In Chapter 24, Leena successfully framed Jennifer by physically abusing herself and planting her drugs on the table and then notifying the authorities. Upon arrival, she was attended to and Jennifer was arrested as soon as she arrived. Afterwards, Leena was taken to Saint Mariana's Home For Girls…
"Okay Esther, smile for the camera", said Sister Judith in exaggerated excitement. It had been over two weeks since my arrival and I had since physically recovered from my self-imposed beating. I smiled as she snapped a Polaroid of me. The bright flash blinded me slightly as I watched her remove the instant photo from the camera's front. After a moment she told me that I could be excused.
The photo was being placed into my file for any prospective "parents" to troll over. Much to my dismay, no couples had visited since my arrival. I would spend hours at a time just staring out the windows, waiting, hoping for a prospective family to come along. To whisk me away from this "Girl's Home". Spring was in full bloom now and the children were taking full advantage of the gorgeous weather that we were having. The bleakness of Winter had come and gone as it does every year.
The children often played games of tag and hide and go seek among other activities. I never cared to join them. I was an adult woman and far too matured to engage in such silliness. Yes, I dressed like them, looked like them, and dreamed for a family such as them but I was old enough to be the mother of any of those girls. The fact that I had such limited interaction with the others seemed to worry the nuns to some extent although they had yet to discuss with me why I remained so reclusive.
Sure this place was a hell of an improvement over where I had stayed when I was in Russia but I could not shake the somber feeling I felt day after day. The gray and white uniform I had to wear on a daily basis, like my foolish dresses, felt confining and drab. I had only limited interactions with the children and actually felt closer to my fellow adults who were running the place.
I began walking towards the day room where the girls normally were engaged in some activity such as craft making or writing. We had school classes every day but in our leisure time this was among the many productive activities that everybody engaged in. Today I was absolutely delighted when I seen what our activity would be. Painting!
Much like music, the arts have always been a passion of mine and remain so even today. It had been many years since I last picked up a brush and let my imagination soar but today I could at least resume a long-lost hobby of mine. "Oh, hello Esther" said the ever-friendly Sister Abigail.
"We're painting today? YAY!" I said in a false childish joy. My smile ran ear to ear. I clapped excitedly as some of the girls turned to notice my enthusiasm before quietly returning their attention to their easels. "There's a few spots open, Esther. Take a seat where you wish." I nodded and smiled. "Thank you, Sister Abigail" I answered cheerfully. There was a little corner spot in the back of the day room by the window. The whole room was basked in the glow of the flood of sunlight entering through the windows.
I quietly took my seat and stared at the blank canvas placed in front of me. I have been painting since a child. I was nowhere near as good enough at painting as I was say at playing the piano but I certainly consider myself better than average. I began to hum "The Glory of Love" softly to myself as I grabbed a brush and opened up the various small bottles of different colored paints that were to my side.
I wondered what I should paint? Certainly if I were alone it would be something dark or even raunchy. I decided I would paint some sunflowers. I would have painted a picture of Paul or Syrah but I wanted to see how well I could still paint to begin with. I welcomed the smells of the paints as they permeated the air around me.
As most any painter does before starting their work, I gently sketched out what I wanted to paint. A simple scene really. I sketched out a simple portrait of several sunflowers. Each one of them had a smiling face surrounded by their delicate yellow petals. I became a little frustrated as I had to frequently erase the drawings in order to fix them.
I certainly was rusty at this. I looked around at what the other children were painting out of curiosity. Many were painting primitive and simple portraits of long gone family members or various animals. An elephant, a horse, a dog and cat. Et cetera. Sister Abigail sat quietly at a small table in the front and was knitting something while keeping an eye on us. I glanced over at her and we smiled to one another.
Another nun named Sister Margaret entered the room and gave me a nod as she passed. She went to Sister Abigail in regards to something. As of what I do not as they were whispering. I broke the silence. "Sister Abigail, may I please open my window? I want to hear the birds!" I asked. "Go ahead, Esther."
I stood up and opened the worn window. It was the kind that you simply push the bottom portion up. I struggled for a second before it finally budged. The room was now filled with the sounds of birds happily chirping. Honestly I just wanted to get the paint fumes away from me. I thanked Sister Abigail and finished by drawing. "Well Leena, you still got it!" I said aloud. I suddenly caught myself.
I realized I said my real name aloud and quickly scanned the room. I was quiet enough apparently that nobody had noticed my saying of anything. I placed a hand of relief on my chest. "Esther stupid! Your name is ESTHER! Don't make problems like this!" I thought angrily to myself. In hushed silence I leaned back in my chair and examined my drawing much to my satisfaction. I nodded in contentment and proceeded to dip a brush into some yellow paint. I gingerly and delicately painted the petal a nice bright shade of yellow and then painted a blue background.
