A/N: I hope this isn't too confusing... XOXO
"Oh, Ms. Evans! You look truly stunning!"
Lily groaned in frustration as she examined the large golden clock at the back of the store for the zillionth time. Only an hour and thirteen minutes had passed since they had entered this godforsaken shop. She could've sworn that it had been at least thrice as much of her life wasted. Judging by the notion of her clenched jaw, it definitely felt like it.
"Soon-to-be Mrs. Dursley," Petunia chirped at the elderly storeowner and beamed from head to toe across the room. Lily caught herself mid eye roll, something that she had vigorously promised her adamant mother to refrain from for the entirety of her stay. Rose Evans had gone as far as to actually put her wish into writing prior to Lily's departure from Hogwarts.
My lovely Lily,
We are so excited that you're going to flew/floo (How do you spell it?) over for your sister's big day.
Don't you dare roll your eyes even once, young lady! I mean it!
Love,
Mum
Lily's only reaction to the letter had been one rich last eye roll at Agnetha, who had somewhat resigned in her position as the head girl's final remaining friend at Hogwarts. Yup, that's what it had come to- her pet bird as last standing companion. Ah well. Since when was this Petunia's 'big day' anyway? Wasn't the wedding supposed to be the big day?
"Why don't you go with soon-to-be Mr. Vernon Evans instead?" Lily brightly suggested under the warning eye of her mother, "Two vees in one name? Be honest, that's pretty bonkers!"
Petunia's response was limited to pretending like she hadn't heard her little sister.
Fair enough, Lily thought. Another one to add to the list of people that would rather just pretend she didn't exist than to be forced to engage with her.
"What, you're not going to talk to me either now?" Lily called after Marlene into the cold October air. The Quidditch chaser had stormed out of Care of Magical Creatures class before Lily had gotten another chance to finally speak with her in a civilized manner like she had planned. Lily's irrational reaction was to stumble after Marlene like a desperate idiot, not really knowing what to be or say, so all that she could definitively muster was anger.
When Marlene continued her rapid pace, Lily ill-advisedly yelled, "Stop running off, you fat-headed Erumpent!"
At that, Marlene turned on her heal, her cheeks flushed bright red, and faced her best friend. They had come to a halt in front of Lily's favourite tree, the one they had shared so many memories under, and Marlene resigned to a loathsome glare. Lily instantly felt quite guilty about the Erumpent comment, knowing full well that Marlene had some sort of issue with her flawless nose.
"Well?" Lily proposed in an attempt to provoke the fuming raven-haired beauty in front of her to speak.
Marlene tightly crossed her arms in front of her chest and spat, "What do you want me to say, Lily?"
The head girl uncertainly stepped from one foot to the other under her friend's agonising gaze.
"I didn't," Lily started off, but softened her voice as soon as she realised how aggressive the tone of it was, "I don't understand why you and Dori are ignoring me. This whole thing has nothing to do with the both of you!"
"Except that it does," Marlene retorted, "It may seem like the world doesn't revolve around me the same way it does around you, Lily, but what you did affects me every single day. I can't go to bloody practice without being yelled at by him for no reason at all! Remus wouldn't even sit next to Dorcas in Arithmancy class! There's no Switzerland in this fight, Lily, we had to pick a side."
It was a sting to her heart.
"But," Lily softly muttered, "Then why did you choose his?"
Marlene sighed and uncrossed her arms, "Because he didn't do anything wrong, Lily."
"Oh, and you just assume that I did?" Lily demanded, clearly upset. To underline her frustration, she violently kicked a lonely patch clover into shreds.
Marlene raised an eyebrow and curtly said, "From what I've heard, yes."
"So you're basing this on some rumour?" the head girl asked in disbelief, still absentmindedly kicking the innocent grass.
But she knew that Marlene would not have heard it from just anyone. She had probably spoken to the sole witness himself.
"Why did you have to string him along again?" Marlene shot back at her in a low voice, aware of the group of peers trotting by on their way up to the castle, "Why not just tell him that you're not ready for a relationship? To tell him that... that's just cruel, Lily."
