I could faintly hear the teacher talking as my mind drowned out everything around me.

Numbness, is what drowned out everything, though.

I couldn't feel anything these days. No matter what I did, I couldn't feel the excitement in life anymore. Everything in my life felt like a trance from the moment I wake up in the morning, to the moment I lay my head down at night.

I only looked forward to one thing every day I woke up; and that was mother. I looked forward to seeing her in the morning and getting home to see her every day.

How pathetic was I for that? There wasn't even an explanation I could give to explain myself.

Was it all because father didn't want to do anything about Mingxia? Or, Sakura going completely ghost on me? Or, mother hiding something from me, but I didn't know what? Her being sick, maybe? Me not being able to see Sakura anymore? Or, maybe it was a combination of everything taking a toll on me.

I couldn't identify what was wrong with me, so I couldn't help but assume that I was sad about everything. I was lost in my own head, wondering when it would all end.

Maybe I should start seeing Dr. Reed again, but I didn't want to start depending on him to help me feel better all the time. He had taught me how to channel out my emotions, rather than turning to things that could hurt others, along with myself.

Drugs was clearly not the answer. Sex was not the answer. A person was not the answer. And he certainly was not the answer.

It's me. I'm the only answer to my problems. I'm the only person who can fix me. No one else but me, so I couldn't go to him for help.

"Yo, earth to Xiao Lang," a voice said, snapping me out of my thoughts.

I looked up, seeing a dark haired guy standing in front of the table. I glared at him softly, annoyed that he disturbed my thoughts. "What?"

"Are you good, man? Class has been over for the last five minutes and I've been trying to snap you out of it," he said.

My brows scrunched together before I grabbed my bag and stuffed my books in it.

"What's up with you? You've been out of it all semester, I've heard."

Who the hell is he?

"Who the hell are you?" I asked, standing from my desk and slinging my bag over my shoulder.

"Li Jun." He held his hand towards me to shake. "It's nice to meet you."

I looked at his hand, suddenly not trusting the guy. It's not like he did anything untrustworthy, but something told me I couldn't trust him. His name did sound familiar, though.

"I have no interest in making friends," I said before heading out of the classroom.

I internally groaned when I heard him follow after me and yell, 'wait.' I ignored him, trying to rush out the building.

"Xiao Lang!"

I turned around, glaring at the guy. "What the hell is with you?" I asked.

"It's just I thought you'd like to get well-aquatinted with each other since I'll be around the mansion, you know," he said nonchalantly.

My eyes widened, surprised to hear him say that. "What?"

"Auntie Yelan has requested me to stay at the mansion for the next few weeks to a month or so. Come on, Xiao Lang. How could you forget me?"

Taking a look at him, I recognized the extremely dark hair and brown eyes with his strongly defined face structure.

"Jun," I said blandly.

Cousin Jun, Meilin's older brother who used to come over all the time with Meilin to play with us. I hadn't seen him in nearly a decade. Since I was 8, to be exact.

"Finally!" Jun exclaimed, grinning at me.

A small smile formed on my lips, but I knew it didn't reach my eyes the way I wanted it to. "What are you doing here? I know you're not still a freshman," I said, raising a curious brow.

He was two years older than me, if I'm remembering correctly.

"Well, I was hoping to convince you to come with me to the airport," he said.

"Uh...why?"

"Well, after Auntie Yelan gave me a call, asking if I could come down to the mansion for a while so she could spend some time with me, I wanted to see you before forcing my way back into your life so suddenly. I just got in yesterday when she had one of her drivers pick me up from the airport."

What? Mother had been communicating with him and asking if he could come stay for a while?

What the hell is going on...?

"Who's at the airport?" I asked.

He shrugged. "Beats me. She just asked if I could pick some girl up at 11, so I was just going to make you tag along so we could catch up," he said.

I frowned, wondering who it could be. "Uh...oh..."

"So? Times ticking, and I don't want her waiting. She said she's someone special to her," Jun said.

"Okay. We'll just have to come back through here, so I could get my car afterwards," I said, unsure of how to get myself out of this.

"Great. I parked over there, so come on," he said, already walking to his car. He was still the same pushy, bossy person, at least.

I walked to his car, getting inside once he unlocked the door for me.

He turned the car on before chuckling, making me look at him skeptically. "You're still the same quiet guy. That's crazy."

My brows scrunched together. "I... guess."

He pulled out of the school parking lot. "You aren't still out here breaking girls' hearts like you were in elementary school, right?"

I frowned, not wanting to reminded of those times. "I'm not like that anymore."