I spent probably an hour on the painting and managed to finish it right before Sister Abigail informed us that we had to finish up and get ourselves ready for Math class. One of the good things about being schooled at this institution was that since we were all dressed the same at least I didn't stand out as I did back in Maine. I shuddered at the thought of that school.
I didn't want to have to do to any of these girls what I did to Samantha. So far the children seemed to accept me and feel sorry for my predicament. This home lacked the social cliques that I witnessed at school when I was living with the Sullivans. At least I could be left alone in peace.
I planned on calling Syrah perhaps later on in the day or the day after. We had since resumed talking and I had called her several times since my arrival here. She knew where I was at yet I didn't tell her the truth about what I had to Jennifer. I felt like I had to lie. I always feared that if she knew the whole truth that she would perhaps change her mind and turn me in! Murdering the Sullivans had pushed her nerves to the edge and I didn't want to stress her out anymore. I doubt her boyfriend had a clue as to what was going on!
I thought of her often here and she was on my mind as I walked upstairs to the large dorm room, one of several, that housed the 30 plus girls who called this place home, There were eight girls, myself included, who slept in this particular room every night in four sets of bunk beds. I had a bottom bunk and I proceeded to move my suitcases that were under the bed out of the way so I could retrieve my Math book. I was on all fours as I reached for it. Oh, remember about the girls not harassing me? Well, that was now about to change.
One of the girls named Allison, who was around 11 or so, tripped over my legs and fell hard onto the wooden floor. I heard the loud thud as she gasped. "Typical blonde" I muttered in Estonian as I glanced over my shoulder. The fact that I didn't help her up and simply ignored what just happened had now pissed her off. After all, why would I care? I didn't intend for it to happen.
She sat on her ass and snapped at me. "What the hell Esther? Watch where you're lying like that you stupid idiot!" she shouted as she stood up with her hand on her head. She inspected her hand to make sure she was not bleeding.
I was quick to respond. "You're the clumsy one, blondie! Trying using your eyes the next time around!" I grabbed my book and stood up. I gave her a passing glance as I held the book to my chest. As I began to walk away from her she turned me around to face her and then pushed me hard against the wall. "Don't ignore me!" she hissed. "Why don't you apologize for not helping me up?" she asked.
I glared angrily at her in a near rage over what she had just done to me. "Go fuck yourself you little whore! Your fault not mine! You wanna fuck with fire I'll burn you to ashes! Understand me, bitch?" I hissed angrily at her. She looked at me wide eyed as her jaw dropped. She couldn't believe I would say something so bold and harsh to her. It's true, it was the little bitches' fault for not watching where the hell she was walking and she goes and takes it out on me.
I had never really spoken much to her before but now I knew that yet again I had made another enemy. The list of those can go on and on! I would be damned before I let a child push me around like the way she just did. She wouldn't even dream of doing such a thing if she knew who Esther Sullivan really was. If you push my buttons then I'll push you back ten fold!
Still, I knew killing ANY of these girls was simply out of the question. Believe me, if I could I would have slit the bitches throat from ear to eat and taken a piss in her mouth! Just like with poor little Jennifer, I knew damn well better than anyone else that I had to still remain cautious. Just like with Jennifer I would find so clever way of getting back at the little tramp.
Now the rest of the day would likely be ruined for me. I made my way to one of the two upstairs classrooms and took my usual corner seat in the back. I always liked sitting in the back as it afforded me some level of privacy which was hard to come by here.
The smile I had worn for most of the day was now gone. "Now control yourself, Leena! Don't throw a fit! You'll get back at Allison." I told myself. Now I had to deal with her over some stupid bullshit accident that the bimbo could have avoided. I wondered whether or not she would "tell on me".
Apparently not as she soon came ambling into the classroom. She refused to make eye contact with me as I glared menacingly at her. She took her perch at the front of the classroom. It seemed that no matter where I wind up I always make these fucking enemies. Whether it be my father's former girlfriend Els, or Dr. Varava at the Saarne Institute, or James, or Samantha, and on and on. If I were as good as making friends as making enemies I would surely be the most popular girl in this place but I was not here for friendships.
I was here for a chance at romance and I wasn't about to let Allison screw up this opportunity for me. At the same time I knew that if I acted to drastically that I would seriously compromise and jeopardize myself. As the other girls filled the classroom, Allison slightly looked over her shoulder. I pointed at her from under my desk and she notices as I gave her my stare.
She quickly turned around. Surely she didn't tell the nuns about what had happened because I could always defend myself by telling them about how she pushed me. Allison knew better but she had no idea how dark my soul really way. How black my heart truly is. Would you shove me knowing what is written in these pages? I think not! Even a lunatic would know better.
My head suddenly became filled with violent thoughts about what I would like to do to her. To hang her with her own intestines. To gut her like a fish. To put enough holes in her she would be looking more like a piece of Swiss cheese than a human being!
