Life After Death
Coward. That's all really; I am just that, a coward. She's at least fifteen now, probably the prettiest girl at school, tones of boyfriends by now, and I missed it. I made that decision a long long time ago and I find myself regretting it everyday of my life. I went through a rough patch, well more than rough, I went trough hell. She died, right in front of my eyes. It's really not something you forget.
She dove gracefully in front of our wide-eyed three-year old daughter, taking the arrow to her heart. Maybe I resented her, Rachel, like she killed her mother somehow, but how can I, Buffy wouldn't have lived with herself if she had just let Rachel die, I don't think I would have either. But maybe it would have been easier if I had taken that arrow, god that's the 50 million dollar question. I have to go back to her, I broke the promise, I was supposed to protect her, I promised my beloved as she died in my arms. So I am going back, I have to. But I am so scared out of my mind. She must hate me, think I did this to her mother, she might not even remember me, or the pancakes we made in the morning. I wonder if she likes school now.
Angel picked up his suitcase and boarded a narrow bus that smelt of rotting eggs, it was cheap to say the least but he hadn't been all to wealthy since he left his job. He made the effort to shower before he saw his daughter for the first time in twelve years. He even brought her, her mother's wedding ring. What else could he offer her? Willow would surely tear his head off and Xander would be none too pleased. He wondered if she called them mommy and daddy. He sent cards of course but he couldn't bear to say much, he had seen the pictures, she was Buffy but with big brow eyes and brown silky hair. It destroyed him that she wished her daddy would come home when she was five. Willow wrote him, she was furious with him but agreed to tell Rachel that her daddy was doing something very important.
He never did hear back after that, he was somewhat cut off, the lies were getting too big to manage. He figured that eventually Rachel would see beneath Auntie Willow and Uncle Xander's comforting lies, and see him for the coward he truly was. With a sigh that sounded like a weight had been out on his heart, he watched out the window as he passed a sign, "Leaving Ohio, come back soon." This was it, there was now turning back. So how come he felt like jumping out the window so much.
"Xander, stop that, I look fine!!" Rachel came bounding down the stairs in a fashionable mini skirt with her thick chestnut hair curled under, a black tank-top and a light pink camisole over top.
"You look like a hooker!" Xander shook his fist, at some attempt to be harsh with her, it never worked, she just gave him the "Buffy face" and she had everyone wrapped around her little finger.
"She looks like her mother!" Willow said with admiration. It took a lot for her not to start crying. It was a new year of high school for Rachel, Buffy would have wanted to be here. Instead she got to play the role of mommy to the most wonderful girl in all the world. "You really think so?" Rachel knew very little about her mother, but when they were willing to talk about her she was all ears.
"I really do!" Willow beamed up at her and got her camera ready. With a flash and a wave she was out the door with her "hello kitty" knapsack and the brown-paper bag lunch Willow had made.
"she's really growing up!" Xander felt a tear come to his eyes.
"Oh, you goofball!" Willow hit his arm playfully, "It won't be long before she has a boyfriend."
"Over my dead body!" Xander stomped his foot mockingly.
"Oh that statement was so strong Xander!" Willow smiled and drew him into a kiss, "I just wish he were here to see her, she would have wanted that."
"Buffy or Rachel?" Xander said in confusion.
"Both!"
"He doesn't deserve a daughter like Rachel, she is too good for the likes of him!"
"Xander," Willow chastised, "His soul mate died at the age of 21 when all of their lives were coming together, not to mention in front of his own eyes. Some part of him still blames himself."
"Hey, it was devastating on all of us! Giles was like her damn father, you, and me, Rachel!" his voice was raised in a heated passion, "We dealt."
"We haven't known her since she was two, nor did either of us share a bed with her!" Willow tried to reason with him. She may have been mad at Angel's abrupt decision, but he was a good guy and she could understand where he was coming from.
