Author's Note: Temporary "M" rating folks! You have been warned. :)
The movies have got it all wrong. Your first time isn't this smooth, mind-altering, perfect act between two people. It's awkward and nerve-wracking and real.
Running his fingers through my hair, Dean brings his lips to mine in a surprisingly gentle kiss. Our skin just brushes before he pulls back. With my hand in his, I follow him to the bedroom. Once the door is closed behind us, the silence sets in. I'm looking everywhere but in his eyes.
"Do you want the light on?" he asks.
"Um, no, off is good." I stutter out a response while twisting my fingers together.
"Okay." Dean says.
"Okay…" I respond.
This. Is. Awkward.
After a moment of standing around not looking at each other and trying to find something to do or say, he finally says, "I'm sorry Jessie. It shouldn't be like this. It just feels a little forced now." Jamming his hands into his pockets, he finally looks up and says, "Maybe we should've just done it on the beach."
I laugh. He laughs. Some of the tension eases out of the room and I walk over to the dresser and step out of my sandals.
"We could always wait?" I say hesitantly with my back to him as I reach for a t-shirt from the dresser drawer. "I don't want to make it weird. Do you think it's weird now? I—" I feel hands on my hips and I close my eyes as my body absorbs the sensation.
"I'll wait if you aren't sure. But if you want this, I don't want to wait another minute," he whispers close to my ear. I shudder in response and the fabric falls from my fingers to the floor.
My lips just don't seem able to form words any longer as his hands move from my hips to my waist. I lean my head back onto his shoulder and let the anxiety fade away at this touch.
"If you don't want to do this, tell me to stop," his lips glide along the curve of my neck and shoulder.
He turns me to face him and drags his fingers along the strip of skin exposed between the top of my skirt and the bottom of my shirt. His lips lower to mine but hesitate a breath away. My heart is fluttering like a thousand butterfly wings.
"Tell me, Jessie," his lips brush mine as he speaks and I feel heat gathering low in my belly. There's no question what I want right now.
"Don't stop."
He crushes his lips to mine and I tug his shirt loose and begin unbuttoning it. As I yank it off his shoulders and down his arms I'm met with resistance as the buttons at his wrists hinder my progress. He laughs, which makes my cheeks redden as I work to free each hand.
"It's okay Jessie. We've got all night." With that, he drops the shirt to the ground and dips the index fingers of each hand between the waist of my skirt and the sensitive skin of my stomach. I forget my embarrassment as my body reacts to his touch. I run my hands over his chest and up to his neck, pulling him down to my eager mouth. His hands slip beneath the fabric of the skirt and slowly work it down over my hips until it pools on the floor at my feet. He pulls the shirt over my head and I shiver as I'm suddenly exposed. I silently thank Kelsey for dragging me to the lingerie store as I stand before him in sheer black lace.
"God, you're gorgeous," Dean says, drawing me back to him. I run my tongue over his bottom lip then gently nip him with my teeth as I unbutton his jeans and slide the zipper down. He groans and I smile against his mouth.
"You're killing me. I'm trying to take this slow but if you do that again, I can't make any promises," he says, stepping out of his jeans. He forgot to take his shoes off so he gets caught and stumbles then kicks them off, annoyed.
I cover my mouth with my hand to bury the giggle threatening to escape but I'm unsuccessful.
"Oh you think that's funny, huh?" Before I can answer he sweeps my legs out from under me and carries me over to the bed and tossing me so I bounce on the mattress, still giggling. His body covers mine and I swallow the last of my laughter as I feel him pressed against me with just the thinnest of fabrics restraining him.
"What? Not funny anymore?" he drags his teeth against the pulse of my neck and my breath catches. I arch against him and the sensation ignites the fire again and all humor is lost.
His teeth graze my collarbone as he eases the strap of my bra down. Lifting me up, he reaches around my back for the clasp. I prop myself on my elbows to give him easier access but he's struggling and I can see the frustration building on his face.
"Why do I feel like a 15 year old kid right now?" he grunts out as he tugs and pinches the material. "Wait a minute…" He removes his hands from the lace and, instead, wraps his arms around me and rolls us over so that I'm splayed out on top of him. Not the worst place in the world to be. From this new angle, he's able to pull the two sides together and release the catch.
"Now, where were we?" He smiles up at me.
"Right about here I think," I lower my lips to his once more.