I placed my book in front of me as Sister Margaret entered. "Afternoon class. Let's get this started now, shall we? Let's open out books to Page 81 and we will leave off with yesterday's Algebra lesson." she said pleasantly. I tried to focus and move my thoughts to the lesson at hand.
Allison would pay in due time. If I couldn't be violent then I could be clever in thinking of some way to fuck with her. Now more than ever I had to present myself as gentle and innocent. As a lost child yearning for love and acceptance. It really didn't matter much what the children thought of me. It was the nuns who I had to constantly impress. Most rational people would probably let the incident slide by if they were in my position but that just isn't the way that Leena Klammer operates!
By letting it slide I felt like I wouldn't be doing myself the proper justice. I looked out the windows once more and placed my head in my hand. I played with my pencil in the other. I became lost in thought for a time. "Esther…Esther dear". I jolted slightly and turned to face Sister Margaret.
The girls looked at me and a few of them giggled. "Is everything okay?" she asked concerned. I shook myself back into reality. "Sorry, Sister Margaret, my mind was elsewhere" I explained. "Please pay attention, dear" she reprimanded. She went back to her lesson plan. I was able to focus on her words and every once in a while I would glance up from my book to sneer at Allison. "All in due time" I thought.
The next hour came and went and the lesson plan finished. Sister Judith came in afterwards and served cartons of cold skim milk to us as she did everyday. Afterwards, the children were excused to recess and I continued to sit as Allison passed me. She glanced in my direction and I stared coldly. She turned her head towards me as she passed and I let my head follow her movement before she retreated to the hallway. I watched as a friend of hers caught up with her.
Sister Margaret sat and did paperwork as I was the last one to leave the classroom. I wanted to stalk Allison! I almost wanted to wish that she knew who she was up against.
It might sound incredibly cruel that a 33 year old woman should take revenge on an 11 year old child but this is a three-time child killer who is writing these accounts! She can be counted among the lucky ones who don't get to see me stabbing them to death as the last vision that they have in this world. It wasn't just being cautious that kept me from causing her serious harm but it truly and honestly were the words of my sister.
I decided to heed her advice for once and see what happens but that didn't mean I was going to remain some hapless victim of a person one-third my age! I went back to my dorm room and tossed my book underneath the bed. I sat down on the edge of my bottom bunk and slammed my fists into the mattress repeatedly in my frustration. I don't need to reiterate the lack of control that often defines the essence of my personality.
I watched the door in anticipation. I WANTED her to enter so badly! I waited but she did not enter. I stood up and looked out the window onto the front lawn and she was down there running around with her classmates. She suddenly glanced up casually and we actually make extended eye contact. I could tell that she was starting to get scared of me.
Maybe she sensed my abhorrent nature under all of the make-up and the constant smiles and pleasant mannerisms. I would be sleeping below her tonight. I hoped she wouldn't sleep a wink! Suddenly one of the other roommates, a girl named Tiffany Brutowski, appeared in the doorway and asked if I would play with her. She is a truly sweet girl of about eight years old.
I could really feel motherly instincts towards her due to her age. I smiled and motioned for her to come to me. Like me she didn't seem to click with the rest of the girls. She skipped into the room. "And what would you like to play, dear?" I asked.
Sister Abigail suddenly appeared in the doorway and watched us happily. She leaned against the doorway with her arms crossed in front of her. I noticed her but Tiffany seemed oblivious to her presence. Sister Abigail left and quickly as she had come and it was just the two of us. "Truth or dare", she responded with cheer. I wanted to practice being a mother now. I knew I would be one some day.
"Okay honey, would you like to go first?" I asked gently. We sat on the floor facing each other. She nodded and asked the first question. "What's your favorite color?" she asked innocently. "Black" I responded. That was the truth. She seemed taken aback my this. It wasn't pink or yellow like most girls would respond. "Okay, my turn, who's your favorite Sister here?", I was referring to the nuns, of course. "Sister Abigail by far" she said. "And why is that?" I asked.
"Because she is the nicest one I think" I nodded and smiled. "Yes, yes she is. Okay, now it's your turn." Her eyes looked upwards as she puzzled over what to ask. "Okay, I've got one. What's the worst thing you have ever done" she asked. Wow! I could talk for hours now, couldn't I? But I decided to tell her anyways about one of the worst things that I had ever done, in Estonian of course. "Viimase pere, kes võttis mind. I mõrvati kõiki neid ja põletas maja maha." This meant, "The last family who adopted me. I murdered them all and burned the house down." She was very confused. "What does that mean?" she asked. She had no clue.
"It means I left my cat outside too long when I was living with my last family and he got lost." As usual I could fabricate some shit right on the spot. It was once again my turn. "Okay, this one is a dare, I dare you to take something from Sister Abigail's office and bring it back to me."
