AN: Here we go, another chapter here.
I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think!
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It was more difficult than Carol imagined it might be to sit in a room with her three oldest children and her three oldest nephews staring at her, all of them waiting for her to explain something to them that she wasn't sure that anyone in the history of the world had ever been able to truly explain.
While the television in the living room entertained Hays and Judith, Carol sat in a chair in her dining room and looked at the curious and patient faces of children ranging from almost-adult to barely-old-enough-to-be-here.
But she'd agreed to do this. She'd volunteered to do it. So she had to do it.
"What I have to talk to you about isn't easy," Carol said.
"Is the baby OK?" Mika asked.
Carol laughed to herself. Mika, quite unlike every other child her age, was overwhelmingly happy with the idea of becoming a middle child. She couldn't think of anything that could possibly be better than being "sandwiched right in the middle" of her siblings like the cream in an Dixon Oreo cookie. Carol nodded her head at Mika.
"The baby is fine," Carol said. "And, really, what I have to say is...maybe...a little bit more for the boys. But we're Dixons and we're all in this together. So you girls—well, you need to hear this too."
"Is Mama OK?" MJ asked quickly.
Carol hesitated. It wasn't easy to see that level of worry or concern on the face of a seventeen year old boy. MJ was practically a man and, maybe in some ways, was even more of a man than his father. But MJ was, and always had been, a "Mama's boy" at heart. The idea that Andrea was suffering, in any way, was typically unbearable to him. They all reminded him, from time to time, that he'd been home when she'd been in labor with Hays and he'd very nearly passed out the one time that she'd let it slip that her contractions were, perhaps, not as entirely pain-free as she'd been pretending they were.
"Physically? She's fine," Carol said.
"But she ain't fine," MJ said.
Carol shook her head.
"But she will be," Carol said. "She's going to be fine. She just—needs a little help, maybe."
"What's wrong with Aunt Andrea?" Lizzie asked.
"Uncle Merle's what's wrong with Aunt Andrea," Sophia said. Carol couldn't quite pinpoint if the slight hint of ridicule in her voice was directed toward Lizzie for not knowing what was wrong, or if it was in response to thinking about Merle. Carol decided to simply let it slide for the moment.
"What do you know about Merle?" Carol asked.
"That he's an asshole," Sophia said.
"Language, Sophia," Carol warned. It was a battle she was already used to losing, though. It was difficult to keep all the children's mouths clean when she couldn't say that their adult role models were the best at it. Still, like Sisyphus, she kept working at it.
Sophia looked at her siblings and cousins like they might offer her some support or show of solidarity. MJ was the only one who did—though it wasn't in the way that Carol might have wanted it to be.
"He is an asshole, Aunt Carol," MJ offered.
Carol sighed.
"I'm not going to defend him," Carol said. "Because I can't. And you're both right, I just don't want you using that word. What do you know, specifically, about what's going on? What am I working with? You've got to be honest with me. I'm addressing the troops, but how informed are they to begin with?"
The children exchanged glances, but they were knowing glances. Whatever information any of them had, it had been shared between them in some form or fashion.
"Randy?" Carol asked, picking on the one who looked the closest to caving.
Of their four boys, Randy probably looked the most like Andrea out of all of them. And right now, his lip caught between his teeth while he stewed over what he should admit, he looked exactly like what Carol imagined Andrea would have looked like at that age—and he needed a haircut, desperately, that he would surely fight them over.
"Mama's on a date," Randy said, blurting out the words like he was ripping off a verbal band aid. "With the sheriff."
"We saw it," Lizzie said. "We saw when they were leaving together in his car."
"But she wasn't the first to go on a date," Sophia said. "Because Lucas said that his cousin went on a date with Uncle Merle and that everybody knows about it because he was cheating on Aunt Andrea."
Sophia looked a little angry about the situation, her arms crossed tight against her chest. MJ, though, looked crushed. Still, Carol knew enough about her oldest nephew to know that—not cared for in the right way—all of his emotions had a way of morphing into anger.
"MJ, are they talking about it at school?" Carol asked.
"What you think they're talkin' about?" MJ asked. He shrugged his shoulders.
Carol might have reprimanded him for his tone or manner of speaking to her, but at the moment she was willing to pick her battles.
"What do you know, MJ?" Carol asked.