He drags the straps down both arms and I shift to pull each one out, never breaking the kiss. Once again he rolls us over so I'm back underneath him and he removes the material all together. His thumbs hook into the thin strips of lace at my hips and my heart pounds faster than it ever has before. This is actually happening. Right now.
"What's wrong?" Dean notices the hesitancy on my face and he stops everything and holds himself up on his forearms to get a better look at my face.
"Nothing it's just…it just got really…real, all of a sudden." I bite my lip and avert my eyes from his penetrating gaze.
"Jessie…"
Here it comes, I think to myself preparing for the guilt trip and the words that will attempt to convince me to keep going.
"…I love you. I don't care if we do this now or six months from now. I just want you to be sure. If you're not, that's okay. We can stop. But I want you to be able to talk to me. I'm never going to make you do something you aren't ready for, and you should know that by now."
He starts to pull away from me but I tighten my legs around him. He looks me in the eyes, searching for the meaning behind my actions. I take a deep breath and make my decision, because in the end I do know that Dean loves me and that if I said to stop right now, he would absolutely do so. My nerves got the better of me for a moment, but my head is clearing and I know what I want.
Holding his gaze, I brush my hands down his sides until I reach the waistband of his boxers. I make my intentions clear when I begin to drag the fabric from his hips.
"Wait Jessie," he rests his hand over mine.
"No Dean. I want this, I want you. I just got nervous for a second but I'm okay now," I pull down harder but he grasps my wrist and laughs lightly.
"I get that Jess, but if you take these off this is going to be over before it starts."
"Oh." I say dumbly. Now I feel a little silly.
He releases my hand and I drop both of them to the bed beside me. With his lips on my collarbone and slowly trailing down my chest, Dean slowly works the black, lacy material down my hips and this time I have no reservations. When his tongue lingers on my breast, I lose all coherent thought. He uses his teeth and nearly sends me over the edge. His hand parts my legs and I'm actually panting in anticipation of his touch. No one has ever touched me like this before, and when his hand finds me beyond ready for him he inhales sharply and brings his mouth back to mine in a feverish kiss. Between his lips and his fingers, I can't hold back anymore. I close my eyes and let go. It feels like there's a volcano inside of me, building and building until the sensation explodes, sending shockwaves throughout my entire body. When the shuddering breaths ease, I open my eyes to find Dean looking at me with such a look of awe on his face. If I were not still reveling in the glorious aftershocks, I might feel a bit self-conscious.
Without a word, Dean reaches for his jeans on the floor next to the bed and pulls out a condom. After removing his boxers and fitting the condom into place, his mouth finds its way back to mine. He positions himself over me and looks deep into my eyes, searching for any doubt but there's none to speak of. I lift my hips to his in invitation and with that, he thrusts inside me.
I cringe as the quick, sharp pain lances through me and Dean stills. "Are you okay? Do you want me to stop?" He's panting and I know he'd stop if I asked him to.
"No, no I'm fine. Keep going," I tell him in between breaths.
"Are you sure?" He asks, still worried.
Instead of answering, I arch my back and shift my hips taking him deeper. All of his hesitance dissipates instantly.
Dean grips my wrists, bringing both hands to the pillow above my head before threading his fingers through mine. He begins moving, slowly increasing his pace. His eyes are on mine and neither of us are able to look away, lips brushing with every movement.
The uncomfortable feeling leaves and in its place is a wonderful, amazing, indescribable sensation that has me completely staggered. As Dean's motions quicken, I can feel his body tense. He releases my hands, gripping the top of my thigh with one hand and wrapping an arm around my back. I bring my hands to his lower back, pulling him against me. His body begins to shudder and he groans deeply before moaning my name. Then all movement ceases except for the rise and fall of our chests.
We both lay there, wrapped up in each other, attempting to catch our breath and calm our thundering hearts. Dean places a long, lingering kiss on my lips and I feel completely and utterly sated.
He shifts so that he's lying on his back and I'm resting on his chest. I could lie like this forever and be completely content. His finger is making small circles on my back and the sound of his heart, returning to its strong, steady beat lulls me to a place between sleep and wake, where nothing exists but me and Dean.
"So…" His voice breaks the silence and brings me out of my new happy place.
"Mmm," is the best response I can come up with right now.
"Are you…okay?" He asks with a hint of apprehension in his voice.
I lean up and fold my arms on his chest, resting my chin on top of them. I smile at the look on his face because it's just too sweet not to.
"You ask me that a lot. I'm not going to run for the hills the first time something goes wrong, not that anything about that was wrong." I shift up so my mouth lines up with his, "But just so you know, I am so very far beyond okay right now. I'm absolutely amazing."
