I Didn't Wish for This!
Chapter Twenty-Four: Be Careful What You Wish For
Late one night, Kaoru found himself looking at the pictures on Nanako's wall. He had looked at them plenty of times before, but something seemed different about them now.
He glanced towards the door and listened. She was still in the bathroom, using the sink to brush her teeth. Her toothbrush was blue and orange. She used spearmint mouthwash because it 'wasn't as cold' as peppermint.
He turned his eyes back towards the photos.
There were two new photos.
The first photo was a younger Nanako, maybe about ten, sitting in a light blue leotard and tutu with her legs apart in a seemingly perfect split. She had a huge smile on her face and if you looked close enough, you could see that her left canine was missing.
The second photo was middle school Nanako—complete with the brown uniform—standing next to Izumi—who was wearing a public school uniform—and Mei—who was wearing the Lobelia uniform.
I didn't know Mei was a grade ahead…
"I used to be thinner when I was little—when I danced, I mean." Nanako had changed into different clothes, purple shorts with a white tank top that was thin enough to where he could tell she was still hot from earlier. "I'm not complaining, if that's what you're thinking. I'm just making an observation." She tapped her tummy, making several hollow sounds echo in her body. "I've come to love how I look."
Her cheeks were tinted pink. Her smile was slight but present.
"All of these pictures… Were they…"
"Taken by my dad? Yes." She reached her fingers out and touched her dancer photo. "He wasn't there often, but he was there when it was important… more often than not."
The smile in the photo of her being silly was the same smile she showed him. There was a feeling tagged to it.
"When we get a photo together, I'm going to put it in a frame all by itself and put it where I can always see it." Her hands glided up his bare chest and slid behind his neck.
"I'm surprised you haven't printed one yet. Your dad takes so many when he sees us off."
She giggled. "I'll have to ask him…" She stood on her tiptoes and kissed his jaw. "I want one that's not forced by him, though. And not in this apartment. When we go on a date next, we should ask someone to take our picture." She kissed the corner of his mouth.
"That's a great idea."
She made a noise in agreement and puckered her lips. He pecked her on the lips and held her close.
His eyes stared at the Nanako from middle school.
Something about her from then seemed familiar.
2 Years Ago
"What's her name again? Haruko? Satsuko? Tsukiko?"
"I think it's Nanako… but does anyone even know her? Really?"
"Does she even do anything besides sit and read?"
"Ballet. I have the same instructor. All she does is talk about how talented she is. How annoying."
"My parents talk about the family sometimes. Her mom is that actress, Marise Sando?"
"No, no, my mom said Marise is her stepmom."
"Really? I guess they don't look anything alike, huh?"
A chair scratched against the ground and the gossiping girls hushed. They watched the girl glide out of the room, her honey brown hair gently floating up as she passed through the door and took a sharp right.
The girl was different then.
Purple nails scraped against the cover of the book and blue eyes steadily stared forward unfocused. She passed a few people who gave her a second quick glance, but otherwise she went unnoticed as she slipped through the halls and headed up towards the roof.
The door creaked open and she was immediately hit with a wave of cool air. Stepping through the doorway, she turned to place her book upright to keep the door from locking her out. Her legs carried her to the edge and she looked down over the angled roof to observe the courtyard.
There weren't many people out there, thankfully, so the chances of her getting caught were slim.
Her hands held the back of her skirt to her legs as she lowered herself to the warm floor. She readjusted herself so she was comfortable.
She took a series of deep breaths, staring up at the clear sky with disinterest. Every day she grew closer to the edge, but she wouldn't fall—at least not yet. There was always something that stopped her; the nice weather, the wind, something was always there to keep her balanced.
There were times she teetered, but she never fell.
At least not yet.
Her head tilted down and she stared at the fountain. Two identical individuals were sitting together reading what looked like a magazine, although she couldn't really tell because of how far away she was.
The Hitachiin twins, Hikaru and Kaoru. She knew of them, but didn't know them. Like her, they kept to themselves and never spoke to anyone.
Did they have friends? Probably not. Then again, she never directly observed them to know.
In that way, they were similar, but apart from that, they were vastly different.
From what she'd overheard, they pull cruel tricks on girls who give them love letters, but it wasn't like she was interested or cared for that matter.
