Title: Breaking Stasis

Disclaimer: Joss is boss!

A/N: Sorry for the delay! This chapter just did not want to get written, but the good news is that I know exactly where I want to go with the next chapter! Hopefully should be able to get back on my regular posting schedule. Feedback and constructive criticisms welcomed!

Just had to point out that this little guy officially has 200 reviews! Zhen de ma? Zhen de! Thank you so much to all my wonderful reviewers, favoriters, and followers, you all keep me going! :) Also, thank you to the Dread One for reading this over.

"And then I ran all the way to the docks. Do you remember the docks on Boros? The makeshift fence all about? At least it held some of the dirt and dust at bay, though it was a pity that it blocked out the view of all those oil rigs as well. Quite fascinating, really, in their antiquity."

Simon glanced over at his sister seated beside him at the large table in the galley, certain that he was rambling but unable to stem the flow of his words. It was almost surreal to finally be sitting next to her, able to speak with her or hold her hand, after being kept from her for so long. It was so bewildering to fight for something for so long, sometimes balancing on the knife's edge of hopelessness, that now that he had finally won he wasn't entirely sure how to behave around River anymore. But whenever he became too disoriented he simply took a deep breath and reminded himself that despite everything else, this was still his meimei. His River.

"But they told me that you had already gone, left with..." swallowing his revulsion with sheer force of will, Simon refrained from speaking all manner of Mandarin obscenities that sprung to mind to describe the merc. "Well, I can only assume now that it was Jayne. So I put on my detective's cap and found that Serenity frequently berths on Persephone. I'd been waiting there ever since."

Looking up from the drawing she had been working on, she smiled reassuringly at Simon. "That's my gege," she whispered to him, sketching the crevasses and crags of a mighty mountain range. She had heard the story before, seemingly every day since Simon had joined Serenity. But she could feel his uneasiness seep out from all of his corners, making her nose crinkle at its persistent acridity. And so she would give him all the time he needed, until his harsh, rigid lines relaxed into the brother she had known. For now she was content with just being near him, seeing his colors calm by slow degrees from the corner of her eyes.

"Well, I think that's just about the shiniest thing in the 'verse!" Kaylee cooed from across the table. "Whole world against you and all, near misses and you still find each other. That's a real story, kinda a fairy tale even!" She, too, had heard the tale many times by now, but it never failed to amaze her. It was just so excitin', filled with fancy folk and planets she ain't never seen. And Simon, with all he'd done for his sister, was a real live hero.

"Thanks, Kaylee," Simon smiled at her absentmindedly, his attention still focused on his sister. "But I would've preferred it if about half of all those daring escapades hadn't been needed in the first place."

"Keep your head down, just keep walking. Know the dirt, the trail underfoot. Time to breathe, look up, and you don't recognize where the feet have taken you." Angry storm clouds formed underneath River's pencil as she gently shaded them, matching them to a memory she couldn't quite recall.

"I suppose it is quite a bit like that," Simon agreed wryly. Noticing the sketch coming into focus underneath her diligent attentions, he asked, "What're you drawing?"

"A picture."

"I can see that, meimei," Simon rolled his eyes, suppressing a smile. This was the River he remembered; she never did have any patience with obvious questions.

There was quiet then, for a time, with only the sound of River's pencil scratching the parchment and the clink of metal against metal as Kaylee carefully cleaned some spare engine parts. Then with a nod of approval River laid her pencil down on the table and began carefully tearing the picture from her sketchbook. Leaving the sheet within the book to keep it from getting wrinkled she folded the book closed and clutched it to her chest as she rose to her feet.

"Where are you going?" Simon looked up at her, suddenly wary.

"Time for sceptic duty," she answered, slightly startled. For so long she'd had the run of the ship, whenever she left the room she was surely in search of Jayne. Everyone had known, even if some stubborn captains hadn't really understood, and she was not accustomed to being questioned.

"Mal doesn't make you clean the sceptic system, surely!" Simon exclaimed in astonishment. He looked between River and Kaylee for confirmation.

"Of course not," River shook her head, suddenly shy at explaining herself.

"She just likes to keep Jayne company while he does it, on account of him gettin' madder than all get out every single time he's got to. He's real reliable that way," Kaylee winked at River.

