have heard me, I smile and continue as he looks at me a bit confused.
"And I know, I know they've all been talking about me. I can hear them whisper. And it makes me think there must be something wrong with me. Out of all the hours thinking. Somehow I've lost my mind...But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell. I know right now you can't tell. But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see, a different side of me. I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired. I know right now you don't care. But soon enough you're gonna think of me. And how I used to be..."
I sit up as he wanders into the kitchen, a soft smile on his skull, I think he might like my voice.
"I've been talking in my sleep...Pretty soon they'll come to get me...Yeah, they're taking me away...I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell. I know right now you can't tell. But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see, a different side of me. I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired. I know right now you don't care. But soon enough you're gonna think of me. And how I used to be...Hey, how I used to be. How I used to be. Well, I'm just a little unwell. How I used to be. How I used to be. I'm just a little unwell..."
"HUMAN...WHAT WAS THAT YOU WERE DOING?"
"Just singing a song. It's called Unwell by the group Matchbox 20. I relate to it sometimes. Makes me feel good. Hope I wasn't disturbing you."
"NO, NO! YOU WEREN'T DISTURBING ANYTHING! I WAS JUST, UH, THINKING UP NEW ATTACKS! YES! THAT IS WHAT I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, WAS INDEED DOING AND NOTHING ELSE!"
Well...now that was interesting.
Wonder why he's so jumpy?
"Well, if it's okay with you...May I continue? Or will that bother you now?"
"OH, BY ALL MEANS. PLEASE CONTINUE. YOU...*AHEM* YOU SING QUITE BEAUTIFULLY."
"I try. But If I can ask another question."
He pops his head out to look at me proper.
"YES? WHAT CAN I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, DO FOR YOU MY GOOD FRIEND?"
I stand up and move to the middle of the room, he eyes me.
"Might the mighty Papyrus care to join me for a least one song?"
His sockets widen, cheekbones tinted a light orange as he steps out into full view, memories of her singing along with Mettaton flashing in his mind, and a weird lump began to form in his nonexistent throat.
"ARE...ARE YOU SURE YOU...I MEAN...DON'T YOU THINK THAT'S A LITTLE INAPPROPRIATE?"
I cock my head in confusion.
"Why?"
"think about it kid."
We both look up, Sans is leaning against the banister...seriously, he's a ninja when it comes to stealth.
"i mean, we saw you do that little number with mettaton. it got a bit heated, if you get my drift."
I blush and quickly step back as I feel like I just got kicked in the gut.
"Oh god...you both...You both saw that?"
"yep."
"How much?"
"we caught it from the cooking show."
I think I'm going to be sick.
"I'm so very sorry. He brings out the tease in me. He hits all the right buttons that make me want to slap that cocky smirk off his face! But, I can't bring myself to do that. So I try to play the same game, hit him where it hurts. That massive flirting ego! Yet it's just making it worse. He even sent me a 'boyfriend request' on UnderNet."
My ears are then assaulted by the piercing sound of the both of them shouting 'WHAT?!' at the same time and with great force.
They're speaking but I can't hear them over the ringing, Sans comes rushing down as Papyrus appears to be having a breakdown, I hold my nose shut and blow to make my ears pop, sound returns to me in a sad way.
"bro, calm down. please. it's going to be okay. i swear it will."
"*CRYING* I THOUGHT I HAD A CHANCE...*SNIFFLE*"
Oh sweet lord, what the hell did I just do...fix it!
"Hey!"
They both look at me in surprise from the snap, but it was meant to get their attention and maybe put a pause to the tears.
"Sorry for that. But..."
My blush is deep as I rub my arm sheepishly.
"I...I didn't accept his request."
A tsunami floods the room with relief.
"REALLY? YOU DIDN'T?"
"*whisper* please say yes."
"I didn't accept it. Really. And why would I? I just met the guy and he spent most of the time trying to kill me. Most uncool. Certainly not a good way to show you like someone."
Sans sighs a breath he was holding and Papyrus tackles me to the floor in a powerful hug.
