Chapter 25: Internal Scars, Part II

I spied over the railing at the guards on deck. There were two of them, and I knew I had to be quiet at knocking them down. Luckily they were giving me their backs. I drew some water from the ocean and turned it into two small iceballs, and then I peeked over the railing again. I jumped on deck soundlessly and ran to the guards, as my two iceballs knocked them out, hitting them on the base of the neck. I arrived at their side just as they were falling, and grabbed one with each hand from their collars, clenching my teeth at the effort of holding the dead weight of two men. I dragged them closer to the wall, making sure I couldn't be spotted from the bridge above, where there was bound to be an officer or two.

I gently lay the men down on deck and used my dagger to cut a piece of their clothes, tying their hands and covering their mouths, all quickly as I kept glancing over my shoulder in case more guards appeared.

When I finished with them, I turned around, crouching, and scanned the deck. I saw some crates close to me and dragged the unconscious men behind the crates, so they wouldn't be easily found by other men before I had time to turn off the flares.

Then I ran to the closest latch, and opened it carefully, trying to keep the noise at minimum level, and sneaked inside.

I descended to the second level, and I ran down the hallway as silently as I could, trying to find the flare room. All Fire Navy ships were similar, specially those designed for transport, escort and war. Only Royal Navy ships were slightly different, but since Zuko had been banished, he travelled in an ordinary ship, which pissed him off quite a bit, I remembered with a sad smile. That meant that the structure of Zuko's ship was a lot like this one, and the flare room was probably on the second level, in the stern side of the ship.

When I figured I had gone past the middle section of the ship, I slowed down, checking all doors and the signs imprinted on them.

Fortunately I didn't run across anyone, and then I saw in one of the open doors a big sign reading "Flare Room". Peeking in, I saw one man standing by the controls.

Dang, that would make it slightly more difficult, because if I didn't knock the man out immediately, he might set the alarm and it would be my end. I drew water from my waterbag and created another little iceball. I peeked in again and shot the iceball at the side of his head, hitting him hard.

The man stumbled back as he took a hand to the side of his head, momentarily dizzied, as I had planned, and I used that moment to hit him on the back of his head with the ice ball.

He fell forward, and again I rushed to hold his body before it hit the ground. I tied him up like I had done with the previous guards and looked around. There was a tiny window in a corner. Thank the Spirits! I ran to it and opened it, refilling my waterbag with water from the ocean. Then I went back to the board to study the controls. I knew that there were different types of flares, some designed to warn ships nearby, others meant to be seen from a long distance. But I didn't imagine there were so many.

On the control table in front of me there were several levers lined up, and there was one lever at the side too, but I couldn't figure out what that was for. Somehow I had to either break or lock them all.

I went to the open window and drew more water in, and then I created a thick layer of ice over the controls, and I stuck a shard of ice on the lever at the side. It would take them a while to melt all that.

Good. One task complete, one to go.

I ran to the door and peeked outside, but I found my luck was over. Two men were coming down the hallway. I bit my lower lip. I still had to go and check the soldier barracks to count the number of men aboard the ship before summoning the Water Tribe warriors. If I got captured or delayed at this point, or if they gave the alarm, the whole operation would go down.

I drew water from outside again and held two whips in my hands. Then, with my back against the wall just beside the door, I peeked out again. The two men were closer now. I drew breath and jumped out at the hallway, whipping at the men's legs.

'Hey!' one of them shouted, as they fell to the ground.

Then I directed some water at his mouth and covered it with ice, for the man's surprise, and I did the same with the other one, ensuring they wouldn't shout for help. But their hands and legs were still free, and the man on my right kicked a tongue of fire towards me as he jumped to his feet. I ducked, feeling the fire burn some hairs at the top of my head, and then I pulled out my daggers, as the other man got to his feet too. With a couple of quick gashes, the arms and thighs of the men were bleeding, and one of them fell on his knees. I quickly sent an iceball to his head and he was knocked out. But the one on the left was a firebender too, and he punched two fireballs in quick succession. Again I ducked, and I threw a slide of ice at his feet, making him fall to the ground. Then I surrounded his wrists and ankles with thick ice, and the man glared at me from the floor, helpless, burning me with his eyes.

