It all seems to happen too fast, Regina caught and airborne before anyone can do more than scream. She's sent hurtling up into the sky, past even the cables and wiring of the traffic light she had brought crashing down to the ground. The woman is higher than she's ever been, and that is before her body suddenly does a hard arc to the left, and goes careening towards the clock tower. We all watch in disbelief, and then I am letting out a sound, a terrified sob of revulsion that has me turning away before I can watch Regina's body actually crash into the glass. It doesn't stop me from hearing the sound, from flinching from the violence of that explosion.
There's the horrified sound of the crowd in shock that can't drown out the sound in my memory. That of the glass splintering apart, shattering into a million pieces, and it's a wonder if Regina somehow survived that. It's all too vivid in my mind, the thought of the Evil Queen being sliced into ribbons from that impact, and even she doesn't deserve an end like that. No one does, and I am shaking, unable to look, unable to react, the sound repeating in my thoughts, trapping me in an endless loop that I don't recognize as reality. Not anymore than I do the hand shoving me down, my knees hitting the pavement and then I realize that the glass is falling everywhere. There's no way to avoid it, no way to outrun it, and there's a man's body on top of mine, shielding me from the worst of it.
It's under his bulk, that I see the black booted feet stalk by. It's the witch, and Zelena is just about the only one not flinching under the rain shower of glass. I tremble, and it's with a violent rage of my own, and then the screaming starts in earnest, people getting pelted by the glass. Wide eyed with terror, I try to twist, and catch sight of Hook over me. He's looking down at me, covering me as best he can, and all I can do is stare at him in open mouthed shock. I don't understand it, don't understand him or the reasons that are motivating the pirate to do THIS.
I flinch with him, see the slow starting trickle of blood that wets his hair. More than that, I see the look that Hook gives me, that grim determination and fierce need. In the moment it's not at all sexual, and not at all about the game he has been playing. There's something more there, some under current of serious that has my chest tighten in response. It's a sad truth that I don't recognize the feeling that beats to sudden life in my heart, hope and the idea of it so far removed from anything that I can ever remember feeling. It's that big a stranger to me, all my old hopes and my dreams having died with the pirate and with Rumpelstiltskin.
In hope's place there has existed the negative, all my shame, lust and greed. All of my mistakes, and all of my regrets, and there's been no righting the wrongs that I've helped commit. Hook may have brought the fuel, but I'm the one that had lit the fire, giving in to temptation time and time again. It's not just with my body that I have been unfaithful with, it's been with my heart, that desperate desire, the envy and the want to possess the pirate over and over again. There's a part that exists inside me, that has wanted to OWN him, to own Hook's heart, and it's as selfish as anything that he's ever done. We're a match set when it comes to the irrational, that want and desire making us all crazed towards one another. He's used and abused me, but what's worse is that I had let him. It's every hurt emotion, every dark feeling of resentment, that greed and possessiveness, and the downright shameless behavior. I've been so wicked and so wanton, and ever so unfaithful. Not just to Rumpelstiltskin, but to myself, the Belle that I am, that I have let myself become, so far removed from the woman that I should want to be.
I've let myself be torn in half, split right down the middle, all my values lost to the temptation that is Hook. He's a mistake that should have never happened, and he's a mistake I had kept on making until it had gone all wrong in my head. It's not self respect, it's not even the thought of what is right. It's all wounded pride and ego, it and my heart torn open by a single word spoken. By a moan, Emma a name that had made my blood and my body run cold. In that moment, I had not only hurt, I had HATED, made sick with that green emotion, so jealous of the savior and her hold on Hook's heart. I have been running on empty ever since, so emotionally sick and despairing. It's a killing wound Hook had dealt me, no greater blow to my heart than that moan. It spills out in sorrow and in pain, that misery suffocating me, and I can't seem to claw my way free.
Sometimes I don't even TRY. I let the feelings over take me, let myself be damned in the process, needing things to be different. Needing him, and it's a fragile hope in my heart, that thin trickle of desire where I not only want to matter, I want to matter to Hook. I almost think I do, almost think he's for real, the pirate made sincere in that self sacrificing moment.
That sliver thin hope starts to expand, starts to try to take root in my battered heart. I stare up at Hook, and I'm almost ready to believe. His every last claim and his every last appeal, and it's both so wonderful and so scary, the idea that the pirate might actually care for me.