"I told you," MJ said. "That he's an asshole. He's dating Beth Greene."
"He's not dating Beth Greene," Carol said softly. "I can promise you that." MJ looked at her like he clearly didn't believe her and Carol sighed. "I know about the date with Beth Greene. We set it up. Your father doesn't know that, but we did. Andrea knew about it. It hurt her feelings but...she thought it was worth it to have them hurt that way, and hopefully to teach him a lesson, than to have him do something that he couldn't take back." Carol shook her head at him. "I know that he's not dating Beth Greene, and I've talked to her since the date. Nothing happened, MJ, on that date."
"Uncle Merle can't date people," Mika pointed out. "Because he's married."
"You're right," Carol said. "At least, he shouldn't date people."
"Except Aunt Andrea," Mika confirmed. "Because they can date like you and Daddy."
Carol nodded her head at the girl.
"You're right again," Carol said. "He can date Aunt Andrea all he wants because they're married."
"Problem is," MJ said, "that he don't seem to want to date her."
"And she's dating the sheriff," Lizzie offered.
Carol sighed and shook her head.
"I can see that I'm going to have to be honest and straightforward with all of you," Carol said. "But—before I do—I'm going to have to ask that all of you keep your mouths shut. If you don't think you can do that? I'm inviting you to leave the room right now. No questions asked." Nobody moved as Carol looked between them, but they did share a few glances. "Mika?" Carol asked, knowing full well that her daughter was the least able to keep a secret among all the Dixon clan.
Mika shook her head.
"I can keep a secret," Mika said. "I've kept lots of secrets that you don't know about."
To make sure she kept those secrets, too, Carol saw the elbow to the arm that Sophia gave her sister. Carol bit her lip. The secrets that the Dixon children kept, she was sure, were many and varied. And, more than likely, they'd sworn blood oaths on a few of them.
"OK," Carol said. "But—I'm counting on you—Dixon's honor—to keep this one, OK?" Mika offered Carol her pinky and, to humor her, Carol took it in her own. "But that goes for all of you," Carol said, pointing her finger at the others.
"What is it, Mama?" Sophia asked, clearly growing bored with the fact that nothing had been uncovered as of yet.
"Merle is going through a mid-life crisis," Carol said. "At least—that's what I hope it is."
"What's that?" Jacob asked.
Carol shrugged her shoulders.
"It's when men—and sometimes women—hit a certain age and they start to feel...they start to feel uncomfortable about their age. They start to feel old," Carol said.
"Uncle Merle is old," Lizzie pointed out.
Carol laughed to herself.
"I know that we all seem old to you guys," Carol said. "But you have to remember that we don't feel old. At least—not all the time."
"Just on Sundays," Mika said, bouncing a little in her chair. "Because that's when Daddy groans and growls and says 'grrr I'm feelin' like an old man..."
Carol laughed to herself.
"On Sundays and a few other days in between," Carol said. "But the point is that we don't feel old. Except—sometimes we do. And most of us, when we feel old, just accept that it's part of life. It's part of being as old as we are. But, every now and again, someone like Merle will decide that—they don't want to feel old. So they'll try to feel young again. And they don't always pick really good ways to feel young again."
"So they go out on dates with girls that I could be dating," MJ said.
"Among other things," Carol said.
"Has he ever loved Mama?" MJ asked.
Carol bit her lip and considered the question. She nodded her head.
"He always has," Carol said. "As long as I've known your Daddy, he's loved her. Fiercely." Carol reached a hand out and placed it on MJ's knee. She squeezed his knee and he put his hand over hers to stop the action. His hand was a good deal larger than Carol's and very nearly curled around her hand entirely, though she could remember well when he'd barely been able to curl the entire thing tightly around her finger. "And I believe he still loves her, MJ, because I don't believe a love like that? I just don't believe it can just die or go away."
"Then why don't he want to date her?" Sophia asked.
Carol shook her head and laughed to herself.
"I've asked myself that same question about a hundred times," Carol said.
"Did you ever answer yourself?" Randy asked.
Carol shrugged her shoulders.
"I think I have," Carol said. "But—I don't know if I have. I think—it's because Andrea reminds Merle of how old he is. Merle can see that Andrea's getting older and if Andrea's getting older, that means Merle is getting older. And he's scared of that. He's afraid of her getting older. He's afraid of himself getting older."