Once again she was confused. "No, that's bad" she said shaking her head. I leaned over closer to her. "Sweetheart, this is truth or dare right?" She nodded. "But I like Sister Abigail. Now I don't want to play anymore" she whined. I rolled my eyes in disappointment. I lied to the sweet child. "I'll be your best friend ever if you do it for me, PLEASSSSSEEEE" I begged.
She gulped and stared into my eyes. She exhaled deeply. "What…what should I take?" she asked with a little apprehension in her little voice. "I don't know, something that is large enough to fit in your hand. Something bigger than a pencil or a pen.." I instructed. "You'll really be a friend if I do this because I don't really have any friends here" she said sadly. I nodded and stood up and she did as well.
"I'll stay up here Tiffany. If you can't do it now then you can do it later. Just be quick and be VERY careful. Make sure nobody is around." She nodded and made her way into the hallway. There was a method I had behind this. I was going to have her steal something from Sister Abigail and then plant it on Allison and get her into trouble for stealing it. The plan itself seemed childish, something that a child would think of, but even as an adult I knew I couldn't be outwardly violent towards Allison.
Believe me, I still wanted to do FAR worse to her but I would be content if could just get her in trouble and be punished for it. Then she would know that I wasn't going to take any shit from her or anyone else. I knew Tiffany would stay silent if I remained friendly with her. I hoped Tiffany wouldn't get caught in fear that she may place the blame on me. That is why I urged her to be careful. I waited and waited. It took her twenty whole minutes but she finally came back.
In her hand was a small four inch tall statuette of the Virgin Mary. She was elegantly painted with her hands clasped together in prayer. Her eyes closed in humble humility. I gave Allison a huge smile as she extended the object to me. "Why thank you so very much, Tiffany. I'm proud of you." She looked like she felt guilty. "I'm just going to borrow this Tiffany. I promise I'll bring it back."
She smiled when I said I would return it. She never bothered to question why exactly I needed to "borrow" it. "You promise not to tell ANYONE? If you tell I won't be friends with you anymore!" I became a little stern. "I promise…not a soul." she begged. "That's a good girl. Do you still want to play?" I asked. "I want to go play outside because it's nice. Come and play with me." she beckoned excitedly.
"Give me a minute Tiff, you go on ahead and I'll catch up with you." She smiled and skipped happily away. I decided that now would be the perfect time to plant the statuette on Allison. On our bunk beds, each bed had a foam lining on the bottom and a mattress on top. This means I could hide the statuette in between the mattress and the foam which I did quickly.
I then climbed on top of where she would be sleeping and lied down on the mattress. I couldn't feel a thing underneath me. The great thing to was that since each bunk was assigned by the nuns, she couldn't just sleep somewhere else tonight. I wasn't going to tell the nuns that I seen her steal. Sister Abigail would certainly notice that it was missing in a short while.
The statuette had stood prominently on a bookshelf in her office. I was absolutely positive that she would conduct a search for the sacred object. "Now we wait, Leena." I said aloud as I trotted my way downstairs and then outside. Tiffany had returned to her normal happy self with the reassurance that the object would be returned. I knew that even if Allison was blamed that Tiffany would keep her mouth shut.
She knew it was the only way to keep my "friendship" and I knew she was dying to finally have an older friend to play with her and look after her. Even though I had just used this little girl to my own advantage I did feel a motherly instinct towards her. I approached her and placed my hand on her shoulder in a reassuring manner that I was indeed her friend.
I wanted to be a mother to her, not a friend. I looked to my left and I noticed Allison whispering among two of her friends. They kept looking at me and whispering once again among themselves. They were clearly talking about me. I'm sure Allison was talking shit. Finally Allison pointed towards me as they were speaking. Now I knew something was on. For the first time since arriving here I was about to be teased yet again. One of her friends was a tall girl of about ten named Ashley.
The other was about the same age and her name was Debbie. They both had light brown hair. A contrast in comparison to Allison's blonde bimbo look. I tried to ignore them and walk behind Tiffany who had gone ahead of me. I was going to play with her when the two other girls began to approach. Allison stayed put where she was. "Hey foreign girl. What's your problem with Allison? If you don't like us why don't you go back to wherever you came from you airhead." shouted Ashley.
"Leave me the hell ALONE!" I barked back. Debbie suddenly mocked my Estonian accent and repeated what I had just said before in a fake accent before the two girls broke out in laughter. "Go back to Russia or wherever you came from" teased Ashley. Allison in the background looked very amused. I glared at them. I had to control myself at whatever the cost. If I attacked them the odds of me being adopted by another family would become very slim, after all, who would want to adopt a "problem child"?
There were small twigs and sticks that had fallen from the trees during the Winter lying about. The two girls made sure none of the Sisters were watching and then began throwing sticks at me. I backed away and looked behind me and seen that Tiffany was watching. "Idiot foreign kid" shouted Debbie. "Stupid girl, STUPID GIRL!" teased Ashley. Tiffany seemed pissed and suddenly came to my aid in a most surprising way. "LEAVE ESTHER ALONE! SHE'S MY FRIEND!" she yelled.
