Disclaimer: I do not own Glee

A.N. Thanks to all who continue to read/alert and review this story. I am so grateful to you all for the encouragement I get from you.:)

To xXLittle Rose AngelXx thanks for all your hard work and dedication, sorry for nearly making you miss the bus when you were working on this chapter.

Warning: This chapter contains material that some readers may find distressing. It is not graphic but could be considered a trigger.

Ever since the encounter with Finn in the locker room, which she tried her best to block out of her mind, time had become meaningless to Rachel. Days, hours, minutes, seconds were all the same - a blend of denial, pain, confusion and fear, a continuous fight to stay in control, to not give in to the darkness that threatened to claim her the minute she relaxed the slightest.

She let others worry about what clothes she wore or if her hair was brushed, she forced down small mouthfuls of food and struggled to keep it down. Rachel's main concern was to keep breathing – in, out, in, out – and to keep moving, one foot in front of the other, and repeat. If you were moving he couldn't get you, couldn't hurt those you loved.

She had some dim memory of floating, of a cool metal followed by a pinch and then she was no longer tied, no longer held down by cruel words, by the heavy weight of him. Just breathe. If she tried too hard to access that memory, the floodgates would open, allowing all the painful images out. It was better to ignore it all, even if she'd never be able to find that place again. She could float away, never to return.

Rachel was also tied by those who loved her. Why should she be the only one to escape? Poor Brittany had been so upset yesterday, or was it today? Did it really matter when Britt had been sad? What had caused her tears? Rachel was no stranger to tears herself. There were those that escaped without her permission, clouding her vision, keeping her from moving. Tears were a weakness, a distraction; she wouldn't give into them again. She had to keep moving. Keep breathing.

A familiar smell caught her attention, but Rachel couldn't find the energy to open her eyes to locate its origin. It wasn't Noah; that, she was sure of. Noah always smelt good, safe even, which was a strange thing to think but it was true. She could never describe it properly, but she always knew when he was close by, even in the days of the Slushie Facials. Wearing his clothes had been like a layer of armour that no one could get through.

Rachel wished that she could get her words back, her ability to articulate what she was feeling, but that required too much effort at the moment. Maybe one of the gleeks could do that for her as well as everything else?

She missed her Dads. The thought slipped out. She wanted her parents by her side to help with all the difficult tasks she couldn't manage. Maybe that would give her friends a break. They must be as tired as she was, looking after themselves as well as her. She was such a burden on everyone. Maybe he was right all along.

"Rachel." The Noah voice in her head berated her for believing that lie.

"I am Rachel Barbra Berry. I don't give in." Even she was unconvinced by the weakness of both her voice and her statement.

"Give it time, Ray. Just Breathe." Noah was back, his voice soft but certain. He believed in her, so she would fight for him, to protect the person she lov-… She shot that idea down quickly. Enough people she cared about had been hurt by her, because of her. Not Noah, not again. He meant too much to her to allow him to be used by the person whose name she couldn't say. If she were stronger, she would send Noah away, out of his reach, but she was selfish enough to beg him to stay.

"Don't leave me." Rachel welcomed Noah's tight embrace, holding him as close to her as she could, soaking up all that made him Noah - his smell, his touch, his warmth. She was always cold now, no matter what Quinn dressed her in, no matter how many comforters were wrapped around her. The only time Rachel felt any heat was when Noah was near, holding her hand, allowing her to rest in the shelter of his arms, so that she could focus on her breathing, stay moving.

Even as she rested in her dreams, Rachel never stayed still. Her mind raced the whole time, images and sounds flashing passed her, none making sense. There was no order to her memory's attempts to truly accept what had happened. Rachel had tried that once. She had stood up to him, and for what? Nothing she had said had made any difference to how he looked at her - as if he were searching for the marks he had left on her skin, could see beneath the clothes she wore. She was once again half-naked and at his mercy.

Rachel had known in that moment that she would never be free; never able to relax fully. He would come for her again, would take what he wanted the most. Not her virginity; that was just a bonus. No, Finn wanted her soul, wanted her to know that he owned her, that the gift she had been saving for Noah would never be given.

Rachel wanted to fight back, wanted to stop Finn, but how could she when breathing used up so much of her energy? She was drowning in 'what-if's and suppressed memories, warnings of what Finn was really like, of how they had all been so badly misled by the not-so-innocent boy.

