Kyle

"This is bullshit!" His fingers dug under his hat and crown, gripping and pulling at the hair he found there. "This is bullshit."

There was a sigh from the general area around him. "I get it, but you can't keep stressing about it. Shit happens."

"No Stan, I will not stop stressing about it!" Kyle snapped, eyes flying off of his strategy board so they could fix on the raven-haired boy leaning against a tree branch. "This is bullshit!" he repeated for what must have been the hundredth time in the last hour. "And bullshit doesn't just happen, people plan for bullshit to occur."

"Dude, it's not that bad," Stan pointed out, shrugging. How he could say that when he had a split lip and several wonderful bruises decorating his arms was beyond Kyle. "We lost one battle."

"Which is bullshit!" Kyle exclaimed, throwing up his hands in the air.

Really, he should be inside. They should both be inside and out of their costumes and going to sleep and more importantly forgetting about the whole mess. But as the sun, which had already slipped behind the horizon, started to leave them behind, throwing the tree fort into shadow, it started to get ridiculous. Yet still they sat here, Stan leaning against his usual post and Kyle hunched over the hand-drawn map of South Park, shifting pieces around as he got progressively more and more irritable.

At least Stan was staying the night. Kyle wasn't about to pretend that this fact didn't make him feel marginally better. Even pissed and irritable like he was, Stan's presence usually could make him feel better. Even though it wasn't quite working at the moment, Kyle didn't begrudge the boy his presence. Just because the redhead was in a bad mood didn't make it Stan's fault.

"They won fair and square," Stan told Kyle, which wasn't what he wanted to hear in the slightest. "We didn't bring enough soldiers and we didn't bring enough high-level fighters. Cartman beat us. We'll deal, there's always next time."

Sometimes, Kyle hated when Stan chose to be rational. "They did not win fair and square!" the boy spat, his hand clenching over the edge of the table. "We should have had that battle in the bag, even with the forces you brought. I planned that out perfectly. There's no way that fatass should have been able to beat us!"

Eyes skittering over the board once more, Kyle grit his teeth together. "You can't just add new classes in whenever you feel like it! Or let people fight when they haven't even been given a basic rundown of the game. It's bullshit!"

"It's not against the rules," Stan said, shrugging. In the evening breeze, his cloak fluttered around him, lending a spark of the dramatic to the scene. "I mean we added in Elven Healers pretty arbitrarily, that means Cartman can do it too." He made sense and yet Kyle could feel his body heating up just from anger alone.

"We didn't just do it arbitrarily!" Kyle argued, clenching his fists. "We had the decency to do it and get it all set up properly before just throwing them in there! Cleric was not one of the classes a Human could be! They can be Warriors, Mages, Thieves, and Jews." He spat the last one out, having never quite forgiven Cartman for throwing in that class as if it was something that belonged in a fantasy game. "Cleric isn't on that list!"

"But what about you?" Stan asked, waving his hand in Kyle's direction. "You got a special class dude." Why can't you be irrational sometimes?! Why are you only ever irrational when it suits you?

"Cartman made me a High Jew Elf, that wasn't my choice!" Kyle snapped, only growing progressively more frustrated. "On the subject of bullshit, that is total bullshit! He was just trying to be a dick to me!"

"Dude, he's always a dick to you," Stan reminded Kyle, crossing his arms. "And besides, a lot of the people who joined the game in the very beginning got special allowances. Butters is the only Paladin. And Cartman is a Wizard and Kenny is a Princess. Is that even a class? And Jimmy is a Bard!"

"Jimmy isn't on anyone's side yet," Kyle reminded Stan. "And we did away with special classes a while ago!"

"It's not in the rules," Stan said stubbornly. Oh my god, why is he defending that fatass? He's on my side, right? Kyle couldn't help but feel pissed at Stan's calm belligerence. He just wanted the boy to agree with him on this one thing but no, apparently that was too much to ask.

"Which somehow makes it not bullshit?!" Kyle growled. "He purposefully took on a Cleric right before we attacked just so he could heal his wounded soldiers without having to follow any sort of rules for the character!"

"There are rules for Clerics now," Stan said, putting out his hands placating. "Come on, we'll win the next battle."