She suddenly charged Ashley and knocked her to the ground. I had to keep myself from laughing as she began pummeling the girl. Debbie tried to pull her off her friend and now it was two on one. I wanted to join in and smash some heads but I had to remain in control, and that was so difficult to do.
"Control…remember Syrah's words, Leena…self-control or you can ruin everything!" I told myself. I watched on and the other girls immediately took notice. One of them called for Sister Abigail and the nun soon rushed out along with Sister Judith.
Little Tiffany had put up one hell of a fight against the two larger girls but they were now in control and had her pinned and were slapping and hitting her repeatedly. I just stood and watched. I didn't want to get involved simply for fear of being implicated. I stood there staring blankly as the two nuns pried the two girls away from Tiffany.
Tiffany cried pathetically as Sister Judith angrily grabbed the girls to their feet and immediately escorted them into the house. "Send them to my office immediately, Sister Judith" said a stunned Sister Abigail. She helped Tiffany to her feet and everyone continued to watch. Allison was stunned and knew that she no longer had the upper hand against me. I decided I wouldn't go after Debbie and Ashley as I'm sure they would receive very stiff punishment for what they had done to Tiffany.
"They, they were throwing things at Esther", I suddenly became nervous as she said this as Sister Abigail stared in my direction. I looked on as if I had nothing to do with it. "Esther tried to ignore them…", I suddenly cut her off. "She tried to help me and tell them to leave me alone but they ganged up on her." I told Sister Abigail. I didn't even bother to fabricate an explanation as to why I hadn't helped Tiffany but Abigail was too concerned for the welfare of Tiffany.
After all, she was the head of Saint Mariana's and was absolutely responsible for everything that happens here. It sucked like hell that just when I thought I was somehow fitting into my new environment that I now had three girls who had to cross me. Had this happened in any other setting where nobody was around I would have possibly murdered them.
That is the honest truth. My sister's words meant nothing when I became enraged. This was the feeling that was boiling inside of my heart but I didn't show it in any outward mannerisms or expressions. I just watched as poor Tiffany was led gently into the house. Her arm was wrapped around Abigail's waist as the nun held her and led her inside. Allison immediately met my gaze once again.
I showed my teeth angrily at her like a wild animal. Once again she seemed frightened of me. Any plans she had of her friends teasing me had totally backfired and now she was surely to be blamed for the theft of the statuette that I had planted. I could thank little Tiffany for not only stealing for me but taking a beating as well. I didn't like seeing this girl get hurt, I'll be honest with that.
It's strange. The manipulative side of me wanted to use her for my objectives but there was a whole other side of me that wanted to play the "mommy" game with her. She was almost like a practice child of sorts. It seemed to already be switching back and forth. I felt some level of care for her. I did feel sorry that she had to get caught up in everything but what happened, happened.
I'm sure Abigail and the others would view Tiffany as a victim rather than a bully. Both Ashley and Debbie knew damn well that I had done nothing wrong to them and that no excuses out of their rotten little mouths would placate the anger of the Sisters towards them.
The children began talking amongst each other as to what they had just seen. "Unbelievable", said one of them. "Those girls are going to be in big trouble now" was an obvious answer from yet another girl. I suddenly smiled at Allison. She stuck her tongue out at me. I was going to shoot the finger at her but I was surrounded by most of the children. I didn't want to put my ass in any hot water. Allison began to walk away.
Some time had passed. For over two hours I remained outside with the other girls just walking around and observing and listening to the glorious sights and sounds of a Spring afternoon. The children had long since returned to their innocent games and meanderings. Allison was keeping her distance from me. It quickly became obvious to me that Allison would not get into any trouble for what had happened with her friends and Tiffany. None of the Sisters called her into the house.
I guess her friends decided not to snitch against her. I'm sure that Allison had provoked them into teasing and tormenting me. Allison knew damn well how I must have been feeling and sure as hell was wise enough to keep her distance. After awhile Sister Judith came outside and approached me. I sure as hell hoped I didn't have to take any shit over this whole situation. "Hello Esther, may I ask you something? You're not in trouble or anything." she asked gently. "What is it?" I asked.
She got down on one knee and looked me in the eyes. "Now we talked to Tiffany and she said that the girls ganged up on her after she tried to help you, is this true? Because the girls claimed that Tiffany was the one who attacked them first." I decided on the spot to support Tiffany and simply lie to help her out. After all, she had unknowingly helped me in framing Allison, a plan that was yet to come into fruition.
"Trust me, everything Tiffany said is true. They started teasing me and she stood up to them and that was when they got in her face and began hurting her. I was too scared to stop them." I lied. The pretty Hispanic woman assured me that she believe me and that everything would be taken care of as far as Ashley and Debbie were concerned.
