Author's Note: Okay, this is in regards to three or four reviews that said people were confused about why Lily pretty much let Avery take over.

First of all, Lily was, as some of you pointed out, feeling much stronger and trusting, but the fact that this happened to her again scared her. It made her think, "If I start trusting people, the way I did my father, is this going to happen yet again?" However, she admits earlier on that James would never do that to her because he loves her, the way her father (and Avery) never did. She trusts James, and she'll open up to him, she'll fight him because she's not afraid of him. She's not afraid of someone that shows he'll do anything for her. However, she knew Avery wouldn't stop. James would. Also, she thought that it was very possible they'd be interrupted. After all, it was an open classroom. Generally, if a teacher isn't going to be back for a while, he'll lock his or her door.

Lily didn't want to walk away with bruises because then she'd have a LOT of explaining to do, yes? She figured the safest way to get out of upsetting James would be to let it calmly happen. Unlike Lily? Yes. But another thing was…Lily felt (irrationally, of course) that if something so terrible was happening, and it had happened more than once, that she must have been bringing it on in some way, and therefore, might have believed that she deserved to be punished. It was mainly her guilt of feeling like she "betrayed" James that made her think that she was deserved to be treated badly. Remember: she doesn't have the greatest amount of self-esteem at some points.

If it makes you all feel better lol, Lily does feel bad that she let it happen. In fact, you'll see in this chapter and later on that Lily wants to avoid telling James because she partly blames herself, and that's part of the reason she wants him to go away. James, however, is so hurt that they're back in this, "Step away from me" phase. See, Lily wasn't able to say it to Avery, so she settles for saying it to James.

Okay, does that all make sense? Does any of that make you understand my ways better? I'm sorry if you thought Lily seemed like an inconsistent character, but I really don't think she is.

Longest author's note ever! Anyway, please enjoy this chapter, and if I made anything better with that description, please tell me! Lol. Also, let me know if you still have any questions or comments about it. In other words, review! Lol.

It's all about soul. It's all about joy that comes out of sorrow. It's all about soul—who's standing now, who's standing tomorrow. (Billy Joel—All About Soul)

"Wh—what about you?" James asked a shy blonde. "I bet you want to go ask her what's wrong."

Remus rolled his eyes. "James, do you really think Lily will tell a stranger her problems?"

James sighed, letting the girl go back to her previous activities. He turned to Remus, annoyed. "Why the hell don't they let boys up there? It's so unfair."

Peter nodded. "As you've said," he said, "about a hundred times."

James resisted the urge to bang his head into the table beside him. He glanced over to the staircase where Lindsey and Sirius had gone to talk privately, wondering what he possibly could have done to hurt Lily.

As soon as Lily got to her room, she took a shower. For one thing, she wanted to be able to cry without any questions from her roommates. For another, she didn't want to feel dirty any longer.

She leaned her forehead against the shower wall, letting tears fall freely down her face as the hot water rushed down her body.

"So stupid," she whispered, banging her fist into the wall. "So damn stupid."

Lily didn't really know what she was talking about, but saying it felt pretty good. She knew she should probably think about apologizing to James, and maybe tell him what had gone on, but she didn't know if she could.

When she was ready, Lily turned off the shower, and she grabbed a towel. She changed into a sweatshirt and jeans, deciding to do without her robes for the rest of the day.

Lily opened the bathroom door, greeted with silence. She walked out of her room, down the stairs, and into the common room.

Lily sighed, watching James next to Remus and Peter, looking distraught because of her, his head in his hands.

Lily cautiously walked over to where he was, tapping him on the shoulder. Remus instinctively moved over, assuming that Lily would want to sit next to her boyfriend. James looked up immediately.

"I'm sorry," he said hastily. "I'd—"

"No," said Lily, shaking her head. She sat down on the couch next to him, laying her head on his shoulder. She was completely confused. One second, she was running from him. The next second, she was running to him, begging for his protection from the big scary world…and his love, the love that she wasn't even sure she felt for him.

Had she ever loved anyone? Her mother immediately came to mind, but she had avoided her, tried to stay away from her as much as possible. Maybe she never did love her. Maybe she just knew she was supposed to. Maybe…too much had happened that prevented her from loving her mother. Maybe she was screwed up. Very.

"There's something wrong with me," said Lily, speaking of so many things.

James, just thankful to be next to her again, pulled her closer. "No, there's not."

Lily nodded into his shoulder, pulling her knees up to her chest. "You weren't there," said Lily, her voice shaking. She was definitely going crazy. "I need—I need to go with you for break."

