Chaos herself's note:

Hey!

So this is the second update within less than half of a month already. Despite the internet connection and the site interfering with uploading today/tonight, at least I'm quite pleased with the writing flow so far. Hopefully, this'll last for some time... :)

Then again, I had quite the field day typing this chapter and a little encouragement got me all going. ;)

Alas, here we go with some more of Hidan's-...well, let's call it crazy idolatry.

Have fun! :3

Chaos

...

His new team was nothing but a huge pain in the ass.

Honestly, Hidan had no fucking clue as to why the Lord had been imposing this ordeal on His disciple ever since he had passed that blasted exam two weeks ago. And there was no end to these stupid missions that kept him from staying by His side...

That snot-nosed hobgoblin trio including the harpy's gnome was seriously pissing Hidan off! He was on the verge of either bludgeoning, butchering or blasting them to unrecognizable shreds, and only his God's Commandments kept those little shits alive. Damnit! What the bloody hell were they thinking? The snot ought to have clogged their fucking brains, or else they would have stopped bugging him by now! Every primal instinct of flight and fear from the first day seemed to have been snuffed out - just like that. They were worse than a bloody plague!

Hidan was almost at his wit's end.

Whenever the little fuckers came to pester him more, he tried to fend them off with everything he could: insulting and shouting at them, scaring them shitless, cursing them, threatening to sacrifice them to the Lord, punching, hacking and slashing at them with his Kunai, praying them to death-...but only a while after hobbling safely out of his range they were right back and wouldn't fucking go away! Did they think this was some kind of sick game or what? As if they were a bunch of blowflies buzzing around him with their shrieking cries and sickeningly cute smiley faces and impishly big eyes looking up to him, calling him "Hidan-sempai! Hidan-sempai!" ever since the day he caught the fucking fake tiger of a pussy.

What was wrong with them?

At least, Bugeye-sensei wasn't stupid enough to try and annoy him all the time anymore like the gnomes did. Unless there was a mission the fucker would let him be. Hidan made a point there when following him into the woods one day as bugeye went to take a piss. Having the Shinobi wire of his makeshift weapon way back from training with the Lord ready in a hoop, he stealthed up to that unlucky bastard when he was the most vulnerable - and pulled tight enough to draw blood.

"Don't move and shut the fuck up, dickhead!", Hidan hissed into his ear, "I won't hesitate to tear off your tiny shriveling dick along with your fingers around it. And just so you know, I can and I'd fucking love to do so much worse...Now listen well, fucker: I can't do anything about those annoying gnomes, so God will. But you come into my fucking way and I'll take my damn sweet time making you bleed, I swear on the Lord's name! Got that?" When he saw a nod, he let go and sauntered back to the campfire, satisfied for now. "Don't forget to praise Lord Shikamaru well for wanting you alive, pisser!", Hidan cackled with insane mirth.

So he still had it in him, fucking good to know!

Then why didn't it work on those snot-nosed brats? Especially the harpy's gnome seemed disgustingly fond of him, twaddling to him all the time and annoying him constantly during missions and on the way back home to the Lord's Temple. Maybe, it really was the deity's divine power protecting the trio of doom directly...

It soon dawned on the Shikamaruist, that the Lord might have greatly disapproved of what he had done to Bugeye-sensei. For the obscure deity banned him from His holy chambers, chose the whorish harpy's company over His first disciple and henceforth withheld the blessing of His presence, which His believer longed for more than anything else, almost completely. It hurt to not be able to see Lord Shikamaru in days, when His attention was like breathing to him; his bloody soul was crying out in agony as he went to sleep alone in that cold room every night. It was so fucking hard on Hidan!

But he could do nothing but endure and atone and pray for forgiveness...

And pray he did. Every day he knelt in front of the Shrine, offered bowls full of his blood to the Lord, tightly clutched the relic he crafted in his hands as if the salvation of his very soul depended on it and kissed it with the passion of true faith, while thinking only of his God, whispering heartfelt prayers and begging for a sign of mercy. Sometimes, when the missions lasted longer than a day, he would bring it as a talisman and keep-sake, he could hold onto knowing that a part of Lord Shikamaru would always be with him.

With the money he earned Hidan even thought of coating the relic with a smooth layer of Chakra ore. He could only imagine how fucking incredible it would feel if charged with the Lord's divine power and emitting His pure heavenly essence! The Shikamaruist slightly trembled with excitement at the mere idea of this greatness, should the deity be generous enough to bless it like that.