"Well, will, you never know, me and the Buffster had a heated love affair" Xander grinned.
"Maybe in your dreams, but the only thing that should be in your dreams is me Mr. Harris!" Willow smirked.
"Why Mrs. Harris aren't you smitten! Race you up the stairs!"
"Deal!" And with that willow and Xander went sprinting up the stairs to do many things behind closed doors.
When Rachel finally got to school she felt so small. The whole building was her house times ten! How would she ever find her way around! Glancing at the paper map Willow made her take she tried to find her homeroom, 213, okay so here is the challenge.
"Excuse me, miss, would you like some help with that?" As Rachel let her eyes wander up to this stranger she dropped dead. She must be in heaven because why would this godly creature be talking to her.
"ex, ex, scuse..me?" Rachel stumbled on her words. Oh goody! Impress him with your lack of Speech! Way to go Rachel!
"Hi, my name is Kevin!" He extended a muscular hand that was poking out of his letterman's jacket.
"Hey I am Rachel!" She returned his gesture with her own fragile hand and a bright smile.
"Well what room are you looking for maybe I could help you!"
"uh, 213, I believe, it's my homeroom this year!" Wow, oh god, hotty talking to me. She breathed in and out. Goal for today: don't faint!
"Just this way, follow me miss..."
"Summers!"
"Ah, right, well fellow me Miss. Summers" He extended he elbow and out of courtesy she took his arm in hers and followed him down the long hallway.
"So, Rachel, what are you taking this semester?"
"Art history, English, Math, and erg French!" She crinkled her nose playfully.
"Not a fan of the French I see!" Kevin liked this girl especially her crinkly nose and the depth of her big chocolate eyes. Passing the wall next to her homeroom his attention was suddenly grabbed to a graduating class on the wall.
"Hey isn't that you?" Kevin looked very confused as he was staring at a picture, graduating class of 1998, a blond girl that looked exactly like the brunette on his left.
"Umm well unless I graduated already probably not" Rachel didn't bother looking but she could see it confused Kevin quite a bit.
"It says here, Elizabeth Summers, a relative of yours, I heard she was brutally murdered or something?" Kevin smiled a dashing smile. Rachel's interest peaked and she checked the picture. "No, I...I don't know her. I gotta go!" Rachel said dashing down the hall in search of a small stall in the girl's bathroom that had her name on it.
"But your homeroom is right here!?" Kevin looked slightly confused, and with a shrug of his shoulders he went back to the picture. It sure did look a lot like her except for the blonde hair. What happened and what had set Rachel off like that.
Angel stepped off the bus and took a sigh of relief. It was good to be home. It was so familiar yet so different. The bus station sure hadn't changed. As he walked to the nearest motel 8, angel decided that he would have to find a job. He was a substitute teacher for a while and the new high school just opened so it would probably be a good idea. After getting settled in he would go in for an interview.
Angel put his crisp white shirts in the closet. They haven't been that crisply ironed since Buffy died. She had always done the laundry and he would always do the cooking. It was safer that way, so know one ended up with food poisoning.
He put a picture of Buffy on his night side table and one of Rachel coming home from the hospital next to it. With the keys of his rental in his pocket he decided he would go to Willows.
She could hear someone enter the bathroom so she quieted her sobs. She had never been told her mother's death. Aunt Willow always just told her that she was in the middle of something and it was an accident. She couldn't bear to hear that she was murdered that she suffered so much pain. She bet her dad knew wherever that jackass was anyways.
She didn't remember her dad that much. She remembers that they were really close and she remembered the funeral but past that she doesn't even remember what he looked like or where in the hell he was. She always blamed herself. He msut have picked up and left because of her. She had this aching feeling that the death of her mother was her fault because whenever she brought it up it was always such a sore subject and the departure of her one close father just brought further proof. Her sniffling resided and she began to hear the girls in the bathroom.
"She's here! No way!"
