Chapter 24: Bloodlust

Disclaimer: I do not own Vampire Academy

These past two days being away from court alone with Dimitri had been surreal, but now it was time to go back to living in the real world. Dimitri had dropped me off at my apartment because he had a guardian meeting. Here I was standing in line at the feeders waiting for them to call my name. I wondered if I'd have the guts to feed normally now that I knew that the only other way I was getting blood was to use Dimitri as my own personal blood bank. I was not okay with that, so this was going to have to work.

"Are you sure you want to do this? I thought Dimitri was getting you blood from somewhere," Christian asked standing in line behind me. I needed him here to pull me off in case I couldn't stop. I didn't want Dimitri to know that I wasn't going to let him feed me anymore, not just yet. He would insist it wasn't a big deal, but I knew better. He didn't like the whole blood thing ever since he had been turned and I didn't want him re-living his horrors just because I was a wuss who couldn't feed properly.

"I'm sure," I told him steeping forward as they called my name.

I was lucky that it wasn't Walter I was feeding from today. I didn't want to give the poor man a heart attack. The feeder today was Pearl. She was a younger woman, but still a decent size. I took a deep breath, bared my fangs to her neck and began to draw blood. I stopped after a few seconds, pulling away gracefully.

"What's the matter? You were doing great. Why did you stop?" Christian asked.

"I had enough. It's all good," I replied wiping my mouth on my sleeve.

"I highly doubt that," he snorted.

"It didn't taste good okay, " I admitted reluctantly. In fact it tasted so putrid, had I swallowed another mouthful, I would have vomited all over the place.

He gave me a funny look and took his turn feeding from Pearl. "Tastes fine to me," he said shrugging after her finished.

I shuddered. Her blood had tasted vile to me. It was worse than anything I've ever tasted before. I wondered if fresh blood could be rotten. I supposed not, but then what could it have been? I decided to figure it out later. I was already late to meet Dimitri in the gym. Tomorrow I would feed from a different feeder and it would be better.

"Oh my God," I cried nearly gagging as I took blood for yet another feeder. It was the fourth time I'd been here this week and not one of the sources had given me anything I could stomach.

"Are you sure you're finished Princess?" Guardian Larue asked as I took a step back.

"Yes, I'm fine," I said although it was far from the truth. I was starving and there was no way I'd make it through practice today without at least a pint. I had two choices ahead of me. Either I could go back to my apartment and drain a few of the bags that had been piling up in the back my refrigerator or I could try it again here.

"On second thought, I think I'll have a little more," I said wanting to try again. As it turns out that was a very bad idea. I ended up gagging so hard I threw up blood all over Guardian Larue. Talk about the most embarrassing day of my life as Princess Lazar. I'm just glad Sparky wasn't here to witness it or I'd never live it down.

"Would you like me to escort you to the clinic?" he asked being very understanding about his now blood stained clothing.

"No, I'm fine. Thank you," I said scurrying out of there as fast as I could. I was still thirsty, but there was no way I was going to be able to feed in there again. It was humiliating.

My stomach turned again at the thought of taking Dimitri's blood. I decided it was better to be hungry than to feed from the man I loved. I cleaned myself off and headed to practice.

"You're not on your A game today," Dimitri pointed out as he landed an easy blow to my left shoulder. He'd taken to sparring with me more often these days. I knew he was holding back some of his strength, but I had been getting in some pretty good hits myself.

"I'm just tired. Give me five minutes and I'll mop the floor with you," I panted guzzling down my water bottle. It was useless, there was no way I could fight him. I was exhausted and thirsty.
"You look pale," he said with concern placing his hand on my forehead.

"I'm moroi, I'm supposed to be albino," I snapped. My attitude didn't seem to faze him. He placed his hands on my shoulders forcing me to look at him.

"What's going on with you today?" he asked. Now he was acting more like my mentor than my guardian. I should have found that comforting, but all it did was make me ache for him in ways I couldn't describe.

"Nothing, I'm fine!" I growled, attempting to shake his hands of me.

"You aren't fine," he argued gripping me tighter.

I sighed. "I'm just tired. I didn't sleep well last night." It was the truth after all. I hadn't slept well since those two nights we spent together in that crappy motel. I needed to feel his arms around me. I had tossed and turned in his absence and my thirst was definitely not helping.

"I didn't either," he admitted rubbing the back of his neck.

"Why not?" I asked wondering what could possibly be keeping him awake.

"I missed you," he admitted.

"You did?" I asked my head snapping up. He missed me? My heart rate sped up at his admission.

"I did," he said cracking a small smile.