"It's still bullshit!" Kyle exclaimed, thumping the table, sending game pieces flying. "This whole thing has been bullshit and I'm sick of it Stan and I'm sick of you trying to stick up for that asshole." Face going red with anger, he ranted, "I'm done with this! I'm done with this bullshit! The rules, the fighting, the classes, this whole game, it's all bullshit and I hate it! I can't believe I'm even playing something this stupid when all it ends up being is bullshit!"

Stan's face froze. "You don't mean that right?" he asked, his brown eyes going wide. He looked like Kyle had just stabbed him, which took some of the fire out of the redhead's body.

"Maybe I do," Kyle still muttered, breathing heavily, anger still clawing at his brain.

As if instantly sensing the change in his mood, Stan let out a soft sigh and pushed away from the wall. Walking over to Kyle, he looked down at the boy and said quietly, "No, you don't." For the first time that whole night, Kyle felt all the anger and resentment drain out of him in a rush, leaving him feeling exhausted.

Without even really thinking about it, Kyle led his head fall against Stan's brown tunic, hardly caring when it knocked his crown and hat off of his head. As it tumbled to the floor, the boy closed his eyes and just pressed his face into Stan's chest, letting the presence of the other boy take his anger away. Slowly, the tension in his shoulders began to unknot and his whole body just relaxed.

Stan had always had that effect on him, always been able to calm him down when nothing else could. As fingers lightly tugged on the red curls at the back of his neck, Kyle let out a sound that was something between a pitiful moan and a sigh of absolute exhaustion. Times like these, he was acutely grateful that the raven-haired boy had chosen to join his side instead of Cartman's. I'd probably lose it if I didn't have him around.

"You're right," he muttered, his voice muffled slightly. "I don't hate the game, it's not bullshit." Stan didn't say anything, he just kept messing with Kyle's hair and breathing slowly and steadily, which in the end was what Kyle needed from the boy. "I'm just upset, I love this game. It pisses me off that someone like that fatass could come up with something like this but it's not bullshit."

Breathing in the smell of dust and tree sap, something Stan always smelled like after a day playing the fantasy game, Kyle added, "And I'm not even that upset that Cartman wouldn't let me join his side. I mean, someone had to be the opposition and I don't think I would have liked being under Cartman for an extended period of time. I really would have lost my mind if that had happened."

"Dude, I'm glad we're not on his side either," Stan agreed fervently, the words sounding oddly rumbling from Kyle's position. "Cartman's side sucks, being an Elf is so much cooler than being a human. Besides, we're going to win in the end, so I kinda like being on the winning side." That made Kyle chuckle softly.

Straightening, at last, Kyle ran a hand through his curly hair and looked up at Stan, who was smiling at him. "We are going to win," he affirmed, looking around for his hat which he'd managed to lose in the process. Probably a good thing we don't usually act like this, Cartman would never shut up. He's bad enough without him making fun of us for nothing. "Cartman is going to get his ass kicked and he's going to deserve it."

"Absolutely dude," Stan confirmed. The boy stooped to the ground for a moment before straightening and pushing something onto Kyle's head. Catching the ends of it, Kyle smiled as he adjusted his hat before fiddling with his crown. "It doesn't matter how many Clerics Cartman has."

"It's still bullshit," Kyle muttered, though without any of the fire he'd had in his tone before. "And I still can't believe he's being allowed to pull something like that but I guess it'll be fine in the end." He might not like it, but Stan was technically right. It wasn't against the rules and Cartman couldn't have possibly known that they were going to attack and probably if he asked Token, the boy would tell him that he'd been wanting to join the game anyway. It was all just a coincidence.

Looking down at the scrambled game board thoughtfully, Stan took a moment to carefully rearrange the pieces that had been knocked askew before saying slowly, "You know, there are actually a lot of things that aren't in the rules."

"Stan, we're not getting a dragon," Kyle told him, rolling his eyes. The raven-haired boy had already asked several times if they could include mythical beasts but Kyle had shot him down every time, under the assumption that having a dragon would be pretty unfair and if they had a dragon then Cartman would want one too.

"No, not that," Stan said, waving away Kyle's admonitions. "I'm just saying that it's still pretty early in this game and we don't have a lot of rules." He was grinning now and Kyle felt a stir of excitement. "I mean sure, no one is playing the game at this point because everyone has to go home but is there any rule to say that we can't play at night?"