She wasn't one to make judgements based on other people's experience.
Blinking, she focused on a blonde who had suddenly appeared and began speaking to them. Disinterested, she raised her gaze up towards the sky and watched as a cloud slowly made its way over to cover the sun.
Her only source of warmth disappeared for several long seconds before returning. She rubbed her exposed skin, trying her best to warm it up.
She spent the duration of fifth period study hall there. When the bell rang, she stood on the edge, looked down, sighed, and returned to her classroom to grab her lab book.
She hated anatomy.
They never noticed her.
The only ones who mattered were them and no one else.
They never needed to know her until they were forced to.
When they were inconveniently paired with her for a history project, they hardly spoke.
She sat in front of them in a desk she had turned around with her hands clasped around the edges of a book that was clearly used one too many times.
She looked disinterested. They looked annoyed.
The two of them discussed what they should do for their presentation aspect of the project. They decided on a poster, without so much as even bothering to ask her what she wanted.
It wasn't like it mattered.
When class ended, they went their separate ways.
The following day, however, their sensei informed them that it was a joint effort between the three of them.
"Projects are the perfect time to get to know someone better. You three surely have something in common, right?" A practiced smile appeared on the woman's face. "Why don't you try involving Morikawa in your decisions. It's her project as well." A hand rested on the girl's shoulder, causing her eyes to fly up to theirs.
Her eyes clearly said no.
"Okay, sensei." They agreed, and the woman sauntered away towards one of the more talkative groups.
They stared at each other in silence for a full minute before she spoke up.
"If you two collect the facts, I can put together the poster." She offered.
"Deal." They said in unison.
Her eyes unfocused and lowered back down to her book. It was different this time.
"Weren't you reading a different book yesterday?" Hikaru asked curiously. He wasn't all that interested, but if they didn't continue to talk, their sensei would return and most likely reprimand them for not doing what she had asked.
"I finished it last night." She stated blandly, turning the page.
"How? You were at the beginning and there were at least three hundred pages." Kaoru asked in a tone that borderlined accusatory rather than curious.
"I read fast." Her voice was quiet.
They looked around to see their teacher at the back of the room helping a different group.
"Do you even have friends?" Hikaru was blunt.
"Do you?" She retorted, her eyes shooting up to look at them. They stared at each other, again, in silence. "That's probably the only thing we have in common. We don't have friends here."
Something flickered in her eyes. They both noticed it.
If it had been any other emotion, they wouldn't have noticed it, but they had spent so much time around each other to know what that looks like in someone's eyes.
Loneliness.
They knew better than anyone that the look came with territory, and because they didn't know her, they thought she needed space.
So they let her be.
"She's not here today, either."
They had finished researching during fifth period study hall. They had written all the information they needed down across several sheets of paper and their partner was nowhere to be found.
This was the third day in a row she's been absent. Their presentation was in four days and they hadn't even started putting together the poster—rather she hadn't begun putting the poster together.
She needed to be at school for them to pass on the information.
"Hikaru, Kaoru, can you spare a moment?" Their history teacher smoothed out her skirt as she approached them. "I just found out that Morikawa had to have surgery yesterday. The earliest she'll be back in class is Tuesday."
"What?" Kaoru muttered.
"But our presentation is Monday." Hikaru pointed out, his brows furrowed in annoyance.
"I'm going to move your group presentation to Wednesday, is that okay? All three of you need to present your project."
"Can't you excuse her?" They asked.
"I'd love to… but she needs this presentation grade."
The twins looked at each other.
"Wednesday is fine."
The woman smiled apologetically and began class.
"What are we going to do?"
"What can we do?"
They looked towards her empty desk.
"We need to get her phone number."
"How? She doesn't have any friends."
"There might be something in her desk. Like in an agenda or something—in case it gets lost."
"Do people even fill those things in?"
"She seems like she might."
They waited until class was over before wandering over to her desk and rummaging through her things.
"Isn't this the book she was reading?" Hikaru held up a white book with a bookmark stuck near the end of it.
Kaoru racked his memory as he stared at the book. "Yeah."
Hikaru opened it up. "If lost, please call…" He pulled the sticky note from the book and showed it to his twin. "Here it is."
They texted the phone number right before seventh period and received an answer just after eighth ended.