"I know that, alright!?" Lily threw back at the shivering Quidditch chaser, and her voice shook as an unusually icy October wind blew through her hair, "Don't you think I know that? But now he's moved back in with the others and I- I don't even see him anymore!"
"What did you expect to happen, Lily?" Marlene snapped, "Did you think you could both go back to being chummy mates after everything?"
Lily suppressed a sniff and argued back, "Aren't you supposed to be my friend, no matter how much I mess things up? That's what I'd do for you, you know!"
"Yes," Marlene groaned exasperatedly, pulling her Hogwarts-badged cardigan closer to her chest, "But you're being a coward, Lily. What the hell happened to you? The friend that I know and love is much braver than this."
With that, Marlene turned her back on Lily and made her way up to the castle alone.
"Absolutely breathtaking!" her mother squealed, and pulled Lily out of her thoughts, "Doesn't she look just darling, Lily love?"
"Hrmpf," was all the redheaded teen could muster, sticking a piece of gum into her mouth. They hadn't eaten all day in preparation of dress fitting and her stomach was protesting wildly. It wasn't contributing to her mood.
And after all, it wasn't her fault that every dress Tuney threw over her meagre body (Lily could've sworn that her sister had lost 15 pounds since she had last seen her) was a fluffy puffy nightmare. She really did want to tell the bride-to-be how stunning she looked, but something invisible was lodged in Lily's windpipe and kept her from urging her sister on to commit fashion suicide.
"Just imagine, sweetheart," her overjoyed mother suddenly gasped and clapped her hands together, "One day it will be you in that white dress!"
On cue, Petunia burst out in her signature evil laugh and snorted, "Like she'd ever find a bloke insane enough to go for her!"
"Tuney!" their mother gasped in her best 'you two are sisters!' voice.
"Thanks a bunch, sis," Lily huffed in response, ruffling her long auburn hair into a wild mess.
"Stop that," her mother instantly demanded, smoothing over the top of Lily's head with her perfect motherly hands.
Rose Evans was not her usual pleasant self today; Lily had noticed this as soon as she stepped out of the fire at seven o'clock sharp this morning. Her mother's red eyes and twitching mouth gave her broad idea of what the past month of wedding planning must've cost her emotionally. If Lily could guess, her mum was likely on edge because of Petunia's constant outbursts and simultaneously completely devastated at the thought of losing her first born child to the world (aka Vermin).
Having noticed the sharp irritation exuding from Lily, Rose stopped fretting about her youngest and cheerfully proposed, "Why don't you go put something on, dear?"
"Not if it's a colour I can find in the rainbow," Lily snapped back, popping a bubble with her chewing gum.
Her mother sighed deeply, "That really doesn't leave us with much, Lily."
"Sure it does," Lily retorted, "Black."
"What's going on with you?" James demanded from her, still clad in his Quidditch uniform, dusty and beaten from the game. Behind the cracked glasses that sat upon his bleeding nose, his familiar hazel eyes inspected her with foreign suspicion.
"Nothing," Lily instantly snapped back, too quickly to ease his doubts. She wrapped her arms around herself as a shield from the intimacy he created with each step towards her.
"Lils, what does it mean?" he challenged her, his gaze stern, "Do you have any lead on who wrote it?"
Lily groaned to signal her annoyance with his intrusive questions. Didn't he get it?
He took another step towards her and Lily synchronically took two steps back.
"James, it would be best if you just left me alone," she told him quietly.
He glanced at the ground to where she stood and back up to her.
"Okay," he spoke softly and nodded compassionately, "Then we'll talk after our meeting with Dumbledore?"
"No," she anxiously shook her head, her chest left feeling empty, "No, you're not getting it, James. You can't- this can't work."
"Oh, Lily, that shape on you is just darling!" Rose Evans squealed, as Lily stepped out from behind the heavy velvet curtain.
"You mean moron-shaped?" Lily suggested through gritted teeth, looking down the lilac horror of tulle that her mother had made her try on ("Try and participate, love").
"Oh, stop it," her mother giggled cheerfully, "I'm sure that your boyfriend will find you ravishing in this spicy number!"
"Mum, first, clothing cannot be described with the same adjectives as condiments; and second, any bloke would have a seizure even looking at this colour," Lily protested and loudly added, "And I as I've said a thousand times since I got here - I don't have a boyfriend!"