Leaving the men on the ground, I didn't lose another second, and I turned around and ran away, to find the barracks where the soldiers slept. I sharpened my ears to catch any hurried footsteps, which would mean I had been heard and discovered, but the only noise I could hear was the roar of the engines. That meant that no one had heard the duel I had just had. I sighed, relieved.

I descended another level and ran until the end of the hallway, at about mid-ship, where the soldier barracks were on most Fire Navy ships.

I opened the door very carefully. I sneaked inside as quietly as I could, and saw all the soldiers sleeping. Fortunately, my plan was bold enough to surprise the crew. There was no guard at the gate of the barracks, for no one thought possible that an intruder would dare to go to the most dangerous place of the ship. One trip, one false step, one noise, and there would be plenty of soldiers around me in a second.

With my back against the wall, and holding my breath, I counted the occupied bunks. I had thirty five men sleeping in front of me. But I had to check how many more were on duty that night, so I carefully tiptoed further inside, until I saw the first empty line of bunks. I quickly counted the ones that had packs at the end of the bed. Twenty more. If you added the captain and officers, that probably wouldn't be more than 5 people, the final count was sixty men on board.

Phew! It must be our lucky day! It was a lower count than I had expected, and the vessel was clearly not on its way to Ba Sing Se but probably the other way around, for the smaller transport ships, like this one, could carry over three hundred soldiers.

Then I tiptoed back out, and closed the latch. I had to lock it, to keep the men from coming out when battle ensued, but how? I walked back the hallway, and entered one of the lateral rooms, that was empty. I walked to the end of it, but there were no windows. I ran back to the hall and tried the next room. This one did have a window. I smirked, as I opened it and drew some water from the ocean. I carried it to the barracks' latch and covered it with a thick layer of ice.

There! They would have a hard time trying to get out.

Then I turned back and ran all the way back the hall to the first set of stairs. I climbed up to deck, and raised the latch just a little to peek over the deck before coming out. It was a good idea, because there were two more men on deck, wearing confused looks in their faces at seeing their guard partners had disappeared.

I created my two little iceballs and waited until they passed my latch. Then I jumped out and knocked them out, but this time I didn't take the caution to hold them before they hit the ground. Instead, I ran to the back of the ship, sticking my back to the walls, until I reached the stern. I scanned the open deck, and saw I had a clear shot. Then I ran to the tip of the stern, and, drawing a deep breath, I raised a column of water from the ocean, and waved it a little for a second before dropping it.

That should do it. I ran to the bow again, and stationed myself near the ice ladder, my eyes fixed at the bridge above.

Soon enough, I heard the soft sound of feet climbing up the ice ladder. Hakoda was the first, and I helped him up, Bato immediately behind. I raised six fingers to indicate to the Chief the total amount of men on board. He smiled, relieved, and then I told him silently that thirty five were locked in the barracks below, so we only had to take down twenty five men.

Then he silently ran to the bridge, followed by Bato, as planned, while I helped Sokka, Katara and Toph up the deck. I led them behind some crates, and we all crouched.

'Thirty five men locked at the barracks and twenty soldiers on duty, but I took seven down already, so we're thirteen men down to go, unless any of them has released himself' I whispered, as they all stared at me gravely.

They nodded, and Sokka gave us some instructions before running to the machine room, as the girls descended down the stairs, further inside the ship, their task to clear it from guards by sections. I ran to the latch on the side of the bridge, the one that led to the main chambers where the captain and subofficers slept, and went inside.

I ran down the hall, checking each room, but the first ones were empty, as I had guessed, and I quickly reached the last five chambers. If I was right, two subofficers would be on the bridge, and they were Hakoda and Bato's, and as they secured the ship I had to make sure the Captain and the other subofficers did not present trouble. Sokka had said he would come this way as soon as he secured the machine room, and the plan was that I waited there for him and only battled the men if they woke up before time. But I knew it would be far easier to surprise them in their sleep, so I carefully opened the latch of the first chamber.

This people were definitely not like Zuko. The Fire Prince could sense someone coming down the hallway from meters away, even in his sleep, but this man didn't even wake up when I opened the latch. He was more like Iroh, I thought with a sad smile. I drew water from the window and quickly froze his wrists and ankles. He opened his eyes in alarm, but he had my dagger on his neck.

