Chapter 25

Dean drummed his fingers against the steering wheel, his eyes staring blankly at the dash. He made no move to exit the confines of the impala. The coffee he had picked up remained untouched, the soft beats of Three Dog Night drifted from the impala's speakers.

One is the loneliest number that you'll ever do
Two can be as bad as one
It's the loneliest number since the number one

Dean pushed his thumb and forefinger over his eyes, pressing tightly. He reached over with his free hand and flipped off the radio, sending the impala into silence.

He hadn't gone far from the hospital; he had gone across the street and picked up his coffee before returning to the hospital parking lot. He had pulled into a spot just out of eyeshot of the front doors. He wasn't ready to return just yet, he couldn't.

He couldn't justify his actions, even to himself. He knew that Sam needed him, but he couldn't bring himself to leave the car. He couldn't face the reality that lay beyond those hospital doors. The way Sam had looked at him last night, the way those blank eyes had seen right through him after Dean had pulled his shivering and vulnerable brother back into the car had cut him to the core. He didn't know if he could face it again.

He didn't know if he'd be able to look at his brother and face the failure of being unable to protect him. Hell, he couldn't even keep a stupid eye infection under control, and once again it had landed his brother in the care of strangers.

The engine ticked as it continued to cool, the only noise in the otherwise quiet lot. Dean leaned his head back against the seat and dropped his hands into his lap. He let his eyes close and chewed on the inside of his cheek before locking his jaw.

On the seat beside him his phone started to vibrate. Dean slowly peeled his eyelids apart and glared down at the offending object. He made no move to grab it as it continued to move slightly on the seat. He watched it until it stopped vibrating and sat quietly once more. It buzzed again once and the screen lit up displaying that he had a new voicemail.

Right now he didn't care, he wasn't going to look to see who had called, or listen to the voicemail. It couldn't be that important. He crossed his arms over his chest and let his head fall back to the seat once more, his eyes locking on the ceiling.

***
Jenni cursed quietly as she closed her phone, she tapped it against her chin thoughtfully. She contemplated on whether she should try calling him again right away or if she should give him a few minutes. For all she knew he could be standing at the end of some big ass line waiting for a halfway decent cup of coffee. People were always stopping for caffeine on their way to work around here, so it wouldn't be unheard of. She'd give him a few more minutes before trying again.

She turned her attention instead to some of the new patients that had trickled in during Dean's absence. Mrs. Lane had brought Tommy in with what looked like a sprained wrist, Jessica Grant had come in with a nasty gash to her forehead, and Mr. Peterson, who hadn't complained of anything, but had locked himself away in the corner of the waiting room. He was huddled in a small ball and rocking back and forth, mumbling to himself.

Jenni scanned through the new files she had pulled out and began to make notes on them. She set them out for the doctors' convenience when they came out to greet their newest patient. Jenni then busied herself with updating some of the files on the computer and answering telephone calls.

She had lost all track of time when Dr. Runes came through the swinging doors, his white thinning hair standing up in clumped tufts. His light, almost gray, eyes were cold and empty as he stopped next to her station. He tapped his fingers impatiently against the smooth surface, waiting for her to look at him.

Jenni lifted her eyes slowly, chewing patiently on the inside of her cheek. She glared at the older doctor, not trying to hide her dislike for the man.

"Is Mr. Evans' family here?"

"Not at the moment."

Dr. Runes glared at her for a minute, sizing her up. His eyes strayed from her face and drifted down her front before finally meeting her gaze once more.

Jenni found herself tugging her white jacket closer around herself, even though it was already buttoned up, leaving nothing exposed for the doctor to see.

"Where are they?"

"He went out for a minute."

"When?"

Jenni glanced at the digital clock displayed on the computer. "He's been gone almost half an hour."

Dr. Runes narrowed his eyes, the gray of his irises disappearing as his pupils expanded. "Where?"

Jenni rolled her eyes. "If I knew that we wouldn't be having this conversation."

"When he returns call me. I want to speak with him." Dr. Runes slapped his hand down on the station before turning and disappearing behind the swinging doors once more.

"Yeah right, jackass, I'll get right on that." Jenni muttered under her breath. She turned toward the clock once more and lifted her eyes to the doors. There was no sign of Dean, or the black impala. She chewed on her lip for a moment before lifting the phone from its cradle and punching in Dean's number.

