Chapter 25, I Can't Love You Like That

Author's note: I know, another long chapter, but it has to be said. I've also started to post this story at tinmanfic over at LJ for those that prefer that website.

DG walked down the hallway to her chamber and slammed the door. She could no longer contain her feelings and the tears came readily. She was still in shock that her own mother and father had promised that, after all that they had been through. How could they make such a promise that they would kill their own daughter; and have her sister do it by her own hand? There was always a way; had she not proved that on the tower?

Whether due to the rush of adrenaline, she had been up for some time, or both, she did not feel as wobbly or nauseous as she did when she first woke up. She went in to her bed room, gulped down the rest of the tea and finished off the toast. She then got dressed and put on her winter coat. She wanted to be alone and not alone. In the end she wanted Glitch, her friend that had seen her through thick and thin the past year. She stopped. That was the word that caught her by surprise. In her mind she referred to him as her friend; not her husband, lover, or even boyfriend. Was that wrong?

She softly closed the chamber door and took a parting glance at the far end of the hallway. Guards were still posted outside of her parent's chamber but there was no other visible activity. All of them were probably still inside discussing the particulars of moving Azkadellia to the barracks. She turned and walked the other way. She was headed towards a very special place.

Cain was still on his way from the barracks where he had left Jill to the palace when he saw a figure running towards him in the distance. As the figure came closer he saw a flash of reflected sunlight bounce from the head. He knew instantly who it was.

Glitch ran up to him and stopped. He bent over and held his sides, trying to catch his breath. Cain asked apprehensively, "What's wrong?" Why else would his favorite headcase come running?

Glitch stood up. "Well, good morning to you too," he replied somewhat indignantly.

Cain rolled his eyes, but his expression unconsciously softened. "I'm sorry Glitch… But what's the big hurry?"

"DG needs to see you," Glitch replied, still somewhat out of breath.

"What for?"

It came out more sternly than he intended. Glitch looked at him with a nervous expression. It could not be helped though. The Queen's words from the night before rang in his ears, stay away from my daughter.

Glitch regained his composure. "We both need to talk to you," he started over again. "DG thinks that Dr. Addison is up to something."

They started to walk towards the palace. Cain thought back to their conversation on the balcony from two nights ago. DG had staunchly defended him then. What happened overnight to change her mind?

Glitch continued rather glumly, "Besides, Az is turning back in to the sorceress. Of course DG doesn't think so but I think so."

Cain abruptly stopped, grabbed Glitch by the shoulder and pulled him back. He almost fell backwards from the sudden action. "Hey! Why'd you do that for?"

Cain's eyes were focused squarely on Glitch. "What do you mean Az is turning back in to the sorceress?"

He left Glitch go and his arm dropped down to his side. In a fleeting moment of clarity Glitch realized that Cain had no idea of what had transpired after dinner.

"Azkadellia killed two soldiers last night."

It only took a second for Cain to put two and two together. That was why General Turnbaugh had urgent business at the palace.

Cain grabbed Glitch by the arm and practically started to drag him down the walkway. "Come on Glitch. You're going to tell me about everything that happened last night."

They arrived at DG's chamber door. Looking at the far end of the hallway they could still see the guards posted outside of the Queen's and Lord's chamber. Glitch knocked loudly on the door and called to her in a loud voice. There was no answer. Then Cain knocked loudly and called out her name. Again there was no answer. Cain had one hand on the doorknob, and the other reached for his gun. He was ready bust through the door when it suddenly flew open. One of the chambermaids, Kyra, stood in front of them.

Cain gruffly asked, "Where's DG?"

"She is not here Major."

"I can see that. Where did she go?" Cain was beginning to get annoyed.

Kyra responded matter-of-factly, "I do not know. When I came in to clean I found that she had already left. Her breakfast tray is empty and she has changed in to daytime attire."

It was evident that Kyra was not going to be offering any more clues to DG whereabouts. "Alright, thank you," he replied gruffly and turned to leave. Glitch asked him on the way back down the hallway, "Now where are we going?"

"Where's her favorite hiding spots?" Cain quickly asked.

Glitch's mood turned somber again. "She's probably in her garden."

