Time to Heal – Part 25.

I think this is probably the most 'up and down' chapter emotionally.

Reviews are loved and appreciated, thank you for all the other lovely reviews. Hope you enjoy this chapter. Mistakes are my own, I'm sorry,

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It had only been three days since Mike had gotten home, but he had seen a slight improvement in his relationship with his soon to be ex-wife. Christine was sat in his apartment, pen in her hand looking down at the schedule they'd created over coffee.

"I spoke to both girls, they said they'd feel more comfortable with me taking them to therapy, but I can always drop them here afterwards if it's your turn to have them. You know, in the week, I can pick them up and take them and then bring them back." Mike nodded in understanding.

"Yeah, no, that's fine. I've spoken to Tom, for the next few weeks while we get settled I'm going to be working short days in the office, so I will be home when the girls get home from school, or I can pick them up if you'd feel more comfortable with that." Mike sat back down, putting a cup of coffee in front of her.

"I think they're okay walking. Especially with you living on base, and I also want them to have some independence. I'm also glad you'll be doing shorter days, I think it will take some time for the girls to adjust to the seven-day schedule." She and Mike had agreed on a seven-day schedule, they would spend a week with Christine, before going to Mike's on a Sunday evening and spending the week with him before going back to Christine's. The girls could keep in touch with friends, and still attend clubs, due to Mike and Christine not living any further than a twenty-minute walk away, although they both knew the girls wouldn't be walking anywhere alone unless it was from school to Mike's apartment where they were surrounded by Military personal.

"Um, Amy told me what you said, about talking to her, when the time comes," Christine said after a moment of silence. Mike was looking at the school time table, something else he knew he would need to memorise and stick on the fridge so the girls would have a reminder.

"Right now, she feels comfortable speaking to the therapist, and that's okay, and she may never speak to me, but I wanted her to know that I would be here if she did," Mike explained, but Christine's facial expression told him that she already knew.

Silence settled around them, Christine was staring at her coffee mug, while Mike looked between the sheet of paper in front of him and the woman sat across from him, he wanted to comfort her in some way, but he didn't want to upset her further, so he sat and waited, to see if she would say what she wanted to, or bottle it up for another time.

"I know what I said about not wanting to talk, but I do. I want to talk about the girls and do the best we can for them, I want us to be somewhat friends, Mike. I don't want to be the bitter ex-wife, we still have our little girls who need looking after…" Mike reached over to take her hand but didn't say anything. A part of him not knowing what to say, only feeling a sense of relief wash over him as she confirmed once again that she would not take his girls away.

"Do you, do you want to know about Lucas?" Mike felt his breath catch in his throat and pulled his hand back when she asked. He didn't know. Of course, he had thought about it, but he was so sure that Christine would never tell him, that he convinced himself that he would never know, and eventually, after the one-year mark, he convinced himself that he didn't need to know, but now he was doubting himself, maybe he did need to be told, and it was maybe what Christine needed as well.

"Was he in pain?" Mike asked, not wanting to know any more than that, not sure he could take it, and not wanting to cause Christine any more pain. They'd made progress that morning, both of them smiling, talking about the girls, Christine talking about school and filling him in on the shooting and safe houses, as well as the girls' night time routines and what to do should they wake up screaming, he didn't want to ruin that progress, even if the reason was their little boy.

"No. It was quick, after the onset, he was gone within two days, the doctor, said, that because he was younger…" Christine couldn't finish her sentence, her eyes filling with tears that would fall at any moment, but it didn't matter, Mike knew what she meant, he caught on to what the doctor had told her, and even though it broke his heart, and his throat felt tight and he could feel the tears behind his eyes, it comforted him to know that it was quick and painless for his son.

"Thank you," Mike said, giving Christine a small smile. She only nodded in response.

"I know you deserve the truth, but I can't."

"I know, and it's okay. We should focus on the two kids we have here with us and make sure we do all we can for them." Mike repeated what she had been telling him for weeks, knowing that despite his words, Christine would never be able to fully focus on the girls, a part of her, he assumed, would always be thinking about what happened to Lucas.

Mike's mind would wonder to, but Christine was with Lucas, he wasn't.

