The scariest thing about distance is that you don't know whether they'll miss you or forget you.

Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook

You Can
Chapter 25

He was dead.

He liked to believe he was dead.

It had been a few rough months already. One in which he had to deal with a pain so excruciating that he didn't even understood where it started or when it will end. Everything around him hurts; his limbs, his head, his throat, and something he can't quite comprehend… an ache in his chest so deep and so fresh.

It felt just like yesterday…

.

A month ago…

Natsume felt numb as he walked the hallways of Tokyo hospital, one wherein Mikan was still recuperating from the tragic event that left everyone traumatized. He never thought something as painful as this could happen in real life, let alone in his life. He imagined a simple life. A life full of work, nothing more. He never imagined to have a complicated life such as this: a life full of joy for spending time with somebody else. Someone like Mikan.

Mikan... his joy, his love, his everything...

His wife...

His face quickly turned grim.

He should probably coin her as his ex-wife already; no use clinging to a past that was never going to return.

...Or could it ever return?

He laughed at his insane thought. How the fuck would their relationship return to the way it was supposed to be when he can't even tell her how much he loves her or how insanely mad he is for knowing how Mikan is better off with someone like Andou than to be with him.

Love is such a complicated thing.

He was never, ever going through it ever again.

The week had gone into a blur. He didn't know he was capable of doing everything he did this week but after it? He realized he'd face it again and again if it was a means for him not to go through this hell-hole called divorce or it would mean Mikan would stay. He had to deal with the demands of operating a business, crashing stock investments, searching for any signs of Luna, and reading worthless news stating his and his wife's upcoming divorce.

It felt like a slap to his face. He already knew his life was crumbling down but why was the public so insensitive about this? About his feelings... especially Mikan's. Is it too much to ask to leave him alone to take care of it privately? But the frenzy of the people wanting to know too much details which are not theirs to know keeps the paparazzi coming. Even he had to secure the hospital so that no one would be able to get into Mikan's room to abuse her of her good-nature disposition.

He knew she had been loved by the media, Natsume smiled at the thought. She was making an image for herself, an image which everybody appreciated. Even he was shock to see how much the media adored her. She had stay down-to-earth and is known for treating the paparazzi as normal people where she could tell a bunch of childhood stories like they were her old friends. She was beautiful and charming and everyone loved her. But just like vultures, the paparazzi, can't get enough. Now, because of their need to earn, they sabotage her goodness just for a worthless story that would soon become old news for the people.

Why can't they just leave her alone?

As for Luna... that fucking bitch better be dead by now. If he did find her, he'd be the one to kill her. He'd show her how much pain it feels to lose a child, a child so divine, a child created by his love for Mikan. She was going to pay hell for this. As for Persona, he was strictly under surveillance and continued to be under interrogation. It was shocking to be led to the fact that Luna was the half-sibling of Persona. Has his interrogation team been lenient when they first captured Persona? Wasn't that suppose to be included in the file that was delivered to him. He needs to find some answers and he'll definitely find it soon.

Natsume sighed in defeat. It had been a very long week indeed. All he wanted was to be home, to be in her—

Don't go there, Natsume. He forced his mind to push the thoughts away. Once the papers are signed by her, she wasn't his home anymore. She wasn't his anymore. She wasn't his…

The thought only made his mood even fouler. It was in times like these when he just want to get away from it all.

"And now you're running away again. You are so rotten. You don't know how much pain you are causing her. You are really fucking stupid, Natsume. You will regret this."

The voice of Tsubasa clearly rang inside his head.

Was he running from it all? If he was, he wouldn't be here. He wouldn't be doing what was best for Mikan, for the both of them.

Was he so rotten? Yes. Well it is what he is. He was the epitome of rottenness and he plans to keep it that way. It's only for the better that no one gets inside his walls, it's better to forget Mikan ever entering his walls. It's better this way.

Was he causing pain to her? A pain which can simply be repaired by someone who could fully appreciate and love her. She will be okay. She will.

Was he stupid? He was a genius. He had planned this out all along. All he wanted was full rights to Hyuuga Industries. He'll be getting the rights just as soon as his first child be born. But it wasn't going to happen anymore. His contract marriage was crumbling, he lost his unborn child, and he still has no full rights to the Hyuuga Industries.