"Way!" "I was wondering when she came into high school"
"I feel bad for her!"
"really? I don't! she will probably use her mother's death as some sob story for attention"
"Oh, Courtney your so bad"
"say what you want but I want to know what that little misfit is hiding."
"Maybe she's nice"
"No way, that Summer's girl isn't any sympathy from me or my boyfriend, Kevin!" After the one girl had finished powdering her nose they both walked out.
"Kevin? High school sucks!" Rachel hit her head against the door and decided to face the world.
"Oh miss, Summers what a pleasure to have joined us."
"Sorry sir, I had some other engagement."
"Right, take a seat next to nick, please."
"Hey there Rachel!" Nick smiled, he was cute a little boyish but cute, he reminded her of Xander.
"Hey, so what did I miss?"
"Not much, just the speech that all of our lives depend on our marks, its our decision, yadda yadda yadda,"
"Oh goodie" Rachel rolled her eyes and sat back. Today was going to be a very long day.
"We're coming!" Willow bounded down the stairs giggling as Xander was chasing her with a boyish grin on her face.
"Wait a moment!" Willow had Xander wrapped in a kiss as they reached the bottom of the stairs, willow opening the door with her one free hand, "Yes may we..." She suddenly looked up into two very miserably sad brown eyes.
"Angel." She stated in shock.
"Willow." He replied. "Xander!" Xander said goofingly.
"Looks like not much has changed" Angel rolled his eyes at Xander.
"Wrong mister, your daughter has, she isn't three anymore mister, she is fifteen and where were you for all of that." Will placed a firm finger on his chest. It was still muscular and he still looked twenty.
"I know I know I am so sorry willow."
"Well you should be, I mean you can't come here and expect to be greeted with open arms." Xander said shakingly.
"I didn't think I would be. I deserve all that you guys are saying. I was stupid and I made a very bad decision. If I could take it back I would, you have to trust me." Angel was pleading.
"Fine, but on the following conditions, lay low don't tell her right away, get to know her first you are going to have to ease into the whole, "hey I am your long last dad" routine. She has changed you can't buy her a doll and give her a cookie to patch everything up between you two." Xander was trying to be as firm as possible.
"That is totally acceptable."
"Then go get gone before she gets home from school!"
"Right, um willow?"
"Yea?"
"Can, is it, well could I have a photo album to look at please" He was so nervous she could tell by the way he kept loosening his collar.
"You sure can!" She smiled at seeing him interested, "here you go but I want these back when you are done, we are quite attached to her you know!"
"Who couldn't be" Angel said with a grin and left, slightly more happy then when he arrived.
After angel had left it wasn't to later that Rachel came sulkingly through the door.
"well honey how was your frist day?" Willow grinned.
"do I have to talk about it?" she grunted, giving will the shivers, she was so much like Angel.
"That bad huh?"
"You could say that!"
"well what happened, bad food, tripped on your way to class, mean girls?"
"the third!" Rachel said.
"ah, mean girls, I knew it! Just like your mother always having to deal with flack from the populars because they envied her so. You and your mother are very good-looking and you are nice, not many people have the combination."
"Aunt Willow, what about my mother, how did she die?"
"Rachel, sweetie this really isn't the time to get into this!"
"It's no fair, you guys never tell me what happened, did I do it! Was it my fault?!" Rachel started to raise her voice, "God the girls were right it is all my fault. I hate myself!" Rachel ran up the stairs and slammed her door. She had a lot to think about.
Angel sat down in his motel rubbing his forehead in a pensive thought when the phone rang.
"hello?"
"Mr. O'Connor? This is the principal at Sunnydale high we received your application and quite frankly its outstanding when can you start!"
"tomorrow is great with me, but if you don't mind me asking what will I be teaching?"
"Art history, grade ten! See you tomorrow bright and early!"
"Bright and early!" With a smile and the click of the phone who knew that Angel would be closer to his daughter than he thought.