But for now Hidan still had to repent and suffer his God's wrath: that day Bugeye-sensei had informed them of an escort mission to some high and mighty politics conference or something of the sort in Kumogakure. Which meant, he was away with the terror team for at least two fucking weeks come tomorrow! And when he came home on the last night before parting with the Lord for a hellish eternity, it was already dark and quiet inside His Holy Halls.

Hidan felt like crying.

To make a shitty day even worse, his toes clashed against something in his way when stumbling through the darkness of his room. For fuck's sake! Cursing vividly under his breath he held his injured foot trying to soothe the damn pain and dropped himself onto the Futon. Due to this incident the rustling of the paper doors sliding open was almost missed, but the quiet voice instantly distracted him: "Hidan, is that you? So you've been out til this late of night, troublesome..."

His heart skipped a beat, then danced in his tightened chest with joy. Of course, the Shikamaruist had immediately identified the outline of the shadow in the darkness. However, the long gruelling privation of his God's presence and the prospect of even more of that brought him to his knees, when he saw Him again. "Lord Shikamaru...", Hidan breathed overwhelmed with the Lord's mercy on a humbled sinner.

"Shhh! Please be quiet. It'll be troublesome if you wake Kurenai or the boy", the deity whispered calmly, silently closed the door behind Him and approached His disciple, before Hidan could so much as comprehend the blessing that was finally granted to him. "So, it's been a while, hasn't it?", Lord Shikamaru continued quietly while sitting down calmly opposite his disciple, "It's troublesome that I wasn't able to be there for you as much as I intended to these days. I hope you've been well, though, Hidan. With your new team, that is..." Hidan blinked.

"Huh? Ah...", he could so much as grunt a response, because his God's presence had simply cleansed his mind from all that shit that had happened during those past few gruesome days. The Lord was just as fucking awesome as that, Hidan figured with an amazed grin, "Nah, I knew Your Highness would always be with me in spirit, so I'm not that god-forsaken lonely and those cursed heathen minions from hell won't ever get me down! Just You wait, Lord Shikamaru, I'll fucking show You soon enough I'm worthy of Your holy ass!" Somehow, his Chakra seemed miraculously refreshed and he was all fired up, now that the deity was also physically with him.

"I see. You're really determined. That's a good premise for the upcoming mission, I perceive", the Lord murmured with an approving nod. Of course, He would have known about Hidan's damn ordeal with His all foreseeing divine powers! So, in the end, He came to cheer His disciple up and bless him before the pilgrimage to Kumo. Hidan was so fucking moved by his God's kindness towards His follower, inside he was in a joyous turmoil.

Yet, the Lord sighed mildly: "How troublesome, but I really should be spending more time with the person believing in me or else I'd make a pretty lousy 'god', right? Still, if you don't get enough rest before a long-term mission it'll be even more troublesome for the whole team-... and more importantly the outcome of said mission." He motioned for Hidan to turn in and his shoulders slumped disappointedly as he obliged and undressed before crawling beneath the cold sheets. That the precious time he could finally share with the Lord would be fucking wasted in favour of something as stupid as sleep! But He was right after all... Hidan felt the exhaust and tiredness of a long day in his entire body.

"Don't make a face like that, troublesome! I got it already. It should be alright to resume our previous routine for now; Kurenai usually doesn't get up until sunrise. Thus, just make sure to wake me by dawn so I can return to the bedroom in time, okay?", Lord Shikamaru yawned and with that the deity slid into the Futon beside Hidan, before he even understood which unparalleled blessing was granted to him! "Good night, Hidan!" Like a spark, he felt the warmth spread through his body and at once he knew tonight he wouldn't be cold and lonely anymore... either he was already asleep and dreaming or he was finally dead and in heaven for his God to be so close. So for now Hidan decided to cherish the extraordinary blessing, drink up all of the Lord's presence and bask in His obscure aura to his bloody heart's content, that he could endure the damned mission with un-fucking-wavering faith!

Wrapping his arms protectively around the deity's smaller form, he was so excited and damn happy when the gesture was returned, that his head was spinning and he was grinning like crazy the whole time. Hidan couldn't even make any sense of the Lord's last murmured revelation before falling asleep: "...-as expected. Only in this case does the trouble disappear..."