"I missed you too," I said pushing myself closer to him resting my head against his chest.

He let out a breath of air and wrapped me up in his strong arms.

"I think it's time to call it a day. I will walk you home," he said putting his arm around my shoulder as we walked.

"Would you like me to make you some dinner before I go?" he asked loitering in the doorway. It was like he wanted an excuse to stay here with me. If only he knew that he didn't need one. I never wanted him to leave.

"Go?" I asked. "Who says I'm letting you leave?" I teased opening the door wide beckoning him inside.

"I like it when you're forceful," he said stepping through the doorway.

"Dinner sounds good," I said leaning heavily against the sink. I was so tired, I could barely hold myself up.

"You haven't touched your dinner. Are you sure you're feeling alright?" he asked.

"I'm really okay, just not too hungry. I think I'm going to go take a bath. Would you mind clearing the table?" I asked standing abruptly, which was a mistake. My head began to spin and before I knew what was happening Dimitri rushed forward catching me as I fell.

DPOV

"Roza," I cried as I watched her fall, leaping forward just in time to catch her before her head made contact with the edge of the table. I carried her over to the sofa, lying her down gently against the cushions. Her eyes fluttered open as I fanned her face with a magazine.

"What happened?" she asked, disoriented.

"You fainted."

"Oh, I must be more tired than I thought," she said attempting to stand.

"This cannot be simply because of fatigue," I stated. "Let me get you some water."

"No, don't go back there," she cried scrambling to her feet, but it was too late.

"What are these?' I asked pulling out at least half a dozen pints of blood.

"Extra blood bags," she said.

"Try again," I deadpanned waiting for her explanation.

"I can't drink it," she said.

"Why not?" I demanded wondering if there was something wrong with my blood.

"Because it's yours!" she shouted.

I sat down at the table, not knowing what to say to that.

"What is it about it being my blood that bothers you exactly?" I asked knowing full well what the real reason was. I knew she was thinking about when I had taken her blood when I was strigoi. I wanted her to know that this wasn't the same. She wasn't asking me for it and she certainly wasn't taking it against my will.

"I just can't. It isn't right," she said softly looking deep into my eyes.

"So you haven't been taking blood at all?" I questioned.

"I went to the feeders."

"Then why are you so tired?"

"I didn't exactly take enough," she said.

"Are you still afraid? If you are, you have nothing to worry about. I know you would never hurt anyone," I said trying to reassure her.

"No that wasn't it."

"Then what?"

"I don't know. It just didn't taste good. It was rotten or something. I couldn't stomach it," she said wrinkling her nose.

"Well some moroi prefer specific feeders. You just have to find one you like," I said knowing from experience, that all blood did not taste the same and that some was definitely a lot better than the others.

"Maybe you could ask Lissa which one she prefers," I suggested.

She shook her head. "I tried four different ones. They weren't just bad. I actually vomited after the last one," she confessed looking ashamed.

"But you are fine when you drink my blood?" I asked thoroughly confused.

She nodded swiping a stray tear that had begun to trickle down her cheek.

"It's okay, everything is going to be okay," I said reaching over and enveloping her in my arms.

"Really? Because the way I see it, things are really screwed up. I can't drink anyone's blood other than yours and I don't want to drink that because I don't want you to feel like a blood whore," she sobbed. "Why do I always have to be such a freak?"

I pulled away and placed my hands on either side of her face. "You are not a freak and I don't feel like a blood whore. It is noble of you to refuse to drink my blood, but if it is what keeps you safe and healthy, I am not taking no for an answer," I said.

"It just feels wrong," she sniffled.

"Does it?" I asked reaching into the refrigerator pulling out a bag.

"No!" she sobbed. "That's what is so wrong. It feels good. It tastes good. It feels like it was made for me," she cried panting as she looked at the bag in front of her with bloodlust.

"Then take it. I want you to," I coaxed, poking a straw through the top of the bag.

"I can't," she said looking away.

"You can," I said holding it out for her again.

I knew she was only refusing because she loved me, but it was frustrating as hell. I wanted to take her into my arms and tell her that I would give her anything including my life, not because she was my charge and I had pledged my life to protect moroi, but because she was the love of my life, the one person in the world that meant more to me than anything else.

"If we have to do this the hard way we will," I told her.

"What do you mean by that?"

I took out my pocket-knife and slowly made a small incision on my left wrist.

"What the hell are you doing?" she cried.

"Enticing you to do what feels natural," I said placing my wrist under her nose.

"Please don't," she begged, closing her eyes.

