Chapter 25
Scott was still holding Ray's hand, he was holding it tightly. He looked into Ray's eyes for a moment, then he looked at Jackson and at Aaron. He lowered his head slightly. "I don't think I can take it anymore, I don't think I can." His voice was shaking as if he was angry but it was more like out of a lack of energy. He was exhausted. It was as if his mind and his body couldn't go on anymore with the pretense.
"What do you mean?" Ray asked.
Scott lifted his eyes, "It's been going on for two years now, the veiled threats, the questions, the cold shoulder. I'm exhausted, I can't take it anymore. That's not what family life should be."
"Scott, what are you talking about?" Jackson said quietly. They all knew they had made progress here, he seemed on his way to offload his burden, but they were not sure yet what it was.
"My dad and his religion, his fucking obsession with religion. We have to live by the word of God, otherwise, we are doomed for eternity. They've started asking me when I was going to have a girlfriend, they've repeatedly asked me, well, more dad than mum. My dad asked what was wrong with me, why I didn't have a girlfriend. I need to meet someone nice, marry, have a family, he says. I'm only eighteen, for fuck sake. Unless… unless he's guessed and he assumes he can nip it in the bud, keep me straight by having a girlfriend."
"Yeah, well, they all want that for us until we tell them it's not going to happen," Aaron offered.
"Oh no, no, no, that's not how it works. With Gordon Campbell, things have to go a certain way. When they don't, well, it gets rough."
"Scott?" Ray said, now clearly worried.
"For a while, it was about the girlfriend, he even suggested inviting a couple of girls from church for dinner, just to see how we would get along. I immediately said no, I told them that would be too awkward and, besides, I wasn't ready for this kind of involvement. I was trying to buy time. He was quiet for a few months then he started going on about there being something wrong with me if I didn't have a girlfriend. I mean, I'm good at sport, my team likes me, I score a lot. Well, that's the problem, you see, I score on the field, not with girls."
"You might have preferred scoring with a guy from your team maybe?" Aaron said with a slight chuckle, trying to lighten the atmosphere a bit.
"Ah, funny you should say that. One day a couple of months ago, during a game, I slapped one of the guys on the butt after an awesome play, and do you know what? Dad cornered me at home afterwards accusing me of keeping my hand too long on the guy's butt. I mean, how ridiculous is that? You know me, I'm still in the closet, I would never do something like that to expose myself.
"Did he back down a bit?"
"He did, I guess, but it was just to fire himself up even more with threats. He started hinting at the fact I might be gay if I couldn't find myself a girlfriend. And if I was gay, who the hell would want me then? Certainly not him, nor my mother. And the good Lord would never want me in his kingdom. He can shove his kingdom, for all I care." Scott was becoming angry as he spoke, but it seemed there was no stopping him.
"He threatened to kick me out of the house if he ever found out I was gay. He was half-joking when he said that, but I could see it in his eyes. There was no love in those eyes, only anger, only the desire to never have to deal with such a monster, because that would be me, then, I'd be the monster. Then last week, we had a game where I actually scored three goals, the guys were so excited, Stewart Drake ran towards me at the end of the game and hugged me. He jumped into my arms, his legs around my waist, you know how it's done sometimes. He held on tight, and the other guys joined in. We had won that game, which took us to the finals. The whole team was so pumped up, we were on such a high. Well, dad noticed that Stewart had held on pretty tightly to me and that I had put my arms around him in a way that…" he let his words trail. Then he continued, "Well, Stewart is a sweet guy, I'm pretty sure he's gay, but he's also quite macho. So he was sure this was not going to be interpreted in any other way. My father would have been the only person in the two thousand who watched the game to see something wrong in the way we carried on, all he hoped was to make this gesture say whatever he wanted."
"What did you say to that?" Jackson said.
"At first, I didn't say anything. I just could find the words. I told him this was just the way we behaved on the field, it's crazy and innocent and it happens on all sports fields. Team spirit is team spirit. I suggested he should have been proud of my three goals instead of trying to read something in that hug. Must have been the tone I used…
Ray was dreading what Scott was about to say. He had a feeling it would explain his injury. He moved closer to him and put his arm around his back, holding him, offering support. "What happened?"
"He became angry, telling me I should watch the way I speak to him and be more respectful. I don't think I was disrespectful, I'm not that stupid, but what I said seemed to have riled him. He stared at me and told me that he suspected I was one of those disgusting queers and that no amount of sporting prowess was going to change that. He kept staring, and I held his gaze. Then, almost with a growl in his voice, he said: 'Tell me then, are you?' He was almost yelling. He was so close I could feel his spit hitting my face. My mum was freaking out, telling him to calm down. I didn't answer him. I stared at him, frightened and unsure of what I should do. There was no way I was going to push him back, he was too angry. My silence must have pushed him over the edge. Out of the blue, he raised his hand and tried to hit me, but I must have moved away somehow because he ended up hitting me really hard on the neck, and it threw me off balance. I fell to the floor, knocking a side table over. I guess that didn't satisfy him. At this stage, he came closer in an attempt to strike me again but I raised my arm to protect my face. He then grabbed my hand and held it tightly. He pushed my fingers backwards, I was screaming in pain, my mother was hysterical. At this point, he was towering over me and he almost spit those final words as he crushed my fingers: 'No son of mine is ever going to be one of those damned homos.' He was mad, he was totally out of control."