TBC
Coward. That's all really; I am just that, a coward. She's at least fifteen now, probably the prettiest girl at school, tones of boyfriends by now, and I missed it. I made that decision a long long time ago and I find myself regretting it everyday of my life. I went through a rough patch, well more than rough, I went trough hell. She died, right in front of my eyes. It's really not something you forget.
She dove gracefully in front of our wide-eyed three-year old daughter, taking the arrow to her heart. Maybe I resented her, Rachel, like she killed her mother somehow, but how can I, Buffy wouldn't have lived with herself if she had just let Rachel die, I don't think I would have either. But maybe it would have been easier if I had taken that arrow, god that's the 50 million dollar question. I have to go back to her, I broke the promise, I was supposed to protect her, I promised my beloved as she died in my arms. So I am going back, I have to. But I am so scared out of my mind. She must hate me, think I did this to her mother, she might not even remember me, or the pancakes we made in the morning. I wonder if she likes school now.
Angel picked up his suitcase and boarded a narrow bus that smelt of rotting eggs, it was cheap to say the least but he hadn't been all to wealthy since he left his job. He made the effort to shower before he saw his daughter for the first time in twelve years. He even brought her, her mother's wedding ring. What else could he offer her? Willow would surely tear his head off and Xander would be none too pleased. He wondered if she called them mommy and daddy. He sent cards of course but he couldn't bear to say much, he had seen the pictures, she was Buffy but with big brow eyes and brown silky hair. It destroyed him that she wished her daddy would come home when she was five. Willow wrote him, she was furious with him but agreed to tell Rachel that her daddy was doing something very important.
He never did hear back after that, he was somewhat cut off, the lies were getting too big to manage. He figured that eventually Rachel would see beneath Auntie Willow and Uncle Xander's comforting lies, and see him for the coward he truly was. With a sigh that sounded like a weight had been out on his heart, he watched out the window as he passed a sign, "Leaving Ohio, come back soon." This was it, there was now turning back. So how come he felt like jumping out the window so much.
"Xander, stop that, I look fine!!" Rachel came bounding down the stairs in a fashionable mini skirt with her thick chestnut hair curled under, a black tank-top and a light pink camisole over top.
"You look like a hooker!" Xander shook his fist, at some attempt to be harsh with her, it never worked, she just gave him the "Buffy face" and she had everyone wrapped around her little finger.
"She looks like her mother!" Willow said with admiration. It took a lot for her not to start crying. It was a new year of high school for Rachel, Buffy would have wanted to be here. Instead she got to play the role of mommy to the most wonderful girl in all the world. "You really think so?" Rachel knew very little about her mother, but when they were willing to talk about her she was all ears.
"I really do!" Willow beamed up at her and got her camera ready. With a flash and a wave she was out the door with her "hello kitty" knapsack and the brown-paper bag lunch Willow had made.
"she's really growing up!" Xander felt a tear come to his eyes.
"Oh, you goofball!" Willow hit his arm playfully, "It won't be long before she has a boyfriend."
"Over my dead body!" Xander stomped his foot mockingly.
"Oh that statement was so strong Xander!" Willow smiled and drew him into a kiss, "I just wish he were here to see her, she would have wanted that."
"Buffy or Rachel?" Xander said in confusion.
"Both!"
"He doesn't deserve a daughter like Rachel, she is too good for the likes of him!"
"Xander," Willow chastised, "His soul mate died at the age of 21 when all of their lives were coming together, not to mention in front of his own eyes. Some part of him still blames himself."
"Hey, it was devastating on all of us! Giles was like her damn father, you, and me, Rachel!" his voice was raised in a heated passion, "We dealt."
"We haven't known her since she was two, nor did either of us share a bed with her!" Willow tried to reason with him. She may have been mad at Angel's abrupt decision, but he was a good guy and she could understand where he was coming from.
"Well, will, you never know, me and the Buffster had a heated love affair" Xander grinned.