"Please tell Tiffany that I thank her for at least standing up to me" I asked. She agreed to do so and she turned away. "Wait, Sister Judith, what exactly is going to happen to those girls", I had to know. "Ashley and Debbie? Two months of detention for each one of them and a letter of apology to both you and Tiffany. That means no recess or activities for either of them. Why do you ask?" I shrugged.
"Just wanted to know because I feel so bad for Tiffany." Judith nodded in polite understanding. "Everything is taken care of, if they cause you anymore trouble you let us know." I nodded and thanked her as Judith went along her way. At least those two would be taken care of. I knew they had to be as pissed and angry as hell towards me but now I was positive they wouldn't dare be fucking with me against anytime soon. They were two less problems that I had to worry about.
Now, more than ever, I wanted to make Allison pay. If she wanted to continued playing bitch games then I would make sure she suffers the same fate as her friends. As far as the Sisters knew, they had no clue about the new feud between Allison and myself nor the fact that the whole fight stemmed from her animosity towards me. Soon, Sister Margaret came outside and shouted for everybody to come back in for dinner.
The girls always seemed disappointed that their play had to end. I joined the mass of children as we made out way inside. Allison was walking slowly behind the rest of the girls. I relished the thought that we had to sleep together tonight. I'm not so sure as to why she was so bold as to have her friends tease me only to become frightened of me yet again.
Perhaps she was frightened the whole time and had her friends do the dirty work for her because she was too much of a chicken shit to confront me herself. Now they were paying the price. We entered the large communal dining hall. Simple wooden tables and folding chairs made up the furniture. As all of us entered I noticed that Ashley and Debbie were nowhere in sight.
I can imagine they were sent to bed early without dinner. As I stood in the chow line I overheard some of the girls were still discussing the fight but there was nothing said about me. Apparently something of this magnitude had never occurred here before, at least not among these girls.
I placed the plastic tray in front of the servers. Green beans, some corn bread, macaroni and meatloaf along with a carton of chocolate milk. It was an improvement over the Russian orphanage where they constantly served soup and porridge.
I got my food and suddenly realized that Tiffany was seated at the back table. She smiled and waved when she noticed me in line. I smiled and waved back. I was grateful she was such a sport for me today. After receiving my meal I approached her and took my place next to her. "Is everything okay?" I asked. "Yes, Debbie, Ashley, they were sent to bed early." She had just confirmed what I had thought.
"Good, Sister Judith told me they got two months worth of detention for what they did today. No recess and no activities." She added to what I just said. "She told me too that they have to write apology letters to us." I nodded. "I don't really care for one, so long as they got what they had coming to them." I gently stroked Tiffany's hair. She faced me.
"You know, you didn't have to stand up for me like you did today so I thank you for that." She smiled happily. "You're welcome buy don't worry about me, I'm over it now. Nothing like that ever happened to me before." she admitted. That motherly instinct was with me at this point. I felt like a mother hen protecting her chick from danger. I gave her a kiss on the top of her head. I wanted to let her know that I would be with her.
"I'm sorry I didn't step in to stop the fight" I said into her ear. She nodded understandably. "Don't worry Esther. I'm just glad we're friends now." I felt an urge to latch onto her and protect her. The two goals in my life were to have a man as my lover and a child to nurture and raise and protect. I finally felt the urge to admit to Tiffany why I had her retrieve the statuette for me.
"Tiffany, I want to tell you something, that statuette that you got for me earlier today? Well, I think we both know that Allison set those girls up against me. I put it under her mattress. That way Sister Abigail will know it's missing and go looking for it and once she searches our room she'll find it on Allison and she'll get what she has coming for what she did to us." Her eyes grew wide.
I let my demeanor take a more serious tone as I asked her, "You're not going to tell on me, are you?" She shook her head. "I hope she gets in trouble" she said. "I'm sorry I used you like that". I could see the understanding in her eyes. I wanted to be a mother SO badly. I knew if I ever had children that I could never allow myself to hurt or abuse them. Why would I ever abuse something that I yearned so badly for to begin with in the first place?
I whispered into her ear, "Ma tahan olla oma uue emme nii halvasti nüüd." She once again was perplexed by my native tongue. It means, "I want to be your new mommy so badly now." Of course I never told her this. "What does that mean? I don't know what you're saying."
I stroked her hair as she placed a fork full of green beans into her mouth. "I thanked you in Estonian for everything you did for me today." She was content with this explanation. She smiled. "What country are you from Esther? What is that you were speaking?" I let out a little laugh.
"I am from Estonia. It's a little country in Europe. Far, far away from here." She picked at her food as I began eating myself. I wanted to know more about her. "Tiffany, how did you get here? To this place?" She wore a long face as I asked this. "I only had a daddy and he drank beer a lot and he would hit me and scream at me so some people took me away and brought me here to find a new family. They couldn't find a family for me so soon." she explained. I stroked her some more.