Scott stopped speaking for a moment, his breathing was heavy. Everyone was stunned into silence. His voice had captivated the three other men for a while and now, the horror of his words was hitting them. Ray moved to take Scott into his arms and held him tightly in an effort to reassure him. Scott put his arms slowly around Ray and held him close, he seemed numbed by the pain, but suddenly, out of the blue, he started shaking, tears were streaming down his cheeks and he sobbed loudly, almost endlessly. The pain, the stress and the confusion that he had experienced over the past several months just came crashing out. He really couldn't take it anymore. He felt safe in Ray's arms, so there was no reason why he shouldn't let it go.
Aaron and Jackson remained silent, there was nothing else they could do just at the moment. After a little while, after Scott had calmed down a bit, collected himself, Aaron asked Scott if he wanted to return home. Scott thought about it for a moment. "I don't have a choice, do I? If I don't go back, they'll wonder where I am and that will cause even more trouble for me."
"You have a choice, Scott. This is very serious, this is domestic violence. This is a police matter."
"No, don't get the police involved," Scott replied very quickly, clearly fearful.
"Well, OK, but you don't have to go back." Aaron was speaking softly but firmly. "You have a choice here and you actually have places to go until you figure out what you want to do. You have Ray and you have us. Between the three of us, we can help you, but you have to accept the help offered. It's up to you."
"Thank you, you're all so amazing." Scott shook his head, still startled by his outburst and his tears. He felt better now that he had shared his nightmare. What he told them was only a small part of it, though. Before the final blow up with his father, there had been other episodes of tensions and arguments and insistance on the girlfriend issue. He could feel the support of his parents slipping a bit. They didn't back him up so much in school, they attended his team games only on certain occasions. Life at home was not what it used to be. There was tension now. He knew he was gay, they suspected he was, and his father was not at all pleased by that prospect. Still, he hadn't even told them he was gay. The prospect of telling them almost made him sick.
"We're just being friends, well, Ray may be more, but you know what I mean," Aaron replied with a warm smile. This was a big thing for Scott and they wanted to assure him of their support.
"I can't believe this is all happening. A few years ago, all I could think about was that life was great. I had sports, my grades were good, I was enjoying life. My parents were good, I did love them. But over a period of time, dad started to change. I can't figure out why. I don't know what triggered it. Now, my world is upside down, I can barely make sense of it."
"Did something happen with your dad, did he lose his job?" Aaron asked.
"No, but maybe something changed at work, maybe he got demoted, or his responsibilities changed, I don't know. He never talked about these things. He always kept work out of the conversations, we didn't have to worry about that, he used to say."
"What about your mother? Is she someone who's assertive or is she more the type to be obedient, that kind of thing?"
"She worked for a while, she had a good job, she was actually quite independent, and that might be something that annoyed my father. He was always complaining she wasn't home to look after the place and the kids. 'A woman's place was at home,' he used to say," mocking his father's authoritative tone. "God, when you think about it, it's so old-fashioned, so unreal. That might have worked in the fifties, but not now, not anymore."
"Did you have a good relationship with your mum?" Ray asked.
"Yeah, it was good. Like all mothers, I think she knows I'm gay. I remember one day when she left my room after bringing clean clothes on my bed, she walked back in and said, very quietly, "There are things your father is better off not knowing." She touched my arm, looking at me for a second or two, then she left. I knew then that my mum knew I was gay. But now, I think she's terrified of dad. I don't think she loves him anymore, I think she fears him."
After some quiet time, Ray thought he should break the silence. "Look," he said, "there's not much else we can do right now. Why don't we have another round and we can figure out what to do next?"
"I'll help you get the drinks," Jackson quickly offered.
Once in the kitchen, Ray said, "Would you and Aaron like to stay for the night? The couch opens up and I have blankets. I think it might be safer for Scott to know we're all here, but only if that's OK with you."
"Yeah, I don't think Aaron will mind. We'll just get the bus back tomorrow. Anything we can do to help you and Scott, we're happy to do it."
"Jackson, you and Aaron have done so much already, I'll never forget what you've done for me. This, for us, is really a big deal. Scott and I have only been together about three months, but already, I like him a lot and he's a good man. I just hate to see him stuck in a situation like this."
"Don't worry, we'll help you through this, as long as Scott is OK with us in the picture. I mean, we're pretty much strangers to him, but…"
Ray interrupted him, "You're not strangers, I've told him enough about you two that he knows you as if you'd be old friends!"