"I find that very odd," her mother retorted, using her index finger to motion for Lily to turn.
"That's because you're my mum, mum," Lily explained as she dutifully spun around once, "Think about it, a kid with this hair and brown eyes? Hideous!"
"Who has brown eyes?" Rose asked, grinning.
Stomping, Lily retreated behind the curtain in disdain and sourly called out, "Forget it, mum! Never gonna bloody happen!"
She hurried after McGonagall, whom she had seldom seen quite so pale. The two witches paced across the golden grounds of Hogwarts, which enjoyed the last of the sun before the October cold would encompass the castle and its surroundings. Far off behind them, Lily heard hundreds of voices heatedly shouting in protest. There had likely been a nasty foul, Lily contemplated, and instantly her head wandered to the boy on the broom with messy hair. Why had McGonagall pulled her away so suddenly?
"What is it, professor?" Lily finally broke the silence, but McGonagall did not stop nor turn to explain. The Gryffindor's head suddenly filled with other, darker things.
"Has something happened," Lily gulped as horrific thoughts raced through her brain, "H-happened to my family, Professor?"
"No, Ms. Evans," McGonagall curtly replied, and Lily let out a sigh of relief as they hurried up the stone steps of the castle, "This matter does not concern your family. It does, however, involve you personally."
"Oh," Lily mumbled as her head spun with terrible things that she might have caused.
"Ms. Evans, try not to interpret my silence," McGonagall suddenly said as if she had listened in on Lily's mind, "The fact of the matter is that a student was hurt."
"Who?" Lily blurted out immediately, quickly walking the steps her professor traced.
McGonagall sighed, "A fifth year Ravenclaw. You will know her, she is a prefect-"
"Elise?" Lily gasped, utterly horrified at the thought.
McGonagall nodded curtly. Now Lily understood why Professor McGonagall had asked to come; as head girl she was personally responsible for the prefects and their related activities.
"It seems," Professor McGonagall continued, "that Ms. Wasserman was in the process of assembling the Transfiguration classroom for your weekly teaching activity."
"Oh no," Lily whispered. Whatever had happened to Elise was directly connected to the assignment Lily had given her. They had arranged that every participant of the Order of Phoenix had to take turns setting up their practice space. What could have possibly happened to Elise since the half hour she had last seen her?
"Madam Pomfrey is taking care of her now," McGonagall filled in and Lily's heart sank further, "You should be prepared; Ms. Wasserman has lost a lot of blood. Professor Dumbledore is quite certain that a dark spell was cast upon her to cause this much damage. Symptoms resembled a slit with a knife down her side."
They went up the first flight of stairs.
Lily closed her eyes, petrified. She made to turn right to the Hospital Wing, but Professor McGonagall took a left instead.
"Professor, aren't- um, aren't we going to see her?" Lily asked meekly, but dutifully trotted after her teacher.
"Unfortunately, Ms. Evans," Professor McGonagall said sorrowfully, "you are connected to the incident,"
They came to a halt.
Lily's heart stopped.
On the wall next to the Transfiguration classroom, under which Elise's abandoned wand still lay, was written in what could only be blood
"ASK EVANS"
"Oh, sweetheart," her mother whimpered, snapping Lily back to reality, "Look at you!"
Her mother held a hand to her heaving chest and stepped towards the puffy, sparkly Petunia.
"This is the one, mum," Tuney whispered and their mother blew her nose loudly into a pink cotton tissue.
"It' still a bit loose, isn't it?" Petunia asked the storeowner ("Call me Claire"), who measured her diminishing bust again, gleefully.
"Oh yes, we'll need at least two more fittings before the big day," Call me Claire advised.
Don't count me in, instantly raced through Lily's head, and her thoughts wandered off again.
They had both stood in the darkness in hostile silence until Dumbledore bid them into his office. Inside of the circular room they were greeted by the usual puffs of smoke and whirring sounds of the fascinating silver instruments, as well as by an exhausted-looking headmaster.
"Please," he gestured from behind his large, claw-footed desk, "Mr. Potter, Ms. Evans, take a seat."