"Look at me Tiffany, I have a sister in Estonia, her name is Syrah, and she cares a lot about me. I can be that kind of person to you if you want." I gripped her hand in mine. I looked into her eyes lovingly. "You make me want to be here now. I didn't want to before" she said, I wished I could take her away from this place. If I could be a mother figure to her then I would do my best to do so.
You see, I'm not a total monster after all. There are people who I can bond with when I want to and there are those people who I can simply throw away. Often times I had no control over which. I promised myself to at least look after her. I stared down at the meal set before me. I really wasn't hungry. I had to force the food down. "Would you like my milk?" I asked her.
She nodded in delight and I gave it to her. I exhaled deeply and watched Allison sitting several tables away. She was by herself as her friends were of course sent to bed earlier. She was oblivious to me staring at her from afar.
I became lost for a moment before Tiffany gently shook my arm. "If you stare at her she's going to tell someone" she argued. I agreed with her and went back to eating the now cold meatloaf that lied in a pathetically congealed pile on the side of my tray.
Sure enough, after a shore while, I seen Sister Abigail ambling around the room as if looking for someone. An elderly nun by the name of Sister Anne approached her to see what was wrong. They were only about ten feet away from us and I had to listen hard over the voices of the children in order to hear them. "Have you seen the statue, Anne? It's gone missing! I've just noticed this now. That was a gift from His Holiness! Do you know what happened to it?" she asked in a near panic.
I pretended not to pay any attention and Tiffany took my cue to do the same. "Okay, Tiffany, this is where the fun begins. Watch her search and find it." I whispered gleefully. Sister Margaret came in and excused us from the chow hall if we were finished eating. Both of us having already cleared out plates, Tiffany and I took our leave. Several of the children went ahead of us and ascended the staircase.
"Come on! I want to see this!" I told her. Like an obedient servant she followed me to our dorm room. Four of us girls were in the room just going about our business and relaxing; I stood with Tiffany by the doorway in anticipation of either Allison showing up or Sister Abigail. Sure enough, just as I had suspected, a very worried Sister Abigail showed up and entered without notice.
An equally concerned Sister Anne followed in tow. "We have to find it Anne! That statuette means a lot to us!" she insisted. "Well what would you like me to do?" asked Anne. "Just search everywhere!" she said urgently. Sister Anne took a moment to address the four of us.
"Girls, don't be alarmed, a very important statue from the Pope has gone missing from Sister Abigail's office and we are simply trying to locate it. Don't be alarmed!" I felt like bursting with excitement. Tiffany on the other hand seemed completely neutral as to what was going on.
I held her little hand in mine. The two nuns searched the closets and the small storage chests lined up against one side of the room. Then to my exhilaration, Sister Abigail began searching the beds. She started with the ones on the far end of the room and worked her way over to where Allison and myself slept.
I swear, judging by the look on her face she looked like she was going to have a heart attack! She bent over and looked underneath my bed and lifted the mattress. She searched just as thoroughly as she had the others. Nothing! I wanted to laugh triumphantly as she stood up and checked the last bed - Allison's!
Sure enough, she found the statuette right where I had left it. "Sister Anne! I've found it! I've found it!" she said excitedly. "Oh, God be praised!" she answered in gratitude. "Stupid religious sheep", I though to myself. Sister Abigail immediately took much more stern attitude. She looked Sister Anne in the eyes.
"Find Allison immediately. This was found under HER bed!" she ordered. Sister Anne didn't have to go anywhere. Right as she was about to turn and leave, Allison showed up completely oblivious to what was going on. "YOU YOUNG LADY!" shouted Sister Abigail as she waved her finger and Allison. Tiffany and I could only watch as the scene unfolded before our eyes.
"WHAT DID YOU THINK YOU WERE DOING? STEALING FROM MY OFFICE?" she yelled. Allison was totally stunned. Her eyes grew wide and her mouth opened. She shook her head in complete protest. "Sister Abigail…what, I don't know what you're talking about!" she pleaded. Sister Abigail angrily held the small statuette out in front of her.
"DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THIS MEANS TO ME AND ALL OF THE OTHER SISTERS? WHAT GIVES YOU A RIGHT TO STEAL FROM ME? DOWNSTAIRS, NOW!" she yelled pointing sternly to the hallway. Allison began to weep as Sister Abigail forcibly grabbed the girl by the arm and escorted her for what I was sure would be an appropriate punishment.
I told Allison that she would get burned if she fucked with me and now I had the last laugh in the matter. The two other girls exited the dorm and watched as Allison pleaded and cried out that she had done nothing wrong. Sister Abigail was certainly not buying any of it. "NO! SISTER ABIGAIL! PLLLLEAASSSSEEE! I DIDN'T STEAL FROM YOU!" Allison's pleas grew fainter as she was led further away.