She listened as it rang several times before the voicemail finally picked up. Frustrated she slammed the phone back without bothering to leave a message this time. She had already done that once. She just prayed that Dean listened to it and soon.

***
A strange buzz made his head spin, he felt his eyebrows draw in over the bridge of his nose and his lips turn down in a frown. His eyes remained closed, they felt good closed. Something familiar and slightly padded was under his neck, supporting his head as it drifted to the side.

The buzz started again, he peeled his eyelids apart and took stock of where he was. It took him a minute to recognize that he was in the impala, parked at the hospital. But when had he fallen asleep? The seat beside him vibrated as his phone buzzed again.

Dean reached for the offending object with heavy arms, the phone seemed to weigh a lot more than he remembered. He lifted it sluggishly to his eye level and squinted to read the display screen. He had a two new voicemails, and several missed calls. Shit. How long had he been out?

Dean flipped the phone open, his eyebrows lifting as he saw the number of missed calls. Ten. He let his eyes fall to the time displayed on the screen and jerked up right. He had been out here for almost four hours. Shit.

Without bothering to listen to the messages Dean shoved the phone into his jacket pocket along with the impala's keys and pushed open the door with his elbow. He stumbled a bit and grabbed onto the door to steady himself. His head spun for a minute, he took a deep breath in through his nose and squeezed his eyes shut, willing the dizziness back.

When he was sure he could stand on his own accord he straightened and shut the impala's door a little harder than intended. He didn't give it a second thought as he swiftly made his way across the parking lot and to the entrance doors.

They slid open automatically as he made his approach. He stepped inside the warm building, blinking several times as his vision adjusted to the dull hospital lights.

Jenni looked up from her post at the nurses' station, her eyes immediately narrowing to dangerous slits.

Dean offered her an apologetic smile as he made his way to her.

"Dean, where the hell have you been?"

Dean rubbed the back of his neck absent-mindedly. He let his gaze penetrate Jenni's. He didn't feel the need to explain himself to her, he shouldn't have to. Jenni glared steadily back into his eyes, a fire of her own burning behind her dark irises. Dean clenched his jaw, his hands balling into fists, he refused to back down.

"Dean?"

"It doesn't matter. I'm back."

Jenni stared at him with that dark gaze for several seconds before she finally broke the connection and reached into her white jacket pocket, retrieving two small slips of paper. She shoved them toward Dean and returned her gaze to his. "It does matter, Dean."

Dean cocked an eyebrow at her, his lips pursing as his defenses immediately shot forward, blocking her. It was none of her damn business what he did or did not do. He told her he'd be back and he was, didn't matter if it took him four and half hours or four days. He'd be back.

"Where the hell do you get off?"

Jenni cocked an eyebrow at him before she pressed her own lips together, melting them into a thin line. "You didn't listen to the messages did you?"

"Why the hell does it matter if I did or not?" Dean ignored the looks he was receiving from the people in the waiting area. He glared darkly at Jenni.

"God damn it, Dean!" Jenni rose from her station, and before Dean could blink she had him by the forearm and was shoving him toward one of the exam rooms. He let himself be steered away for a minute before he started to pull out of her grasp, no way was he going to let some pushy bitch shove him around. He wrenched his arm out of her grasp and dug his heels into the floor, stopping their forward momentum into the first exam room.

"Dean, you don't want to do this here." Jenni said quietly, her eyes drifted to a few of the shocked patients that were still sitting there. A young man Jenni had never seen before had gotten halfway out of his seat, his jaw clenched and eyes determined as if ready to help her if need be.

"Whatever you have to say, you can say it right here. I'm not going anywhere." Dean crossed his arms stubbornly over his chest, his chin dropping slightly so he could glare down into Jenni's face.

"Fine, you want to do this here? Fine! Sam woke up…he woke up Dean, and you know what? You weren't here! Dr. Runes came out to find you, but couldn't…you were gone! Dr. Runes couldn't get Sam to calm down, he told him you had left. Sam freaked, he tried to get up, managed to rip out his IV and tried to leave. He got his leg tangled around the bed and fell, he hit his chin on the bedside table and managed to cut it open. They had to sedate him, Dean! He wouldn't calm down."