Dazzled by it, for a moment longer I can only stare. He mutters something to me, that husky voiced admittance of a close call. I can't even nod my head in response, too locked in that slacked jawed wonder.
There's the sight of blood in his hair, along with bits of glass, and I want to reach out to him. To carefully remove each and ever shard, to run my trembling fingers over the gash. But I don't do any of it, fighting the urge, fighting that fledgling bit of hope. It's too easy to misunderstand, to think there is something there when it might not, and I am coward for hesitating, for rebelling against my own feelings, my one and only concession vocalized in the form of a question.
"Why would you…?" But it goes unfinished, so much that could be said and asked, and I don't know where to start. I'm caught in his gaze, in that expressive dark blue that shows so much intensity and genuine feeling. His eyes so capable of conveying so much, and it's not all tender but stark, that dark need, the feelings that Hook's emoting.
It's nearly everything that I could have ever wanted, and it's no longer just hope struggling in my heart, but belief. I stare at him, and I nearly break, so close to flinging my arms around Hook when I hear Emma shout Rumple's Storybrooke name.
"Gold!"
It's like a splash of cold water, the shock of it knocking some sense back into me. It doesn't beat back the hope, but it also doesn't keep back the shame and the guilt, and I'm thinking of Rumple, and how badly I've wronged him. It's every last hurt, and every last bit of unfaithfulness that takes over me now, and I'm nearly crumbling under the weight of Rumpelstiltskin's imagined disappointment. It's his hurt that I think of, his pain that I try to prevent, the guilt of what I've done, and the thought of how I have failed him and this town in me. It all takes over my expression, fills my eyes with all this self loathing and pain.
Hook reacts to the change in me, whispers a hoarse, urgent word as he tries to snag hold of my wrist. I'm already turning in place, quick as can be and running in a way that would make my friend Ruby proud.
I hear the glass crunch under my heels, but more than that I hear the screams. Emma and David, and even Snow White, and there's people all around us moaning, some in severe need of a doctor and that is before Rumpelstiltskin uses his power to knock everyone down to their knees.
I gasp, and feel the bite of glass against my skin, hear the sound of a man choking, his wife and his daughter screaming at Rumple to FIGHT. I join my voice to theirs, and pray that I am not too late, pleading with Rumpelstiltskin to not only fight, but to prove stronger than the witch.
"Belle don't..." His voice is strained, and there's an actual bead of perspiration on his skin. He's struggling so hard in the moment, struggling to not snap David's neck with his magic. The prince hangs suspended, hands lifted up to scrabble at the invisible magic locked around his throat. He's making these horrible noises, those sounds ones of both choking and suffocating, and no amount of begging and insults can seem to stop what is about to happen.
"I know you are a good man." I say, and push back against the magic holding me down. There's a shift with my knees, the slightest bit of freedom that lets me crawl an inch closer before Rumpelstiltskin is screaming.
"Do not interfere!" He's desperate. "Zelena will have me kill anyone who tries to get in her way!"
"We can't just let her kill Regina!" Emma exclaims from her place on the ground. "Gold please!"
"This is NOT you." I'm again trying to crawl closer, the magic such that it doesn't allow anyone to stand fully against it's pressure. "You are not a cold hearted killer..."
"The dagger..." He moans. "So long as she has it, her will is absolute."
"What does she want!?" Snow White cried out in frustration. "Why target MY family!? Her eyes all for David, much like mine are intent on Rumpelstiltskin. He's visibly shaking his head from side to side in an exaggeration of his no.
"Damn you!" Snow White exclaims, and gets vicious. "And damn Zelena too!"
"I wish that I could." He whispers it so softly, that broken tone resonating inside me. I wonder then on just what else the witch has done to him, what other horrors and depravities Rumple's suffered besides being kept in a cage. My eyes feel wet with the hurt I feel FOR Him, and I'm pushing up against the magic, fighting it in an effort to stand.
"Belle, I don't want to HAVE to kill you!"
"You WON'T!" It's the one unbroken faith I have left, the one belief that I cling to with all my fire and vehemence. "I believe in you Rumple. I will ALWAYS believe in you." Glass again crunches under foot, every step a small victory, ever slip a minor step back as I make my way to him. The entire time I feel the magic touching on me, using just enough force to make me clumsy.
"Belle..." He's finally turned to look at me, with eyes that have gone all black. David is still dangling, still choking, but also still very much alive. "How can you?"
