Chapter 25 = = The Aftermath

After reading Emmalynn's letter, Teagan pulled Alistair into a hug. "There are no words, Son."

A disconsolate Alistair returned the embrace, then let out a shaky sigh and moved to a chair by the hearth. They were in his father's suite, Alistair not wanting to go back to the room where he and Emma had made love for the first and the last times. He sat down heavily, slumped in the chair and silently stared at the fire. Teagan sat across from him.

When Alistair did speak, his voice sounded strained from the effort it took to speak about such soul-rending pain. "Yesterday…she said she was going to bed early because she was incredibly tired, and I know she was. When she said goodnight, she knew it was goodbye. According to Aedan, she left sometime during dinner. He sent Zevran with her so she didn't ride to Kinloch alone."

"I'm so very sorry it was my brother who did this to you and Emmalynn." Teagan looked into the fire and said softly, "Maybe it would have been better if you hadn't found the Ashes."

Alistair sat up and looked directly at his father. "No. Saving Eamon was the right thing to do. Em, and I would have done it even if we knew he would do this."

Alistair put his head in his hands, his shoulders beginning to shake. After a while, he wiped his eyes. "You know, it's…like she's dead. Even though she's alive, she's been taken from me forever. I found that rightness, that wholeness with Emma. What do I do now?"

"Perhaps, for now, you can simply focus on helping Aedan and Surana end this Blight."

Alistair sighed. "Maybe I should join the Grey Wardens."

Duncan told me that being a Warden meant having a short and painful life. "Alistair, look at me."

His father's crisp tone startled Alistair. "Father?"

"Perhaps you shouldn't make any life-changing decisions right now."

"I know… I know."

"If the Circle wouldn't release Emma, were you going to take her to Rivain?"

Alistair nodded. "Would you have been angry at me if I did?"

"No. I would miss you very much, but I've always wanted you to choose your own path, regardless of where that path led, as long as it brought you joy."

Alistair stood up and sat on the couch next to his father. Teagan pulled him close. "I love you, Son."

"I love you too, Da."

~oOOo~

Alistair was so emotionally and physically exhausted, he fell asleep as soon as he laid down.

"Arl Eamon is so blinded by his own arrogance he fails to see what it would cost him if you took the throne."

He recognized the voice that had spoken to his heart many times, even before Emma helped him learn that it was a Spirit of Honor. Alistair opened his eyes and found himself sitting on the shore of Lake Calenhad and seated across from the source of the voice. He expected a shimmering spirit, but the man before him looked corporeal.

Why does he look familiar? He wore a cloak through which Alistair caught a glimpse silver armor. The white goatee, shoulder-length white hair, and lined face indicated a man well into his sixth or seventh decade. But the vitality in his eyes and voice seemed ageless.

"You are the Spirit of Honor Emma saw. How do I address you?"

"As you would any other knight."

"Alright, Ser. What did you mean about Eamon?"

"He believes you to somehow be the same biddable boy you were when you were ten, and as he considers Anora to be the Dowager Queen, he figured you would just take her place on the throne."

"She was crowned Queen, not Queen Consort. The Arl's actions border on treason."

"For the sake of argument, let's say you become King either alone or alongside Queen Anora. How would you address Eamon's actions?"

Alistair shook his head. "He's been dishonest and manipulative, but he hasn't actually committed treason." Alistair thought about what he would do…then he smirked. "Emma said once that 'true spirituality cannot exist in the absence of courage, compassion, and honesty', and Eamon has shown a distinct lack of all three. Perhaps Eamon needs time to contemplate and develop his spiritual side."

The Knight smiled at Alistair approvingly. "You show great wisdom, Alistair. You would make an excellent King, but your future may lie along a different road. I know you feel pain now, but there is something I would like you to hold on to."

"What would that be, Ser?"

"Hope."

Alistair opened his eyes. Why does Honor look so familiar? I know it's not Maric...now is not the time think about that. Right now I have a future to present to Arl Eamon Guerrin.

~oOOo~

His son's agony and grief whipped up Teagan's anger into pure fury as he went to confront his brother. He entered Eamon's study unannounced, slamming the door behind him. Teagan's nostrils flared as he looked directly into his startled brother's eyes. Placing his hand on the desk he leaned in and lashed out at the Arl, "How dare you interfere in my son's life! Who he chooses to love and what his future will be is his choice, not yours! You lost that right when Maric removed him from your care!"

Eamon slid his chair back and away from his seething brother. Taking a moment to compose himself, he finally looked back at Teagan and scoffed. "You would let him be your heir with a mage as his mistress?"

"I would let him be my heir with a mage as his wife! I love my son and care about his happiness! Maric never wanted Alistair to be King. He and Alistair's mother wanted a better life for him, and you damn well knew it!"