James was surprised, but certainly pleased. "Sure. Come!" he said.

"Don't leave me alone," she said. She sounded so damn pathetic. She hated this.

"I won't," James promised.

Lily loved that part about him. He had absolutely no idea what she was talking about, what she meant by it, and how she felt, but still—he said confidently that he wouldn't leave her alone. He didn't ask, 'what?' or 'why?'. He just promised to do exactly as she wanted—as she needed him to do.

"James," she said quietly.

"Hmm?" James looked down at her, running his fingers gently through her hair.

"I think…I love you."

Remus, catching small bits of their conversation, muttered, "Then, there must be something wrong with you."

Lily laughed, and Remus earned himself a smack on the head from James.

Sirius came down the stairs—without Lindsey—and ran straight to his friends.

"Talk to you?" he asked breathlessly, looking unsurely in Lily's direction. She knew that she wasn't supposed to hear.

"Go ahead. I'm going to write my mum, telling her I'll be going with you. You're sure they'll allow me, James? I mean, they don't even—"

"Of course," said James, squeezing her hand reassuringly.

Lily smiled, walking away so that the boys could be alone. James bit his lip, afraid to find out the truth. "So, you two talked?"

Sirius nodded, taking a deep breath. "I did."

James knew, right away, by Sirius' demeanor, that the answer wasn't good.

"Lindsey—well, she's kind of…" Sirius looked to James for help, which James was more than happy to give.

"Pregnant," James finished.

"Yeah," said Sirius softly. "Please don't ask me any questions about what I'm going to do because I have NO idea."

"Wow," said Peter. Remus was silent, but he looked shocked.

"I screwed up, I know," said Sirius, reading Remus' expression. "All right?"

"I didn't say that," said Remus. "But what's your plan?"

"I told you not to ask," said Sirius, frustrated.

"Well, what's Lindsey's?" asked Remus.

"She doesn't have one either."

"Brilliant," said Remus.

"Shh," said James automatically. "Don't start an argument. It's the last thing we need."

"Okay, I have had enough drama for the day," said Remus. "I'm going to the library. See you at dinner," he said, grabbing Peter with him.

Sirius rolled his eyes, taking Remus' seat. "James," he said, letting his fear show now that Remus was gone. "James, what am I going to do?"

James sighed. " I don't know, mate. Think about Lindsey. She's the one having it."

"I'm the father of this baby," Sirius reminded him.

James blinked. As stupid as it may have been, James didn't consider the words 'father' and 'baby' when he heard pregnant. Well, he had thought about them, but he didn't associate father with…a seventeen-year-old Sirius Black.

"Yeah, you are…"

James could have sworn Sirius had tears in his eyes.

"You know, I'm not going anywhere," said James. "I'm here to help you in any way that I can."

Sirius didn't say anything, but James knew he appreciated it. "Remus is too. He's just annoyed because he's always warned you about this kind of thing, and it happened. Think of him as a concerned parent."

"Don't even say that word in my presence," said Sirius.

"There are some good things," said James. Sirius looked at him skeptically.

"There are! Umm…" James was saved from answering due to Lily's return.

"I'm sorry," she said, throwing up her hands to show that she hadn't come by to listen. "When are you leaving, James?"

"Tomorrow," said James. "The train leaves at eleven. Same as always."

"You're coming too?" she asked Sirius.

Sirius nodded silently, and he watched Lily go back to her table. "So, you were about to explain the good part of this pregnancy?"

"Oh…yeah."

Lily tried to think of spending Christmas with James (and his parents that she'd never met) and Sirius, and the idea sounded strange now that she was sure she was going to go through with it.

She felt a small amount of guilt while writing to her mother, but when she thought about the short, throwaway, slightly unemotional letters she had received from her mother during the year, it gave her the strength to keep writing.

Lily peeked at James and Sirius from the desk she was sitting at. She smiled to herself as she remembered the many chess games between the boys at that very table.

"You obviously cheated!" James exclaimed, crossing his arms over his chest.

Remus rolled his eyes. He tried to get James to concentrated, but James wasn't the best chess player, despite his own beliefs, and he kept getting distracted by a certain girl.

"Just play," said Remus.

"No," he said, pouting. "You win."

He then stood up on his chair. "Evans!" he called out.

Lily, who had already been unfocused on her book because of James' fooling around, stood up.

"What?" she asked, clearly wishing to be left alone.

"Remus cheats at chess!"

While the other people in the common room were amused, Lily wasn't. "I don't care."

She was tired, and the last thing she wanted was to be bothered by James Potter. "You wanna play, Evy? I know you," he said, glaring back at Remus, "won't cheat."