'One word, and you'll never see daylight again' I hissed. Then I used the other dagger to snatch a piece of his clothes and I covered his mouth, as the man's eyes glared with hatred.

I sneaked out, but my luck was over. The Captain and the first subofficer were waiting for me at the hall, wearing smug grins on their faces.

I readied myself. I had very few chances of winning, since the rank of the men ensured that they were the best firebenders on board, but I just had to hold them off until Sokka came to help me.

They punched two fireballs at me, and I ducked quickly, but the first subofficer jumped forward and kicked a tongue of flame, and I had to raise water in front of me as I dodged.

Then the man hurried forward to grab me, but I stepped back, as I turned the water into balls of ice and threw them at him. They hit him on his face, and he fell down, but the Captain had already sent another blast of fire towards me, and I was unprepared. All I could do was throw myself on the ground, but from there I sent a slide of ice to the feet of the Captain before jumping back on my feet.

The man jumped in the air and avoided my attack, but before the ice slid away I summoned it, turning it into a ball of ice directly headed to the Captain's head from behind.

But he smiled as he ducked my ice ball, and I stopped it in front of my face, astounded. Then the first subofficer stood up again, and they coordinated their attack. A bunch of fireballs flew towards me, one after the other, that I avoided each time by a closer margin, and the last one I couldn't stop. I saw it coming to my face when a strong arm closed around my waist and pulled me off the way and around the corner.

'Need any help?' Sokka grinned at me.

'Could use some' I replied, giving him a thankful look.

Then he jumped forward and threw his boomerang to the men. I jumped in front of him and crouched, sending two slides of ice at their feet. They avoided the boomerang but could not avoid the slides, and both men fell down. Then I froze their ankles and wrists, and Sokka and I tied them down.

Then we ran back to deck, where I almost ran into Katara, who wore a big smile on her face.

'We've got them down!' she said, beaming.

Sokka and I turned around at once and climbed to the bridge, where Hakoda and Bato were beaming as well.

'Victory is ours!' Bato yelled through the window, and the girls cheered down on deck.

'Now Sokka and I will take care of dragging the bound men to the soldier barracks' I said gravely.

'Can't you let me taste victory for just one moment?' Sokka said angrily.

I smiled. 'Okay, one second'

He jumped up and down with his boomerang, cheering and hugging his father. Then his face went completely serious again as he turned to me, which made me release a tiny giggle.

'C'mon, let's finish this before the remaining Water Tribe men show up'

By next morning, all men were safe and sound in the soldier barracks, and we had locked the door, covering it again with a thick wall of ice, and planted one Water Tribe warrior as guard.

We stole some clothes from the soldiers and we all dressed in Fire Nation uniform, and we sailed quietly west. We ran into a few Fire Navy ships, but none approached us.

Being on a Fire Nation ship brought me many hurtful memories of past times, and I was almost half-expecting Iroh or Zuko to come out of the latch and start barking orders any minute. The sadness had pulled me into silence again, but not a complete one this time. Besides, I did not reject my family's company straight away as I did before. Somehow, playing a part in the hijack of the ship had helped me forget for less than an hour about my ex boyfriend and Iroh, and something had changed within me. I was still sad and hurt and depressed, I still enjoyed being alone, and I did not talk much, but I did not openly shun my friends anymore.

On their part, they relaxed about me a little.

Sokka had finally understood that my reasons for not talking were purely sentimental, and he did not try to delve into my memories again.

Toph seemed kind of disappointed with my attitude. I guessed Katara and Sokka had told her wonders about me, but when she finally got to meet me and live with me, I was nothing but this broken girl, this ghost that kept whining, sobbing and moaning most of the time. I had noticed she had a nickname for everyone, and I was half expecting to get a nickname like Moaning Crybaby or Depression Princess or something like that, but strangely, the few times that she did address me, she called me by my name. I could only guess she was waiting to get to know me better to come up with an annoying nickname. She probably realized that I was so depressed I wouldn't even react to a nickname, and then what was the fun in that?