In one brief moment of insanity, Rachel had considered going to Finn, allowing him to take what he wanted from her; to sacrifice herself to protect her friends. The reaction of the Noah in her head had been swift, and left her in no doubt of the madness of her idea. Finn would never let her leave. Instead of freeing her friends, they would all be trapped.

Rachel listened as Noah urged her to keep moving, to keep breathing. Together they would find a way forward; none of her friends would ever forgive themselves if she went to Finn.

"He'd never let you go, Ray. You'd never be able to see us, except when he chose to show you off."

She knew as he spoke the words that it was completely true. A wave of giddiness suddenly came over her. She was officially crazy; not only was she listening to the voices in her head, but she was conversing with them, letting them make decisions for her. Maybe the student population of McKinley had been right to christen her 'Crazy Berry'.

The moment passed quickly and Rachel became aware of a sudden movement beside her. Noah was in trouble. She could feel his heartbeat grow quicker as he tried to free himself from her hold. Though she wanted to help him, Rachel found herself unable to let go. If she lost him now she would surely lose herself, give into Finn, whose voice was only kept at bay when Noah was near; give in to her doubt and her fear.

She felt the gentle touch of Noah's hand through her hair. He didn't want to leave her after all. His hand moved from her hair to her shoulder, moving her closer to him, placing her head near to his heart, where she could hear the gentle beating beneath his heart. Its rhythm was back to normal now, and it was very hypnotic to her, even in her current state of mind.

His fingers, calloused by years of guitar playing, now moved softly from her neck to the middle of her back. This was no random pattern, of that she was sure. She allowed his touch to soothe her, to calm her racing mind until she stumbled on an answer in the form of a happy memory - a rarity these days. Noah was playing their song, using her in the place of his missing guitar. It was a lullaby for her that only Noah could play, reminding Rachel that she was special, safe and loved.

Even as the silent melody weaved its spell around them both, Rachel made up her mind to take back her life, to do more than just breathe and keep moving. The first thing she would do when she woke up was call her dads, ask them to come home. On second thoughts, there was something else to do first. She had to tell Noah how she felt, had to say it out loud before anything else could happen. She wanted nothing to taint what they had, or the future they could share once Finn was dealt with. Even if Noah couldn't or didn't share her feelings, she had to tell him. In fact, why wait? They had been dancing around each other for years; it was time to act, to have one good thing come out of this nightmare. She would make something beautiful out of such an ugly time.

Rachel forced her eyes open, blinking to adjust to the light in the room. She didn't remember the drive home from school, but she was fairly certain that she had been resting on the sofa in the sitting room, not in her bedroom. Not that it really mattered, not when Noah was looking into her eyes like that, as if the spell would break if he so much as blinked.

Rachel realised he'd been crying at some point, which was unsettling. She couldn't remember a time when that had happened; his dad leaving, giving up Beth, the most life changing moments of his life that she could recall hadn't led to Noah shed any tears. Had something or someone hurt him while she had been asleep? Rachel tried to gather her thoughts again, to enjoy the touch of his hands on her skin, the gentle wisp of his breath. She wondered at the way the colour of his eyes was darker - a side effect of his tears.

They stared at each other for a long time, leaving nothing hidden, allowing the other to learn the secrets they had long kept buried.

"Don't say it, Ray. Please."

Not the response Rachel had been expecting. She knew she hadn't misread the love in his eyes, hoped Noah had seen the sentiment returned in her own. Why that desperate and heart wrenching plea?

"When can I?" she whispered in return, trusting Noah without fail.

"When the fear is gone; when we are free." His words hung in the stillness of the room and Rachel knew that he was right. They had to put Finn behind bars, undo all the damage her had caused, and rebuild their family so that none of his toxic influence remained. Only then could they all move on, and Rachel could have Noah back completely.

"You'll stay with me?" she asked.

"I'll never leave, Ray. I'm done running." Noah was holding back, she could tell, but she was afraid to put pressure on him. He would tell her in time and she would never stop showing him how much she loved him until she was finally able to say those eight letters out loud for all to hear.

For now, she had three more important words for Noah, words that couldn't be put off no matter how much he might try.