After school, they found themselves standing outside of her hospital room. Her name was printed neatly on the board that hung neatly in the middle of the door.
They opened the door together and walked in. She was sitting upright in her bed with one bandaged leg over the covers and the other stuck underneath. A fluffy white cardigan draped over her arms.
She didn't look at them immediately, instead focusing on the television in the corner of the room. There was a child's anime on, but it didn't look like she was all that interested in it. Her gaze turned towards them and they stood next to the bed staring silently at each other.
"Did you bring the notebook?" Her voice was curt.
Hikaru handed her the item in question. She opened it up and briefly looked over the notes. "Is the presentation still on Monday? Because I can get it to you before then."
"Actually, she switched it to Wednesday. Sensei said you needed the presentation grade." Kaoru stated, watching her close the notebook and set it on the bedside table.
"I guess." She exhaled through her nose loudly. "I can start making the poster later. I asked my driver to pick up a big one while I'm stuck here for the night."
"When do you leave?"
"Tomorrow morning. On crutches."
It was then the twins noticed the lack of sympathy in the room. "Don't people usually get gifts when they get surgery?"
She picked at the skin around her nails. "Probably, but I didn't." She scoffed. "Really shows who cares, right?" She pulled a piece of lose skin off and winced. The area began to bleed, so she stuck it in her mouth. "You don't have to hang around with me, you know. Go home or something."
Don't leave me by myself.
Amber eyes met aquamarine ones.
"You're right."
"We'll see you Tuesday."
Hikaru turned around first, but Kaoru stood for a second longer. A large part of him wanted to leave, but another part wondered if he should stay. Something looked different, but he wasn't sure what.
Quickly, he dug her book out of his bag and handed it to her. She took it without a word
If she wanted them to stay, she should've asked. However, since she didn't, he turned his back and followed his brother out of the room.
She opened her mouth slightly, her voice caught in her throat.
The door clicked closed and she was alone again. She turned off the television, slid her book under her pillow, and nestled herself under the blankets, staring up at the ceiling with furrowed brows.
She felt tears crawl down the sides of her face and slide into her hair. She so desperately needed human interaction, but she couldn't bring herself to ask for help. Why did she tell them to leave? Why didn't she stop them from leaving? Sure, they weren't all that friendly yet, but she could've made an excuse for them to stay.
To help with the project, to brainstorm ideas, anything would have worked.
But she didn't say anything.
Perhaps she was destined to be alone.
"And that's all you need to know about the Meiji Era."
Their classmates clapped and their teacher smiled.
Nanako carried herself back to her seat and rested her crutches against the window just after she sat down.
The twins took their respective seats.
They never spoke to each other again. Two years would go by before anything changed, their project long since forgotten.
She would seem like a different person, not quite as reserved as she used to be. She would still feel lonely.
They would be friendlier, noticeably different people. They would still feel lonely.
She would look for a place to study, coincidentally running into a scholarship student, and following him to the third music room that they thought was unused. She would meet the host club, a vase would break, and she would become their maid.
They would remember her, but they didn't know her.
She wouldn't remember them.
She would have to wear a costume. She would call out to Kaoru, the only one left in the back room.
He would help her change.
The two of them would practice ballroom dancing, sharing a conversation that was far from small talk. She would be interested in him as a person, not as the addition to Hikaru.
He would appreciate that.
She would get to try on dresses made by his mother. She would learn a little about his childhood.
He would learn that she looked best in purple.
Their relationship began when Kaoru fought with Hikaru. Kaoru and Nanako would spend large amounts of time with each other, sharing conversations and laughs and notes for math. They would learn their favorites, cook dinner, and eventually find themselves on the terrace where they would stare at the night sky.
On that night, they would kiss for the first time.
They would kiss for the second time at the water resort, where Nanako almost drowned.
They would go on three dates. They would begin dating.
The loneliness they felt would become a distant memory… and the rest was history.
"Do you remember that history project you, me, and Hikaru had to do in middle school?" He adjusted his shirt and glanced over at Nanako who was sitting cross-legged on her bed with a book in her hands.
She pursed her lips. "I can't say I do. I don't remember much from middle school, or anytime, really. I have a horrible memory." She laughed.