"LYNSIE...YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW HAPPY THIS MAKES ME!"
By how strong you're crushing me, I'd say very happy.
"TO REWARD YOU FOR THIS, I SHALL DANCE WITH YOU!"
"hey, can i get in on this too? it's not nice to leave a buddy out."
"OF COURSE BROTHER. I'M SURE SHE'S MORE THAN DELIGHTED TO LET YOU JOIN IN."
"Very much so. Though to be honest, I can't dance. I don't know how. I just let the music move me. That's why I tend to just sing instead."
"YOU SHOULDN'T PUT YOURSELF DOWN LIKE THAT. ANYONE CAN ACHIEVE ANYTHING SO LONG AS THEY BELIEVE THEY CAN DO IT. I HAVE FAITH IN YOU."
"Aww...Thank you Papy. I won't let you down!"
"NYE HEH HEH! ONCE AGAIN, I HAVE IMPROVED ANOTHER LIFE!"
"that you did bro."
"Uh Papy dear..."
"YES HUMAN?"
"Can we get up now?"
"OH...SORRY ABOUT THAT."
He pulls us up to stand again, even going so far to straighten me up even though it's not needed.
"SO...HOW DO WE BEGIN?
"For starters, I was hoping I could just sing as you boys lead. If that's okay?"
"i'm good with that."
"THERE ARE NO ISSUES WITH THE GREAT PAPYRUS."
"Okay, then next question. Who goes first?"
"pap can go first, after all, you did ask him to begin with."
"WOW. THANK YOU BROTHER."
"eh, no biggie bro. i can wait my turn."
"VERY WELL THEN, IT IS DECIDED. NOW...UH...HOW DO I LEAD?"
"take one of her hands in yours and put the other on her waist."
Papyrus blushes and has a fit.
"SANS! THAT'S HIGHLY INAPPROPRIATE!"
"Easy Pap. He's right. A traditional dance is done like that. But I see your point too. How about we just hold hands?"
That gets him to calm down some.
"THAT, I CAN DO."
I offer my hands and he slips them into his, making me realize his gloves are off as he intertwines his bony phalanges with my fleshy digits.
"LIKE THIS?"
"Y-yeah. Just like that."
Why does it feel right to hold his hands like this?
"Let me just pick a song real quick."
I move his hand to my shoulder as I search my MP3 play list.
"No. Nope. Too bubbly. Too dark. Too chill. Too angry. Oh! Here we go, this is a good one."
I slip the player back in my pocket and retake his hand.
"Ready?"
He nods a bit nervously, I guess this is still bugging him a little bit, hopefully the song can relax him.
The music starts out slow.
"The sun goes down. The stars come out. And all that counts. Is here and now. My universe will never be the same. I'm glad you came..."
The beat picks up and I motion him a cue to start moving, Sans moves to the end table and sits down to watch us.
"You cast a spell on me, spell on me. You hit me like the sky fell on me, fell on me. And I decided you look well on me, well on me. So let's go somewhere no one else can see, you and me. Turn the lights out now. Now I'll take you by the hand. Hand you another drink. Drink it if you can. Can you spend a little time. Time is slipping away. Away from us so stay. Stay with me I can make. Make you glad you came. The sun goes down. The stars come out. And all that counts. Is here and now. My universe will never be the same. I'm glad you came. I'm glad you came..."
The song picks up the pace and Papyrus seems to take notice of it, his movements are a bit faster, he's even brought us a little closer as we dance, it feels nice actually.
Sans keeps watch over the scene before him, so far everything seemed to be fine, the song lyrics were just a tad suggestive but not enough to really register on the sin radar, this was okay.
Papyrus felt his soul beginning to warm up, with their hands like this he could feel the hidden bone under her skin, it was making it very hard to concentrate on anything else, it was getting to him.