But get this... he found it was alright. Maybe, Hyuuga Industries was really not for him at all. He was stupid. And not good enough for anything. That's where fucking-perfect Andou comes in. He will take care of it, just like Mikan. He would be better for Mikan and for the business. This was for the better.

Will he regret this? He stared at the envelope which held the divorce papers. He felt his blood boil once again and he almost crumpled the envelope in his hands in the process.

The divorce papers.

The papers he had been waiting for.

He'll be free of Mikan.

They'll be free of this awful situation.

He forced a smile on his face but it wouldn't show.

This was for the better.

Finally.

He stood in front of her door. It felt nostalgic to be coming here once again. A lot has happened here. From the first weeks he had met Mikan to the awful news of Mikan's miscarriage. A lot of memories was held in this hospital.

He didn't want to ever be in this place again.

He stared at Mikan's hospital door once more. Thinking of whether this was a good idea.

He had been avoiding her.

This hospital.

Everyone.

They left him alone. He was thankful for that. Even his grandfather, who had gone back from his vacation, didn't reprimand him. Things were looking good, he liked to believe.

Yes, things were better this way. He kept repeating to himself.

He kept staring at the door.

What was he waiting for again? Wouldn't he want to get this over with as quickly as possible? What was he supposed to say again? When all he wanted to do was to wrap his arms around her and tell her it's going to be alright? Can he fake this once again? Can he assure himself that he won't do anything that would complicate things?

He sighed. He didn't trust himself to do this. He knew that entering the room would be a sign of something he was truly afraid of. He was scared to death.

He shook his head from the thoughts that was enveloping him. He was confused. He can't be confused about this. He needed to get over this.

For him, for the both of them.

For Mikan.

He lifted his hands and was about to do just that when he felt a familiar hand on his shoulders.

"Grandfather Hisashi…"

Mikan's grandfather gave Natsume a slow smile. Natsume observed the orange glow of the sun setting as it outlined the old man. "Son, you look like a mess."

Son.

That caught him off guard. Why was he still calling him son? Wasn't he supposed to be mad? To forget his connections to the Sakura family?

Natsume couldn't look him straight into the eyes. "Just had a lot going on. How have you been?" How is Mikan?

Hisashi gave him his widest smile. "Never been better, son. I feel like going on a marathon soon. Takishiro will definitely need the exercise." He joked and only received a grim nod from Natsume.

Hisashi sighed inwardly. "Mikan's still asleep. Is that…?"

Natsume quickly nodded and offered the envelope to him. "I think… it would be best for… Mikan… not to see me anymore. Would it be alright if…" He couldn't seem to continue the thought.

Who was he kidding? Of course, he wanted to see her. Even for the last time. He wanted to kiss her, wanted to touch her, smell her, to memorize every little detail about her. He never wanted to let go of her.

"What is it, son?"

Please don't call me son, Natsume thought as he finally looked up at the Grandfather Hisashi's eyes. It makes me want to burn this papers.

"Please… let her read the papers and… and let her sign."

Natsume saw the disappointment in his eyes and the sigh that he tried to hide. Hisashi received the envelope and gave him a small smile. "I will."

Please also tell her that I love her.

"Thank you grandfather. I think it's best for me to go now."

Hisashi nodded. "You take care… Natsume."

Natsume observed the change from calling him a son to his name. It felt the stab. He was losing someone who loved. It was coming to an end.

He nodded and turned towards the exit.

.

Was this how it feels to be dead?

Shouts were thrown everyone. He felt a burning sensation around him bordering into something very uncomfortable. He was in a daze, he can't see anything sharp. His hearing is lacking. He could only see a blur of white in front of him. The harsh sounds of people scurrying around him. He didn't feel good. Didn't feel good at all.

He's probably in hell.

His body hurts. His throats feels on fire. He can't even lift a finger.

He was dead.

Finally.

He didn't care whether he was in hell. He was probably supposed to be in hell anyway.

"Natsume! Natsume! Get yourself together!"

Who's voice was that?

Why was it so familiar? But at the same time a voice he can't quite recognize.

It was a woman's voice.

Was it Mikan's?

It didn't sound like Mikan. And she couldn't be here. This was hell, hell was only for people like him.

He felt her touch. Her touch on his arms was surprisingly cool and comforting. Who was this? Was this an angel? Was she trying to give him another chance?

No, no. He was dead already. He ached all over. He felt in hell all over.