Even in the dead of winter the space around Hank and Em's memorial gave off a soft warm glow. DG held a large steaming cup of tea and wrapped the blanket around her tighter just because it felt comforting. During the summer she had ordered a bench to be made and placed in front of the memorial. It was not a cold stone bench either. It was a wooden park bench, made out of a warm light colored wood and accented with deep green and gold fixtures. It reminded her of the ones that were around town back home; the home from her other life. When they ran in to town they would always stop for ice cream before returning home. They would sit on the bench to eat it and watch the townsfolk walk by and say hello.

The memorial was placed in her own private garden, in the far corner away from the entrance. She remembered how her mother had frowned upon it.

DG, I know that you loved your nurturing units dearly, but our private gardens are not intended to be burial grounds.

She smirked as she recalled the memory.

No one exactly knew what the citizens of Milltown did when one of their fellow "units" passed away. If one walked through the town, there was no cemetery. Some said that since they were "units", they had no concept of the afterlife like humans and so merely recycled the parts. Others said that they were every bit as human and buried their dead in a secret burial ground or cave.

DG did not care about the debate. What mattered was that her parents, the ones who had nurtured her through her childhood, had a final peaceful resting place. It was the least that she could do for them.

She heard footsteps behind her. One set stopped abruptly and one set continued until they reached the side of the bench.

She looked up and saw Glitch. She gave him a sad soft smile. He just nodded his head as he sat down on the bench with her.

It was Cain who had stopped abruptly. He could see the words engraved in the memorial, "In loving memory of my other parents, Hank and Em, whom I loved very much." The waves of sorrow hit him and he clenched both his teeth and his hands in to fists in order to contain himself. It took him a few seconds to regain his composure.

His steps were slow and he finally reached the side of the bench. DG looked up at him with sad eyes, "Mornin' Mr. Cain."

"You haven't called me that in a long time, kiddo." He took his hat off.

"I haven't heard kiddo in a long time either."

For a moment neither said anything. DG motioned for him to sit down next to her.

He gingerly sat down and rested his hat on his knee. He continued to stare at the memorial and then finally broke the silence. "Glitch told me what happened last night."

"Yeah, it was pretty bad but that's not the worse of it."

Cain quietly snorted, "You were sent flying across the courtyard, you're banged up, you have stitches in your head, and Az committed murder. I don't see how it can get any worse."

"They're going to move Az to the barracks, stop the sedatives, and quiz her to see if she's sane or not. If she's sane then they're going to bring charges against her. If not, they're going to keep quizzing her every month until she is."

There was another long pause. DG sighed and then continued, "It's pretty much the same deal the last time she did this."

Cain interrupted and turned to look at her. "What do you mean by last time? This isn't the first time that she's killed someone?"

She looked back and him. The sadness was evident on her face. His words had cut her a little but what was she to expect? He only asked the same question that everyone else did when they learned about Azkadellia's past few months. She fiddled with the cup of tea. It was nearly empty and cold anyway. "No, it's not the first time. Dr. Addison was having trouble regulating her medication and so she was having a bad week. They think what happened is that she was in her garden and a young soldier came up behind her. They don't know if she was startled, or he said something to her, or she was just so out of it. It doesn't matter now 'cause she fried him."

She paused and took a last swig of the tea to finish it off.

Cain spoke quietly. It was almost a whisper. "I'm sorry DG."

She shrugged her shoulders and tried to muffle her sniffle. "That soldier hung on for a few weeks but he didn't pull through." Glitch was hesitant at first but then put his arm around her shoulders. She did not pull away and even leaned closer to him and rested her head in his arm.

For a good five minutes or so no one said anything. Each was absorbed in their own thoughts. DG occasionally sniffled but there was no other sound.

Cain broke the stillness. "What was it you and Glitch wanted to talk to me about?"

DG straightened back up and wiped her eyes clear. "I guess you were right after all about Dr. Addison."

"What do you mean by that?" he asked as gently as he could.

"Maybe he hasn't been helping Az as much as we all would like to think."

DG then told him about how Dr. Addison had gone after her, about Az's green magic and how the color matched his eyes. Then she told him about DPM Vargo's accusation that Dr. Addison intentionally changed her medication since her mental competency examination was forthcoming.

Cain rubbed his forehead with his hand. He hated to see DG like this and it pained him to know that she had been dealing with this for months and months now. He never knew. No one ever told him. He felt betrayed but then realized that he had it coming to him. After he hurt DG, he abruptly left; thinking that she would be better off without him. Why would anyone bother to tell him what was going on?

DG finally asked, "So, Mr. Cain how did you get that bruise on your cheek?"