"You cast a spell on me, spell on me. You hit me like the sky fell on me, fell on me. And I decided you look well on me, well on me. So let's go somewhere no one else can see, you and me. Turn the lights out now. Now I'll take you by the hand. Hand you another drink. Drink it if you can. Can you spend a little time. Time is slipping away. Away from us so stay. Stay with me I can make. Make you glad you came. The sun goes down. The stars come out. And all that counts. Is here and now. My universe will never be the same. I'm glad you came. I'm glad you came..."
The song breaks and I'm pulled even closer to Papyrus, his movements seem so normal but the look he has, he's battling something in his mind and I'm unsure if he's winning.
"I'm glad you came...So glad you came...I'm glad you came...I'm glad you came. The sun goes down. The stars come out. And all that counts. Is here and now. My universe will never be the same. I'm glad you came. I'm glad you came...came...came...came...came."
The song fades out and Papyrus makes us come to a stand still, before I can say anything he lets me go only to embrace me strongly, so now we're chest to chest plate...Sans gets up in concern.
"bro?"
"P-papyrus?"
"I...I KNOW THIS IS TROUBLING. BUT..."
He leans down and rests his forehead against mine.
"LET ME STAY LIKE THIS, EVEN IF ONLY FOR A LITTLE WHILE. PLEASE. IT'S ALL I ASK."
I'm touched by this, he really didn't ask for much in such a sweet request, I move my arms as best I can to hug him but pause and look at Sans for his approval before I try.
Sans is stunned, this was unexpected and not sure how to really answer his brother or the human.
I can't wait on Sans any longer, Papyrus needs to know this is okay, I don't hesitate anymore, I put my arms around him as best I can.
"It's okay sweety. We can stay like this for as long as you want."
"WE...WE CAN?"
"Yes."
He breathes out a slight shudder and shuts his eyes in content.
"THANK YOU."
I smile up at him, he's so adorably innocent, I look over to Sans who is still uneasy, but a quick wink his way seems to smooth him over a bit before I too close my eyes and enjoy this.
I don't know why, but I really love this feeling, the soothing feeling of being held in strong protective arms, I never felt more safe and vulnerable at the same time...I could die happy this way.
Sans paid close attention to this now, he felt good for Papyrus that he held back and was being smart about this, but he also couldn't help but feel a little envious, they looked really cozy like that.
Then something happened that got him worried.
Their eyes were still close, seemingly lost in the moment, unaware of anything else, but their souls began to appear, Papyrus's upside down orangey white and Lynsie's pinkish white.
They glowed peacefully and beat in time with each other.
If she were taller or him shorter, the closeness would cause their souls to attempt fusing, which is a very big 'hell no' in Sans's book, but he couldn't just force them apart, no...though he knew just what would do the trick.
Hopping onto the couch, a click of the remote turned the TV on, yet another rerun, but the moment Mettaton's voice came out of the speakers Papyrus snapped out of his blissful trance, holding the human tighter and hissing at the screen possessively.
That made the room fill with awkward air as the TV was turned off seconds later.
"Papy? Did you just..."
He blushes deep with embarrassment.
"OH...UH...PLEASE, FORGIVE MY BEHAVIOR. IT WAS MOST UNBECOMING OF ME. I AM TRULY SORRY LYNSIE."
"No, no. It's okay. I swear. It felt nice. I really...uh..."
The glowing coming from our chests has me going pale and yet blushing hard.
"...liked it."
"*GASPS* WOWIE! YOU ARE TRULY THE BEST HUMAN EVER!"
He spins us around all giddy with joy, I focus my soul back in and giggle as he slowly stops.
"NYE HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH! SANS, SHE LIKED IT! AND BY ASSOCIATION, SHE LIKES ME!"
"of course she likes you bro. who wouldn't?"
Awww...brotherly love is so sweet.
"Only a crazy person would see someone as wonderful as you and not want to be your friend."
"REALLY? YOU MEAN IT?"
"Papyrus, sweetheart. I meant every word. I would never tell you something that I didn't mean. I care too much to ever hurt you."
My honest words are rewarded by something I wasn't expecting...bony teeth meet my forehead in a sweet pseudo-kiss.
[Error. Lynsie .exe has suffered a crash. Please reboot to repair.]