"It's okay if you don't. I was just curious." He looked towards the middle school Nanako again. "You were much different back then."
She scratched her knee.
"You're a completely different person now, but so are Hikaru and me."
"That's because I…" She trailed off and bit her lip. "I am a different person." She admitted, knowing full well he wouldn't understand the true meaning behind her words.
Kaoru nodded. "I can tell." He gave her a hug, kissed her forehead, and left with a wave.
Nanako stared at the door solemnly.
There wasn't much time left, according to Nova, and Nanako didn't feel right about never telling Kaoru what was going on. She would have to tell him soon.
She was sure there would be a proper time, and when it happened, she would tell him.
She promised herself she would.
…No.
Catapulting herself up from her bed, she dashed through her bedroom door, down the hallway, and prayed to god that the elevator hadn't taken him yet.
Screw waiting! If I don't do it now, there may never be a chance!
"Kaoru!" The elevator was already going down. She cursed, but before she could run towards the stairs, she spotted the familiar orange shirt by the door.
Kaoru was sitting on the floor staring up at her with wide eyes. She stared back, slightly out of breath, and then proceeded to walk up to him. She plopped down onto the floor in front of him and scooted herself into the space between his legs.
"I haven't been completely honest with you, Kaoru." She murmured, reaching out to mess with the necklace she had given him. "I was going to wait for the right time, but I don't know if that was going to happen… and I didn't want to keep hiding this from you because you deserve to know what's going on."
"I'm all ears." He replied, running his thumb over the back of her hand.
She took a deep breath… and began to recount everything she thought he should know.
"You know me as Nanako Morikawa, but that's not really who I am. It's going to be difficult to understand, trust me, but I just need you to hear me out and try your best to believe in some of it." She peeled a small piece of skin from her lip. "On the outside, yes, I'm Nanako. On the inside, I'm a girl named Alexae Jones from America who made a wish for things in my home life to be different. This isn't my home. I don't belong to this world, in all honesty, and that's not me being sad, it's the truth. I'm not from here.
"There's this system—a wishing system—that allows people to have their wishes granted by goddesses, and I happened to be chosen for my wish to be granted… well, I wasn't chosen, it was actually someone else named Alex Jones who I am not, and that was the accident that brought me to the 'Ouran-verse'. I quite literally body-snatched some innocent girl thanks to my Wisher—Nova—and I can't leave this 'verse' until 'this' is over," Nanako waved her arms around, hoping to signify that this meant the world, "Nova's been watching over me since the day Haruhi and I showed up at the host club and broke the vase.
"I've been trying to just live this life day by day, but I never realized how hard it is to do that. There are so many things Alexae doesn't know that Nanako does, and while I'm thankful for that, I'm still not sure if what I'm doing is the right thing. I never expected to meet such a fun group of people, and I wasn't expecting to fall in love with someone as nice and selfless as you." Her throat began to burn and she could barely breathe. "I wasn't expecting to live a life so vastly different than my real one, and I don't want to leave this place when it's all over… but I don't know when it will be, and that scares me because that means everything I've come to love in this world—the food, the people, my father, you—it will all be ripped away from me and I don't get a say in if I want to stay. This feels like a dream, and I don't want to wake up from it, but that's just how the wishing system works. No one stays. You return to your own world and you suffer knowing you'll never get a chance like this again.
"I don't want to leave you, Kaoru. You are everything to me and I'm so sorry I've hidden this from you. I know I probably sound crazy, but it's true and I don't know what to do!" Fat tears were billowing down her face as sobs ripped through the compact hallway.
Now that she'd said everything aloud, the crushing reality of it all finally weighed her down.
Her grip was so tight on his hand his skin began to turn white.
It sounded absurd, but something deep down told him that it was true. Thinking back on the Nanako he met in middle school and the Nanako he was reintroduced to—it was obvious they were two different people. There was no doubt in his mind that she would lie about it, and she wasn't crazy—he knew her better than to believe that.
He wrapped his arm around her trembling body and raked his fingers through her hair. "I believe you. It sounds insane, but I know you well enough to know you wouldn't lie to me." Technically she wasn't lying to him, she was withholding information, which he could understand why she was doing it. There was no way anyone would have taken her seriously if she had said that from the day they all met.
He felt like he had met someone like that before.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't know if I could tell you." She wailed.