"I'm glad, because girls aren't meant to be treated like—"

"Can we talk about something else other than girls?" I asked as my mind drifted back to Sakura.

I had been trying not to think about her because thoughts of her only served to push me further down that hole of emptiness.

"Oh, let me guess! You fell in love and that girl broke your heart, so you learned your lesson?" Jun asked, laughing after that as he kept his eyes locked on the road.

He wasn't too far from the truth, but...it wasn't quite right.

"No. It's a lot more complicated than that," I said quietly.

"We have 10 minutes to spare—"

"Can we not talk about this, Jun? I'm just not in the mood," I said, not caring that I was showing him my annoyance with this topic.

"Alright, alright. Your mom seems like she's happy."

I was glad that he dropped it, so I decided to carry on a conversation with him, though it was hard.

It had been a lot much harder to have the drive to do anything lately. I just really...

All I could think about was mother and her strange behavior. Sakura. Father and mingxia. And... everything was slowly eating me alive to my core. I couldn't take it anymore, especially since Sakura hasn't been keeping in contact anymore like that.

Maybe I should give Dr. Reed a call before I did something stupid...

"Oi, earth to Xiao Lang," I heard Jun call.

I looked in his direction, seeing that he had the car turned off in the parking lot.

"What's going on, man? You must really have a lot to think about," he said, opening his car door.

I sighed, shaking my head. "Do I have to go in too?" I asked.

"Come on. You look like you need to be around people anyway."

Not wanting to argue, I just got out of the car with him.

He talked about life in college while I just listened and walked along side of him.

"She should've landed about 10 minutes ago. I wonder what—"

"Are you by any chance...Jun?"

I looked up at hearing the familiar voice I had not heard in almost a month. The moment I looked up, our eyes locked, and I could see her breath catch in her throat as if she had just noticed me too.

"You must be the infamous Kinomoto Sakura that I've heard a lot about," Jun said, grinning at her.

Her eyes quickly left mine, shifting to Jun's as she nodded, holding her hand out to him. "Yes. It's nice to meet you," she said with a smile on her face.

The smile didn't reach her eyes, as she still tried to compose her shock of seeing me.

What the hell was she doing here?

I was hoping to all the gods out there that she couldn't hear my heart beating loudly.

To my surprise, and hers clearly, Jun grabbed her hand and kissed the back of it.

"I'm glad to finally meet the woman my auntie talks so much about as if you were her own," Jun said, giving her a charming smile.

When a blush crept to her cheeks, I cleared my throat, wanting to break up whatever the hell just happened between them.

"This is Auntie Yelan's son—"

"I know who the hell she is," I said, glaring at him.

Jun paused, looking at me. "Oh, you guys know each other!" he said, excited.

For what, though?

"Uh...yeah. I can see you're still the same," Sakura murmured under her breath.

My brows scrunched, looking at her offended slightly. "What's that supposed to mean?" I asked.

Was she trying to insinuate that I hadn't changed? That I was still the same guy she's known me to be over the years?

"It just means that. Let's not do this here, please," Sakura said, not letting her eyes meet mine.

What the hell?

"Uhhh...did I miss something?" Jun asked awkwardly.

Sakura laughed nervously, shaking her head vigorously. "Of course not! Me and Syaoran just always butt heads sometimes. We went to school together briefly," she said.

"Oh, well, that's nice to know. That way, there won't be any awkward moments since we all know each other. We should really go, though. We have to drop Syaoran off at his college, so he could get his car."

"Alright," she said, picking up her bags.

I was about to grab her bags from her, but Jun beat me to it, to my dismay. "Can't believe you just did that," he said in a playful tone.

Sakura smiled. "I..." she laughed shyly. "I didn't think it was that serious."

"Of course it is. Come on," he said, leading her out of the building, leaving me behind.

When they started talking to each other as if they had forgotten I was there, I could feel my blood boil at the sight.

What was going on?

And what was she doing here? Why was she here?

"Mother, what's the meaning of this?" I asked the moment I walked in the house to her room.

I could barely contain myself in the car with them talking and laughing like they were long term friends. Ignoring my entire existence.

What the fuck?

Mother had to do something with this. Sakura would never just decide to come here on her own without the influence of someone else.

And suddenly inviting Jun to come over? What the hell?

I almost told him to forget the idea of getting my car because they might jump at each other's throat the moment they were alone. But, of course Jun insisted that I get my car, so we wouldn't have to make a second trip on campus.

The connection was instant between them. I could feel it, and I wasn't even them. There was no way they didn't feel the connection between them when I did.

What kind of connection was it? I don't even know.