Furrowing his brows, Kyle slowly said, "No, there isn't. But why would we play at night dude? There's no one to play with." Though he was shaking his head, already turning the idea down, he wanted to know what Stan was talking about. It promised something different and if Kyle knew anything, it was Stan's potentially stupid ideas were often also his best and most interesting.

Stan turned to face him and the smirk on his face excited Kyle far too easily. "But it's not against the rules to, say, stage an attack at night, even though there's no one around." The way he said it, Kyle's mind started to shift into gear. This is sounding interesting…

"What are you suggesting?" Kyle asked curiously, one of his hands going for the golf club he'd been using as his weapon. Laughing, Stan reached for the board and picked up his own piece and Kyles.

"I'm just saying that technically it wouldn't be against the rules to, say, try to take back the Stick at night, even though no one is up." Moving the two pieces towards Kupa Keep, Stan casually said, "I mean, if it's not against the rules then it's totally cool, right?"

"That's complete bullshit," Kyle breathed, awed at Stan's genius. Letting out a surprised sounding laugh, he repeated, "That's complete bullshit!"

Grinning at him, Stan shrugged and said, "Yeah, but if they're going to pull some bullshit on us, then why not do it back. We'd get the Stick, and we could stick it to Cartman."

Getting to his feet despite himself, Kyle said, "It'll only work once, there's no way the rule keepers are going to let that happen more than that. Are you sure you know what you're talking about?" Despite his dissention, he was just as excited about it as Stan. This reason, among so many others, was one of the reasons he was super best friends with the raven-haired boy. Because Kyle would never be able to come up with harebrained schemes like this on his own.

"Dude, if we don't do it, you can bet that Cartman's going to do it eventually," Stan pointed out, making Kyle only more sure that he wanted to go through with it. Any chance to use an underhanded and dirty tactic that Cartman had probably already thought of before the boy could do it himself was a good chance to take in Kyle's book. Besides, with Stan grinning at him like that, there was no way that he would have been able to say no.

"You're right. And according to the rules, the Stick should be outside, because you can't keep it in your room or anything," Kyle agreed, straightening his robes and pushing out his chair. Walking to the edge of the platform, from where he could just see the turrets of Kupa Keep, the boy said, "You know what, if Cartman's going to use bullshit, then we will too. I'm sick of him pulling things over on us and being able to claim it's okay because it's not against the rules. Let's go get that stick."

"Let's," Stan agreed. Turning back towards the boy, Kyle swept past him and used the many ladders and boards littering the tree trunk to help himself climb down. Passing the small, empty tents that rested at different levels of their fort, Kyle reflected that no matter what bullshit Cartman pulled in the future, they still had a better strategy and a better chance of survival. Stan was right, they were going to win.

Fuck Cartman.

As his feet touched the ground, Kyle was careful not to let anything make too loud a sound. Though his mom hadn't cared about him being outside in the backyard at this time of night, she would probably care a whole lot more if she found out he was leaving. Dropping down beside him, Stan brushed up against his arm, the small action causing warmth to blossom through Kyle's chest. I'm lucky to have a friend like Stan, even if he can be irritating at times.

"Come on, we'll sneak around the way we usually attack," Stan said in a hushed voice, walking ahead of Kyle. Following his Warrior, Kyle crept across the leaf-strewn ground and towards the hole in the back of the fence. Slipping through first, Stan turned around and helped Kyle untangle his robes as they inevitably got caught on the large, splitting splinters of wood.

As soon as they'd left the backyard, the whole world fell into a deeper shade of darkness. Kyle kind of liked it, walking next to Stan with only memory and the glow of the moon to light their path. They stuck close together like they always did when they walked. Though the redhead wasn't exactly sure where their habit of walking so close together had come from, he kind of liked it. The feeling that Stan was always there, always ready to jump to his defense or calm him down, depending on the situation, was a comforting thought to Kyle.

Sometimes, he wondered if Stan felt the same. Times like this, when it was just the two of them, standing against a silent world, Kyle was pretty sure he did.

"It's still pretty cool that Craig and his friends joined the game," Stan commented, his steps virtually silent. "Even if the situation was a bit bullshit. I've been waiting for them to join."

"Yeah," Kyle agreed, nodding, remembering his soldier's descriptions of the boys. "I mean, I'm surprised that Craig went with Thief but I guess you never know, right?" His robes made a soft shush shush as the dragged across the ground, rippling slightly.