"Forgive yourself, Noah." It was a non-negotiable order. Rachel would not allow any guilt to destroy him. As much as she had to overcome, Noah also had a long recovery ahead of him. She wanted to be happy, to have her dreams come true, but without Noah she would never be complete. How could she truly embrace life once more knowing that he still blamed himself, like the real lost boy that Finn liked to imitate?

"Think of all you'll miss out on if you don't forgive yourself, Noah. Don't give up on yourself. Please." Rachel hoped her words could convince him to at least try. In reply, Noah brought her hand to his lips, a chaste kiss as a sign of his promise to her, his eyes never leaving hers. Rachel went to say something but Noah placed his finger on her lips and she froze at his touch. Her heart began to beat faster and she felt as if she were on fire.

The look in Noah's eyes was unreadable, as if he too was stuck, waiting for some sign. It was like that night a lifetime ago. They moved towards one another without thought, their senses guiding them.

When their lips met it was gentle at first, the lightest of touches. The air around them seemed to crackle with static and the only sounds that could be heard was the staccato beats of their racing hearts. Noah made to pull away but Rachel caught hold of him, deepening the kiss as much as she dared, not wanting to frighten him. This was not the same as that first kiss, or the make-out sessions that they'd had that week two years ago. It was more innocent than any they had shared and yet more powerful. They couldn't yet acknowledge their love out loud, but they both needed to show the other the depths of their feelings and remind themselves what they were fighting for.

Taking his cue from Rachel, Noah carefully put more pressure into the kiss, knowing when to hold back and when to go further. His hands were in her hair and on her back, but Rachel always knew that she could move if she became the least bit uncomfortable. For her part, she was content to leave one hand over his heart and the other caressing the nape of his neck.

What had begun as an almost hesitant kiss was slowing growing in power, both becoming lost to the sensations, in time with the movements and emotions of the other. Eventually, they broke apart and, with one last kiss to the corner of her mouth, Noah moved back to give Rachel the chance to catch her breath, his own breathing just as erratic.

This time the darkening of his eyes was not due to tears, but love, and for this reason alone he had been able to contain certain of his body's normal responses to the kiss that contained no trace of lust. Rachel tried to memorise as much of the happiness she was feeling, relieved that this moment with Noah had not been ruined by fear.

There was a long road ahead. As magical as that kiss had been, it didn't wipe away all that had been done to her. However, where her mind had been awash with chaos and despair, she now embraced the hope and possibilities that were still waiting for her.

"Sleep, Ray," Noah whispered to her, pulling her close again.

This time when the nightmare came, when she found herself back in the locker room, she fought back soon, fought harder to stop Finn. She refused to give in for as long as possible, until the scene chanced. Rachel could only watch in horror as Finn tortured Noah, her screams and pleas trapped in her throat and silence by a gag made up of the hood from Noah's sweatshirt. The more she struggled, the more difficult it became to remind herself that this wasn't real, that Noah was safe. He had to be safe. Breathe, Rachel. Her mantra came flooding back.

Just as the Finn in her nightmare began to stab Noah, Rachel suddenly sat up in bed. A terrible scream from within the house wakened her. It grew louder as she heard people running towards her, but somewhere in the middle of all the noise was Noah's voice calling to her. Was he safe? Was she? Who was screaming? Was no one looking for the girl who sounded as if she was fighting for her life? The room was flooded with a bright light and her dads burst in through the door. She must be still asleep if they were here. Could no one find that girl who was screaming still? Her voice was getting weaker.

"Ray. Rach. Rachel."

She tried to focus on Noah's voice and again felt that cool metallic pinch. Soon, she thought giddily, she would be floating. Could Noah float? She would have to ask him. Wait, the screaming was dying down. Had they found the girl? She tried to speak but floating and speaking were difficult to do at the same time. Noah's voice seemed so far away again.

"Stay with me, won't you, Noah?"

"Always, Ray."

A.N. Another cliffhanger, but I really felt I had to end the chapter there, the next chapter is with my beta so I promise to not leaving you waiting too long.

Due to real life committments there may not be as many updates over the next few weeks as I would like, but I will try to get at least one chapter posted every week.

I am really interested to know what you think of this chapter and any other thoughts or comments you may have, so please feel free to get in touch and as always thanks for reading :) ~Carrie