Dean grabbed her arm and roughly shoved her into the exam room, slamming the door behind him. He stood with his back against the door, his arms once again crossed over his chest, his eyes locked on the floor.

"You still not convinced that Sam needs you around, Dean?" Jenni huffed, she felt winded and her arm ached from where Dean had grabbed her. She rubbed the spot unconsciously knowing she was going to bruise.

Dean lifted his eyes to meet hers for a brief moment before he once again looked to the floor. "How long?"

"For what?"

"When did he wake up?"

"About an hour ago. I tried to call."

Dean lifted his head and rolled his shoulders. He sniffed loudly and looked toward a chart hanging on the wall.

"Dean, where were you? I thought you said five minutes."

Dean didn't look at her, he kept his eyes locked on the chart, but Jenni saw his shoulders stiffen.

"Dean, did something happen?" Jenni stepped forward, ignoring the ache in her arm from where he had grabbed her.

Dean turned and met her gaze again, his eyes icy. "Yeah something happened. I fell asleep that's what happened. I was an ass and stayed out in that car knowing my brother was in here, knowing that he could wake up any time and I stayed out there anyway." Dean pushed away from the door and walked to the far wall, looking out the small window to the parking lot.

"Dean, you didn't know this was going to happen." Jenni stepped forward, all her anger suddenly melting in Dean's defeated posture.

"Yeah I did. I know Sam better than anyone. I should have known that he would have reacted that way if I wasn't here. He would have thought that I had left him here, that I wasn't coming back. I should have known that he'd try to come after me."

"Dean, why would he think you'd leave him here?"

Dean met her gaze for a moment before looking back out into the parking lot, he snapped his teeth together, locking his jaw. He took a deep steadying breath in through his nose and let his eyes shut for a moment.

Jenni saw this was a topic that Dean wasn't ready to discuss, not with her anyway. She didn't push it. Dean was back that was all that mattered for now. "You'll need to get those prescriptions filled. They're stronger than the last ones Sam had. Should help to keep the infections away."

Dean nodded once but said nothing.

"Do you want to see Sam?"

Dean turned to look at her again, his face remaining emotionless but his eyes betraying his need to see his brother.

"I'll take you to him." Jenni offered as she stepped back to the door and held it open for Dean. He stepped reluctantly away from the window and walked back into the waiting room, avoiding the looks that the other patients were giving him.

Jenni walked over to her station, picked up the two prescriptions Dean had left there and nodded toward the other patients quickly before hurrying to Dean. She grabbed his lower arm and steered him through the swinging doors, shoving the prescriptions into his hand as they walked through.

Dean crumpled the papers in his fist and shoved them into his pocket, keeping his hand there. He kept his gaze on the floor as he followed Jenni through the corridor, watching her heels as they clicked against the linoleum.

Jenni lead him down a couple halls before she finally stopped in front of a closed door. She lifted the chart from the wall beside the door and quickly read over what Dr. Runes had written there. Dean lifted his gaze to peer through the small window that looked into the room.

"Doesn't look like they gave him as big a dose this time." Jenni offered as she dropped the chart back into the bin. She placed her hand on the doorknob and gazed sadly at Dean. His eyes never left the window, although Jenni knew he couldn't see more than the bottom of the bed.

"Yvette is covering the nurses' station at two, that's when I take my lunch, I'll be on patient duty after that."

Dean didn't acknowledge that he heard her.

Jenni sighed. She'd come by to check on both brothers later, but now she had to return to her post. She turned the knob and pushed the door open for Dean.

Dean hesitated for a minute before taking a step forward into the room. He paused and looked back at her, his eyes considerably softer now. "Jenni, I'm sorry…I didn't mean…"

"Dean, don't. I understand."

Dean clenched his jaw and nodded once before turning away from her and making his way to the bed. Jenni pulled the door closed and curled a loose strand behind her ear once more before shaking her head once and heading back to her station.

***
Dean pulled up a chair from the corner of the room and sat near the head of Sam's bed, his eyes locking on the white bandage that covered Sam's chin. He ran a weary hand down his face, rubbing at his own chin for a minute before he shifted his gaze to Sam's eyes.

Sam had a white gauze patch over one eye but the other was closed. It darted swiftly back and forth underneath its lid. His breath would occasionally catch in his chest and his hands would jerk at his sides. Dean slid forward on his seat and pressed a hand onto Sam's arm, gripping it tightly.

