"Even though they removed the leash from my neck, the fence is still up."
-Unknown

Where the Hell Are We Now!
By Kaori

They had a week before they had to leave the village to go to Sunagakure, so Kotorra spent it training her temporary employees.

"All right Hinata," Kotorra said. "I've written all my recipes down and put them in that scroll over there. (sigh) I wish I had a spiral-backed notebook instead. Writing on parchment makes me feel like a scribe. Er…Anyway, if you follow the instructions exactly you'll be all right. If you have food left over be sure to pack it up and take it with you. I usually take whatever's left over to Naruto." She noticed Hinata fighting back a blush but didn't say anything. "That boy eats far too much ramen, it's a wonder he doesn't have clogged arteries. I'm trusting you to make sure he eats well."

"Ah..hai." squeaked Hinata.

She nodded her approval at the bluenette and then turned her attention to Shino. "As for you, you're responsible for the cash box and the supplies. The list of suppliers is hanging on the wall next to the meat fridge but the general rundown is that we get our meat from Masataka Hiro, milk and produce from Wataro Ririn, and spices from Daichi Goromaru. Make sure you update the accounting ledger and put the cash box in the safe before you lock up at night. I'll give you the keys before I leave for Suna."

Since Kiba was still in the hospital, and Shino wasn't quite well enough to go on serious missions yet, Tsunade decided Shino and Hinata would be the best candidates to mind KGB Mochikaeri. Kotorra didn't argue, glad she was leaving the restaurant in the care of friends.

"Hey! What about us? What do you want us to do, Kotorra-san?" Konohamaru was bouncing in his toes in anticipation.

"Have you forgotten already?" the dark-skinned young woman gave him a teasing smile. "You and Udon are my delivery boys."

"What!"

"Gina will show you the map with the fastest routes to our regular customers and Iruka has given his permission to exempt you from class early as long as you are working here. Deliver the food in under fifteen minutes or Shino here will take it out of your pay."

"We're getting paid?" sniffed Udon. Kotorra snorted.

"Of course you are. This is a mission. You won't get paid as much as a genin but you'll get paid."

"What about me?" Moegi asked a bit nervously. "What am I supposed to do?" Gina put a hand on her shoulder, causing her to jump.

"You little lady are getting a crash course in table waiting." She took out four trays. "You're training to be a kunoichi right? Try balancing these on your arms. I'll decide what to do next once you've made the attempt."

As much as he liked working at the clinic, Bradley knew he wouldn't be needed there much nowadays. His patients, for the most part, were at the point where they no longer needed to come in for therapy. Although there would be no helping that one cat, what was his name? Mora? Sora? Well, at any rate, he was resigning from the clinic at the end of the week.

Inuzuka Tsume was the most dismayed by this news but respected his decision. Besides, if they ever did need him at the clinic they could send for him. Still, she was going to miss talking to Bradley. It was rare to find a non-Inuzuka that understood canines; but for Bradley it wasn't that difficult since he practically was one.

Right now, he was enjoying his new freedom by doing a bit of shopping. He grimaced at his shoes. They were beginning to wear out and soon he would have to disregard them entirely. He could walk around barefoot, in fact he preferred it, but if his tail and ears still drew a lot of attention to him, his feet would make him even more noticeable never mind easy to track.

"Bradley-kun!" a friendly voice called.

"Huh?" he turned around and didn't see anyone. Then he looked down; there was a small pig wearing a pearl necklace. "Hi Ton-Ton, where's Shizune?" The little pig smiled.

"I was bored sitting around the office so I thought I'd take a walk. I'm glad I ran into you though, there's something you need to know."

"Something we need to know?" he cocked his head to one side. "Tell me while we walk."

While he couldn't say he was surprised by the news it was still very disturbing. Some members of the council felt that the Kejibi should be reigned in, insisting that they had too much freedom within the village for outsiders and that it still hasn't been proven that they didn't have anything to do with the attack from Suna to begin with; never mind that there wasn't any proof that the Kejibi had any connection to the attack either. They were being watched, by whom nobody knew, but the council had their informants and the informants were saying that the trio was hiding something. They were, but it was for the good of the village not the detriment of it. While they were out of the village, the council was going to send their agents to, for lack of a better term, go through their stuff.