"I'm glad you finally did. I know it must've been hard not telling me, and that's okay. I didn't want to force it out of you." He pulled away from her and used his thumbs to wipe her tears away. "From now on, how about we settle for no secrets?" She nodded once and wiped her cheek.
"Okay… can I have another hug?"
He chuckled. "Of course." She got as close as she could and wrapped her arms around his midsection, burying her face into his shoulder.
They stayed like that for a while, just sitting in silence and soaked up each other's company.
Kaoru spent that time thinking about what she had said, and every time his mind rolled back to the thought of their relationship ending, he found himself hugging her tighter or readjusting himself so he could take in more of her essence.
To think that one day Nanako—or was it Alexae?—would be taken away from him… He couldn't bear to think about it. They had gone through so much, learned so much, experienced so much together that thinking about being apart from her was utterly heartbreaking.
What would happen when she—Alexae, he realized—was gone? Would Nanako revert back to her old self—the one who didn't care for friendships or trying to make them? Would she keep to herself in the back of the classroom like she had at the beginning of the year? Would he be left to remember everything and live with those memories alone?
It was then that he found himself crying, too.
If he was going to be selfish, then it would be for her. She was the only thing he wanted. They had grown from each other. He didn't want to lose her. He didn't want to stop seeing her. He didn't want her to wake up one day and forget who he was.
He wanted her, and there were no if's, and's or but's about it.
If they had never gotten to know each other, if they had never danced, if she had never asked for his help and freaked out thinking that she had addressed him by the wrong name, his world wouldn't have expanded.
It would have been him and Hikaru, alone. Maybe Haruhi would still be there and things would be different, but it wouldn't be the same without Nanako—Alexae, he corrected himself.
Alexae…
The world wouldn't be as bright if she wasn't in it.
Kaoru blinked away his tears and saw someone standing not that far away.
A dark-skinned woman with blue hair and silver eyes staring them down. She didn't look menacing, rather protective and perhaps a little perturbed. She sighed and approached them, crouching down to tap Alexae on the shoulder.
The girl went limp in his arms.
"There's not much time left." The woman stated blatantly.
"Nova..." He breathed out, unsure if this was the 'goddess' Alexae had spoken of.
"Correct."
"Was this… She doesn't love me for the sake of…"
"The plot? No. This wasn't intended, but it seems like someone higher up wanted it to." Nova looked towards something.
"A god?"
She shook her head. "More like the writer of 'fate,' if you want to call it that." She sighed. "I really don't want to take her away, but you have to understand that I'm not the one responsible. I have guidelines I have to follow, and I'm not the one who decides what happens to you two."
"What happens when this ends?" He was almost afraid to ask.
She looked at him.
"Alexae will return to her world with all of her memories. This world, and subsequently you, will return to a time before all of this happened. Nanako herself will still be in this world, but it will progress canonically—without interference from her. None of you will remember this Nanako ever existed in your club."
"That's unfair."
"You know what they say." She faded away with a forced smile. "Be careful what you wish for."
Originally, I was going to end it at about 2k words –just before Nanako decided to tell Kaoru everything—but I walked away from writing this for a few days and decided that I was done dragging this out. Kaoru deserved to know, even though it sounded crazy.
He doesn't understand everything, but he gets the gist of it, which I think is pretty good, all things considering. I think he's shocked, more than anything, and he does have doubts about some things (like if she loved him because she wanted to or because it was supposed to happen in the plot), but having Nova confirm that she does love him for him is reassuring.
He couldn't ask all the questions he wanted, but he got a few in.
Also, Nova broke the 4th wall, did you catch that?
Are you guys sad to see this end? It's been a pretty long journey for me, and I don't want to see it end, but all good things must. I'm unsure exactly how this is ending, but I have a few ideas… So here's my question to you guys:
Would you like a happy ending or a realistic one?
Please leave me a review telling me what you would think. We're less than 10 chapters away from the end, so there's not a lot of time left.
Either way, I'm going to be writing an epilogue based on that ending.
Also, have you guys been receiving emails when your alert stories update? I hadn't been receiving any (even for when I updated this story, that's when I noticed something was wrong) but I've been getting them as of Wednesday... it was weird.
I'll see you guys in the next chapter.