It was his eyes that gave it away.

In all the years she'd seen him hurt or upset, Lily could always measure the seriousness of the situation through Remus Lupin's eyes. Having been fairly good friends from their first year at Hogwarts, she had watched him through both highs and lows - she'd seen the soft brown irises dance with happiness, joy and admiration but also echo loss, desperation and loneliness.

With a slight shock, as she kneeled beside him and his eyes met hers, Lily realised that she'd never seen them look so heartbroken. It was as if something had twisted and broken inside of him - as if that something had then gone on to transform into a bitter, empty being and then taken over his soul, destroying every bit of happiness that had ever passed through. His eyes, though, were the worst. Surrounded by dark circles, they seemed to mirror every single molecule of pain and anguish that everybody in the world has ever felt.

She wrapped her arms around him, holding him tightly and he gave in, resting his forehead on her shoulder and letting the tears fall in thick, fast droplets over his cheekbones and down his face.

After several minutes of this, he pulled away, ran a hand through his hair in a way that made Lily wonder why he hadn't told James about whatever had got him in such a state, and then lifted his head to look at her.

"Go away."

"No." She replied instantly, as if the idea was ludicrous "I'm not going to make you tell me, but it might help if-"

"I'm a monster." His voice was clear, certain and did not suit the redness of his face, the puffiness of his eyes.

"Remus-"

"You don't understand" He snapped "Nobody does."

Lily paused for a moment, watching the anger disappear, as quickly as it had arrived, a fresh wave of sadness rolling over his expression "I'm sorry." He shook his head "I'm - It was awful Lily." He bit his lip and allowed his shoulders to sag as he "I'm a Monster. I tore apart half a house last night - I'm dangerous. I need to leave -"

"No - don't be ridiculous." Her voice was just as defined as she reached out to take his hand "You are not a monster. The boy I know, who's sat in front of me, one of my best friends in the world...is definitely not a monster."

He let out a sigh but Lily stopped him "You can't control it, Remus - you don't want it and would definitely stop it if that was a possibility - I know you would. You don't use it to harm others and, moreover, you have no inclination of ever doing so. These people calling themselves Death Eaters, following Voldemort...Remus, they are the monsters. The people who kill muggles for a joke, the ones who know full well what they're about to do and just do it anyway - those are the monsters. You are not...you never will be."

He looked up and, somehow, felt much lighter - as if a huge weight had been lifted from his chest. With a much gentler sigh, he met Lily' gaze and nodded.

"Okay?" She raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah...okay." And then, much to his horror, his throat felt incredibly thick, as if he would start to cry again - but this time with gratitude for how much light she had managed to bring to the darkest situation he'd ever encountered.

Without another word, he pulled her slim frame towards his and held on to her tightly, until the lump in his throat had vanished and he could speak safely once again "Thank you. You have no idea how much that...just, thank you."

Lily smiled slightly, squeezing his hand before letting it go "Any time - I'm always here."

"Thank you."

"If you don't mind though - why do you never share any of this with the other three?"

Remus thought for a moment, kicking a pebble lightly across the bank "I've had some pretty bad moods in the company of James, Sirius and Peter," He replied, almost cautiously, as they stood up and began to walk "But...they've never actually seen me cry."

Lily nodded, saying nothing.

"They've seen me stressed, worried, hurt...even upset but I can't let myself cry in front of them." He looked at the ground "I already come across as being so much weaker-"

"Rubbish." Lily shook her head "No - you have more sense than Sirius, a far better magical ability than Peter - obviously - and as for James...Remus - you're just as good as all of them - just as strong. They aren't illegal animagi because they pity you - they do it because they care about you and they need a way to distribute all their trouble-causing, rule-breaking, bullying needs in the most impressive way without hurting other people...It took me a while to realise that but...once I did, I understood it instantly. They certainly care about you, Remus and feel bad that you have this awful issue that's incurable...but they don't think less of you. hey don't even look down on Peter, never mind you."

He was quiet for a moment, before tilting his head to one side "You think?"

"I know."

He scratched the side of his head, a spot of already thinning hair above his left ear "Thank you...again. You have a way of seeing the best in people when-"

"No." She shook her head "I just see people as they are. Best bits, worst bits...all of them." She smiled warmly "You just have a lot of good inside you. That's why I used to despise James so much - he never used to have a lot of good inside him."

Remus smiled and they continued to walk in a comfortable silence for about half an hour.

His voice was gentle and calm as he broke the silence gently "I know you worry, too."

"I worry about a lot of things...to which are you referring?"

"James...and the fact he's slept with what must seem like half of the female population."

Lily said nothing, looking out across the expanse of grey water. A flesh coloured tentacle emerged on the horizon, splashing the still water before disappearing once more.

"He cares about you so much...in fact I'd say that - well, you have no need to worry." Remus smiled, shoving his hands into the pockets of his trousers "Apparently, none of the others even come close...in more ways than one."

"There are so many of them." Lily said softly, after a moment "They all seem to judge me - as if they're wondering and remembering the things he did with them..."

"There really aren't that many." He smiled "He used to act like there were more infront of Sirius and Peter...but he never had to impress or compete with me." He shrugged "Don't worry, Lily...there really is no need."

"Okay." She nodded as they emerged near the Quidditch stands, watching as the Gryffindor team landed.

James spotted them and jogged over "Hey - what are you two doing?"

"I'm stealing her." Remus responded, his expression deadly serious.

"Good luck, mate." James winked, wrapping an arm around Lily and kissing the top of her head. "Are either of you hungry? I'm starving."

"Yeah - I could eat." He smiled.

"Good- you look bloody awful."

"Bad night in the shack." He said lightly.

"Really?" James asked "You seemed alright the night before last."

"I'm fine..." Remus nodded, meeting Lily's gaze as she rested her head on James' shoulder "Much better now."

Lily smiled and the three began their ascent to the castle.

x

I know it's been ages but my internet wouldn't work when I got back from my holiday...hopefully you've enjoyed it - i tried to get the whole 'She had a way of seeing the beauty in others, even, and perhaps most especially, when that person couldn't see it in themselves' bit in there :-)

Please review...it will make me update faster ;)