It was then that Alistair walked into the room. Standing next to his father, he crossed his arms and looked directly into the Arl's eyes. When he spoke, it was with a calm voice, one of authority. "Arl Eamon Guerin, I speak to you as a Knight of the Realm and as the man you supposedly want to be King. Your treatment of the woman who saved your life, the lives of your wife, your son, and the lives of many of your subjects was appalling, entirely without honor, and unbefitting a person of your station."

Maker, he sounds just like Maric. Teagan was proud of his son's calm in the face of this horrendous situation.

"You have also deprived Warden-Commander Cousland of the best healer in Thedas."

"You know I am not taking any action against the older Senior Enchanter, who by the way was your lover's mentor."

"Senior Enchanter Wynne, while the next best healer, is also elderly and not the equestrienne Emmalynn was. She will slow the wardens down and now they will have to fight against both time and the Blight. You've done all of this purportedly because you think I am obligated to take the throne, even though our Queen still lives."

"She is the Dowager Queen."

Teagan reminded Eamon. "Not in Ferelden she isn't, and you know it, Brother."

Alistair nodded at his father. "Anora was crowned Queen, not queen-Consort, and she will remain the Queen until the Landsmeet says otherwise. If you persist on this path, I am honor-bound to report your treasonous acts to her Majesty."

"The Queen, or do you mean Regent Loghain?"

"Did it at all occur to you that the Queen may have been distraught at having lost her husband and perhaps her father is helping her by serving as regent?" Alistair asked.

"How do you explain my being poisoned? I almost–"

"Eamon," Teagan interrupted, "the poison was Tevinter in origin, and did not kill you outright. You know Rendon Howe – who has been grabbing at power for years – has ties to Tevinter. It was Howe, not Loghain, who slaughtered the Couslands and usurped their lands."

"My father is correct. The point is that there is more going on than any of us know. However, none of that will matter if we cannot stop the Blight, and your dishonorable actions have hampered the Wardens' efforts."

"You speak of honor? The real reason you're upset is that you lost your illicit mage-lover! You would have violated Chantry law by hiding an apostate! Where is the honor in that, Ser?"

"The woman has a name: it is Emmalynn or Senior Enchanter Amell. Use it! Emma was given leave to stay with the wardens. It was hers and my hope that she could have argued for her release after the Blight was ended. She is in no danger of possession and the Knight Commander at Kinloch knows that. Helping the Wardens would have lent weight to secure her release from the Circle.

"But yes, I would have taken her away from here and married her because I love her. And as for honor – helping a healer to remain free allows her to save countless lives that would otherwise have been lost, just as she saved yours.

"So, before I take my leave, I would like to give you a view of the future should I be forced to take throne: My first official act will be to strip you of your Arling and your peerage. I will then commit you to the chantry at Bournshire where you will be known for the rest of your days as Brother Guerrin." Alistair gave a perfunctory bow, turned and left the room.

Teagan turned to his pale brother said with a sardonic grin. "Be careful what you wish for."

~oOOo~

Emmalynn poured her heart out to Irving. He was a sympathetic ear and was horrified at what the Arl had done. "Emmalynn, we need to tell Greagoir about this, especially with Wynne on leave helping the wardens. The Arl should not be able to manipulate the circles and templars to suit his ill-conceived dynastic whims."

Emmalynn nodded. "Would it be possible for me to take over teaching my creation class?"

"Are you sure you want to go back to work so soon?"

Emmalynn nodded. "For me, it's better to work through my pain by doing something that helps others. With Wynne on leave, you are short on Senior Enchanters, healers, and Creation mages. I can help."

Irving nodded, then said affectionately, "In fact, it is a solution for which you are uniquely suited. Tomorrow morning is our weekly teacher's meeting."

"Is there still a chantry service after breakfast?"

"Yes, our meeting will be right after."

"Oh, Wynne never said: how is Ser Cullen?"

Irving signed, "Greagoir had to transfer him. He needed to be away from here after what happened."

The poor man he was tortured for Maker knows how long.

"You should rest, my dear. We won't be meeting with Greagoir until after dinner."

"Irving, thank you for listening."

After leaving Irving's office, Emmalynn struggled to keep her tears in check as she made her way to her new quarters. She had no roommate yet for which she was grateful because when she laid down she sobbed until she had no more tears to shed. After washing her face, she sat down to write in her journal.

24th Cloudreach

I am back in the Circle, but it no longer feels like home. Ali felt like home, a home I never knew could exist. Not to see his face or hear his voice or feel his body next to mine hurts so very much. Yet, I do not want to yield my memories to the vagaries of time, I don't want to forget the sound of his voice, the twinkle in his eyes when laughed, the feel of his body holding mine.

I can only hope that he forgets me, that his memories of us fade over time. I want him to find love again. I want him to find someone who can bring a smile to his face. Someone who can make him laugh, someone he can love and can have a life with, have children with and grow old with.

Considering that I left without telling him and how much it must have hurt him, I hope it will help Ali move on.

I will always cherish what we had, however brief.

AN: Sorry for the angst! Thanks for reading, and thank you Melysande for your reviews. Special thanks to my Beta ElyssaCousland.