"So you help him?" Simon asked with trepidation.

"Won't let me, would take too long with my little hands." That was what Jayne always said anyway.

"Right, of course that's it," Kaylee grinned.

"Oh," Simon managed, feeling slightly put out. "But I thought we could sit and have a talk. Wouldn't you like that, River?"

His thoughts, brilliant in their sudden intensity, flickered inadvertently through her mind.

Going to see him –

Overgrown ape –

It seemed unfair, a gross violation of privacy, to invade someone else's thoughts unbidden and River had always tried to keep to her own affairs. In the past whenever she had Read someone it had always been on accident. But now, as she felt Simon's disgruntled exasperation, she focused as she best she could to discern the true meaning behind his words. This was her gege, after all, so she felt only the slightest pangs of guilt as the thoughts streaked across her consciousness.

"No need, not relevant." He would try to question her about the Academy again. Each prickling recollection was a searing, red-hot poker against her abused brain. It was terrible enough that she still dreamt of it, horrible nightmares that stank of despair and pain. She would not revisit it here, not in her lucidity.

"Well, we don't have to talk. We could play a game, I saw a deck of cards lying about."

Why does she still insist on spending her time with him? She has me now.

"Don't want to play games."

"We can do whatever you like! What do you want to do?"

Anything but hang about with that unwashed lout. She couldn't possibly...? No. No, no, no, Simon, don't even think of it.

"Time for sceptic duty." Another obvious question.

She just formed an attachment to him because he was there when she was released from cryostasis. Completely natural, it will fade with time. Right? Dang ran! Traumatic experiences inevitably will bond like minds together.

Not that they are like minds.

Not at all!

Liu koushui de biaozi he houzi de ben erzi.

"River, I think you should stay with me," he said as gently as possible.

I think you should go anywhere but near that Neanderthal.

"Why?" River asked, head tilted to the side.

"I just worry about his... influence over you. Surely you can understand that?"

Because he is a despicable piece of trash trying to take advantage of you! Because he's crude and dirty and an untrustworthy killer! How can you not understand that?

"Simon," she looked at him pointedly. Irritation was bubbling up within her stomach, scratching at the lining of her esophagus and she fought to ignore the churning in her gut. His thoughts were terribly unjust and her natural instinct was to defend Jayne vehemently against even these unspoken accusations. But Simon, her gege, was trying to be diplomatic in his own way. He was trying very, very hard and so for his sake she would also try hard to be patient.

"He's not worth a moment of your time—"

Said patience was rapidly deteriorating. "Will see you later." She bent down to give him a peck on the cheek, flustered from his tumultuous thought patterns but still trying to placate him.

"If you're sure."

If he hurts you I'll...

"Sure."

Watching his sister wander away Simon could feel dread begin to pool in his bloodstream, flowing out along each vein and capillary. There was no reason for her to spend time with the merc, none at all. Was it possible that she had developed some sort of... schoolgirl crush on the older man? Shuddering visibly, he reached up to rub his eyes vigorously. Nauseous at the implications he groaned inwardly in worry and exasperation. If she was so unwilling to take even the slightest piece of his advice when it came to Jayne it was highly unlikely she would respond well to further admonitions. But men like Jayne... Well, they were only interested in one thing. And judging by his lecherous behavior the notion had clearly crossed his mind.

Simon had to intervene. For her own good.

"You shouldn't be so hard on him, you know."

"I'm sorry?" So absorbed in his own thoughts, Simon had barely heard Kaylee's gentle chastising.

"Jayne. You shouldn't be so hard on him." Her eyes were still focused on the parts in front of her and her hands were covered in grease, a quiet smile fixed on her face.

"He's a mercenary, how else am I to treat him?" Simon exclaimed. "I know that you know him better than I do, but—"

"Yeah, I reckon I do. I know he can come off as a big, ole hundan, but he really ain't so bad once you get to know him. And he's real sweet to River, always lookin' out for her and helpin' her when she's feelin' low."

"It's not that I don't appreciate all that he's done for her. I do. Sincerely, I do. But he doesn't have to do that anymore; I'm here now. I can look out for her, take care of her." He wanted to tear at his hair in frustration, to scream at the indignity of the situation. But his sense of propriety curtailed his movements so fiercely that he settled with merely fumbling with the buttons on his waistcoat.