"Yeah, I'd say that's about right," he replies as he takes my mouth with his.
I shiver a little and Dean reaches around me to pull the blanket over both of us. His hand moves up and down my arm and he places a kiss on the top of my head. I sigh sleepily and realize that I've never been happier. He's everything that's been missing from my life, and everything that I want in my future. My eyelids are getting heavy so I snuggle closer to his chest and drape my arm across his stomach beneath the blanket.
"I love you, Dean," I whisper, half asleep already.
His hand pauses, so does his heart, then it beats like mad and he tightens his hold on me. "I was hoping you did."
I wake while it's still dark, my body sore from the events of last night, plus my surfing lessons from earlier in the day. I stretch and realize Dean still has a hold on me. Does he ever. Gently, I slide out from under his arm and pause until his breathing is steady again with sleep. I pull a pair of fleece sweatpants and a long sleeve shirt out of a drawer and tug them on. Quietly, I slip into the bathroom to brush my teeth and hair. The girl looking back at me in the mirror looks so blissfully happy I almost don't recognize her.
I feel like I've got this overflowing well of energy inside of me, so I decide to do something for Dean. Gathering up my purse, I yank a hooded sweatshirt over my head before grabbing his keys and exiting into the quiet pre-dawn morning. I punch in what I'm looking for on Dean's GPS and find that there's a market not far from here that opens early. Hopefully that is still the case, even on Thanksgiving.
Luck is on my side when I arrive at the market and find that there are a handful of other cars in the lot. Obviously I'm not the only chef out for some last minute turkey day ingredients. I push a cart up and down aisle after aisle, gathering what I need for a traditional, albeit small, Thanksgiving dinner. The one item I'm most nervous about is the turkey because if there aren't any already thawed, my plan is dead in the water.
I make my way to the butcher's counter and ask the burly man with the stained apron if he has any fresh turkeys in stock.
"Little lady, you do realize it's Thanksgiving day right?" He asks with a smirk as he wipes his hands on a towel.
Narrowing my eyes, I place my hands on my hips and say, "Yeah, I got that. But thanks for the attitude. Do you have one or not?"
He sniffs at my obstinance then shakes his head. "I don't have any whole turkeys, but I've got a few breasts in back. Not that big though."
"One of those will work, thank you." I stare after him as he makes his way to the back to retrieve the turkey.
Once I've finished picking up everything I need and paying for my groceries, I load up Dean's car and make my way back to the cottage.
The windows are dark, which means Dean is still sleeping. Perfect.
As quiet as I can manage, I lug in the bags and get started on the best two-person Thanksgiving dinner I've ever made. And the only one.
"Am I dreaming, or do I smell turkey?" Dean rounds the corner into the tiny kitchen area dressed in only his boxer shorts.
My eyes devour his body and I'm brought back to last night. I have a flashback of tangled limbs, shuddering breaths, and I can feel my cheeks warm at the memory. Turning my back to him so that I'm able to compose myself, I pour the filling into the pumpkin pie crust. "Yep. Turkey breast filled with my mom's famous sausage stuffing, sweet potato casserole, corn, green beans, and my special buttermilk biscuits. Oh, and pumpkin pie of course, as soon as I get it into the oven."
His arms wrap around my stomach and I'm enveloped in his warmth. He kisses my neck, then my cheek, before he takes a deep breath to inhale all of the delicious scents permeating the room. I would melt into a puddle on the floor if it weren't for his arms holding me against his chest.
"Jessie, this looks, and smells, absolutely amazing. I wish you'd have woken me up. It's past one, and I could've helped you with some of this."
"You know how to cook?" I ask as I put the finishing touch on the edges of the pie crust.
"I know how to chop, and peel. And I'm a stellar dish washer." He smiles as he leans against the wall.
I smile back and toss him the dish towel, "Really? Well get to it then."
"What do you have left to do?" He asks, eyeing me curiously.
"Just waiting on the turkey, which should take another hour or so. Then I can pop this pie in the oven with the biscuits. Dinner should be ready before three."
"So you don't need to really do anything for another hour?" he asks, tossing the towel on the small table.
"No, I guess not. Why?" I look at him quizzically.
"Well, you see, I'm having trouble remembering a few details from last night. I was hoping we could try it again to refresh my memory." He places his hands on my hips and moves closer until my back is against the wall.
"I mean, if it'll help…"
Best pre-Thanksgiving dinner activity ever.