[Rebooting...5% complete.]
Seeing the girl's face blank out from just a small kiss, yep, time for big bro to step in.
"NOW TO THANK YOU PROPERLY, LYNSIE."
"not tonight pap. it's bedtime."
"AH, CAN'T IT WAIT A FEW MORE MINUTES?"
"nope. you know how cranky you get when you miss bedtime."
"I DO. MY DREAMS BECOME LESS THAN GREAT."
He sighs and lets her go, poor thing is frozen on the spot...how cute.
"ARE WE AT LEAST READING FROM FLUFFY BUNNY TONIGHT?"
"of course bro."
"EXCELLENT!"
Papyrus grabs Sans and takes off with him upstairs, leaving her alone.
[Rebooting...30% complete.]
[20 minutes later]
[Rebooting...80% complete.]
I really need a upgrade for my brain.
"holy cow! have you...have you not moved the whole time?"
Sans comes downstairs and stands in front of me, waving a hand in my face to see if I'm alright.
"wow...who knew you could be so easily rattled by a harmless peck."
A problem has interrupted the reboot, restarting reboot.
"hello? underground to lynn, you in there pal?"
[Rebooting...20% complete.]
Ffffff...you've got to be kidding me!
"heh...don't you know it's rude to ignore someone who's talking' to you? it might make them do things. things that you wouldn't like just to wake you back up."
I know that's less of a threat and more a playful thing, but I still get a bad feeling about it.
[Rebooting...50% complete.]
Hurry up already!
"fine. but i did warn you and you owe me a dance."
He reaches into my pocket and takes out my MP3.
"hmmm...dang, you really have a lot of tunes in this thing. but it shouldn't be too hard to find something good."
[Rebooting...70% complete.]
Come on, come on, come on!
"oh. there's one. it's even called 'bones'. how sweet."
Oh dear lord, no, don't play that, DO NOT PLAY THAT!
How much left?
[Rebooting...90% complete.]
OH MY GOD!
"well, here goes nothing."
He puts a bud in a notch in his skull and the other in my ear before hitting play and putting the player back in my pocket, taking my stiff hands in his own as the music tunes up.
[Rebooting...100% complete...rebooting complete.]
"Come with me..."
Crap, I'm too late!
He sees the life return to me and smiles as he leads me in a sort of waltz like dance.
"We took a back road. We're gonna look at the stars. We took a back-road in my car. Down to the ocean, it's only water and sand. And in the ocean we'll hold hands. But I don't really like you, apologetically dressed in the best, but on a heartbeat glide. Without an answer, the thunder speaks for the sky, and on the cold, wet dirt I cry...And on the cold, wet dirt I cry..."
I frown at the next set of lyrics and he looks at me confused as I mouth 'I'm sorry'.
"Don't you wanna come with me? Don't you wanna feel my bones...on your bones? It's only natural."
He stops dead in his tracks with the deepest blue blush painted on his face, now he understands why I said sorry.
"A cinematic vision ensued...like the holiest dream. It's someone's calling? An angel whispers my name, but the message relayed is the same: 'Wait till tomorrow, you'll be fine.' But it's gone to the dogs in my mind. I always hear them, when the dead of night, comes calling to save me from this fight...But they can never wrong this right..."
I'm blushing at this point, his hold on my hands trembles a little and he's looking at the floor, just like with Papyrus he's battling something in his mind, I'm helpless to this.
"Don't you wanna come with me? Don't you wanna feel my bones...on your bones? It's only natural. Don't you wanna swim with me? Don't you wanna feel my skin...on your skin? It's only natural..."
I slip my right hand away gently, he shouldn't have to hear this, I reach to remove his ear bud but he grabs my hand much to my shock, his eyes have gone dark and I dare not move now.
"(Never had a lover) I never had a lover. (Never had soul) I never had soul. (Never had a good time) And I never had a good time. (Never got cold) I never got gold."
He looks up a me, empty sockets yet full of feeling as he brings my hand up to his face, tenderly placing it along his cheek in a soft nuzzle, it's so warm, my breathing picks up and my heart beat falters.
