#25 Goodbye

In a fit of rage he stormed down the corridors. Around him the other children scattered like mad mice, trying to find somewhere to hide. Only an idiot would get in the way of Mello in this mood.

He wasn't just angry, he was so full of pure, white hatred that tears were leaking from his eyes. Not in grief for his idol, there would be time to cry for him later.

Right now he was angry. He slammed open the door of his bedroom and wrenched the nearest backpack from his wardrobe door, packing with the blindness of any child who is about to 'run away from home' for the first time. The expectation being that he wouldn't get further than down the road.

Then he stopped. He closed his eyes and breathed hard for a few moments, feeling the blood pound in his head behind his eyeballs until a remarkable coolness swept over him.

Concentrate, he thought, you're really leaving. Do this sensibly.

And he started to re-pack.

And then the nervous shaking started.

Because goddammnit, this was really happening. It was time to sink or swim and he hadn't had to swim on his own for years.

There'd been someone there all this time to help him, and now he was going to be all on his own, nothing but his wits and what he could carry…

He pulled everything from his bag and re-packed again, this time with cold logic. Did he really need that tiny chocolate-coloured teddy bear? No. How about that one shirt that was too small but was still so comfy? Extra baggage.

"Hey Mells, what'd the old fart want-"

He can't bear to see the look in those green eyes, behind shields of yellow plastic. So he doesn't turn around.

"Mello, what're you doing?"

He doesn't want to say it, because that'll make it real. But Matt wants to know.

"…L is dead. He hadn't picked either of us. I won't work with Near."

A hand on his shoulder. Comfort.

"Mello… oh jeesus…"

Any other time he would scold him for using the saviour's name in vain. Right at this moment he's having trouble believing there's any all-powerful being who cares.

"Matt… I'm leaving. I'm going to prove I can do this on my own."

The pause breaks Mello's heart.

"No."

He doesn't answer, he knows there's no point.

"Mello, you…"

"I'm going, Matt." He whispered. He turns and hugs his best friend, not wanting to see his face. "I'm sorry… but I have to."

He feels Matt shudder.

"Mello… promise to come back."

He shudders and nuzzles his face into that mop of red hair. "Matt, I can't… If I come back here… I'll be admitting that he's better. I won't do that. I'm going out of those gates and I'm never coming back."

He feels his best friend, his boyfriend, his one true love, start to cry onto his shoulder.

"Matt… I promise… when I'm settled, I'll send for you."

And that instantly dries the tears, because his friend knows that he'd never lie about that. Sniffling, he pulls back and absently tries to rub his eyes through his goggles.

Mello almost laughs at the adorable gesture, and lifts the boy's goggles onto his head. He doesn't though. This isn't a time to laugh.

"Ok… I guess this is goodb-"

He places his hand over Matt's mouth. "Don't say that."

"Mph?"

"Don't you dare say the 'G' word. We're going to see each other again one day."

"But-"

"Don't say it." He whispers, and kisses Matt.

He hopes it's not for the last time.