"Maybe in your dreams, but the only thing that should be in your dreams is me Mr. Harris!" Willow smirked.
"Why Mrs. Harris aren't you smitten! Race you up the stairs!"
"Deal!" And with that willow and Xander went sprinting up the stairs to do many things behind closed doors.
When Rachel finally got to school she felt so small. The whole building was her house times ten! How would she ever find her way around! Glancing at the paper map Willow made her take she tried to find her homeroom, 213, okay so here is the challenge.
"Excuse me, miss, would you like some help with that?" As Rachel let her eyes wander up to this stranger she dropped dead. She must be in heaven because why would this godly creature be talking to her.
"ex, ex, scuse..me?" Rachel stumbled on her words. Oh goody! Impress him with your lack of Speech! Way to go Rachel!
"Hi, my name is Kevin!" He extended a muscular hand that was poking out of his letterman's jacket.
"Hey I am Rachel!" She returned his gesture with her own fragile hand and a bright smile.
"Well what room are you looking for maybe I could help you!"
"uh, 213, I believe, it's my homeroom this year!" Wow, oh god, hotty talking to me. She breathed in and out. Goal for today: don't faint!
"Just this way, follow me miss..."
"Summers!"
"Ah, right, well fellow me Miss. Summers" He extended he elbow and out of courtesy she took his arm in hers and followed him down the long hallway.
"So, Rachel, what are you taking this semester?"
"Art history, English, Math, and erg French!" She crinkled her nose playfully.
"Not a fan of the French I see!" Kevin liked this girl especially her crinkly nose and the depth of her big chocolate eyes. Passing the wall next to her homeroom his attention was suddenly grabbed to a graduating class on the wall.
"Hey isn't that you?" Kevin looked very confused as he was staring at a picture, graduating class of 1998, a blond girl that looked exactly like the brunette on his left.
"Umm well unless I graduated already probably not" Rachel didn't bother looking but she could see it confused Kevin quite a bit.
"It says here, Elizabeth Summers, a relative of yours, I heard she was brutally murdered or something?" Kevin smiled a dashing smile. Rachel's interest peaked and she checked the picture. "No, I...I don't know her. I gotta go!" Rachel said dashing down the hall in search of a small stall in the girl's bathroom that had her name on it.
"But your homeroom is right here!?" Kevin looked slightly confused, and with a shrug of his shoulders he went back to the picture. It sure did look a lot like her except for the blonde hair. What happened and what had set Rachel off like that.
Angel stepped off the bus and took a sigh of relief. It was good to be home. It was so familiar yet so different. The bus station sure hadn't changed. As he walked to the nearest motel 8, angel decided that he would have to find a job. He was a substitute teacher for a while and the new high school just opened so it would probably be a good idea. After getting settled in he would go in for an interview.
Angel put his crisp white shirts in the closet. They haven't been that crisply ironed since Buffy died. She had always done the laundry and he would always do the cooking. It was safer that way, so know one ended up with food poisoning.
He put a picture of Buffy on his night side table and one of Rachel coming home from the hospital next to it. With the keys of his rental in his pocket he decided he would go to Willows.
She could hear someone enter the bathroom so she quieted her sobs. She had never been told her mother's death. Aunt Willow always just told her that she was in the middle of something and it was an accident. She couldn't bear to hear that she was murdered that she suffered so much pain. She bet her dad knew wherever that jackass was anyways.
She didn't remember her dad that much. She remembers that they were really close and she remembered the funeral but past that she doesn't even remember what he looked like or where in the hell he was. She always blamed herself. He msut have picked up and left because of her. She had this aching feeling that the death of her mother was her fault because whenever she brought it up it was always such a sore subject and the departure of her one close father just brought further proof. Her sniffling resided and she began to hear the girls in the bathroom.
"She's here! No way!"
"Way!" "I was wondering when she came into high school"
"I feel bad for her!"
