Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note. I do not own Mario, or Mario boxers. I do own this story though, which is based on it. It isn't exactly AU.. it's AC, altered circumstances. Rated for the language and eventual maybe lemon. If this does well, I'll write a companion piece from Matt's point of view. This is all just Mello rambling in a "fecking" diary.

Fecking "Diary"

Dear fucking diary,

I was reading over my past few entries and realize I didn't mention something. I don't have my mouth wired shut anymore. They thought it was broken, but yeah, it was only dislocated. So they had to take it off. And pop my jaw back into place. Hurt like a fucking bitch, let me tell you... almost as much as my heart aches right now. I've been crying far too much lately.

But Matt had to do it again. He just -had- to bring up what got us into the hospital in the first fucking place. Had to bring it up, had to make me run away., again. Why can't he just fucking -drop- the subject?!Where does he get off asking about Gavin?! My beautiful baby brother that I couldn't fucking save because I'm too Goddamn weak. I heard his neck snap, watched his body stiffen. I saw flies land on his open, unseeing, vibrant yet dull green eyes. Glassy eyes. Those eyes still look at me some nights when I sleep.

Ever since Gavin was born, I was told the same fucking things. To be careful with him, watch out for him, take care of him, watch over him. He wasn't a year old when I hadn't been able to keep the promises intended for the future, to protect the baby of the family. I failed to keep him from being broken. I failed at keepig him safe. I let him die. It's my fault. I could have distracted the bad man. I could have grabbed him at the ankles. I could have done a thousand things. But I didn't. I am a coward, and it hurts more than my face ever will. I just wish I could have told him and my mom and dad I lo

FUCK OFF MAIL!

He's banging at the goddamn closet door rambling and there is no fucking way I'm coming out now. I'm in the closet that Matt and I banged in a few days ago, since it's somewhat secluded and there's a light and if he doesn't stop banging on the door I'm going to get angrier. Fuck this.. Screw Matt. Nothing he can say can make me leave this special place. If he thinks he can get me to move, he has another thing co

Holy fuck. I'll write later. Matt managed to bring me out of the closet again. ha...ha... shit.

M