"That's real great. I know she's just thrilled to bits to have you back. Alls I'm sayin' is take what he says with a grain of salt, you know? Or more like a cup," she giggled to herself.

"I'll try to keep that in mind," he sighed. He knew that Kaylee was only trying to help, and that was all well and good, but it wasn't her sister. It wasn't her meimei. No one else would really understand the responsibility that lay on Simon's shoulders. He had failed her so egregiously that it was a wonder she could even stand to look at him. She should have never gone to that Academy in the first place. He should have known better, should have seen the signs in her letters earlier, should have gotten her out of there sooner, should have been the one to free her from the cryostasis unit. Then maybe she wouldn't be so traumatized, her brain so ravaged...

He had failed her and he would never forgive himself if he failed her again.

Puffing out a short breath of air in aggravation, he tried to calm himself down before he said something out of turn. This wasn't Kaylee's problem; it was his and his alone. In an attempt to distract himself from his brooding thoughts, he tried to examine the parts she was working on. He'd always had a sort of quiet pride in his own intelligence, but for all of his top three percentile scores he hadn't the foggiest idea what she held in her hands. "What are you doing, if you don't mind me asking?"

Kaylee beamed instantly at the question, always eager for an opportunity to talk about her girl.

In spite of himself Simon found himself smiling in return; her positive attitude was almost infectious.

And she really did have a beautiful smile.

The next several days were an uneasy impasse. Simon took every opportunity to subtly and not so subtly nudge River away from Jayne which she began to tolerate with less and less civility. Jayne made it a point to act quite obviously that he was pretending Simon didn't exist, ignoring his comments and complaints and shouldering him aside every time they passed in a corridor. Biting his tongue fiercely at each pseudo-confrontation, Simon continually promised himself that he would not be the first to break. If Jayne wanted a fight Simon was certainly more than willing, but he couldn't bare his sister's accusing eyes if he was foolish enough to initiate one himself.

By the time they finally landed on Triumph for their next job Jayne had never been so itching to shoot something in his life. For once the job had gone off without a hitch to boot, no one got shot or nothing. A good day's work, that was. And a warm fire with free flowing wine was a right nice change of pace. The Elder 'round these parts had even given him some kind of rain stick – he, he was the guy.

And, hell, if he liked to pretend that each one of those bandits he'd ended had Core boy's smirking little face no one could pay no mind. When the job had been finished the cap'n had even slapped him on the back and said he was happy that Jayne was finally looking cheerful for once. Now that was Jayne's kind of funny.

Might have drank enough to make everything all nice and fuzzy 'round the edges, softening out the sharp bits and making the 'verse seem calm for a gorram minute, but he weren't so drunk not to catch the angry glare crazy sent him. She was sitting there next to him on the log, all quiet like, but it was clear that something had just pissed her off.

His sluggishly moving brain, feeling kinda numb from all that alcohol, started hollerin' at him and it took him a good long time to understand what it was yellin'. She'd been happy as a pig in shit not two minutes ago and then when he had started to think on bumpin' off that good-for-nothin' brother she got all mad? Before he'd met her, gotten to know her real well, he would've called it a ruttin' coincidence and not thought nothin' of it.

But damn if it weren't a mite unsettlin', like she was seein' into his gorram brain. Just a couple of days ago she'd given him a new drawin' she'd been workin' on. It was real shiny and everythin', nearly as clear as photograph, and she'd been right pleased when he'd said as much.

But what he hadn't said was that the picture was damn familiar too. Was a near exact match of a memory he had from when he was a kid, one of the good ones anyway. He'd liked to climb up the hills behind town when the weather weren't too bad and he could sneak away from his Ma. There was some kinda niche in the rock he would always hunker down in when the wind got too fierce and when he looked out all he could see was mountains, Jiekkevarri hulkin' down at the south end.

Even if he'd gone and told her about that, which he sure as hell hadn't and never would neither, weren't no way she could draw it like that. Straight outta his head. The weirdest thing was that she didn't even seem to know she'd done anything disturbin', just acted all shy like it weren't no big deal.

Huh.