So who was this?

"Oh my son! Please don't do this. Oh God, please help him."

His mother…?

His mother...

Is this true?

It couldn't be.

She left him when he was six.

She couldn't be here.

Or was she also in hell because she left him?

But why was it white?

He can't be in heaven when he was feeling shitty.

Was he being fought over?

Was his mother, his angel?

It couldn't be...

But why did it feel so true?

Was this the consolation given to him from above? Well, if it is. He might just take it. Whether in hell or in heaven, at least, it was good to know that even for once his mother wanted him in her life again.

Her mother finally… for once… looking out for him. A smile formed on his face.

"Mo—mother…"

Then he passed out once again.

.

"Alcohol poisoning. The doctor's diagnosis. Said he had too much drinks. Well I can attest to that seeing him continuously drink for the past few months." Tsubasa sighed as he looked down at his step-mother who had a strong hold on Natsume's hands.

"Will he be alright?" Kaoru whispered as she looked longingly at his son. It had been a long 18 years since she last held him. His precious son. Finally. A tear fell on her cheeks.

"The alcohol did way, way much damage to his body but the doctor said he will be alright. Just a few month's rest in bed and no alcoholic drinks for him."

"Thank God." Kaoru whispered as she held Natsume's hands on her face. It feels good to hold his son's hands.

"Well… I leave the two of you then." Tsubasa smiled. For the first time, he had finally seen a genuine smile on his step-mother's face. It was comforting. After all this time, she was finally happy.

"Thank you Tsubasa for watching over him when I couldn't."

"It's alright mother. You know how much that brat means to me even after all this time. I'll come visit tomorrow. I'll bring Misaki with me as well."

"You take care, Tsubasa." And proceeded to look longingly at Natsume who was sleeping soundly on the hospital bed.

.

Natsume awoke to the sound of water running from somewhere. He squinted his eyes from the bright rays of the sun entering the crack of the shutters of the room.

Where was he?

When his eyes adjusted, he roamed the room and found that he was in a hospital bed. The room was full of medical instruments, a dextrose in his left arm, a couple of flower vases on his right, and some person using the water on the adjacent room.

He tried to find clues as to who was staying with him but everything in the room looks unfamiliar... except for the doll Natsume was sure Mikan had given to Sei before. So Ruka and Hotaru, along with Sei, came to visit him. But if it were they... shouldn't it be three people cramped in the adjacent room? He could only hear one.

He found a ladies' bag on the couch by the windows. A woman? Could it be? Mikan?

He tried to push his body up to a sitting position from the bed but failed miserably. His whole body was numb but all he kept thinking was Mikan on the other side of the room. He tried it once again only to realize his head was the only thing he could move. He breathed deeply. He can't get this weak just because of some infection he might have gotten. He tried once again to push himself off the bed but it only caused him a painful stab on the lower side of his body.

He groaned.

"My-Natsume! What are you doing!"

Natsume's gaze snapped towards the voice. It definitely wasn't Mikan's...

And there she was. There was his mother.

Kaoru Andou made a bee-line to his son and offered assistance to him but Natsume, with a great deal of energy, forced her away with his arms.

Natsume tried to speak but he didn't find his voice. He tried again but nothing.

"Your throat is still healing. It's better for you not to speak."

He gaze at her. So many questions he wanted to ask, so many things he wanted to say.

Why are you here?

Get the fuck away from me!

Why after all this time?

Why?

He continued to observe the mother he had forced to forget. She was still beautiful as he remembered. A little wrinkles and a few white hair didn't make her less beautiful to what Natsume could remember.

"I…" His mother started awkwardly. "The doctor said... you had alcohol poisoning... and you need time to rest and heal your internal organs."

Why don't you start by telling me why the hell you left me. Why the hell you remarried. Why the hell are you here. And why the fuck did you leave me.

"O-out…" Natsume rasped out. Emotions such as anger and confusion welled up within him. He didn't want to see her. Not now. Not ever.

His mother's eyes widened and was frozen in place.

"I… I said… o-out." He repeated as much as his throat felt like it was on fire, he repeated it.

Just in time, the room door opened and much to his dismay, he found Tsubasa entering along with a woman he was familiar with...

Misaki?

He stared up at them and saw the link of their fingers.

His eyes flared. What the fuck? Shouldn't he be with Mikan? What the hell was this? Are they an item? He was going to kill Tsubasa.