"Well, in that case," Jackson said with a smile, "let's go, otherwise they'll wonder what we're up to."
/
Sunday morning, Ray had contacted his social worker friend who agreed without hesitation to see them at her office. They were there for an examination and to take pictures to be kept on file in case they were needed. Louisa was very good at her job, she put Scott at ease immediately with the soft tone of her voice and her careful manners with him. They took a few shots of his neck which was still showing the traces of fingers; by now, they were fading a bit but they were still clearly visible. They recorded the time of the events and the time of the pictures to account for the fading. Then she sat down next to Scott and put her hand on his left arm, "Do you mind if I remove the cast to look at your hand?" Scott had been fitted with a new type of fiberglass cast that looked more like a brace, but the hospital still referred to it as a cast. It could be removed but you had to know what you were doing.
He was surprised, at first he didn't know why she wanted to do that, but he had really no reason to say no. "I want to see if there are any markings on your fingers that could be used as evidence."
She proceeded carefully. Scott's fingers and hand were black and blue, swollen, but there were distinct marks that ran across his fingers, the marks left by his father when he grabbed his hand to hold it so tightly in the scuffle. The pressure used had been quite strong. They took the photos needed and then she put the cast back on. His hand was causing him quite a lot of pain so she offered some painkillers which he accepted gladly. Rehabilitation would take a while and he wouldn't get the use of his hand before several months.
Staring at his hand in the cast, he sighed and then he started crying again, out of the blue. The emotions were all coming back, the pain and the fear he had suffered with his father.
"Isn't a father someone with reason, someone who's supposed to love you no matter what?"
Louisa could only offer a simple answer, "Yes, but sometimes even a father doesn't see reason, and his own blurred vision prevents him from being who he should be for his child. I'm not trying to excuse his behaviour, not at all, I'm just trying to help you understand what might have happened."
Scott was grateful for her gentle way. Turning to Ray, "Thank you for doing this, thank you to both of you."
"Not a problem. Now," Lisa said, "what you need to remember is that these photos will be kept here and they can be used if you need them in court or with the police. I will sign the necessary forms and it will be official. You just let me know if you need them."
Scott thanked her. All he could think of was that he would be terrified to involve the police in this, but at the same time, he was unable to continue in this situation. He just couldn't accept that life should be so miserable. He was young, he had a boyfriend, a promising future and there was no way he was not going to grab the opportunities that would come along for him.
They went back to Ray's place and met up again with Jackson and Aaron. The plan was simple and they discussed it at length.
Scott was going back home, as if everything was fine. He would go about his week as usual, classes, homework, family life––well, as much as possible––and on Saturday, Ray, Jackson and Aaron would go to his house, help him pack up his things and he would leave, hopefully without any incident.
Until then, Scott would put together a file with his important stuff, identification papers, transcripts from school, anything of significance and hide it in a safe place. That way, next Saturday, all he'd have to do if things got ugly was grab that and run. With a better scenario, he'd take his clothes and some personal belongings and leave. The rest he could purchase. The important thing was to leave the house, the pain and the threats and find a stable, safe environment for a while.
All during the week, Scott kept thinking about his mother. He was worried about leaving her behind but, at the same time, he had to look after himself. He needed to finish this last year of school to be able to move to college. She was a grown up, he hadn't seen any physical evidence that his father was hurting her, so she was fine in that way. She certainly suffered on the emotional level, but he couldn't fix that. He couldn't be expected to fix that. He could barely keep himself together.
Ray had never been to Scott's place before but he knew where Scott lived. He had located the place on Google Maps, knew what the house looked like and had figured out how to get there. They would drive Aaron's car. It had room for them all and a large boot for Scott's things.
The week went by fairly quickly, but Aaron and Jackson kept thinking about what they were going to do the following Saturday. It was odd, it was almost like a kidnapping. They knew it was for the best and besides, Scott was an adult and could leave his parents' place if he wanted to. It's just that the circumstances were not ideal. Gordon Campbell could blow up, call the police or be an ass. Well, he wouldn't call the police after they told him about the pictures. He could be an ass, but that didn't matter. Aaron could revive some of his past temperament and show his ugly side. It wasn't dead, just dormant! That would likely calm Campbell down a bit.
Just for effect, Jackson contacted their friends Mark and Brian to see if they would accept to accompany them to Scott's place. They wouldn't have to do anything. They'd stay in their car but they could be backup in case things turned nasty. Strength in numbers, they say. They accepted gladly. After hearing a quick summary of the situation, they were only happy to help. They were not fighters, but if push came to shove, they could help in certain ways.
Scott was nervous all week but managed to hide it pretty well. When his mother noticed his nervousness and how fidgety he was, he blamed it on exams at school, which was actually not a lie. They were coming up and he had to study, which was perfect because that meant he had to spend time in his room, which allowed him even more time to put his things together.
TBC