Stan thought about it for a moment before saying, "Yeah, I guess. I really thought he was going to pick Warrior, considering his history. He'd make a good fighter, but maybe he had his own reasons for choosing that class." He was silent for a moment before snorting. "What about Tweek though?"

Kyle let out a laugh at that, though he attempted to stifle the sound behind a gloved hand. "Oh my god, I must have watched those videos at least five times, he's hilarious to watch." It was true, despite Tweek being on the other side and despite the amount of damage he'd done, Kyle couldn't help but find the whole thing funny. "What is he again, a barbarian?"

"Yeah dude, I'm pretty sure. Something like a Barbarian berserker." Stan shrugged as if that fact didn't really matter. "I mean, it's kind of just a slight variation on a normal Warrior class so I suppose it's okay but Kyle, you should have seen that fucking war paint. It was legit the best thing I saw all day." Kyle had to agree and he hadn't even been there.

"They kept saying he was screeching the entire time," Kyle said, smiling as he spoke. His shoulder bumped against Stan's. "See, why couldn't we have gotten that when we were trying to get him to beat Craig? He would have whipped Craig's ass. I mean, did you see Connor? The bruise on his head was unbelievable."

"I don't know," Stan muttered, shaking his head. "I guess we were just unlucky. We totally should have won that bet though. Tweek sent Craig through a window, remember?"

"Stan, I will literally never forget," Kyle pointed out, before thinking back to the fight between the two and falling into thought. It was funny, he'd never really cared much about the aftermath of the fight, only about whether he'd won or not, but now that he thought about it, he had to admit the whole thing had turned out strangely. "You know," he started, a frown on his face. "It's weird. Craig and Tweek seem like good friends now."

Though Kyle couldn't see Stan's expression in the dark, he could tell the boy was frowning as well. "They are, aren't they?" Clicking his teeth together in thought, Stan shrugged. "I don't know, I suppose it makes sense that they wouldn't hate each other considering how we made most of that stuff up, but it's still weird. They're totally inseparable now."

Stan was right, since they'd come back to school, Kyle hadn't seen Tweek and Craig apart from each other once. "Remember when Craig beat up Cartman?" Kyle asked slowly, the memory resurfacing in his own mind as he spoke.

Snorting, Stan said, "Uh, yes. That was fucking epic, I'm not gonna lie."

"Do you remember what Craig said to Tweek?" Kyle asked, struggling to recall the words that Craig had shouted. At the time, he'd been getting out of the way, worried that he might be next seeing as he too had helped orchestrate the fight, but now, he wished he could remember what Craig had said.

"Something about how he was doing it because Cartman was a dick to Tweek," Stan said, sounding thoughtful as well. For a moment they both were silent. Kyle thought about how Craig had been acting around Tweek, almost protective, almost like it was his job to keep the boy safe, and it made him furrow his brows.

"I wonder what's going on between them," he said, at last, deciding that, to be perfectly honest, he didn't care. Stan brushed up against him again and the thoughts vacated Kyle's mind, leaving his head wonderfully blank.

"I dunno dude, I think they're just friends." Shaking his head, Stan added, "I mean they're both completely crazy but yeah, they're just friends." Deciding that Stan was probably right, Kyle shrugged and just fixed his eyes on the middle distance, no longer interested in the conversation.

Reaching the edge of Cartman's yard, Stan led them both around to the large break in the fence. Looking about quietly, Kyle glanced up at Cartman's house and was gratified to find no one in the kitchen. If they were even up, it was likely that Cartman was watching his TV. He won't even hear us. Following Stan's beckoning motions, Kyle crept into Kupa Keep.

He hadn't been back here in a while, not since the start of the game. He hadn't left his own fort to join in on an assault on Cartman's kingdom in a while, considering the last two attacks he'd let Stan handle. Besides, as the game progressed, he felt like the chances were getting better and better that Cartman would be underhanded enough to send some people to his kingdom while it was unguarded and wreck things just to be an ass. In the future, there were bound to be battles that he joined in on, but not at the present moment.

In the time since he'd last seen it, the kingdom had definitely changed. Though he'd seen it through drone footage, it was different to see it in person. Kyle tread softly after Stan as he took in everything possible, trying to get as good an idea of what he was dealing with for next time they had to launch an assault.