Christine had left not long after, saying she was sorry, and that they would keep in touch. He mentioned the girls, and she had told him that they had therapy that afternoon once school was out. Christine seemed okay with Mike saying he would call them later that evening to speak to them both, making sure they were both okay, saying good night before they went to sleep, hoping his words would make a difference to the nightmares they had.

Mike had sat on his couch for over an hour, he had sat in silence, ignoring his phone when it beeped, and the noises outside, he just needed some time to understand what Christine had said about Lucas. He wasn't ashamed to admit that he'd cried when she had left, he felt broken inside but was comforted by the fact that his little boy didn't suffer. He hated himself for trying to see the positive side of it because he knew that there was no positive side, his little boy was gone, far too early, and Mike didn't get the chance to say goodbye.

He looked up when he heard voices outside of his apartment, he couldn't quite hear what they were saying or hear them clearly enough to know who it was but the voices soon faded. He wanted to go back to the memories, to replaying the good times he'd shared with his kids, the day they were born, birthdays and Christmas, but the voices had knocked him out of his trance. Instead, he reached over to pick up his phone, a missed call from Tom, who he would call back later and a text from Andrea.

'How did it go with Christine? I'm here if you need me. x'

He smiled, pressing the text box to type out a reply.

'I'll bring dinner over tonight, I can fill you in on my kid's elaborate schedule. I want my kids to go far, but six clubs a week seems a little over the top. x'

His phone buzzed moments later with a reply, he didn't want to get into a deep conversation over text, and he was wondering if or not to tell Andrea about Lucas. He thought that it would help her, knowing that Lucas and Lily were around the same age, maybe she would find some comfort in knowing that it was quick and almost painless.

'Sounds like a plan. Over the top is good, the more time they spend outside, with other people, the quicker they feel comfortable, think of it as healing. x'

Mike thought about it for a moment, trying to keep the conversation light.

'Says the one who's not having to pay for it. What you call healing, I call expensive. x'

His phone buzzed seconds later.

'Engine parts are expensive, paintbrushes are a necessity for every little girl. I'll be home for 6, I'll take it that I'll see you at 6:05. Duty calls, before one of these engineer's end up breaking something. Now that would be expensive, wouldn't it? x'

Mike chuckled lightly, surprised that Andrea had remembered the clubs he'd told her about when she'd asked how his evening with Amy and Katie went. He was happy she was interested, but he didn't want to talk too much, in his eyes Andrea had come so far, and he worried that the more he spoke about his girls, the more she would push him away, but in the three days they had been home, it was Andrea who asked. Mike only hoped the next step would include meeting them.

Andrea was right, Mike showed up at her apartment at 6:08, with a bottle of wine in one hand, and takeout food in the other. Bacon had opened his services to everyone on the base, cooking takeout food for whoever wanted it since getting off the ship, which seemed to please everyone seen as food was still being circulated around the country.

"Do you mind sorting the food out, while I change?" Andrea asked when Mike walked in. He only nodded, heading towards the kitchen, while Andrea headed for her bedroom to put on something more comfortable. She was lucky, she didn't mind her uniform, but with her hair being pulled back so tight it was giving her a headache, and the oil stains on her uniform were sure to have gone through to her skin, which, she didn't really mind, but it was pain to get off.

Appearing from her room moments later, happy at the sight of food, she smiled over at Mike who was pouring wine into coffee mugs, which was not at all romantic or even socially acceptable, but wine glasses, and any other culturally that wasn't available on Navy ships was hard to come by.

"When do you have the girls next, then?" Andrea asked with a smile, as she sat down on the couch.

"Next week. Tom has given me short working days until I find a routine that works, it looks simple on paper, all of their classes and clubs are on the base, and the girls asked that Christine pick them up and take them to therapy, so I am hoping they settle into it well." Mike was prepared for both girls to be a little unsettled before he deployed they had a routine, but the girls spend a lot of their time either with their mother or sleeping. Towards the end of his time on the base before deployment, they'd started classes, but it wasn't enough to be considered school, like it is now.

"That's positive. They like to spend time with you, and the therapy thing was to be expected, but don't take it personally. Besides, with the seven-day schedule, it really gives them time to spend with you, it's not just weekends and dinners." Andrea said, before taking a sip of her wine.