His addled mind protested then at the overexertion of an actual thought process and so he pushed it to the back of his mind to think on later. 'Sides, girlie weren't lookin' so crabby no more and when she kinda smiled at him it distracted him from other pesky notions. Handing her his bowl full of wine he tried to convince her to try some, laughing when she finally caved and puckered her face up at the sour, harsh taste.

The wine was an astringent burn down the back of River's throat. Even though she had steeled herself for something very different from the well-aged vintages that lined her parents' cellar, she couldn't help but recoil at the sharp acidity. Still, there was something distinctly appealing about the raw richness of it all, sharing a drink like she belonged, and it was with some trepidation that she pushed the bowl back to Jayne. He was already well down the road to inebriation and it certainly would be a very poor idea to lower her inhibitions around him.

She contented herself with merely being near him, not touching, but close enough that if she wanted to he was there at the tips of her fingers. Scattered thoughts ghosted across her mind, but she was sleepy and comfortable and didn't even attempt to grasp them. Jayne's particularly uncharitable imaginations of Simon had been tangled somehow in her cranium and after she had struggled free of their net there was nothing but a bleary sort of calm.

Across the way of the small clearing Wash and Zoe sat together on the ground, the pilot's arms wrapped tightly around his wife's waist. It was as if before the two had been two separate, incomplete particles in space, only now whole as they held each other close. The easy affection, their evident pleasure; it was beautiful.

She darted a quick glance over to Jayne as he grinned out at the fire and the dancers. Seeing Wash and Zoe so entwined made something deep within her ache and she wished she could move closer to Jayne. To feel his arms encircling her shoulders, his solid weight pressed up against her back, his heat seep in through her clothing...

No, she shook her head firmly. Simon would be sure to have apoplexy; he was already watching her so closely that had it been anyone else she would have surely labelled it as oppressive. And Jayne, being Jayne, would immediately think that an embrace like that would mean much, much more as soon as they had a moment of privacy. She was still wracked with indecision whenever she dwelt overlong on their quasi-relationship and so she policed herself vigilantly to not lead him on. But it was becoming increasingly difficult, as Jayne took every affectionate gesture as a change of heart and she found less and less reasons to tell him no.

After she had denied him, in a moment that could have been perfect, she had been terrified that he would think she was too much trouble. Simon's presence had only added to the burden. Jayne must know that Simon was bound to intervene at some point; why he would even want to bother with the hassle was beyond her. Jayne was not the most naturally patient of men so the fact that he still wanted to be near her, even not quite touching...

He cared for her. Even her battered, cripplingly self-conscious psyche that was constantly weighed down with insecurities had acknowledged that.

And she cared for him. At least she did most of the time, when she had River hands and River feet and a River brain upon her shoulders. But when her mind crumbled and her lucidity waned and she could think of nothing but the blue hands and fear there was no River at all. There was no Jayne.

Each time she lost her sense of reason and sanity it was just a bit harder to come back, to remember who she was and force herself back onto the paths and roads of her brain. To see the familiarity where she used to tread. She had prayed that it would become easier in time, synapses repair their mutilated bridges, scars in the consciousness knit themselves back together.

But it wasn't working. She was broken and she would always be broken, broken, broken. It was already becoming more difficult to separate her emotions from his when they were together; the only reason she was still able to identify her own was from the shadow that earlier feelings had left behind. They had left faint imprints in her memory that she somehow managed to align with the fresh emotions that flooded though her. Faint imprints that were becoming worn down with time.

Would there be a time when they were completely smoothed away, the rock worn down by the river's current? Would she no longer know what was River and what was Jayne?

Whenever she dwelt too much on its inevitability she felt great waves of panic build up in her chest, rolling swells that left her nauseous and weak. And even though she knew it was cowardly and childish she pushed the thoughts from her mind as best she could.

Maybe she would get better, with time.

Still broken, but glued together enough to play pretend at River. Not a jumble of scattered parts lying about the floor. A leg here, a torso there, a grim reminder of another girl.

She shook her head again, a bit wildly this time, and she was thankful that Jayne was too tipsy to notice her foolishness. She being melodramatic and very, very silly.

For now she was here with him and it was a beautiful night and he was happy and she was happy to be with him.

She could be content with for now.

meimei: little sister

gege: older brother

dang ran: of course

liu koushui de biaozi he houzi de ben erzi: stupid son of a drooling whore and a monkey

hundan: bastard