He looked surprised by her remark.

"Don't think that I didn't notice. I saw it when you first sat down."

He told her about the incidents that had happened down at the Wolfsangel Tavern. He told her about the picture disk but left out Demilo's mention of her performing sex acts and her father having a mistress. When he was done her comment to him was, "And you told me that you couldn't see how it could get any worse." She went on.

"I can't understand why Demilo would try to bribe you. He all of people should have known that you were above that sort of thing."

Cain did not say anything. He was thinking about the picture disk. The part about Azkadellia killing people was true. His thoughts were interrupted by DG thinking out loud.

"Glitch told me last night that when he took Jill down to the armory, she said that she recognized some kind of symbol. What was that about?"

Cain looked over at the two of them. "We went down to the Wolfsangel because she saw the tavern's symbol on the wallet of one of those cadets."

M,I,C…. K,E,Y…. M,O,U,S,E…. The theme to the Mickey Mouse Club started to play in her head. She shook her head to clear her thoughts of the tune. "The Wolfsangel sounds like a secret club," she said.

"Was a secret club," Cain corrected. "And the proof's gone now. While we were there Jill saw other symbols and said that we needed to find a history book from her world."

DG thought for a moment. "I don't know where we would get one. Maybe the Royal Academy has one tucked away. But to get at those books we have to go through Dr. Addison."

Glitch took his hands and rubbed his temples. He was having a hard time following the conversation between DG and Cain. He knew that it was due to the leaps in time references and subjects. He started to feel frustrated.

"It's not safe for you to be alone with him. Hell, he even went after you in public. I'll go and take Jill along," he finished decisively.

DG looked at him in disbelief. "That's too risky too. Don't you remember at dinner that it was Dr. Addison who wanted her to go with him to examine text books? If he's in on all of this, it's a trap."

"I don't see any other way kiddo. She needs to see those books and he has 'em. I'm not going to leave her alone with him if that's what you're thinking." He looked at her. She had that disapproving look in her eyes again.

"Fine. If you're so dead set on going then at least take Glitch. They'll figure that he just tagged along." The words came out before she realized it.

Cain raised his eyebrow. Glitch looked up at her with a wounded look on his face, "What do you mean by just tagging along?"

Before DG could answer the silence was broken by a tweet. Then another tweet. The last time sounded adamant. TWEET! TWEET! TWEET!

Glitch reached in to his inside coat pocket and pulled out a small, metallic gold bird with bright blue eyes. He held it in his outstretched hand.

TWEET! TWEET! TWEET! "Time for dancing lessons, time for dancing lessons."

Cain asked inquisitively, thankful for the break in the uncomfortable silence that had plagued them, "What's that?"

The golden bird sparkled in the sun. Glitch replied, "It's a time keeper. DG and I were going through what was left of my old office when she found it. She even found the blueprints for it and figured out how to use it." He gave the bird to DG to hold while he reached in to another pocket. He pulled out a folded piece of paper and handed it to Cain.

He unfolded the paper and found hand-drawn pictures of the bird. It looked like instructions for operating it. "Are these the blueprints?" Cain asked as he handed the pictures back to Glitch.

"Oh no. Those were drawn by DG to show me how to use it." He carefully put the instructions back in to his pocket. Then DG handed the bird back to Glitch.

TWEET! TWEET! TWEET! "Time for dancing lessons, time for dancing lessons." The bird insistently said again.

Glitch stroked its head and the bird closed its eyes and fell quiet. He rose up from the bench, "Just like the bird says, I have dancing lessons to give." He held the bird out in his hand and stared at it. He cocked his head and dejectedly said "Some days I still can't believe that I used to be able to create creatures like these. Now all I'm good for is giving little old ladies of the royal court dancing lessons."

DG called out to him, "Glitch! That's not true and you know it."

"Really?" His wounds from her rejection from the prior night were still raw. "You had to draw cartoons to show me how to use this." He motioned with his hand that was holding the time keeper.

She shook her head. "You've always helped us in your own special way. Why would that change now?"

Glitch carefully put the bird back in to his pocket and turned to leave. DG wanted to say something, anything, but nothing more came out. He did not look at DG, but told Cain, "Let me know if you want me to tag along when you and Jill go to the Royal Academy." Then he turned and left.

Dumb, dumb, dumb. What was wrong with her? She never meant to make it sound like Glitch was not important nor valuable.