I just know they instantly clicked. Fuck. What was mother doing to me?

"I'm glad to see you home after class today," she said, placing her book on the desk beside the bed.

"Mother," I pressed, closing the door behind me.

"So, you've seen her. I didn't think you would see her so soon. Is she here? I thought she would've come in to say hello—"

"Mother," I called sternly. "What are you trying to do?"

Her brows scrunched together in confusion. "What are you talking about, Xiao Lang?"

"Why is Sakura in Hong Kong? And why is Jun here?" I asked, annoyed at the thought of the boy.

"Is it so wrong that I invited my nephew to stay with us for a while? He just finished his studies in England, so I told him to come here for a bit. Didn't you miss him? I've missed him and—"

"Is that why you asked him to pick Sakura up from the airport? Because you knew they'd click the moment they met?" I asked, feeling the anger rise in my chest.

I wasn't really mad at mother. More so myself because it was all my fault. I wouldn't have to worry about anything if I didn't screw things up with her.

"Syaoran, I would never do that to you. I asked him to pick her up from the airport because I knew he'd be over there. He just got here yesterday," she said, motioning with her hands for me to come over to her.

I walked over to sit on the edge of the bed beside her with a frown on my face. "Why didn't you just ask me to pick her up?" I asked.

"Do you really think Sakura would have wanted that?" she asked, sitting up on the bed.

I sighed, already knowing the answer to that. She probably wasn't ready to yet. But... "Why is she here?" I asked.

When I felt her delicate hand on my back, I looked at her. "She has a few things to do down here, so I told her she could stay here for the meantime," she said.

I swallowed, wanting to ask if she was doing this on purpose or not, but knew I wouldn't get anything out of her. "You better not..."

"Oh, Xiao Lang, stop being so full of it. Everything isn't about you, for heaven's sake. I would never put Sakura through anything she doesn't want to be in," she said, shocking me.

I looked at her incredulously. "I..."

"Now, how was your day? If you want something to be about you," she said.

I frowned. "Mother, you know I'm not making this—"

"Oh, but you are, Xiao Lang. Don't try and force yourself on the poor girl either, while she's here. Sakura's been through enough, so try to make it less about you and more about what she wants," she said in a reasoning tone. "If she still wants space, you give her that space."

"Okay, mother," I said, hearing the message loud and clear.

I wouldn't try forcing anything out of Sakura.

"Good."

"Enough about this, then. Have you taken your medicine today? Let me go and—"

"Already taken care of. I had Wei bring them to me," she said, smiling at me.

"How are you feeling?" I asked gently.

"Wonderful. I feel like today's going to be a good day," she said.

I smiled, leaning over to kiss her forehead before standing up. "I'm glad then. I'll go fix you something to eat," I said.

"That's alright—"

"Have you eaten anything today?" I asked, giving her a pointed look.

"I've had food, little wolf," she said.

"You want to go for a—"

"Xiao Lang."

"Mother, just let me do something for you," I said desperately.

"I would be happy if you could help Sakura and Jun get settled in when they get here," she said softly.

I almost groaned at the mention of their names together. Sakura, yes, but Jun too?

"Behave yourself," she said as if she could read my mind. "You guys were best friends when you were younger."

"Yeah, but he was flirting with her in front of me," I said, glaring at the bed.

"He's allowed to do as he wishes. Sakura isn't your property, so she can also do as she wishes," she said.

I frowned. "I'll be back to check in on you in a few minutes," I said, leaving the room before she could even respond.

As soon as I walked out of the room and closed the door, I heard Sakura's laughter and Jun's bursting through the door.

Was mother really expecting me to live with this?

I walked to the living room and saw them still talking about God-knows what. I cleared my throat again loudly when they didn't even notice me coming in the room.

They looked at me—well, Jun did.

"I'll show you guys to your rooms," I said.

Jun walked over to me with a grin on his face. "Sakura's really cool, man—"

"Yeah, we dated," I said in annoyed tone, but quiet enough so only he would hear.

Jun paused, looking at me surprised. "What?"

I clenched my jaw, biting back to tell him off for flirting in front of me with her. Matter of fact, they couldn't flirt at all, even when I wasn't around.

"So, will I have my usual room?" Sakura asked, walking up to us before we could even finish the discussion.

"Yeah. Come on, mom wanted me to show you guys to your rooms," I said, already walking ahead of them.

I just needed to get my message across without seeming too...forward and selfish, as mother kept trying to make me out to be today.

I was not being selfish.

I just didn't want him thinking that he could come in and take what I had been working for, for years.

Hell no.