"Because I have your heart." I tell him. "And it would never let you hurt the woman that you love." There's a hush over the crowd, save for the occasional pained moan, everyone waiting, listening, watching for what could happen next. It's a gamble that they think I am taking, but in MY heart I know there is no true risk. I truly believed in Rumpelstiltskin's love, and the truths that came along with it. I might not love him, not in the way that he so needed, but there was still that soft emotion, that dedicated feeling of friendship and family. I loved him as a friend, embraced him as family, and saw the future spread out before us.
It was all white picket fences, and sweet, squabbling little children. It was all shining and bright, all happiness and comfort, all devotion and earnest feelings. It was a picture perfect surface, a one sided love that I would forever be working to return. It was a life, a future, meant to make it all up to Rumpelstiltskin, and it fell short of the passion that I could have with the pirate. It's his shadow that darkens the pathway spread out before me, Hook this breathtakingly beautiful temptation. He makes my insides quiver, makes my heart more than hesitate, everything about him Hook's own brand of devastation. That intent heat in his eyes, that wickedly cruel smirk of his lips guarding a tongue with a skill to seduce even the most angelic into his bed. What chance does a woman like me stand against one such as he, the pirate a man who has never had to exert much effort when it came to making my fickle heart stray.
It's been all unabashed lust, all raw need and a wild sense of attraction. It's all the physical that I have been reacting to, Hook a veritable stranger to me in so many ways. Because I don't have the memories of the missing year, don't recall any of that brand of heartache, the ten months that we lived together GONE. I have none of it to go on, nothing save his word and his stories, the memories that Hook tries to spin for me. The memories and the feelings that the pirate lays claim to, all that confusing and stark emotion, a sincerity there that is so possessive and so desperate that I am almost starting to believe. That part of me thrills to it all, to every dark and unhealthy thought, to his brand of possession, to that the need that twists inside us both, each of craving something from the other, and the rules of the game are changing, what I once had thought the pirate wanted no longer as cut and dry a certainality.
There's a feeling in the memory, a look in his eyes that I haven't wanted to believe. Haven't wanted to in any way acknowledge. I've tried to stand strong against it in an effort to protect my own fragile heart, but I am WEAKENING, shaken by the danger, by the risk Hook had taken in the act of shielding my body from the worst of the glass.
It's a thought that comes at the WORST of times, and it's not just Hook that has need of me, but an entire town, all of Storybrooke pinning their hopes that I can somehow get through to Rumple. The weight of what they expect actually makes my legs shake and I stumble. I practically fall that last lurching step to Rumpelstiltskin, and then it's HIS arms that catch me.
With a loud crack of sound, David lands like a heap on the ground. I can hear him gagging and gasping, taking in all the air that had been denied him. His daughter and his wife are all talking, crying out encouragement and reliefs to the man. I might have done the same, but my attention is split between the pirate, and the man whose arms are currently around me. I look into Rumpelstiltskin's eyes, and watch as their natural color fight to push back the darkness.
"Hi." I finally speak, with a tremulous smile. There's a sad kind of happy in my own expression, a world of hurt and confusion that I am feeling, that I am showing him and I can only hope that Rumpelstiltskin doesn't come close to guessing the real reason behind it. "I knew you had it in you."
"Had what?" He whispers softly to me, his clear gaze searching mine.
"The ability to do the right thing and be the hero I always thought you could be." I explain. I struggle against that oppressive force, and lift my arm to brush trembling fingers over the side of his face. Rumple seems to melt into that touch, but he's not actually smiling.
"I've done little that can be considered heroic." He corrects me. "Belle I..."
"It wasn't you..." I insist. "It was the witch's desires forcing you. But you didn't let it destroy you, you didn't let her win…."
"Only because of you." He insists. "Only because I couldn't bear something happening to you. Belle, I LOVE..." My fingers suddenly press against his lips, I'm unable to bear the words that will demand a reply back. Rumpelstiltskin recoils as though scalded, as though made reminded of the fact that my heart has been hesitating where HE is concerned.
"Rumple..." It's all sad, my voice letting the pain spiking in me leak out. "When this is all over….when the witch has been decided, we'll..." I can't speak the words, neither to give the rejection or to make a promise. I can neither push Rumpelstiltskin away, or give him so complete a false hope. Neither can I bind myself to him, anymore than I can the pirate, my heart so conflicted, my thoughts so messed up and confused.