Lily tucked her book under her arm, and she walked out of the common room. Apparently, her answer was no.

Lily laughed. She kind of missed her nickname. Not that she'd ever admit it, but there were a lot of things about them that used to drive her crazy (and probably still would) that she sort of missed.

Lily sealed her letter, and she looked back at Sirius again. He and James were in deep conversation. Both looked incredibly somber.

Lily wondered what they were talking about, and, as she watched his eyes, realizing their conversation was serious, she wondered if he ever wished he could go back to his own home during the holidays.

As much as he hated his family, did he ever wish they cared more about him? Did Sirius ever get that feeling, like Lily, that if he tried to be just a bit more accepting of his parents' wants, he'd feel better? In his rejection, was he ever hurt the way Lily was? Or…was he just easy that way, where it didn't matter to him because they weren't worth it. Did he still care?

Lily never realized before just how much depth a person had. Here she was, wondering about all of these things she never cared to think about…in a person that she never thought of as more than just Sirius. She'd never stopped to think about how truly alike they could be, or, at least, their situations were.

"We should pack," said James, pulling Sirius up with him. "Come on."

Sirius shook his head. "I don't feel like doing anything."

"Then, I'll pack for you, and you can watch."

"No," he said.

James sighed. He walked over to where Lily was, desperate as hell to know what was going on.

"Can you go talk to Sirius? Please?" he asked. "Ask him about…the situation, if you really want to know, but please try to get him to smile or something. You're good at that."

Lily bit her lip. "I'm good at making Sirius smile?" She shook her head. "James, I wish I could, but what am I supposed to say?"

"Please," said James again. "I'm going upstairs to pack. Try, please."

Lily shrugged. "I'll see what I can do," she said, going over to sit with Sirius on the couch. She doubted the conversation would amount to anything.

"Hello, Sirius," she said quietly.

Sirius wasn't stupid. Lily knew that he was aware James had asked her to try to get through to him. "Hello, Lily," he said quietly, looking down at the floor.

Lily looked around at the people who surrounded them. She tried to push away her fear of being so near to him, knowing that, due to the many people, someone would notice if Sirius tried to hurt her.

Not that he ever would, she reminded herself confidently.

Lily took a chance and moved closer to him, so close that she could see the tiny scars by his ear. They were things she'd never seen before. She'd only moved so close to one boy, and that was James. She had to admit…it scared her a little bit.

"Lindsey's pregnant," said Sirius in a strange voice. "Let's not beat around the bush. You wanted to know."

"I—I did," said Lily. "Wow. I…that's certainly…wow."

"That about sums it up," said Sirius, nodding. He still refused to look up at her.

Lily didn't say anything. She didn't know what she could say. Finally, from Merlin only knew where, she came up with something.

"My parents had my sister before they were married," she said.

"Oh?" said Sirius, raising an eyebrow. "And how'd they turn out?"

"Umm…well, horrible…actually."

Sirius made a noise that was half a laugh. "Thanks."

Lily played with her hands, distracting herself from the awkward discussion. "But that's mostly because my dad was an alcoholic. Are you, Sirius?"

"No," he said.

"Didn't think so. So, my parents are different," she said. "Very."

Sirius ran his hands through his hair, much like James did so frequently. He seemed to be struggling with something he wanted to say, unsure if it was appropriate for Lily to hear from him or not.

"It just feels like…every single time I try to do something right, it goes wrong. My whole life has been just one huge disaster," he said, leaning back against the couch.

Lily probably should have said that wasn't true, that he shouldn't say things like that because there were good things in his life that he should have been thankful for, but she didn't. She said simply and truthfully, "I know. Mine too."

Sirius looked at her curiously. "Can I ask you a question, Eva—Li—Evans?"

Lily nodded. "Evy is fine."

Sirius chuckled at the nickname, but sobered quickly, remembering his question. "Why aren't you going home?" he asked.

The truth? A lie? A half-truth? Which made the most sense?

Lily pushed her hair behind her ear. "Family problems," she said. There was no reason to go into details. "I—I couldn't face them."

"Like mine?" he asked.

"Worse."

Before Lily knew it, and before she had a second to question why, she was spilling her secrets out to Sirius. James was one thing, but Sirius? But Lily found she couldn't stop. She was crying, and she was moving even closer, explaining, not only her father's story, but also what happened with Avery.

Sirius was a good listener. He didn't interrupt her once. He didn't even look shocked. In fact, his face stayed pretty much expressionless.

"I don't, I don't know why I told you this," she said, sniffling. "I don't—my goodness. I came over to talk to you about you, not me."