"Dinner was delicious," Jun said after taking a sip of his drink.

Mother smiled, nodding her head as she sat at the head of the table. "It certainly was. I hope you two are making yourselves at home," she said, talking to them.

Why did she have to keep mentioning them together in the same sentence? Was I being ridiculous or what?

"Yes, ma'am. I'm really glad that I could be here with you," Sakura said directly to my mother with a sad look in her eyes.

What was going on? Had I missed something?

"Oh, honey."

Both of their eyes watered as they stared at each other.

Huh?

"Don't forget about your favorite nephew," Jun pouted, annoying me.

Why did he have to talk every time she did? Didn't I just tell him that we had dated in the past, meaning she was off limits?

My mother laughed dryly, shaking her head. "Of course I could never forget about you, Jun. How about you tell me about life in England?" she asked, smiling at him.

"England? You stayed in England?" Sakura asked, sounding interested.

Why the hell did she care so much?

"I did my studies in England," he said. "Everything is beautiful down there..."

Everything else he said was drowned out by my mind and thoughts as my eyes landed on Sakura, who's looking very interested in what Jun had to tell them.

Something was off. Sakura being here was off. Mother was acting off. Jun being here was very off.

I know he stayed here half of my childhood with us, but he never just showed up randomly.

For some reason, I couldn't help but feel like they were all in on something but didn't want me to know about it.

I sure as hell wouldn't let them keep me out of the loop with whatever it was for long, though.

"Are you okay?" I heard Sakura ask.

I looked up to see her at mother's side, who's coughing vigorously. Within a blink of an eye, I was at her side, wrapping my arms around her frail body to rub her back.

"I'm sorry, I'm fine. It's just the medicine again," she said after her coughing fit ended.

She looked at me, giving me a weak smile. "Don't look so overworked, Xiao Lang. You know I hate when you worry about me," she said.

I frowned, seeing the exhaustion evident in her body and eyes. "Let's get you to bed. You've overdone it for today," I said, gently pulling her up from the chair.

She pulled back, shaking her head. "No, no, I'm fine—"

"Mother," I called. "Please."

When her eyes met mine again, I think she saw the desperation in my eyes for her to get some rest. She needed rest.

"If she wants to stay up a little longer, you should let her," Sakura said, surprising the hell out of me.

I looked at her, only to see a small, encouraging smile on her face that said that it should be alright.

"Thank you, dear. My little wolf worries too much," mother said, placing a hand on my arm softly.

I looked at her, frowning at her persistency to stay up. She wouldn't be giving up any time soon, and Sakura encouraging her proved that. I sighed, giving in to the thought of letting her stay up. I just wouldn't be around to watch her push herself, though. I know the outcome of her overdoing it.

I moved away from her and glanced down at them. "I'm going to head to my room," I said quietly.

When Sakura caught my eye, I could see regret flash in hers. "Syaoran—"

I walked out of the dining room before they could say anything else to me.

I just couldn't do this today—

"Xiao Lang," I heard his voice call.

As if I didn't hear him, I walked to the opposite side of him, so I didn't have to talk to him.

I heard him calling my name again sternly, making me stop. "What do you want?" I asked coldly.

"Are you still holding a grudge against me? It's already been almost two months," he said quietly.

I couldn't even look at him right now. I couldn't even stand being in the same room as him anymore.

How could he force the idea of attending some sessions with Dr. Reed in my mind, make me realize a lot about my fucked up life, and then when I try to correct them, he tells me no and to drop it?

"Your mother isn't happy with your behavior towards me—"

I laughed humorlessly, almost actually finding it funny that he had a say in what made mother happy. "And she's happy that you've been fucking other women behind her back for all these years?" I spat with so much hatred.

"Xiao Lang, please—"

"No, you please, stay the hell away from me and out of my life," I said before storming off.

Before I could get too far, I felt a strong hand grab my shoulder tightly, forcing me to turn around. "I thought we talked about this, Xiao Lang. It's just too complicated—"

"Yeah, well, it'll be too complicated for all those other kids she may grope and coerce into having sex with her too, huh," I said, snatching my shoulder back from him.

"You know that's not what this is about. I told you that she used you and—"

"I don't care that she used me," I hissed at him quietly, so I wouldn't draw any attention in here. We weren't too far from the kitchen. "I care that she may go out and use some other kid to get what the hell she wants and you're just sitting around and allowing it."

"What she does outside the doors of this house is not our business—"

"It is my business, because I'm a victim of her disgusting actions. I'm someone who could have spoken out to—"

"And ruin her career? Her life? You do know the consequences of outing her out like that, right? You care about her, right? She helped you through a lot—"

"I never said she didn't. She did help me get through these years with her kind, manipulating words. She did...but maybe it wasn't the help that I needed," I said, dropping my head at my stupid immature self for not seeing that until now.