They did as he bid them in silence, and the heavy wooden legs of the visitors' chairs creaked loudly against the stone floor as they made to sit down.
"Ms. Evans," Prof. Dumbledore addressed her calmly after she had taken a seat, "as I'm sure you're aware, I have a few questions for you."
Lily drew her gaze away from her hands and nodded solemnly at the headmaster.
His voice carried no judgement when he asked her, "Do you know who did this?"
"I-," Lily swallowed hard as picture raced through her head, "I can't be sure professor."
"But you have suspicions," Dumbledore assumed softly, nodding to himself, his icy blue eyes gazing into Lily's emerald ones.
"Professor, we all know who did it," a groggy James interrupted, "Who else would do something so vile, if not for that Voldemort-affiliated Slytherin pack-"
"Mr. Potter," Dumbledore spoke softly
James ranted on, "You should expel the whole lot of them, if you ask me, Professor!"
"Mr. Potter," Dumbledore said again, firmly, holding up his long-fingered hand to bid the head boy silent, "While I appreciate your rage, I must also consider the background of which these allegations stem from. I must consider all possibilities before placing blame, so if you don't mind, I again ask Ms. Evans to, I'll phrase it dramatically, 'testify' for me."
James ears turned red, clearly annoyed, but nodded curtly.
"Excellent," Dumbledore simply stated. His eyes looked tired, Lily noticed, likely from speaking and writing to concerned parents and ministry workers until just now.
"Ms. Evans," the head master reiterated, "Where were you when this happened to Ms. Wasserman?"
James couldn't hardly contain himself as he interrupted, "Professor, you can't be-"
"Stop it!" Lily's high-pitched voice cut him off and she added, "Either stay and be quiet, or leave, Potter!"
His eyes narrowed and Lily could see the knuckles wrapped around the arms of his chair turn white under pressure. But he stayed silent nonetheless.
Lily proceeded to ignore his anger and turned to her expectant headmaster, "I presume that I was at the Quidditch game, Professor. That's where Professor McGonagall informed me of what had happened. Or actually, just that something had happened. I only realised the extent of damage when I saw Elise in the- in the," Lily struggled to finish her report as the memory of a pale Elise flashed in front of her eyes, "- the Hospital Wing."
Lily could feel hot tears trickle down her cheeks, but she concentrated on pulling herself together.
"I see," the unreadable Dumbledore nodded, watching the head girl closely over his half-moon spectacles, "and before that?"
She swallowed and felt James gradually shift in his seat.
"In the library," Lily said softly, evading the headmaster's piercing blue gaze.
"Did anything out of the ordinary happen there?" Dumbledore inquired, "Anything you can recall that could be linked to the attack?"
Lily held her breath as she thought of her fleeting meeting with James and briefly met the professor's gaze, who seemed to x-ray her with his eyes still.
"Um," she whimpered, but suddenly thought of something else, "I did have the feeling that we- um, I was being watched?"
"But you didn't see anyone? You can't be sure?" Dumbledore read her mind. Lily shook her head to agree with his assertion.
Dumbledore sighed deeply, "Alright, Ms. Evans. That will be enough for today. I want to thank you and Mr. Potter for joining me this late-"
"She had a piece of parchment, Professor," James suddenly croaked and Dumbledore's unreadable gaze shifted to him, "Evans took something from Wasserman's robes. I saw when I visited the Hospital Wing. It was a parchment. There was writing on it, but I couldn't- it burst into flames after I saw it."
Lily couldn't believe it. How could he?
Dumbledore examined the head boy with interest, "What colour were the flames, Mr. Potter?"
Lily dropped her gaze to the floor and cursed Potter as she answered for him, "Blue, Professor."
"Ah," Dumbledore nodded slowly, clearly gaining something from this piece of information that Lily didn't, "I'm afraid you'll have to share with us what it said, Ms. Evans."
"I-," Lily gulped, "I was going to, Professor, I swear, just not in front of-"
To put it simply, James looked pissed.
"Nevermind," Lily added quickly, "It was a list, Professor."
"A list?" Professor Dumbledore reiterated, curious.
"Yes," Lily replied, avoiding James' glare, "It was a list of things that I was not to do, to keep muggleborn students at Hogwarts safe."
