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Chapter 25

May 2016, Port Wenn Primary School *

The memory of that beautiful day two years ago seemed distant, unreal as the cold metal of the gun barrel pressed into Louisa's scalp. She clenched her jaw, partly through fear and partly in defiance. She was aware of a growing light-headedness as she contemplated the fact that within moments she might be dead.

Death.

It wasn't something she thought about often, though it reared it's head every now and then.

Certainly she'd been quite stricken by the death of Martin's Aunt Joan, who had been a source of endless encouragement and support during her pregnancy-and for years before that really. And Martin had been devastated by it.

And when Martin hurt, she hurt.

As a mental image of her husband came to mind, she desperately yearned for his presence.

What would happen if this man pulled the trigger, if that bullet just inches away from her head came smashing through her skull and ended her life in an instant? Was there something after death?

Pastor Milligan would say yes, and that she'd better make a decision after her final destination before it was too late.

But then again she wasn't really sure she bought into all that mumbo-jumbo anymore.

May 2016 (5 days earlier), St. Minver's Community Church, St. Minver's, Cornwall**

Louisa was a mess as she walked in the church office. Catching a glimpse of Dan Milligan, she made a beeline towards him

"Louisa!" he said, instantly recognizing her.

Secretly, of all the couples he counseled, the Ellinghams were his favorites. They truly understood the idea of unconditional love, with a commitment to each other that did not cease with trying times. Yet they also presented some of the greatest challenges. They commonly engaged in petty bickering over the most miniscule issues. Their personalities were drastically different. They weren't fast to trust or believe anything. Their questions sometimes kept him up late at night, poring over ever resource he could find.

"How are you? How're Martin...and...?"

His smile suddenly disappeared. Louisa's eyes were moist and red and her eye liner had run down her face in a dark smear.

"Are you okay?" he said softly. He offered her a chair.

She took the proffered chair. Dan sat down across from her.

"I just don't understand," she said.

"What don't you understand Louisa?"

Her forehead creased.

How could she possibly put the tangle of emotions and thoughts in her head into words that made coherent sense.

"You say God is a loving God, yes?"

"Yes. Yes he is. In fact the Bible says he loves every single one of us so much he died on the cross for us."

"I-I don't think I can believe that..."

The pastor's face was sympathetic.

"Why not?" he asked gently.

"Because why would a loving God wreak such horrible havoc on the world."

"Keep in mind it isn't God doing that...it's us who introduced pain and death into the world." Louisa looked a bit confused.

"Isn't he in control though?"

"Yes," Milligan said, treading carefully. This was tricky stuff they were talking about. "He allows bad things to happen tho-"

Louisa's expression hardened. "But why?"

"That's a question people have been asking for a long time." The words sounded hollow as they came from his mouth, Milligan thought.

"And they really haven't come up with any good answers have they?" Louis said, biting her lip.

"Well," the pastor began.

"I thought not." She shook her head, and started to rise.

"Louisa..."

"Yes?" she asked bitterly.

"All I can tell you is that in times that are difficult, we can find comfort in the fact that God is in control and that he knows best."

Louisa's eyes flashed with an angry fire. The muscles in her neck and jaw clenched.

"He knows best, huh?" she said, rising and pointing a finger in Milligan's face.

"So, I suppose what was best was for God to rob Valerie and Danny Steel of their beloved child after everything they've been through, after years of fervent prayers and an undying belief in God's faithfulness. I suppose it was best for God to steal that helpless unborn's baby's life as it's mother gasped a prayer begging Him, pleading with Him not to take her child."

Tears began flowing down Louisa's face as her voice cracked. "I suppose it was best for Martin's parents to practically exile him to boarding school for year after hellish year, never showing him the affection and attention he desperately craved and needed, or for my mother to leave when I was 11. I suppose it was best for God to strike down Joan Norton as she drove to the hospital to see her beloved nephew's newborn child."

She pounded her hand on a nearby desk.

"And the best of all? The real cherry on top? Afflicting my child, my precious little Joan, too young and innocent to do anyone harm, with a disorder that might leave her hard-pressed to communicate with even her dearest loved ones."

She shook her head.

"No. I don't find any comfort any in it at all. If that's what God's like, I want absolutely nothing to do with Him."

Before the pastor could say another word Louisa sped out of the office, not stopping until she reached her car.

(Back at Port Wenn Primary)

Suddenly the pressure of the gun on Louisa's head lifted, the cold metallic sensation fading away.

There were footsteps, then a blinding flash of light as the door opened.

"I'll be back," the gruff voice said.

Louisa released her breath, her heart still beating wildly.

Suddenly she heard a soft groan.

She knew that sound. After all these years, it was nearly as familiar as her own voice.

Frantically, she searched with her eyes around the room.

She could just barely make out a darkish form to her left.

"Martin?" she whispered.

To be continued...

*For context see bottom half of Chapter 11, as well as 20 & 21
**For more context see the chapter entitled "Low Expectations" in the story Uncharted Waters.

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