"You would be dead if it weren't for her," he said.

"If not getting taken advantage of as a kid would have never happened, then maybe I wish I would've died," I said before walking off.

I was glad he didn't stop me.

And for the first time in a long time, I realized how much I really wished I had rather died back then, than committing all those sinful acts.

"It'll just be this one time, Syaoran," a sultry voice said in my ear, making my skin break out in goosebumps.

"B-but, it's wrong, isn't it? We shouldn't be doing this, right?"

"No one will know about it besides us. It'll be like our little secret. A secret that'll make you feel so good that you won't ever want it to end," the voice said again before soft fingers wrapped around my body, resting on my chest.

It felt wrong. It felt so wrong, yet my body reacted to it like she said it would before touching me.

"Father won't be mad?" A voice asked so weak and vulnerable to my own ears.

Was that my voice?

"Of course not. It's what he likes too," she said, pulling me closer to her body.

"It feels wrong, though. I-I'm scared."

"Just close your eyes and pretend like it's someone you like, then. If it's with someone you like, this is completely fine and normal," she said.

Instantly, Sakura came to mind when her hands—

"Syaoran!"

I bolted up from the bed, looking around the room as my heart beat erratically in my chest painfully hard. I was panting, trying to catch my breath, looking around the dark room.

I closed my eyes tightly, feeling the cool breeze in the room hit my skin, making me realize I was drenched in sweat. I wiped my forehead with my trembling hand. Taking a deep breath, I realized I was feeling like I felt in that moment when it first happened.

Afraid, lost, and... disgusted; like I had done something so wrong because I had to do what she wanted me to do...

I sighed, throwing the covers back from my body so I could scoot out of the bed.

Ever since I talked about this with Dr. Reed some months back, I had been having weird dreams and flashbacks of the events that occurred.

I had almost forgot about all of this until he brought it to the surface and made me talk about it. I couldn't be mad at him one bit, considering the fact that talking about everything with him made me realize how wrong it was. How wrong all of it was.

The flashbacks and weird dreams was not working with me though...

Maybe I should've told him that I was having flashbacks and dreams about it when they first started happening.

I reached over and grabbed my phone on the dresser beside the bed and turned it on.

'Hey, I know it's late, but I was wondering if it was possible to...'

I sighed, erasing the message and sitting it back on my dresser. I walked to the bathroom and took a quick shower to relieve some of the stress from my body.

I don't know what came over me, but I had the sudden urge to see Sakura. Well, it wasn't sudden, as I had urges to see her all the time. If she weren't here, I would've probably been texting her phone or calling her right now like I normally would. I mean, she wouldn't pick up ever, but it was always worth a shot.

Just recently, I had decided to give her some space and time, not wanting to smother her. The moment I decide to give her space, she decides to appear in Hong Kong...

What the hell? I just couldn't understand fate sometimes.

I hopped out the shower and dressed in another T-shirt and boxers before heading back to my room. On my way back, I decided to walk past my room and head down the hall where I knew her room would be, after checking in on mother. I even took a glance at Jun's room, which was beside mine, just to make sure he had not come out of his room to sneak into Sakura's.

I had made sure to have his room on the opposite side of the hall; away from Sakura's room.

Sighing, I faced Sakura's door, lifting my hand to knock on the door. But, one thing stopped me.

Mother.

I couldn't do it.

She had just told me to stop being selfish today, and not giving Sakura what she wanted, meant me being selfish...

I dropped my hand from the door, rationalizing that I would just wait for her to come back around and talk to me on her own.

Just when I decided this, the handle on the door twisted, making me freeze in my spot.

Crap.

A/N: I made it to get a chapter out before finals, surprisingly. I changed the summary a bit, so that the story won't seem like it's just revolved around the project, since clearly, it isn't anymore. Thank you guys again for reviewing, following, and adding this story to your favorites!

I will also be adding a warning to the first chapter about the themes in this story, as I don't want to trigger anyone who has been taken advantage of as a child or had any experiences like this. This kind of thing happens a lot, but a lot of kids(as well as adults who experienced it) don't speak out about it because they're scared or feel embarrassed about it. I'm so sorry if I've triggered anyone thus far, without a warning! It was not my intentions to begin with, considering I was a child writing this.

But, we will get a view on how Sakura's feelings and what she's thinking about seeing Syaoran so soon in the next chapter :).

Ja ne!