Sirius, still expressionless, held out his hand. "Let me see the wrist."

Lily put her bruised wrist into his hand. He rubbed it subconsciously. "Does it hurt?" he asked.

Lily shrugged, still shaking from crying. His reactions confused her.

"Any more physical damage from Avery?" he asked. Lily shook her head.

"Just emotional."

"Your dad?"

"It's all been taken care of. I don't know why—but I needed to tell you."

Sirius nodded. "I think I get it."

"Can we not tell James right now?" she asked. "I'm sort of…embarrassed about the whole thing."

Sirius let go of her hand. "Don't be embarrassed. I'm the one who just screwed up three lives in one night, maybe even more than three. And," he added, "I won't tell him."

Lily smiled slightly. "Thanks," she said. She was beginning to calm down.

"So, we're screwed," said Sirius. "Basically, life's unfair, and we just got the reeeeeeally bad end of the spectrum."

"But things will get better. I mean, I'm determined to not think about family once while I'm at James'," said Lily.

Sirius snorted. "You'll see how hard that is when they're all…loving and crap," he said. "You wait and see."

Sirius finally looked up into her eyes, blinking rapidly. "I will," said Lily softly, but Sirius wasn't really paying attention to what she was saying anymore. All that mattered was, she was crying. Sirius hated seeing anyone cry, and everything that had been done to such a pure, once innocent, girl, was wrong. It was all wrong and…and anger inducing, and what was worse: Sirius had no idea how to fix such problems.

He thought of Lindsey and the position he'd put her in, possibly screwing up both of their lives. He thought of how much he had already hurt her by breaking up with her, how much she'd been hurt when her cousin died, how bad he felt when he found out his own family was responsible for the death. Sirius thought about how sick he felt when Regulus died, and how anyone who had ever lost a family member probably felt every day. As he still stared at Lily, he thought about her own family troubles, how she had dealt with no death at all, but it didn't matter because what she went through was much worse than any murder could have been, and that was something Sirius had never ever considered. Something hurting worse than knowing someone was killed.

Sirius then thought about James' sister. He thought about how she would never grow up to be anything because of her illness. He thought about how unfair it was to her that she'd been born with such a disease. He remembered his own feelings when he heard about it, and he hadn't even known the girl.

Sirius looked into Lily's sad eyes, knowing that she thought about this kind of stuff every day. It was always with her, no matter what. She was never free. He realized that, perhaps, he should have worried about it more than he did, but he wasn't sure he would stick to that plan because of how much it would hurt.

He remembered dead bodies in his own aunt's basement, and the terrible feelings started pouring through him.

Lily thought about this kind of stuff all of the time. It was no wonder she never felt like relaxing and having fun. Sirius regretted how little he cared sometimes. He was going to be a father.

Maybe Lily would be ready to think about the complicated, painful, terrible stuff she already thought about, and in doing so, protect her child from such, but could Sirius really do that?

Sirius exhaled painfully. Thinking about the awful world hurt him, almost physically, and it made him feel sick. He wasn't ready to be mature. He wasn't ready to father a baby—a child—a son or a daughter. He wanted to be stupid. He wanted to be reckless, thoughtless, and he didn't want to worry about deaths anymore.

Sirius didn't know what possessed him to do it, but before he could think about the reasons or consequences, he pressed his lips to the girl barely a breath away from him. He could tell Lily was shocked. She was still crying, and her tears were falling onto his lips. The tears were the only reason he realized what, in Merlin's name, he was doing, and once he felt them, he pulled away.

Lily looked at him—not angry—in confusion. Her breathing was odd. It was partly from crying, partly from kissing.

Sirius thought that it could have been to prove his ability to be reckless, thoughtless, and stupid. It might have been to show himself and Lily that he didn't have to be mature quite yet, that he wasn't ready to be a parent. It could have had something to do with needing her comfort. Possibly, it was just to show her his understanding that they'd both been through crap in their lives, and that he was there for her, and he understood her. Maybe he wanted to express through the kiss what he couldn't in words, that he needed help—and so did she.

Each reason was probably a little bit true.

Lily looked around, probably searching for James, and looking to see if anyone had noticed.

"That never happened," she said.

Sirius thanked God that her eyes were understanding. She wasn't angry, and she didn't think he wanted to profess undying love for her.

He nodded quickly. "Never."

Author's Note: Wow, this chapter was a hell of a lot of fun. :) I hope you liked it as much as I did! Eleven pages…or really ten because of the long author's note. I'm happy. Okay, so pleeeeeease please review!