"really? I don't! she will probably use her mother's death as some sob story for attention"
"Oh, Courtney your so bad"
"say what you want but I want to know what that little misfit is hiding."
"Maybe she's nice"
"No way, that Summer's girl isn't any sympathy from me or my boyfriend, Kevin!" After the one girl had finished powdering her nose they both walked out.
"Kevin? High school sucks!" Rachel hit her head against the door and decided to face the world.
"Oh miss, Summers what a pleasure to have joined us."
"Sorry sir, I had some other engagement."
"Right, take a seat next to nick, please."
"Hey there Rachel!" Nick smiled, he was cute a little boyish but cute, he reminded her of Xander.
"Hey, so what did I miss?"
"Not much, just the speech that all of our lives depend on our marks, its our decision, yadda yadda yadda,"
"Oh goodie" Rachel rolled her eyes and sat back. Today was going to be a very long day.
"We're coming!" Willow bounded down the stairs giggling as Xander was chasing her with a boyish grin on her face.
"Wait a moment!" Willow had Xander wrapped in a kiss as they reached the bottom of the stairs, willow opening the door with her one free hand, "Yes may we..." She suddenly looked up into two very miserably sad brown eyes.
"Angel." She stated in shock.
"Willow." He replied. "Xander!" Xander said goofingly.
"Looks like not much has changed" Angel rolled his eyes at Xander.
"Wrong mister, your daughter has, she isn't three anymore mister, she is fifteen and where were you for all of that." Will placed a firm finger on his chest. It was still muscular and he still looked twenty.
"I know I know I am so sorry willow."
"Well you should be, I mean you can't come here and expect to be greeted with open arms." Xander said shakingly.
"I didn't think I would be. I deserve all that you guys are saying. I was stupid and I made a very bad decision. If I could take it back I would, you have to trust me." Angel was pleading.
"Fine, but on the following conditions, lay low don't tell her right away, get to know her first you are going to have to ease into the whole, "hey I am your long last dad" routine. She has changed you can't buy her a doll and give her a cookie to patch everything up between you two." Xander was trying to be as firm as possible.
"That is totally acceptable."
"Then go get gone before she gets home from school!"
"Right, um willow?"
"Yea?"
"Can, is it, well could I have a photo album to look at please" He was so nervous she could tell by the way he kept loosening his collar.
"You sure can!" She smiled at seeing him interested, "here you go but I want these back when you are done, we are quite attached to her you know!"
"Who couldn't be" Angel said with a grin and left, slightly more happy then when he arrived.
After angel had left it wasn't to later that Rachel came sulkingly through the door.
"well honey how was your frist day?" Willow grinned.
"do I have to talk about it?" she grunted, giving will the shivers, she was so much like Angel.
"That bad huh?"
"You could say that!"
"well what happened, bad food, tripped on your way to class, mean girls?"
"the third!" Rachel said.
"ah, mean girls, I knew it! Just like your mother always having to deal with flack from the populars because they envied her so. You and your mother are very good-looking and you are nice, not many people have the combination."
"Aunt Willow, what about my mother, how did she die?"
"Rachel, sweetie this really isn't the time to get into this!"
"It's no fair, you guys never tell me what happened, did I do it! Was it my fault?!" Rachel started to raise her voice, "God the girls were right it is all my fault. I hate myself!" Rachel ran up the stairs and slammed her door. She had a lot to think about.
Angel sat down in his motel rubbing his forehead in a pensive thought when the phone rang.
"hello?"
"Mr. O'Connor? This is the principal at Sunnydale high we received your application and quite frankly its outstanding when can you start!"
"tomorrow is great with me, but if you don't mind me asking what will I be teaching?"
"Art history, grade ten! See you tomorrow bright and early!"
"Bright and early!" With a smile and the click of the phone who knew that Angel would be closer to his daughter than he thought.
TBC