"Y-you... B-"

"Oh, quit it. Call me names when you get your voice back." Tsubasa ushered Misaki along with him and they both gave Kaoru a peck on the cheek.

It was all too familial. Natsume couldn't take it.

"Hey, you should be happy little brother. Older brother's going to get married with a beautiful wife!" Tsubasa fondly embraced Misaki and showed off their engagement ring.

"Shut your mouth, Andou!" Misaki accused as she hit him in the back of his head.

Natsume's anger fired up even more. What the fuck is happening? Misaki had been a childhood friend of Natsume when he and Tsubasa were best friends. As they grew, Misaki became more closer to Tsubasa than he did. He never knew this would happen. How was it even possible? Is Tsubasa two-timing? How the hell did he not know about this!

"I see you got loads of questions in your head but you couldn't ask it. And from the looks in your eyes you want to snap my head off. Well, I'm in such a good mood, I will give you all the details now. So you shut it? Oh, I forget, you can't speak. Nor move." Tsubasa laughed. "This will be fun."

Natsume glared.

All gathered around him as Tsubasa started. "First and foremost... have you given mother a warm welcome?"

Natsume's eyes darted towards Kaoru but quickly stared blankly at Tsubasa.

"Well... I see not yet. You should though. Mother had done some awesome things just to be here."

Awesome my ass. She'd been late for more than 18 years. No use getting re-acquainted.

"I know what's running through your head Natsume." Tsubasa glared at Natsume. "You don't know the cause-"

"Tsubasa, that's enough." Kaoru whispered solemnly as she forced a smile. "Continue your story."

Natsume observed the both of them. What was happening? He didn't care at all.

"Anyway. Mother already told you you had alcohol poisoning. What the hell is wrong with you? Leaving the company all of a sudden. You're such a big pain in the ass. Do you know how much fucking time you have wasted? Two fucking months! And counting! And I thought you would be so smart as to understand that you should be courting Mikan, not getting a divorce with her! Are you a fucking idiot!"

Natsume glared at Tsubasa. "Y-you..." He tried to say.

Tsubasa's anger dissipated and he offered a grin against Natsume's foul face. "You look ugly, Natsume. Quit that ugly face. No wonder Mikan divorced you."

Natsume wanted to fight. You fucking moron!

"Tsubasa quit making Natsume angry!" Misaki screamed.

Tsubasa faltered. "Y-yes! Fine. Anyway back to the story. I know you want to know how Mikan is. I don't know if she's better... I haven't seen her lately. I heard she went back to the countryside and staying there for the meantime. You, Natsume, should have known better. How could you hurt Mikan like that? You don't know how dear that kid is to me."

Natsume's eyes snapped. That kid?

"I was never in love with her, Natsume. I love her as a sister but never something quite as what you have with her. It might be the same as what I feel for Misaki..." Tsubasa fondly looked at his fiance, "...but it's never that way for Mikan."

But...

"I see Mikan to get to you. Haven't you realized it yet? I miss my best friend and getting to know her was also great. At least I got to know you were safe and that she was doing some miracle with you. I... I don't know how grave and rocky your relationship is with her but believe me, it will get better. The more challenges awaiting the both of you, the more likely your bond will get stronger. Just like me and Misaki's. It was hard to hide our relationship from the media. The agony of hiding it for eight years was hell."

EIGHT YEARS?

"We had an image to uphold. Misaki's modelling agency doesn't want any relationships and so we had to hide it."

"But now, everything is perfect." Misaki smiled.

"Everything will be alright, Natsume. Trust me."

Everything will be alright...

"Oh by the way, Natsume. Just so you know mother stayed up all two days for you? I think she hasn't even slept yet. Look at those ugly circles in her eyes. You should be more careful next time. Mother's not as young as she was."

That gave Tsubasa a slap on the back from his mother. "Stop it, Tsubasa."

Natsume looked at the interaction and felt betrayed once again. Why had he never had that kind of interaction with her? His anger appeared again.

"I…I s-said… o-out!"

Tsubasa grinned at him. "Can't make us. You're stuck with us, little brother."

.

The sudden arrival of his mother in his life left him in a stupor.

How was he able to live his past 18 years without his mother, again? It was more than what he had imagined in his dreams. He had not forgiven her at all. He even gave her a hard time whenever he was awake. He'd act grumpy, a spoiled brat, whatever he felt like and would often give his mother the silent treatment. He had so much to think but he never thought his mind would be occupied with another woman.