"I'm beginning to see why Tsunade seems so frustrated by those people." Sighed Bradley, making a mental note to have Kotorra start making her infamous proximity alarms. The thought struck him as to why they hadn't thought of that before now. But then again we didn't think we were still being monitored. Those idiots don't realize they're not dealing with civilians. Ninja or no, you can't avoid a trap if you can't see or understand. "Thanks for the heads up TonTon, I'll be on my toes from now on. As a token of my appreciation why don't I treat you to some of K's mushroom soup?"

"Throw in some of those fluffy biscuits with the creamy sauce and you have a deal."

Outside of the village, Kurogata Mizurei sat in a tree and observed. Orochimaru was finally letting him out to play. His informants had said that his target would be leaving the village for Suna in another four days and while he was waiting, he decided he'd watch the village. Who knows, maybe he'd learn something useful and Orochimaru would let him out more often. Something wet splattered on the top of his head and he grimaced. "Damn birds…"

"How long is it going to take us to get to Sunagakure?" Bradley asked the Sandaime as they waited for Shikamaru and the recovered Naruto to finish loading the luggage.

"About three days." The old man replied, letting a small puff out of his pipe. "We'll be spending the next week or two there. Before we get there I want to ask you to remain in the form of a dog, preferably a small one."

"Huh?" blinked the dog hybrid. "What for? And why didn't you say something earlier?"

"Well, we only told the Suna council that Konoha would send three diplomats, namely myself Kotorra and Gina. We didn't inform them of any other non-shinobi attending this meeting because…"

"…they are still technically the enemy and this could all be a ploy to get rid of the Sandaime and shake the resolve of Konoha. Right?" Kotorra piped up from behind Sarutobi who had flinched slightly.

"How long have you been standing there?"

"I've been here the whole time."

"You know I hate it when you do that Kotorra."

"Hey, I like to take advantage of the fact that you ninjas never notice we're around until we're standing right next to you." She gave him a somewhat eerie smile. "Anyway, it's always good to have an ace in the hole. We'll say Bradley's my dog."

"Why can't he be my dog?" Gina suddenly said, startling the Sandaime once again.

"Don't you know it's not nice to scare an old man?" glared Sarutobi. Gina gave an unapologetic grin.

"You want him to be your dog? Fine." Shrugged Kotorra. "But won't people be suspicious if they see him wandering around without his "owner"?"

"We'll just create a kage bunshin and leave it in the room. Bradley will change into another breed of dog and survey the village in that form."

"And what am I supposed to be looking for?" asked Bradley.

To put it in simple terms he was to see if there were any traces of Sound shinobi or their affiliates still within the village. The way his investigation turned out would weigh heavily on the negotiations. He would have two days. The Hokage and the girls would slow the negotiations as much as possible while he searched.

"We'll need a camera…Yeek!" Kotorra's left hand had flashed purple when she said "camera" and sure enough, when she opened it, there was a small video camera (like the ones they covertly mount in pens). "I'm still not used to that." She grumbled.

"Does that happen often?" asked the Sandaime, intrigued.

"It's been happening more frequently since that business with Sasuke." Sighed the brunette. "Yesterday I caught Jiraiya peeping at me and the next thing I knew I had a baseball bat in my hand."

"You didn't have to hit me so hard, Kotorra-san." Jiraiya had sidled up to the group just then.

"Serves you right Ero-sennin." Glared Naruto.

"How many times have I told you to stop calling me that?"

"You keep saying I never listen to you, so why are you asking me?"

"Why you…" Jiraiya made to strangle the boy.

"Mendokuse…" sighed Shikamaru. "All the things are loaded, can I go now?"

"Yes. Thank you for your assistance Shikamaru, and you as well Naruto." said the Sandaime.

"Can't I go with you?" pouted Naruto.

"No, we've got something else in mind for you." He turned around and faced the carriage. "Now if you would be so kind as to dispel your henge and your kage bunshin then come down from the carriage we can be on our way."

The Kejibi looked at the person they thought was Naruto in confusion until "he" disappeared into a puff of smoke. Another puff of smoke in the luggage rack and Naruto jumped down in front of Gina.

"Naruto…" glared Jiraiya.

"You're no fun Ero-sennin." Pouted "Naruto". Another puff of smoke and the kage bunshin was dispelled. One of the bags turned into a very annoyed Uzumaki Naruto.