"So he's sleeping with Beth Greene," MJ said, some scolding in his voice, "while Mama sleeps with the sheriff?"
"They're not sleeping with anybody but each other," Carol said.
She immediately realized her slip when Randy snorted.
"That's why we're gettin' a new brother," he said.
Carol leaned to swat him. She wasn't ready, yet, to have the birds and the bees discussion with the kids—but she had an itchy feeling that it would be coming soon. Very soon. They might not bring it up right that moment, but Jacob and Mika both would store up this conversation to unleash on someone—probably right before bedtime—when they least expected it.
"The point is," Carol said, "that Merle thought that dating someone young—younger than Andrea—would make him young. Or, at least, it would make him feel younger. So we set up the date so that he would see that it didn't make him feel any younger. And he'd rather be with Andrea because he loves her—young or not."
"Then why is she on a date?" Sophia asked.
"We set that up too," Carol said. "Because—we wanted Merle to see that he loved her enough that he wouldn't like it very much if she was going out on a date just like he did."
"Will it work?" MJ asked.
"I hope it will," Carol said.
"Is Daddy going to have a mid-life crisis?" Lizzie asked.
Carol swallowed and shrugged her shoulders.
"I don't know," Carol said. "I hope not. But—I don't think that Andrea thought Merle would have one either. I don't think she was really expecting this. It's not the kind of thing you plan on."
"Uncle Daryl and Daddy are different," MJ said.
"They are," Carol said. "Just like every one of you is different from the other."
"Uncle Daryl isn't an asshole," MJ said.
Carol laughed to herself.
"Your Uncle Daryl is just a different kind of asshole," Carol teased. "But he's an asshole. It's in his blood."
"It's in our blood too?" Jacob asked quickly, a little concern showing.
"It's in all our blood," Carol said. "But we each get to decide what we do with it. Don't worry, Jake. I think you'll make good choices."
"So now what?" MJ asked. "Because everyone in town is talking and you know Mama's going to hear it. You know it's going to hurt her feelings. And I know what I wanna go home and do right now."
Carol reached her hand out again and put it on MJ's leg to center him once more. She shook her head at him.
"And you won't go home and do that," Carol said. "Because you're not that kind of asshole. And he's still your father. Besides—if it needs to be done? Your Uncle Daryl will handle it."
"Handle what?" Mika asked.
"Nothing," Carol said quickly, not wanting to add to the list of things she was going to have to discuss with the children, individually, later on. "Now we see what happens. We're entering the final phase of the operation and we're hoping it goes off without a hitch. But—you have to keep this a secret. And, if you want to be part of it, we might have a little job for each of you in Operation Happy Dixon Household. The OPDH."
Lizzie grinned at her.
"The OPDH?" Lizzie asked.
"It's a top secret operation," Carol said. "So nobody has to be part of it. But if you want to be part of it? I've got something for all of you."
"I'm in!" Lizzie declared without hesitation. She put her hand out toward Carol and Carol put her hand on top of Lizzie's.
"I'm in," Randy said, stacking his hand on top of theirs.
"Do I have to do something bad?" Jacob asked.
"No," Carol assured him. "You'll do something really, really good."
He considered it a second and placed his hand on top of his brother's.
"I'm in," he said.
"I'll help," Mika said, adding her hand to the pile.
Sophia sighed loudly and moved so that she could reach them.
"I'm in," Sophia said. "But whatever job I get? I want Daddy to know about it. I want it to count toward the jobs I gotta do to earn a car."
"We'll consider it," Carol told her. "But you know we always appreciate your enthusiasm to help out those in need." Carol looked at MJ. His face was twisted up with concern. "MJ?" Carol asked.
"Mama doesn't get hurt?" MJ asked.
Carol shook her head at him and offered him a soft smile.
"I've never hurt your mother," Carol said. "And I never will. You have my word, MJ. In fact? Not even your Daddy's getting hurt. This is all about the opposite of that."
"Uncle Daryl know about it?" MJ asked.
Carol smirked at him.
"Who do you think the ringleader is?" Carol asked.
MJ laughed to himself. He leaned forward and put his hand on top of the rest of them.
"I'm in," MJ said. "Let's hear it, Aunt Carol. And it better be good if you don't want me goin' over there right now and cleanin' this up my own way."
"Believe me," Carol said, "our way is better. And it's entirely legal."