And just like that he found himself thinking of Mikan.

Mikan…

He was going insane missing her.

It had been what? Two months… three? Since they last saw each other. He'd lost much of his interest in the world and without realizing it, his most awaited time of the day is when somebody tells him news about Mikan. How she is? What is happening with her life?

After he was discharged from the hospital, he was put to bed rest. He was currently staying at the Hyuuga Mansion as it was convenient for everyone to check up on him. He could walk now and speak but he still needed all the rest he could get.

He hated it. But what can he do. There's no use going to any place anywhere.

He didn't care for a lot of things right now, really. He hadn't even bother checking up on Hyuuga Industries. Nothing really matters anything to him anymore. Grandfather Takishiro never bothered to visit him as well. It's like they have been avoiding a confrontation. Natsume knew his grandfather was disappointed in him. But he was more disappointed in himself than no one could ever compare. He had lost his wife, his child, and even the business he had loved.

But now that he was empty, he actually felt so much better. So much freedom in his hands. So much time to start over.

"Natsume, have you eaten your lunch yet?"

Natsume sighed.

That voice again.

She didn't even bother knocking. He decided to give her the silent treatment for today. He wasn't in the mood to do much damage.

"Natsume?"

Silence.

"How would you—"

"Could you just leave me alone?" Natsume finally lifted his eyes and stared straight at his mother. The mother who was so foreign to him. "I'm tired. Annoyed. Irritated at seeing you all day, all night. Don't bother coming here, alright? It's such a waste of time."

"Natsume… it's never a waste of time—"

"Really? So why waste eighteen years of my life before you finally realized that I am worth your time? Could you please explain? Because you have me stumped." Natsume gritted his teeth.

"Natsume… I tried. I really tried—"

"You tried? YOU TRIED?"

"Son—"

"DON'T YOU DARE CALL ME SON! You gave up the chance when you left me when I was six!" Natsume angrily spat out. "JUST GET OUT! JUST FUCKING GET OUT!"

The look on Kaoru's face was so painful that Natsume almost faltered but he forced his expression to stay as rigid as possible. No matter how many times she'll try to get him back, he won't let her.

"Get out." Natsume finally repeated.

Kaoru left without saying another word.

She just couldn't go inside his world thinking that it will ever be the same.

FAQ

May pinagdadaanan ka ba at kailangan mo patayin ang baby ni Mikan? -_- nakakadepress -_-
(ROUGH TRANSLATION: Are you going through something that's why you need to kill Mikan's baby? It's depressing.)

Hahaha! No, not going through anything at all.

Does Tsubasa love Mikan? Or is he acting like a very protective brother? Somehow I like Tsubasa here than Natsume.

He does, like a sister (as explained in this chapter.)

How many chapters are you planning to have?

No matter how much I forecast how many chapters I'll write, it's always wrong. So let's just see how the story goes? But I do hope in ending it soon. This has been a very long-term affair, don't you guys think?

The Story of the Lost Chapter Twenty-five

I am Twenty-five. My friends call me TF. How should I describe myself? Back then, I was full of gossip and intrigue and lives were soon in renewal when the old me was alive. I was part of the gossip department... I had it all. I even let the paparazzi on the new life of Mikan-oh, my bad. Anyway, I was living the life!

But you see... there's just some things we need to learn and understand and wouldn't realize until the very end.

Well... how should I say this... hmmm... the one writing me? Aki Lee? Her PC died. Died along with the remnants of my old self and my memories. I was done and ready for editing way back June/July but she was too caught up with her thesis, she had forgotten to back up her other files. What was left of my old self was stuck in the past and she had to redo everything all over again. Henceforth, the delay.

Please try to understand her. And BLAME IT ON THE DAMN PC WHO DIDN'T GIVER HER ENOUGH TIME TO BACK UP HER FILES!

...

Well fine... the PC was really about to die. She knew that. She'd seen the symptoms and she decided to not care at all. SO BLAME HER! DAMN IT! BLAME HER FOR THE DELAY!

BLAME HER-

The end.

(But I liked the outcome of this chapter better than the last! Thank God for crashing PC! All hail!)

P.S. Next chapter: let's get up-close and personal with Mikan's new life!