"Ms. Evans," Dumbledore expressed sternly, "I really wish you would have led with this information."
"I apologise, professor, I just-," Lily's voice shook, "I just didn't think- it's nothing that you can do, professor. It was specifically addressed to me."
"Ms. Evans," Dumbledore started in a warning tone.
"One," Lily quickly started from memory, "Quit teaching students to defend themselves against the Dark Lord. Two, there will be no more Muggle Mondays. Three, - three was something about cancelling the Halloween Party, Professor."
James glared at her in disbelief and spat, "And you didn't care to share this information earlier!?"
Lily ignored him and instead expectantly eyed her headmaster.
Dumbledore peered back at her with his unreadable gaze and quietly asked, "Anything else, Ms. Evans?"
"No," she gulped and shook her head fiercely, "Nothing further, Professor."
"Then I suppose you know what needs to be done," Dumbledore sighed grievously and stood up to walk the head students out.
But James wouldn't have it.
He jumped up to meet the head master's height and roared, "Oh, come on Professor! We can't quit everything muggle-related or anti-Voldermort just because of some threat! This is exactly why we should be learning to defend ourselves, fighting harder!"
Dumbledore surveyed the head boy in pain, "Mr. Potter, I fully agree with you that we should not give in to threats. However, what happened to Ms. Wasserman is far from a promise. It was very real. Her parents' pain is very real. I ask you to consider this before engaging in further activities that could lead to harm."
The head boy was outraged, "You can't be serious! Everything we built-"
"Consider it done, Professor," Lily interrupted him, the wooden legs of her chair screeching along the floor once again as she stood up.
"What about this one?" her mother called out to her youngest daughter, who had spent what felt like the last six hours trying on disgustingly bright ribbon-covered gowns. Lily stepped closer to the sale rack of impossibly abhorrent garbs.
The redhead sighed deeply at the sight and scrunched her nose as she reiteratively explained, "Mum, everything is Easter egg-coloured, "I'm begging you to just-"
"But this colour is pre-approved by you!" Her mother brightly interrupted her. Lily walked over to stand next to her mother, who held up a stunning pouf dress made of black velvet.
"It's quite short," Lily continued to argue as she softly stroked over the delicate fabric in awe.
But her mother only waved her off as she shoved the dress into Lily's arms, "As are you, darling! Go on now- on it goes!"
Lily stealthily rolled her eyes as she stepped behind the curtain and slipped into the dress, "Mum, you know I can't wear this to Tuney's wedding- it's not blindingly bright. She'll completely flip!"
"Ah well," her mother smiled, "How about this: You wear whatever Petunia would like you to wear on her special day and, if you like this one, I'll buy it for you and you can wear it for another special date. I'm telling you this sale is not a joke!"
Lily stepped out from behind the curtain, beaming at her image in the mirror, "Deal."
Her mum whistled loudly, "My baby's all grown up!"
"Mum!" Lily hissed, but her mother only waved her off and skipped over to the shoe rack, where the seamstress still fretted over Petunia's bony body.
"We're going to need heels with this one!"
"Why did you tell me that the parchment was empty before?" James yelled at her as they entered their head dormitory.
"I don't want to talk about it, James," Lily rebuffed loudly, and swiftly made her way towards her staircase.
"So now you're not even going to talk to me?" James countered, following her closely, "You can't be serious quitting Muggle Mondays and the Order! How could you ever be so-"
Lily turned around to face him and spat, "What, James?! How could I ever want to be safe? Cautious? Take responsibility? I know that you could never begin to comprehend what it's like being a muggleborn at this school, but at least show some empathy!"
"You can't retreat at the first sign of obstruction," he heatedly argued back, "we agreed last summer that the best strategy to fight Voldemort is to train in defence now!"
"That was before, James!" she yelled at him, "Of course in an ideal world it would be just brilliant to fight for good against evil! But wake up, Potter, this is an actual war, in which people actually die!"
"Don't you think I know that?" he passionately roared back, "My parents are risking their bloody lives out there for the cause every single fucking day!"
"We're kids, James!" she screeched at him, "Just kids! Elise is muggleborn and they ripped her open for it! And it's my fault! How could you say that I'm a craven? I'm a mudblood, don't you get that?"