"I'm looking forward to it, after a few weeks, I think they'll really settle in and this time I'm not leaving, so I'm going to be around more, hopefully, they'll get to meet you." Andrea only nodded, she knew where he was taking this. She couldn't entertain the idea of meeting his daughters, not yet.

The mission was finished, and she was certain of it, but she wanted her relationship to be certain as well before she met the girls and became a part of their lives.

"How's your relationship with Christine looking? I know you were worried about it." Andrea asked, moving the conversation along.

"It's okay, I think. When she was younger, her mother moved both herself and her sister across the country, she didn't get to see her dad. I think because of that, she wants me to have a relationship with Amy and Katie, which I am grateful for. She still wants a divorce, and I think a part of me does too." Mike had processed it while at sea, a part of him was still hurt by it, but he was understanding, things had been bad before, the pandemic and the death of Lucas had only added fuel to the fire.

"Well, divorced or not, you get your girls, and with the schedule you've worked out you can really be a part of their lives…" Andrea said, meaning to go on, but what Mike said stopped her.

"She told me about Lucas. Not all of it, but just…" Mike stopped, looking over at Andrea, not knowing if this would be something she would want to hear or not. It gave him the slightest bit of comfort, and he hoped it would give Andrea comfort to, but he didn't know if she was at that stage, he didn't know if she wanted to know yet.

They'd spoken about it before, but with everything that happened while away, with the assassination, and being in Asia, Mike hadn't been there for her like he should have been, he'd witnessed the panic attacks, but had never spoken to her about them, he hadn't listened to her. Before, he always felt like he knew just where her head was at, but he had been so focused on the ship and his daughters, that he was now realising, she'd been coping on her own, which of course, was a good thing, but it also meant Mike really didn't know where she was at when it came to her grieving process.

"Mike, I…" Andrea moved to put her plate on the coffee table, looking back at him in what looked like disbelief.

Mike also moved to put his plate of food on the coffee table, before reaching out to take her hands, wanting to explain. Hoping that he would get the chance because he felt bad for bringing it up, but he was so torn, torn between telling her, because she was the one he shared everything with, and not telling her because she was healing too.

A silence settled around them, as Mike tried to desperately think of something to say, something that would make the situation easier. He had come here to talk, to have a nice evening and he felt as if he had ruined it.

"Andrea…" Andrea shook her head, signalling for him to stop talking.

"I can't. I can't know, not right now, not yet. I know we talk about all of this, but I can't know how…" Andrea couldn't finish her sentence, tears that had been building in the corners of her eyes were now making tracks down her cheeks, but she made no effort to wipe them away.

"I wasn't thinking…" Mike said, but he knew it was a pathetic excuse. He pulled her into him, wrapping his arms around her, running his hand up and down her back whispering soothing words, telling her that he was sorry and that it was okay.

"I think one day it will be all I can think about, how it happened. I just keep hoping Lily went first, just so she wasn't alone in the end." Andrea said minutes later, as the pair settled into a comfortable position on the couch, Andrea laid against Mike's chest, as he held her close.

"I know. She was a tough little kid, just like her mum." Mike said feeling stupid saying it. He wanted to say something that would have some meaning, something that might make her feel better, but he had nothing.

They laid in silence for a while, neither of them feeling the need to speak. Andrea's mind was racing at a thousand thoughts per minute, again, she felt conflicted, which seemed to be normal for her these days. She couldn't talk about Lily's death, not yet, it was still too soon, it still hurt too much, she still had days where she couldn't look at the pictures because it made her heart ache. She knew right now meeting Mike's daughter wasn't the best idea, she wanted to meet them, and hopefully become a part of their lives, but, she needed to be settled and comfortable for that, and she thought it would be best if Amy and Katie were settled too. Once they were in a routine, and she and Mike had figured out whatever they needed too, then she would bring it up in conversation.

Her mind switched back to her and Mike. She kept thinking that they needed to sort things out, that things needed to be perfect, or they needed a plan, but the more she laid in his arms, the more they spoke on the phone, the more hugs, the more kisses, the more laughs and 'I love you' Andrea realised that, no, they didn't need a plan. Maybe it was her, maybe she was the one making things complicated, and over thinking things, when really, she didn't need to. She couldn't make it any clearer that she loved him, and from where she was stood Mike loved her too.