"We'll what?" He starts to ask, and then his eyes turn fully black. I'm violently shoved away, and this time when the magic pulls me down, there is no getting up. Rumple snarls Zelena's name, as a smokey magic envelopes his body. It's not until that is all gone, that the magic frees us all, and sound is restored to the crowd.
"David!" Snow White cries out, and scrambles to her husband's side.
"Regina!" Exclaims their daughter, and she looks torn between going to her father, and running into the library. "Dad I'm...I'm..."
"It's okay." He assures her. "Just go check on what is left of Regina."
"David!" It makes us all flinch, and then the man is muttering an apology to what we are all thinking. With the way that Rumpelstiltskin had just up and left, there's little doubt that Zelena had proven the victor. What that meant fot Regina, no one really knew, but we all feared the worst.
I'd offer to go with Emma, but I'm SCARED of what will be found. There's a very real fear inside me, the memory of the glass shattering apart once again echoing in my head. I look around, and try to stand up, knowing there are people in need of immediate attention.
"We need to get these people to the hospital." I say, even as I take an unsteady and swaying step forward. I nearly tip over backwards into another set of arms, David and Snow White looking wide eyes for one second, before glaring over at just who has caught hold of me.
"She's right." Hook quiet support surprises everyone. "There's quite a few injured...more than the dwarf can handle."
"Cell reception is down." complains Grumpy, who has drawn near.
"As are the land lines, thanks to Regina." grumbles Granny, and I realize that when the Evil Queen snapped the traffic light's cables, it must have sent a ripple of damage to the nearby electric lines.
"Great." muttered David, and then he struggles to stand without his wife's assistance. "Grumpy, gather anyone that isn't hurt and able bodied. Those that CAN be moved, will need to be driven to the hospital."
"We're lucky only Sneezey's car suffered any real damage." Grumpy pointed out.
"We got lucky in more ways than one, dwarf." Hook calls attention to himself. "The Dark One could have done a whole lot worse than he ultimately did."
"Well he didn't." Grumpy retorted. "And it's Belle whose the reason for that."
"He didn't want to hurt anyone." I try to deflect attention from me, the guilt and unease of my heart surely a tangible brand upon my face.
"Not from lack of trying." scoffs Grumpy, before sauntering off, intent on doing as the prince had asked.
"I need to help." He says, but his wife is hanging onto his arm.
"No, you need to take a moment to yourself." Snow White insists. David looks ready to protest, but then notices just how shaken and upset his wife seems to be. She's not crying, the woman too strong for that, but she is pale faced and shaking, clinging to him for a support that they both need.
"Are you okay?" David asks, hands cupping her face, a searching look in his eyes. He then seems to remember her condition, one hand dropping to her round belly. "Is the..."
"Our baby is fine." Snow White is quick to reassure him. Her hand goes over his, in a gesture both symbolic and loving.
"Which might be more than we can say for Regina." It's hard words that are spoken, Granny hardly repentant at Snow White's gasp. "Just because it's ugly, doesn't make it any less true. That witch wanted to KILL her."
"Not kill, just destroy." It's spoken with a groan, with a weakness that is so strange and foreign to the woman's voice. We all turn and look, and see a limping, staggering Regina who is doing her best to avoid Emma's support. Her clothing is all torn up, and there is blood about her face. She looks as though she's been to hell and back, and the one time Evil Queen is still to proud to accept anyone's help or sympathy.
"What does THAT mean?" Snow White demands. She's turned away from her husband, and her eyes are fierce and flashing with a mother's protection and fear. "And why involve my baby!?"
"We're all just ingredients for her." Regina comes to a stop, again wincing, then flips up a hand sharply to ward off Emma's.
"Ingredients for what?"
"That I don't know." Regina then looks at me, and her eyes do a slow once over of the fact that the pirate's arms are STILL around me. The embarrassment that I feel, can't compare to the worry that I have, Hook's behavior such that it won't be long before the entire town picks up on the fact that something is going on.
He feels the way that I stiffen in response to that, and yet to my surprise Hook doesn't fight me when I try to step free. I almost turn to look at him, almost question him why, but there's a more pressing matter to attend to, even with my cheeks bearing that ashamed color.
"What did she take from you?" I ask Regina, thinking of the fact the witch has already claimed a talisman of David's courage.
"Oh she didn't get it." Regina is quick to assure us, almost managing a smirk. "I know better than to bring my heart to a witch fight."
"Your heart!?" My eyes widened at that. "Why does she need your heart?"