"Don't call yourself that," he growled, loosening the red-and-gold tie around his neck.
"But I am," Lily whimpered back, blinking away the tears in her eyes, "So excuse me, if I'd rather be cautious than dead."
She turned on her heel and headed up the staircase to her chamber to get away, but the head boy followed her. He grasped her wrist to keep her from disappearing behind the safety of her bedroom door. She turned to face him and saw that his eyes had softened.
"What did you mean before, 'can't work'?" he asked her gingerly. Lily's heart sank, knowing what task lay before her.
"Look at us, James," she replied calmly, "We're fighting about something so fundamental. I can't- we can't do this."
Lily could see hurt behind his eyes as he implored, "That was nothing, Evans. Just a little fight. We can talk about this!"
"No," Lily firmly shook her head, "You're from a completely different world. It just- it just can't work, James."
He ran a shaking hand through his hair and became defensive, "It seemed to work plenty this morning!"
"Look," Lily sighed and calmly met his outraged expression, "I won't deny that I haven't- I know I've shown signs of affection towards you, okay?"
James dropped her wrist in disbelief and indignantly blurted, "Signs of affection?"
"And it would be lovely, if things were just that easy," Lily went on quickly, "But they're just- they're obviously not!"
"What's not easy, Evans?!" James inquired enraged, and as Lily took a guarded step backward, her shoulders hit against the hard bedroom door behind her, "Being with me?"
"Well," Lily said nervously, evading his fuming gaze, "To be honest, James, yes! We're head students together. People expect certain things of us- or of me at least! I can't just go around claiming how horrible you are for six years and then date you like some spineless idiot!"
His expression turned from furious to bitter.
"So that's what this is about. Makes sense," James muttered, "You'd have to be completely spineless to be my girlfriend. Have you ever even considered not caring what people think, Evans?"
"James," she sighed, knowing that she couldn't soften now if she wanted to keep him safe, "It's not just that. You're making this more difficult! I'm stressed with school and being head girl, and what happened, well... Just because I kissed you back, that doesn't mean that I want to be your girlfriend."
It was a deathblow. He looked wild, like he wanted to slam his fist into something. He didn't.
"Right," he sputtered instead, an empty look on his face as he turned to head down her staircase, "Right. See you around, Evans."
"My baby can't be leaving again so soon," her mother cooed as she hugged Lily so tightly that the head girl nearly choked. As the flames in the fireplace tingled readily to take her back to Hogwarts, she had to admit that she enjoyed her mother's crushing embraces quite it a bit.
"I know, mummy," Lily sighed into her mother's hair, "I miss you and daddy so much when I'm at school!"
"Lily," her mother said warningly as she pulled back.
"And Tuney of course," Lily added quickly under her mother's gaze, "But I'll see you lot again very soon for Christmas and the big day!"
"No, Lily," her mother said sweetly, "Well, yes, I'm glad that you miss your sister as well. But what I really wanted to say was- Lily, sweetheart, is everything alright with you? You seem- well, you don't seem your usual self today, nor in your most recent letters. Where is my cheerful little Lilykin underneath this stern young woman?"
Lily bit her lip; her mother just knew her too well.
"Don't worry, mummy, she's in here somewhere," Lily croaked as she dug her face into her mother's warm chest for one final time.
"Alright," her mother said in her soothing voice as she lovingly patted her daughter's auburn mane, "Everything will be alright, little girl. It's okay to be sad sometimes, you know? Just promise me that you won't ever lose your spirit."
"I'll try my best," Lily sniffed into her mother's sweater. She pulled back and threw floopowder into the flame. As she stepped into the fire and spun around and around, she winced at the memory that kept haunting her. A memory of a slim parchment in her pale hands, and narrow letters in black ink.
TASKS FOR EVANS
One. Quit instructing Defence against the Dark Lord.
Two. There will be no celebration of non-magical heritage at Hogwarts.
Three. Cancel the Halloween Party.
Four. Abide by these rules or Potter dies.
A/N: Thanks so much to everyone who took the time to review this story! Especially those who have continued to do so through the chapters, it means so much to me! Magicgirll91, have you considered detective school?