"Don't you wanna come with me? Don't you wanna feel my bones...on your bones? It's only natural. Don't you wanna swim with me? Don't you wanna feel my skin...on your skin? It's only natural. Don't you wanna come with me? Don't you wanna feel my bones...on your bones? It's only natural. Come and take a swim with me. Don't you wanna feel my skin...on your skin? It's only natural..."
The song fades on a high note but we just stand there, eyes locked in a unblinking gaze and I can feel him panting, his left eye starts to flicker to life as my chest heats up with a fire I've never felt before.
Something is going to happen.
Something is going to happen and yet...
I have no fear about what it may be.
I close my eyes for a moment but open them in a instant when he takes hold of my face and pulls me to his own, his bony smile meets my lips with such intensity that my soul flares out in a vibrant pink.
My eyes flutter as he slowly pulls away, that flashing eye never breaking its stare, even when his eyes return to normal they stay locked with mine, a soft controlled glow coming to his chest but fades out before it can form.
"so...um...that just happened, right?"
"Yeah...that happened."
"oh...okay...i wasn't really sure."
That's so adorable.
"are you...are you mad at me?"
"No. I'm...I'm anything but mad."
I giggle and I don't know why.
"good...good! i mean...i wasn't sure if you were..."
He finally notices my soul and goes blue.
"did i...i do that?"
"I...I think so."
An almost proud look comes to him for a moment.
"I've noticed, it seems to come out for only certain people."
"...that include mettaton?"
"No. Oh god, no! That was a fight to me. A battle of song and teasing. This...this was natural. Like when Papy held me. Heh...I guess my soul has a thing for skeletons."
I laugh to myself and he grins deviously.
"so what you're saying is, your soul...likes to get boners?"
I am floored and he laughs his bony butt off.
"Oh my god Sans! Why?!"
"shhhh! pap's sleeping, remember?"
"Why would you say that?"
"why are you blushing~?"
"Because...because..."
Why is it hard to answer that?
He notices and tries to fix the vibe, removing the ear buds from us both with a chuckle.
"it's alright kid, i know. no big deal. okay?"
I just look at my soul and put my hand to it, it pulses strongly with feeling, feeling I don't understand.
Why?
Why don't I understand this?
Why is this so hard?
"lynn? hey, you okay?"
"I...I don't know..."
My soul fades back into me and the fire inside dies, I'm so confused.
"do want me to stay with you for a while?"
"No...No, it's okay. I'll be fine. You go on and get some rest. A guy with so many sentry post jobs like you needs rest as often as you can get."
"so very true."
He takes me by surprise as he suddenly hugs me, moving his mouth close to my ear.
"if you need anything, know that we're here for you. so...please...don't hold it in. we care about you lynsie. i just want you to know that."
Don't cry, don't you freaking cry right now!
"O-okay. Thank you, Sans."
I hug him back tightly before letting him go.
Don't you dare cry, not in front of him!
I watch as he heads upstairs, he seems to move slower at points and just watches me as I watch him.
When he reaches his door it feels like a paper cut, sharp and deep, our eyes locking as he just stands in the door frame.
Don't fucking cry!
Slowly he closes the door, never once taking our eyes off each other, and once I hear the door latch shut I can't hold it in any more.
I throw myself on the couch and smother my sobs into the cushions, I don't even know the reason why I'm so upset, is it because I don't know how to feel, because I care about Papyrus and Sans, or is it because of guilt for what just happened with Sans when I know how much Papyrus cares?
It hurts so much.
The reason doesn't even matter at this moment.
I just need to let this all out.
I mentally pray they can't hear me, oh sweet lord, please don't let them hear me.
And so I lay there, bawling like a newborn into the couch pathetically, when was the last time I really let myself have a good cry, by the length of this one I'd have to guess maybe a year or 2.
Eventually I end up crying myself to sleep, which I don't think is a good thing, but being unconscious who the heck knows, not that I really care...I'm just so numb.