"Isn't that YOUR job to find out?" Regina demanded. Her eyes then narrowed, looking past me to the pirate. "Or is something else holding your attention more?"
My cheeks burn hotter with embarrassment, all my shame and mortification apparent as everyone glances my way.
"Lay off." Hook is quiet, but no less protective.
"Oh I am sorry, since when did you become her champion?" Regina demanded.
"If she wants your heart, that will help narrow things down further." It's Emma who speaks up, a pitying look flashed my way. "Belle, can you..."
"I'm on it." I say. "One way or another, I'll figure out the exact spell she is trying to work." I sound determined when I am anything but, my thoughts so distracted and consumed by the pirate that I've yet to be able to truly concentrate.
"All right, get to it." Emma says, and then looks at the pirate. She's got a pointed expression, an anger and an annoyance felt. "You're off guard duty." She says, and Hook's reaction is immediate, the man barking out in anger.
"The hell I am!" He snaps. "Someone needs to stay with Belle just in case..."
"That someone WON'T be you." Emma insists.
"You're just in the way, Hook." adds her father. "Belle doesn't need you bothering her."
"OH? And if you didn't have need of her, how much would give a damn about who does or does not bother her!?" demanded Hook. "You're all despicable, every last one of you, using her like this."
"I want to help." I'm trying to keep things from escalating any further. I glance at him, and watch Hook's jaw clench with his anger.
"You shouldn't have to!"
"I have a responsibility." I argue. "I owe this town, these people…." I'm thinking of my failure, of how little I could do to truly help against Rumpelstiltskin.
"Fascinating as this train wreck is to watch, we don't have time for this." Regina had made another snide remark.
"She's right." Emma agrees. "We need to recover, and we need to plan..." A sigh then. "And to do that properly, we need to know just what we are fighting against."
I'm nodding and Hook is making frustrated sounds. "Unbelievable!" He mutters but the pirate doesn't outright continue the argument. He's saving his energy, Hook intent on a far greater battle. It's a fight I know can't be avoided, a fight that will happen sooner then later, the pirate ever so determined. It's a heart that he's after, and it's a heart he has the ability to put back together, or break for good. That same heart beats inside my chest with a nervous excitement, a frantic energy that makes my pulse wild. I look at Hook and it's all my torn emotions, my wants and desires split between the pirate and the Dark One.
I've the right and the wrong of it in my head, the good and the bad, and it's in part my wants versus my responsibilities. The selfish versus the selfless, and I wonder if I can be strong enough to make the choice that will do this town and it's people the most good. There's a choice and sacrifice to be had, a decision that must be made, the safe and sane within reach, and I just have to be brave enough to grab for it.
To Be Continued….
Um..okay for the most part I like this chapter, even if I felt like the characters are trying to derail my plot with their feelings. I think it went well until my brain shut down, which was right when Grumpy sauntered off. I had to stop for the night and even once rested, couldn't seem to find a smooth way to flow into the stuff that happened next.
I'm also not happy with the ending paragraphs. Just because I wonder if more should have been written. But I tried, and couldn't seem to flow from it, into new paragraphs that would work for me. =/
Side note, I never got to work this in yet, but Neal took Henry for some father son bonding, as a way to keep the clueless boy away from the witch and the fight with Regina. I'm still hoping to fit in a throw away moment, that could make mention of that. But I am not sure it will outright get mentioned. So hence my author's note about it instead! XD
I like this chapter, and feel like I got the emotions back in it, that wasn't in enough of the previous one. But then I also worrying that I didn't write it out well, Belle's struggle, her conflict and realizations. So I worry it's a confusing mess...but I like it still!
I'm actually torn on whose chapter it should be next. If it will be a Hook POV, or if we'll continue with a Belle narrative. There's thoughts and feelings I can show from both of them, so it's SUCH a hard thing to decide….I'm also hoping I could work in a very slight time skip by a few days, but it again depends on how the next chapter goes. It's my hope it doesn't derail and take so long as to spread out over a million chapters. _
-Michelle
Guest, thank you my mysterious friend! Your words made me really happy to read. :) I am glad you liked the two Hook chapters, and that you enjoy how I write him! I feel like that means all my hard work is paying off, so thank you very much! :)
Guest, ah and my mysterious reviewer number two! Hello there and thanks! :) So close and ever closer, but…it's not even the halfway point yet, so...there will still be some twists and turns. I'm glaring at the characters for fear they will totally derail my plot on me and I don't want that, cause what I have planned is quite a doozy!