Sam instantly stilled, his body going rigid against Dean's touch. Dean didn't say anything as he watched Sam continue to dream. Then suddenly Sam's face relaxed completely and his head turned toward Dean, the white gauze patch over his eye disappearing into his pillow.

Dean sighed, rubbing his face with his free hand before running it through his tussled hair. He blinked the weariness away from his eyes. Even though he had gotten in a few hours of sleep, he hadn't slept well. He had slept in the impala before, on several occasions in fact, when funds had been low or when far away from civilization on a hunt. But still it wasn't the most ideal place to sleep when given a choice.

His neck felt stiff and his back ached from the awkward position he had taken in the seat before he had dozed off. Dean closed his eyes once more, taking in a deep breath trying to get control of himself, of the feelings that had risen to the surface when Jenni had told him what Sam had been through.

He couldn't believe he had been so stupid. He had gone out in that car and had seriously thought about taking off, just leaving Sam there. He couldn't protect him, he couldn't help him, he knew that Sam would be better off in the care of professionals who knew what they were doing. He had pushed that thought aside, but just barely. For reasons even he couldn't explain he had stayed.

He hated to think what would have happened to his brother if he hadn't, what Sam would have done if Dean had just taken off and not come back for him. Sam's brief panic attack would have been nothing if he had woken again and Dean still wasn't there, and no one could get a hold of him. Sam would have broken out of that hospital as fast as possible, blind or not, and gone looking for him.

Never again, he would never do that to Sam again. He couldn't. He didn't want to be the cause of Sam's pain again, he didn't want to be the reason that Sam would go out and hurt himself. He would be right here until Sam didn't need him anymore, and even then he wouldn't be far. Not until he knew that Sam was safe.

"Dean?"

Dean was pulled from his thoughts by the soft croak coming from the bed. He leaned further forward and squeezed Sam's arm gently in response. "Hey, Sammy."

"When'd you get back?" Sam's uncovered eye slowly opened and he blinked slowly at the spot right past Dean's shoulder.

"About ten minutes ago."

"Where were you?"

"Went to get some coffee, fell asleep in the car."

Sam's eyebrows narrowed until they met over in the middle. He clenched and unclenched his jaw a few times, Dean could almost see Sam's mind spinning. He braced himself for the onslaught of anger that was sure to be heading his way.

"You came back."

Dean frowned at that, Sam sounded relieved. "Of course."

"Thought you left me."

Dean tightened his hold on Sam's arm. Sam's free hand lifted and rested briefly on his stomach before Sam stretched his arm across his body and latched onto Dean, making his body tilt toward Dean.

"Didn't know where you went."

"Sam, you know I'd never leave you. Not unless you'd want me to."

"Never want you to."

"Ok."

Sam swallowed hard and let his head sink further into his pillow, he licked his dry lips, his blank eye roaming around in its socket.

"How's your chin?"

Sam gave him a slight shrug. "They stitched it up. Doesn't hurt."

Dean nodded once and dropped his gaze from his brother, instead focusing on the pale blue hospital sheets.

"Dean?"

"Hmm?"

"You ok?"

Dean sighed. He really wished Sam would stop asking him that. He knew Sam wasn't asking just about how he was physically. He was trying to get inside his mind, trying to get him to open up.

"I'm fine, Sam."

"You should go back to the bungalow."

"What?" Dean actually released his brother's arm and sank back in the chair, his eyes locking on his brother's relaxed face.

"You sound tired, Dean. You should go get some sleep."

"Sam, I'm not going anywhere."

Sam closed his eye again and let out an audible sigh. "When can I go home?"

"Don't know. Want me to go find out?"

"Yeah, then go back to the bungalow." Sam's voice was quiet, he sounded tired himself.

"Sam, I'm not going." Dean felt himself getting angry now.

Sam didn't answer him, his breathing was soft and steady. His eye was once again darting beneath his closed lid. Dean took in a deep and steadying breath running a hand through his hair once more. Despite what Sam wanted he wasn't going anywhere, not again. He'd stay with Sam until he was ready to go back to the bungalow himself.

So steadying himself he leaned back against the chair, his arms crossing over his chest, his eyes locked on his brother. He made himself as comfortable as he could and settled in for a long wait.