Things I'll Never Say

If I could say what I want to say

I'd say I wanna blow you... away

Be with you every night

~Avril Lavigne

Eddie paced at the bottom of the steps. Patricia was upstairs in her room, furious with him. She had to have been the one to get the cookie he had hijacked. Then he just had to get the cookie that said she still liked him. Though her mind was probably changed now. She probably hated him. Her slap probably proved that. He hadn't stopped to see if her slap had left a mark, but it still stung slightly. He just had to pull that little stunt.

He knew he should just go upstairs and try to talk to her. He had all the more reason to since he had opened his cookie. He just had to work up the courage to start the steps, to make himself stand outside of her room. She had most likely locked herself in, and wouldn't let him in. He didn't even know what to say. An apology wouldn't fix it, and could he even bring up getting the fortune he had?

She'd likely deny it like she had even written the card. What if she said something like KT wrote it? After all she had denied what she had told Joy, the day he happened to have been listening in. Eventually he did wear her down. He just had kept insisting that he had heard her say what she had to Joy. This cookie though was different. He had no proof she had actually written it. KT could have. Someone could've done what he had done and slipped it into the stack.

He finally decided to stop wondering and planning, and just try. He counted each step as he took it, and the staircase seemed shorter than usual. Everything about this seemed shorter. The walk to her room from the top of the stairs felt like it only took two seconds. Didn't things like what he was about to do seem to take longer? Why did everything feel so short?

He stood outside her door and gave a quick knock.

"Unless your name is Eddie or KT you can come in," he heard. He thought it sounded like she had been crying. He gave a slight laugh. She had said he couldn't come in, but he could always remind her his name was actually Edison.

His hand rested on the doorknob. He was trying to gather up the courage. Trying to figure out what he wanted to say and how he should say it. He didn't want to make a bigger mess than he had already made. The only thing left to do was actually try. He turned the knob and stepped inside.

"I said no Eddies," she growled throwing her pillow at him.

"Yeah I know, but my names actually Edison. Eddie is just a nickname," he smirked. He studied her face for a few seconds. It was anger now, but there were subtle hints that she had been crying mere moments ago.

"Yeah well get out. Now."

"Patricia. Please just let me say something."

"No! Why should I? You went behind my back and did that," she snarled.

"Well, I'm gonna talk anyways."

"I really wish you wouldn't."

"First I've been beating myself up about it all day. Second I don't know why I did it Patricia. I think I just needed to get my mind off of my dad for a few minutes. I know I could've picked anyone else in the house to say something about. I just, I think when I was writing it I was mad at you. I was mad because, we had an amazing week in America, and about a minute before you had to board your plane, you broke up with me. I was mad because you never told me why, you just skipped out and went home," he paused. He waited for her to yell, or snarl at him again. Instead she didn't say anything.

"It's just I really am sorry Yacker, but look at it this way, you got the cookie didn't you? It's not like anyone else found out. I shouldn't have done it, I know. Just say something please," he begged. He didn't know what else to say. He didn't want to pull the stops out with what he had received in his cookie just yet. He just needed her to say something.

"What do you want me to say Eddie? I want to hate you so badly it hurts."

"Is this about the stupid cookie or the fact that you still like me," he questioned. There he had it. He had laid his cards on the table.

"This isn't about the stupid cookie. It's abou-. Wait what," she snapped.

"I got your cookie. The one that said you still liked me."

"Well I didn't write it. KT must've put it in there."

"I don't think so Patricia. Please just be honest with me. Do you still like me? Did you ever stop? Why did you even break up with me in the first place? I still don't know what I did. You broke my heart you know?"

Patricia froze. She had never stopped liking him. She wasn't even totally sure why she had broken up with him. She just wanted to protect herself, and she broke her own heart, and it seems she broke his also. She was a horrible person. She wanted him to hate her, almost as much as she wanted to hate him. Why did she have to go and complicate things? Why did she have to fall in love with him? It should be easy. Could she not just say she still liked him, that she wanted to be us again, and that everything could be how it was again? No, she couldn't because that wouldn't be her. Instead she'd continue to fight tooth and nail against herself. She could just lie, but unfortunately Eddie could now tell when she was lying so that was no use. She didn't want to say anything.

"So Yacker's silent, that's new," he sighed.

"What do you want me to say? That I still like you, because I never stopped? That I think I broke up with you because I was scared how much I liked you? That I thought that you'd find someone better and break my heart? How about the fact I'm constantly replaying what I said in the airport that day? Maybe the fact I'd do anything to go back, and never break up with you. Possibly how I want you to hate me more then I want to hate you?"

Now it was Eddie's turn to be silent. He was trying to take in everything she had said. She had said she still liked him, and that she had broken up with him because she was scared. That she had been as miserable as he was. Then there was the fact she wanted him to hate her.

"I could never hate you Yacker. I told you I was falling for you. I told you I liked you, and you thought I'd find someone better? There's no one better then you Yacker. You mean the world to me." he murmured, his focus now at his feet. She shifted nervously. She didn't know what to say. She was at a loss for words. She wanted to fling herself into his arms. She wanted for things to go back to how they were, this was the chance wasn't it?

"Come on, you're killing me what do I have to do to get a reaction," he asked. Everything raced back to how they got together in the first place. Her eyes met his as he changed his focus. She jerked forward and crashed their lips together.

"That'll work," he teased.

"Whoa. Hello. Walking in here," Joy teased. It's funny how history liked to repeat itself. They were just about to kiss again when Joy walked in.

"Good timing Joy," Patricia joked saying it this time rather than Eddie.

"It's about time you two got back together," she smiled at her best friend. Eddie gave a questioning look to Patricia. Joy glanced at the pair before making the decision to leave, and let them talk,

"Are we back together," he asked.

"Nah. I don't really like you that much. I mean I only kissed you to get you to stop talking," Patricia teased.

"Oh really?"

"Yes really," she laughed.

"So you're sure you don't really like me."

"Well now that I think about it. Maybe we should get back together."

"So we're a couple again," he questioned. She had confused him slightly. She didn't say anything just smirked and kissed him again.

"Does that answer that." she teased him. He simply nodded before pulling her closer to kiss her again.

And here was the sequel...

It got fluffy at the end...

And basically I've written maybe 10,000 words since last thursday? I keep starting things then stopped. I have two angsty peddie oneshots in progress. Like 8 chapters of this half written. I've been working on the same Nothing Personal chapter since last week... I'm about to start an amfie one shot. I keep trying to prioritize stuff but then I just lose interest and move on...