Glitch's footsteps faded away and DG and Cain were left alone.

Both sat staring at the memorial and avoided eye contact with each other. DG slid over to the other side of the bench and drew her legs up. She rested her head on her knees.

Cain finally asked, "Did you accept yet?"

DG was taken off guard. "What?"

Cain spoke quietly, "I asked if you accepted Glitch's marriage proposal yet?"

"Who told you about that?"

"Your mother," he replied. Again his voice was low.

"Really? What else did she tell you?" she asked defensively.

Again he thought back to the words that were exchanged between him and her mother.

"We had been talking about Jill." That part was true. Now he had to lie and it pained him again. "I told her that I had heard rumors about the engagement and asked if you had accepted yet."

DG was silent. She knew that if she told him why that there would be no going back. Would he walk out of her life again?

"Where's Jill now?"

Cain paused. "Don't try to change the subject DG."

She looked up at the sky as she sighed. There were a few clouds but otherwise it looked to be a perfect day. Too bad looks were so deceiving.

Cain looked at her. He knew that she was silently debating.

She looked over at him with sadness in her eyes. "Last night I told him that I couldn't marry him."

He looked away from her. He tried to take the emotion of out his voice, "Why?"

She said it so quietly that he had to strain to hear her, but he knew what she said, "I told him that I would always love you." She paused, "even after all that has happened."

She was afraid to breathe. She did not know what was going to happen next.

"Even after over an annual you still feel that way?"

"Yes." She was not going to go there about Glitch, but Cain deserved the truth. "It started out as friendship and then grew in to love. I'll always love him but it's not the same love I feel for you."

He refused to look at her.

"I was drunk because I was trying to drink Adora away, and you were drunk because you were trying to kill the pain I caused you. I took advantage of you and it was wrong." His hand clenched the arm of the bench as he said the words. He knew that they would hurt her but it was never like this conversation was going to be a walk in the park.

Her eyes started to mist but she blinked away the tears. "It wasn't just drunken sex."

"Yes it was." It came out a little more sternly than he had intended. He looked over at her. "And you're… you're young enough to be my daughter. That makes it even more despicable."

DG edged closer to him. The tears were replaced with exasperation. "Look! Glitch is nearly as old as you. Why is it okay with him and not you?!"

Cain angrily rose from the bench and turned away from her. Her voice rose higher and more confident, "Don't you dare tell me that you're afraid that people will talk; that they'll frown upon it!"

He angrily turned back around to face her. "I'm not the hero you think that I am! I've killed your parents…" And there's another reason why I was called back from the territories early. Why do you think that I was involved in those hearings?

He went on, "And I've done far worse…" His voice trailed off for a moment. Then he regained his thoughts, "You're confusing love with infatuation."

DG stood up and faced him, toe to toe. "Where the hell do you get infatuation from?! I'm not some little girl with a silly crush!" If it was even possible she moved closer to him and dared to place her hands on his chest. "I forgive you for killing my parents. And I don't know what else has happened while you were out west, but what matters is that I still love you at the end of the day."

Cain looked down in to her eyes. They were fiery and he could feel her breathing and her heat.

He took her hand and momentarily held them in his. But then he gently moved them to her sides. His words came out slow and quiet, "DG, I'm sorry but I can't love you the way that you want me to." You deserve better than a broken old man.

DG took a step back. The pain of rejection was clearly etched in her face. "Are you going to run off again?"

He said quietly, "No. DG,… Jill's being interrogated by General Turnbaugh's men. Your mother ordered it."

The pain half disappeared from her face and was replaced by one of confusion. "Why did my mother order it?"

"She thinks that Jill might be able to supply clues as to why there's so much outworlder stuff being smuggled in to the O.Z."

By now DG was leaning against the back of the bench, her arms folded across her chest. Cain continued quietly, "I'm going to get her, and then Glitch, and we're all going to the Royal Academy to get a hold of those books. We'll meet back here when we're done."

He turned to leave but then stopped and looked at her again. "DG, I promise that I'll see this through to the end with you."

She said nothing but gave him a sad half-hearted smile. What was she supposed to say? She just declared her love for him and he just told her that he couldn't love her. Cain sighed, nodded his head, and then started to walk away.

As she watched him walk away, some words finally came. She called after him, "Be careful Mr. Cain."

He stopped again and turned his head to look at her. "I will princess." It hurt to say them.

Then he left the garden. He was headed back towards the barracks.