Was she scared? Worried? Guilty? Guilty because she was moving on? Or maybe because of Christine and the girls? Guilty because Mike made her smile, and she should be in tears mourning the loss of her husband and daughter?

She had been to her home, she had taken off her wedding band, she had completed a mission, the world was healing, she was healing, and she was also done with waiting, she spent months putting her feelings on hold, at her own request, only to be the one who kissed him in his cabin and hope no one found out. When Mike left the ship, and entered Asia with half of the crew she had felt physically sick the whole time, but not because that was her crew, and he was her Captain, but because she knew she could potentially lose the man she had grown to love, and need.

Andrea sat up, stopping her train of through momentarily looking over at Mike, who seemed to also be deep in thought.

"I love you," Andrea said, almost too bluntly for her own liking.

"I love you too, Andrea," Mike said. Looking at her properly he could see the look of fear in her eyes and the slight build-up of tears behind them.

"I want this, whatever you want to call it, this relationship, I want it. I've wanted it for a long time, and I keep trying to stop myself from feeling this way because I keep thinking I should be grieving, and in these past few months, I felt like I shouldn't be happy, and you make me happy, you make me smile, and I have this voice in my head that tells me I need to be sad and I need to cry, because I lost everything, but I don't want to be sad anymore, I don't want to focus on a mission, or on the ship, I want to focus on me, and what I need is you, because, Mike, you make me happy and you make me smile, and above all of that, you have made me fall hopelessly in love with you."

Mike sat stunned for a moment before pushing himself up off the couch. He wanted to say something, but he couldn't, he didn't know what to say, or if he should say anything at all. He wanted it too, he wanted her, and a relationship, and a family life, and he was prepared for that in some way. He could help Andrea on the bad days, just like he did now, and they'd both proven they could be professional, but with all the thoughts running through his mind, he was still speechless.

"You know I don't do deep and meaningful, Andrea…" He wanted to tell her that he loved her too, but she cut him off.

"Kiss me instead, then." She said, wanting something from him. She knew he didn't like deep, heartfelt conversations and she could live with that, but right now, she just needed to know that he understood her, and his words were true, that he really did love her.

Mike woke up to the sound of an alarm, and with Andrea curled up next to him. Groaning slightly, Mike tried to push himself up to see where the annoying beeping was coming from. Landing on Andrea's phone on the nightstand, he picked it up to shut it off.

5:15am.

Letting his head fall back onto the pillow he pushed the phone back on to the nightstand, looking at Andrea who was still asleep. He assumed she was exhausted, she had spent most of the night crying and confessing, and Mike was sure it was enough to make anyone sleep for a week.

Mike remembered everything she said, about how she was ready and how he made her smile. It felt nice to hear those words again. He understood that it would still be a slow process, but at least this was a step forward, right now, he just wanted to keep making her happy. He was sure at one point he was the reason for Christine's happiness, but after the kids were born and with his frequent deployment, he wouldn't have been shocked to learn the only emotion he caused was pain.

Andrea being next to him caused him to smile. It had been such a long time since he'd slept next to anyone and even longer since it was by choice and not the necessity of marriage or for the sake of the children.

"Morning." Mike said when he saw Andrea begin to wake up

"Morning," Andrea said her voice full of sleep, rolling over onto her back.

"How does coffee sound?" Mike asked with a smile, sitting up slightly. Andrea nodded with a smile before pushing herself to a sitting position, pushing her hair back out of her face.

"I'm going to grab a shower," Andrea said looking around the room, waiting for her eyes to adjust to the light coming in through the cracks around the curtains.

"It's not even 6 am yet, why don't you lay down? We can talk." Andrea gave him a look.

"I didn't think heartfelt conversations were your thing."

"They're not, but they're yours, and it'd be great for my ego to hear you say how I make you happy." Andrea laughed a little, shaking her head.

"I'm sure I can do that." Andrea nodded, leaning in slightly putting her lips on his.

"You know, I could really get used to this." Andrea's tone was light, as she pulled away from him.

Mike heard the light tone in her voice, but could tell she was being serious, she was opening up to him, she was letting her guard down for him.

"Me too."

Reviews are loved and appreciated, let me know what you thought! Thank you for reading, Bethany.