Without saying a word, Stan led Kyle around the back of the plywood towers and towards the back of the tent that served as the throne room of the castle. Lifting up the heavy material, Stan ushered Kyle in before ducking down and creeping through himself.

The torches were out inside, as were the lights that Kyle vaguely remembered illuminating the room. It was horribly dark for a moment, but then Stan produced his phone and turned on the screen, using the dim illumination to light the room. Not enough to alert anyone to their presence, but just enough to see.

Pushing aside what looked like a blow-up sex doll of an orc, Kyle lifted his robes slightly so he could step over the boxes of stuff that rested inside of the tent. Looking around, the boy took in the strategy map that was nowhere near as advanced as his, and the throne, which was frankly impressive, even though he wanted to hate it. Finally, his eyes found what he was looking for.

"The Stick of Truth," Stan breathed, holding his phone higher so that the pedestal was illuminated. Walking forward, careful not to trip on any of the trash littering the ground, Kyle reached up and carefully plucked the powerful object from its space. Though he knew it wasn't actually in control of the universe, sometimes, he had to wonder. In that moment, stealing it from Cartman in the dead of night, with only a phone screen to light his path and only Stan to accompany him, Kyle could almost believe that it was magic.

"We are so full of bullshit," Kyle breathed in return, letting out a soft exhale of air in a laugh. His entire body was thrumming with excitement. He grinned at Stan, who gave him a grin in return. Finally, we're getting back at Cartman!

Then, there was a sound that made his blood run cold.

The soft, genteel sound of someone clapping gloved hands together.

As both Stan and he spun to face the sound, one of the torches blazed to life and Kyle found himself face to face with Kenny, or Princess Kenny as he was apparently still dressed as. His stupid braids had been let out and he'd actually taken off the parka for once, so the dress actually fit and the wig didn't look ridiculous, but none of that actually mattered because all Kyle could think was shit.

"Look at you two," Kenny said softly, in that light lilt that could have honestly passed for a girl's voice. "Coming in here in the dead of night, stealing the stick, not even telling anyone. Why, one might say that you're breaking the rules!"

Stuffing the stick into his robes, Kyle raised his golf club, readying himself for a fight. "We're not breaking any rules," he told Kenny through gritted teeth. "Don't try to stop us, Lady McCormick, there are two of us and one of you, we will win."

"Stop you?!" Kenny smirked, tossing the blond hair behind his shoulder. In the torchlight, his dress shimmered and glowed. "Oh High Jew Elf King, I was merely debating about whether to bring you the stick or not myself."

That took any and all fight right out of Kyle. Lowering his weapon slowly, mouth hanging open, the redhead struggled to find words. Thankfully, Stan found some for him. "What now?" he asked, his tone one of disbelief.

Kenny rolled his eyes. "Come on, is that really supposed to be a question?" Shaking his head, the boy floated over to the frozen Elves, his eyes glittering dangerously. "I told you I was going to bring you the Stick!"

"Why?" Kyle demanded, wondering if this was supposed to be a diversion tactic to buy him time for other Humans to show up. "That's betrayal!"

"Humans, Elves, it's the same thing," Kenny insisted, waving a gloved hand. Bating his eyes at Kyle, he got up close to the stunned boy and leaned forward slightly till they were almost nose to nose. "I'm just keeping things interesting, Kyle, are you really going to argue with me?"

Pushing the boy away with the flat of his sword, Stan demanded, "What is that supposed to mean? You were the one who chose to side with the Humans! If you're going to betray them, you might as well-"

Shaking his head, the Princess cooed, "You have no idea what's coming." Smiling simply, he waved his hand. "Now go on, I'll give you, let's say… twenty minutes, before I go and tell Cartman that your power was simply too much and I couldn't protect the Stick."

Backing up, even though he wanted to know what was going on, Kyle reached for Stan's wrist and pulled the boy after him. "I'm going to find out what you're planning Kenny," Kyle promised, hating that he was letting himself be controlled by Kenny, dressed up as a chick no less, but unable to see another way out of it.

Kenny smirked before putting out the torch, plunging them back into darkness. "That's Lady McCormick to you."

Kyle didn't dare wait another moment, taking just enough time to lift the tent flap up, both he and Stan took off.