I turned towards Tiffany and looked down at her. I gave her a mischievous smile and to my surprise she smiled back. She was glad that I had taken care of Allison. I nipped that problem in the bud before it grew into something worse. Nobody was going to believe in any yarn that Allison had to spin.
Who would suspect me of any wrong doing? These nuns loved me to pieces! "Well, Tiffany, would you say that was a job well done on our part?" She laughed and nodded profusely. "I hope she gets detention forever" she joked happily. I smiled blissfully at her as I relished in my victory. And to think that all of this could have been avoided had Allison kept her mouth shut and her hands off of me.
As I wrote earlier though, Allison can count herself among the lucky ones along with those two little sluts that she has for friends. Maybe I can be judged as having a negative influence on impressionable children such as Tiffany. I, on the other hand, think I taught her a valuable life lesson.
Never let anyone walk all over you! I couldn't resist the urge to head downstairs and eavesdrop on whatever was going on in Sister Abigail's office. Certainly there would be a hell of a lot of explaining to be done. Tiffany followed me like a shadow and we carefully made our way downstairs and to her office. The large wooden door was closed and the conversation was muffled but we got close enough to where we could hear what was going on.
Sister Abigail was more cooled off and collected than she just was moments before. "Why won't you just tell me the truth, Allison. Just say you took it and apologize and we can let this go or you can keep going with your story." I could hear that little bitch Allison weeping as Abigail spoke to her. "Somebody put it there, Sister Abigail. I've never been in trouble before.
I think it was that Esther girl because she doesn't like me." Tiffany looked at me shocked as if I were about to get screwed myself. "It's okay Tiffany, she won't believe her." We continued listening. "First of all, that is simply something you said may have happened, Esther Sullivan is a sweet girl, I know her better than that and I know she would ever do such a thing, Allison.", Abigail pointed out. I could breathe a sigh of relief. Just as I had predicted Sister Abigail would never buy her story.
Allison continued to plead her innocence until the bitter end. Sister Abigail had finally had enough. I couldn't believe she would be gullible enough to fall for my trick. "You know what Allison, you can say whatever you want, you don't want to take responsibility for what you've done, that's fine, one month of detention. No activities. No recess. You go upstairs and go to bed and I don't want to hear another word out of you for the rest of the day. You're excused, Allison."
Upon hear those words I took Tiffany by the arm and we raced away as quickly as possible before the door opened. We hid behind a corner and listened as a distraught and crying Allison made her way into the hallway and then watched as she slowly climbed the stairs. Tiffany and I had succeeded in successfully crushing her ego today on top of her punishment.
I hugged Tiffany and we jumped up and down together. "She won't bother us anymore." I said. I gave her a little kiss of reassurance and for a job well done. Things could have turned out so much worse for those girls. I can still remember Samantha choking on her own blood after I stabbed the living shit out of her. A month of detention paled in comparison to the fate she may have otherwise suffered. If she knew who I really was she would be glad to take the punishment. I whispered lovingly into her ear. "Emme armastab sind", or "Mommy loves you." She looked up at me.
"What?" I shook my head. "It's nothing Tiff, I'm going to the day room." I beckoned her to follow me and we took a seat on the couch and watched television among a group of the other girls. This was how most of us relaxed after a day of study and play. She seemed really upbeat about having somebody who would finally pay attention to her.
Still, she wasn't the reason I was here. I was waiting for my man to show up. It was still all so unsettling to wonder about how long it would take. The big problem is time. If I stayed here for say a year or two it would be awfully suspicious that "Esther Sullivan" wasn't physically growing at all. It was hard enough having to sneak into the bathroom to apply make-up or the fear of unwrapping my gauze before a shower. I figured that I could eek it out for a year at the maximum but a year comes and goes all too quickly.
Time was imperative. Time was of the absolute essence. Tiffany sat ever so close to me. I knew that if and when I were adopted that I would likely have to leave her behind. She was my "practice child" as I wrote earlier. I knew being a mother would be something alien and completely new for me if I ever got the chance.
The girls flipped randomly through the channels like mindless zombies. A bad day had turned into a triumphant victory for myself. I actually felt like smiling knowing what I was putting those three girls through upstairs. I felt proud of myself and I felt proud of Tiffany.
I put my arm around her waist she placed her head under my arm and dozed off. The most beautiful part of all of this was that I still remained above all suspicion. I rationalized that Allison knew that I had planted the statuette there and there wasn't a damn thing she was going to do about it.
I think she had it within her head as well that if she dared tried to take revenge on me that I would be forced to take far more drastic measures against her. If that had to be the case there was no telling to what extent I would be able to control myself. For the time being though, I took full relish in what I had just done knowing full well that no matter what happened from this point forward that I would always have the upper hand…and nobody else…
In Chapter 26, Allison and her friends attempt to take revenge against Esther but they find that luck is not on their side. Esther also continues to try and mold Tiffany's personality in a way that Esther views as appropriate…Thanks to all my fans as usual for reading and commenting…