Sorry it has been so long since I last updated I kinda got distracted with uni and work. I have just finished my first year of uni and passed with the 5th highest grade our the years, about 100 kids or so, I am sooo bloody over the moon : ) so hopefully I will be updating more now
i fell i have lost touch with the story a little so if its not up to scratch i apologize, and will try my best - i know how i am going to end this story and i am afraid it will be coming soon, sadly but i feel its time for Roza to have her happy ever after that she needs.
Thanks to everyone who reviews, they mean a lot and keep me informed if your liking what your reading :)
anyway here we go - hope you like
remember to review :)
I have done so much in my life and here I am again heading off on some dangerous, mental adventure but now its different, before I didn't have much holding me back I mean sure I had Yeva and the family but I knew they would be there when I returned but now, Yeva was gone, I had Dimitri and the twins they were my everything, and I got the feeling that they could not be there when I came back if things went wrong, and it was scaring the hell out of me, I mean I have all these gifts but what use are they if I lose the ones I love, if I couldn't some how make everything right.
I was pissed off that Yeva, Anna, Vlad or Mason had not come to see me yet, the more I tried to go to them the more I get blocked by my anger and frustration, I didn't know how to calm myself any more, my emotions were all over the place and it kills me, I see their faces when I snap at my family, hurt, pain, sadness, loss but I can not stop it. I have checked on Lisa many times thinking I was taking her darkness but she still had it, I wasn't taking it at all now and I could see it slowly eating away at her and I was powerless to stop it.
Last night I sat on the hill with my children and my world changed again, they told me what was coming and what I needed to do, it was coming for me and I needed to go meet it half way, I needed to or I wouldn't get what I wanted. My happy ever after.
So here I am sitting in my room at the bottom of my bed watching Dimitri sleep, the love of my life, the person who gives me strength yet when I look at him lately I feel his disappointment in me, his fear of me, then other times I think I have imagined it when he smiled at me and I see nothing but love. My own mind is driving me crazy, one moment I am sure they hate me then the next I know they love me, I am happy the next I want to scream, I am free the next I'm trapped.
I feel like I can not breath any more, I feel the weight of my world on my shoulders and I am about to fall and drop everything.
How am I supposed to leave my children, they are so small and fragile they need me but they told me I have to that they understood, they really were mine and Dimitri's kids they have his calm yet passionate personalities, and my tempter and stubbornness. The walk home from the hill last night they had each held my hand and walked in silence until we reached the house they each kissed me and smiled "go to daddy, mommy" my daughter whispered and they went to bed without another word, and that's what I did I came to Dimitri, I sat on the bed watching him and have not moved yet.
He is so beautiful, just like the day I first met him when he came for me and Lisa he had shown that he was boss and that we could trust him, yet I never thought I would have fallen in love with this man, had my broken when he was turned, gone through all the pain of hunting him down and staking him, then him changing back, not loving me, betraying me with Lisa, having my heart broken again, leaving, finding a family in Russia with Christian, getting the family I always wanted, going back, living with the pain, my adventure to England, my gifts, meeting Anna and Vlad, seeing Mason again, Coming home, being with Dimitri, having the twins, being happy, Family falling apart, losing Yeva, now having to leave them again to go on another adventure that may result in my death or the death of my family.
They say bad shit comes in 3, well mine seems to come in a never ending stream of shit.
I sighed and stretched my legs out the sun had come up a little while ago and was starting to shine through the window, Dimitri started to wake up
"Roza" he mumbled half awake
"yeah comrade" I whispered softly
"what you doing down there have you not slept ?" he smiled and I shock my head, I didn't trust my voice I knew what was coming, what I needed to do
"what's wrong Roza ?" he looked panicked
"you know I will always love you Dimitri" I sighed "something is going to change"
"I don't understand" I muttered, pulling his top on
"I haven't been right for sometime now, my gifts are screwed up, my mind is a mess"
"Yeva just died its understandable, you just need time" he whispered but he knew that's wasn't it he was just hoping for the best
"something is coming for me, something big and bad" I took a deep breath "I need to leave"
"what's ? No, no way in hell are you going to face something 'big and bad' with out me" he snapped
"you have to let me go" I sighed and whipped a tear from my check, Yeva had said similar words to me before she died and I had wanted to fight against it as well
"where ?"
"I don't know"
"why ?"
"to stop what ever is coming"
"what is it ?"
"I don't know"
He pulled me into his arms and held me tight "please don't do this Roza" he whispered
"I need to, I have to protect you and the twins"
"you don't have to do it alone"
"I think your wrong, I thinks its more important now then ever that I do this one alone"
"what about Lilly and Blake ?"
"they already know, they not as normal as I had hopped, they understand we have already said our goodbyes" I saw his mind thinking then he worked out what I had just said
"your leaving today ?" I nodded
"tonight, just after sunset" I whispered
"will you come home to me" his voice was breaking my heart, I took his face in my hands
"I will always come home to you, your my soul, my heart, my forever" I whispered and pressed my lips to his, it was a kissed not filled with lust and control, it was filled with so much love, passion and hope that one day I will come home to him and our children and we will have the life I dream of so often
"where are the children ?"
"Viki took them out for the day they left a few minutes ago"
he looked down at me and he looked lost, like I had just taken away his life he wasn't sure what to do with himself, I took him hand and pulled him over to the bed
"lay down with me" I smiled and he did what I asked, his arms pulled me close to him and he kissed my check
"I will forever wait for you my Roza" he smiled softly and a tear ran down his check "just you come back to me as soon as you can"
we didn't speak again we simply lay there and enjoyed being here with each other, I needed this right now I needed the reassurance that my mind had been playing tricks on me, that he loved me as much as I loved him, he was everything to me and he knew that.
A world were my Dimitri didn't exists was no world at all, I intended to make sure that didn't happen, he needed to live or else I didn't and I would follow him as soon as I could.
We had lay here all day the sun was slowly setting across the sky and it was time, I turned a little to see my love, his steady breathing told me that he was sleeping long before I saw his face, he looked so peaceful I didn't want to wake him, for this goodbye it would be hard enough walking away from him whilst he slept, if he was awake looking at me with nothing but pain and sorrow in his brown eyes I would never leave his side but it needed to be done.
I climbed off the bed slowly so not to wake him, I packed my bag and stood for a few minutes watching him, my sleeping god, how I would miss him.
I leaned over and kissed his lips gently "I love you comrade, more then you will ever know" I whispered, he moaned and turned over
"I love you Roza" he muttered, I feared I had woken him but he was simply sleep talking, I smiled and walked from the room.
Walking through my house I saw all the pictures hanging from my walls, the family together at parties, weddings, my kids first birthday, steps, day of school, pictures of my family, then just as you are about to leave the house the picture that made me smile every time I saw it.
The entire family sitting in the yard, a fire blazing and everyone was smiling, Yeva sat beside me with her arm around me and Lilly on her knee, the kids were 2 years old and everything was perfect.
I smiled and looked at Yeva, she had been so happy, so healthy so really was the life and soul of this family "love you" I whispered and then opened the door to leave, my heart left behind me, it slept in the bed upstairs waiting for me to come home to him.
so what did you think ? let me know
hopefully i will have finished the next chapter by later today so look out for it : )