"I thought there were one too many bags up there." Gina muttered to herself.

"Don't be mad Naruto. We promise we'll bring you a souvenir." Said Kotorra.

"Failing that, we'll buy you all the ramen you want when we get back." Bradley stated.

"You'll be bankrupt by the end of the day then." Snorted Shikamaru.

"Can we just go already!" whined Gina.

A desert is a dry place covered in sand and full of dangerous creatures. It's scorching hot during the day and near freezing at night and if the temperature changes don't kill you the poisonous creatures or boredom will.

"No one knows what happened that day

Or how his car overturned in flames

But as they pulled him from the twisted wreck

With his dying breath they heard him say…(1)"

"Bradley! Stop singing that wretched song! You're depressing me!" whined Gina.

"Hey, I've got to do something to stave off the boredom. If I have to stare at the sand any longer I think my head will cave in."

"Yeah, but why that song? It's older than my grandfather!"

"It was the only one I could think of!"

"Well if you're bored I'd be happy to lend you my book for a while." Said the Hokage. The trio took one look at the title and glared at him. "I was kidding there's no need for that."

Silence reigned in the wagon for a while until…

"Kotorra, you seem bothered by something. Is there something wrong?" Sandaime asked. Kotorra looked at her two companions as they silently debated. Sarutobi could only watch as they communicated silently. But as soon as it started it was over.

"Hokage-sama," the short-haired brunette said carefully. "we have reason to believe that the council is trying to undermine Tsunade's authority and had been attempting to undermine yours in the past."

"Oh?" frowned the old man. "Those are serious accusations, what proof do you have?"

"Besides the testimony of a pig and a gut feeling, nothing." Sighed Kotorra. "We don't want any trouble with the council but if they start something we won't be held responsible for what happens. We've done nothing to deserve such treatment."

"But you have been keeping things from us."

"So have you. I see no reason to divulge information when nothing has been offered to me in exchange. Besides, we have told you what was necessary and important. Should anything else we know become relevant you will know. Not a second before."

"Fair enough, but I don't believe the council will be as patient."

"Aren't there laws about this kind of thing?" Gina asked. "I mean, where we come from you need a warrant to search a house."

"But Gina, in this case it's like the District Attorney or a judge has a vendetta against you personally and gives the police carte blanche to pretty much ransack your place." Bradley pointed out. Gina sucked her teeth. "What makes it worse is that to them we're just civilians."

"Mul'chaktaar!!" Gina threw up her hands in disgust and let off a string of other words Sarutobi couldn't understand.

"What did she just say?" the Hokage asked.

"Well, the first word, "mul'chaktaar", the closest equivalent in your language is "pig-fucking sons of a shit-eater". The rest I refuse to translate." Deadpanned Kotorra. "And really Gina, Uvukritz?"

"Oh please, there are worse languages." Snorted the other girl.

"True, but at least in most of the others every other word isn't profane."

The next day, after breaking camp, the trio entertained the Hokage with stories from home.

"So there were about twenty kids standing around saluting and we look up, and sure enough poor Zachary is hung up by his shorts from the flagpole." Rambled Gina.

"God I felt sorry for him." Bradley shook his head. "But then again he shouldn't have said all that crap about Yannik's girlfriend." Gina was about to make a comment on that when the sound of a body hitting the ground and yelling cut her off.

"The Hell?"

"Everyone! Stay in the carriage!" one of their ANBU escorts yelled. As tempted as they were to look outside, Kotorra and the Hokage hurriedly shut the windows. If for some reason things went south, there was an escape hatch in the floor of their carriage.

Kurogata Mizurei (2) leered at the two remaining ANBU he now faced. It had been so easy to kill and impersonate their comrade before their little caravan left for Sunagakure. Now that they were exactly halfway between the two villages (a day and a half in each direction) he was in the perfect position to carry out the orders given to him by Orochimaru. But first, there was the matter of the watchdogs in his way. "So…who wants to die?"

It's a cliffhanger! Hooray cliffhangers! And Happy New Year to all my friends in the Depraved Masses!

1) "Tell Laura I Love Her" by Dickey Lee. The song is supposed to be depressing but for some reason I can't help but laugh at it.

2) In case you've forgotten he was mentioned in the last chapter.