"Don't fight it," I urged bringing my wrist closer to her mouth. She inhaled sharply, before letting out a feral growl latching onto my wrist with force. I closed my eyes enjoying the euphoria that washed over me as she fed.

She pulled back abruptly. "I'm sorry," she cried.

"Don't be," I responded. "You need blood, and I need you," I growled pressing her up against the wall a little harder than I should have greedily possessing her lips. She responded hungrily wrapping her legs around my waist. I could taste my blood on her tongue and usually it would cause me nothing but disgust, but right now it was lighting me up like a firework. With one fluid motion, I cleared the counter of its contents lifting her up she was sitting atop it with me standing between her legs. I pulled at the hem of her shirt desperate to feel what was underneath. She writhed beneath my touch making no attempt at all to stop me as her hands found their way under my shirt. It would be so easy for me to take her right here, right now hard and fast and at the rate were going it wouldn't take any convincing on my part, but this wasn't how I wanted it to be. I didn't want the first time I made love to her in over a year to be hasty and rushed on a countertop. I wanted to take my time with her and familiarize myself with her new assets one inch at a time. So as wonderful as it felt to have her pressed against me like this, I had to stop.

"I think we are moving too quickly," I said pulling away.

Her eyes were dilated and her cheeks flushed with a healthy glow and it took all of my self-control to keep space between us.

"What are we doing?" she asked shaking her head.

"Well we were kissing," I said trying to lighten her up a little.

"No, I mean us, you and me, together like this. I can't do this," she cried jumping off the counter.

"What do you mean this?" I asked grabbing her wrist as she attempted to leave.

"This!" she cried gesturing towards me and then herself.

"It bothers you that I'm a Dhampir?" I asked knowing full well that wasn't it.

"What? No! How could you even say that? Of course not."

"Then what is it? Why can't we be together?" I asked. "Is it about the blood?"

"No, it isn't that. I just, I mean can you handle this?" she asked.

"Handle what?"

"Me," she stated.

I laughed a little. She wanted to know if I could handle her. I wanted to say, if I could handle her back at the academy, then I could sure as hell handle her now. She had come a long way since then, but I refrained.

"I'm a royal moroi, the Lazar Princess. Isn't this against your guardian code or something?"

"Guadian code?" I wasn't aware that such a code was in existence.

"Yes, you know that mask you put on and hide behind whenever things get tough," she said. Suddenly I knew where she was going with this. She was insecure. I had struggled with the rules back at the academy always taking a step forward with her and then two steps back, but that was different. She was underage and my student. This was not the same. She was of age and although she was royal, it wasn't against the law for us to be together. More than that, wild horses couldn't drag me away from her. I wasn't giving her up for anyone or anything not now not ever.

"Listen to me. This thing between us, this thing I feel when I'm around you, it's real and I'm not going anywhere," I said cupping her face in my hands.

"So that's it? We're a couple now?" she asked in disbelief.

"If that is what you want, then yes," I said.

"You mean it? You won't care what everyone else thinks?"

"I've never allowed others to dictate my life. I've never done anything I wasn't one hundred percent sure of."

"Really?" she asked.

"Really," I responded kissing her with passion.

RPOV

Holy hell, I'd finally gotten him to admit his feelings for me. My heart soared and then dropped as I realized that for him to actually give it a go with me as Soraya, that he had truly gotten over me as Rose and that stung a little. I knew it was for the best and that being with him was worth whatever heartache it caused me to know that he had put our love in the past and moved on, but a part of me still ached that he could be with another woman even though we were frighteningly similar which is what drew him to me in the first place.

"Would it be presumptuous of me to ask if I could stay the night?" he asked once again completely blindsiding me with his forwardness.

"Well technically yes, but I find it quite charming," I said holding out my hand for him. My pulse quickened at the thought of us together in the same bed, but I was pretty sure from what he'd said earlier about moving too quickly, that he wasn't going to try any funny business just yet. I was prepared either way and given the opportunity I would give myself to him in a heartbeat. As it turns out Soraya had awful menstrual cycles which I'd figured out a few months ago when I was doubled over in pain bleeding like a gutted fish. I'd called up her doctor who'd asked if I'd recently gone off my birth control pills. I told him that yes in fact I had. He was surprised because the main reason he'd given them to me or to her rather was that it helped regulate my cycle. I'd refilled the prescription and had felt so much better after taking them for a month or more. One thing was for sure, this chick had some pretty messed up hormones. So when and if Dimitri wanted to try some funny business, I was prepared.

I know this chapter was just filler, but I thought you deserved a bit of fluff before anything heavy. What did you think?