Katara kept me company, and I got used to her presence. She would normally show up at about sunset, and she stood by my side well until the sun had sunk behind the line of the horizon. It reminded me of Iroh's company when I was in Zuko's ship, and I cried many silent tears wishing he would come up with the board of Pai Sho or a relaxing cup of tea.

But what still hurt me the most was that Iroh himself was probably having a much worse time than I was… that if he was still alive. Losing Iroh was something I knew I would never fully recover from. He had taught me so much, and besides, after analyzing all my memories, I had come to a horrible realization: I had never been as good to him as he had been to me. Actually, I had behaved like a selfish brat most of the time. I remembered how rude I had been with him after I had the manic attack, and I understood now that it had been ridiculous to blame Iroh for what had happened to me. Iroh loved Zuko dearly, and at the time he barely knew me. It was obvious that he'd pick up his nephew if he had to choose, I mean, what was I to him back then? And when you think I had yelled at him.

I was thankful to have one chamber for myself, because it allowed me to cry and sob aloud all I wanted, since I had picked one quite apart from the center of activity, and quite apart from the rest of my family.

So every night I poured my soul through my tears, and by day I helped Hakoda and Bato understand the basics about the ship and how to read the modern nautical instruments the Fire Nation used, among other things. I had also taken the post as cook of the ship, and somehow Sokka and Toph always managed to show up when I was preparing the meal and steal pieces of whatever it was that I was cooking.

A few days after we hijacked the ship, we crossed over the Serpent's Pass, and Katara was telling me all about how a girl named Suki –whom Sokka seemed to have a crush upon– had helped them through and how Aang and herself had to battle a huge Sea Serpent, but I tuned her out when memories of my own crossing of this place came swirling back to my memory. I remembered Jet with a frown, and I remembered I had never actually asked Katara if she had met him or not, but she was so immersed in her story that I did not dare interrupt her.

But then I remembered watching the sunset with Zuko at my side, and how we had grasped hands. I looked down at my hand, and I could almost feel the ghost of his warm hand over mine, the heat of his fingers, the comfort and safety he had represented to me, and my eyes filled with tears again.

Katara interrupted her story when she saw me crying, and she stared at me in silence for a second, correctly guessing why I was crying.

'This place brings memories to you too, doesn't it?'

I nodded curtly, staring at the sunset. Katara's voice dropped a few inches, and when she talked again, it was filled with sympathy and compassion, my sister's characteristic traits.

'Don't answer if you don't want to, but I'm curious, how did you get to Ba Sing Se?'

I wiped the tears off my eyes, surprising myself when I answered. 'The Order of the White Lotus gave us fake papers, and we entered the city as refugees.'

'The Order of the White Lotus?'

I shrugged. 'I don't know, it's some club Iroh belonged to.'

And then a black spot appeared in the distance, right over the line of the horizon, materializing over the light evening fog. I squinted, trying to make out what it was, but we all knew what it was without having to look more closely. More Fire Navy ships.

I sighed, remembering all the refugees that had travelled with us on the ferry. Now that the Fire Nation had conquered Ba Sing Se, where would all they turn to? I smashed my fist on the metal railing of the ship in a sudden outburst of anger, startling Katara. This was all Zuko's fault. And I knew that he knew the consequences. He had travelled with these people too, he knew many lives would be ruined now that the last Earth Kingdom stand had fallen under Fire Nation tyranny too.

I wondered if he felt guilty about it. I surely hoped he did.

Zuko's POV:

He was sitting in the ornate Fire Nation throne, his face scarless, many long lines of soldiers bowing before him, their rightful leader. And then suddenly the pillars, the roof, everything, came crashing down upon him, a huge hole in the ground sucking him down. He panicked, and tried to hold on to something, anything.

And then a small, cold, dark skinned hand closed around his. He looked up, and he met Kira's blue eyes. She smiled at him, that dazzling large smile she had when she looked at him. Kira, beautiful and strong, always there for him, always there to save him, the girl he had come to love, the only one to have ever touched his heart.

But suddenly her smile twitched, and her eyes turned cold, a wild expression appearing on her face as her smile turned feral, and she laughed, a cold, evil laugh that resembled his sister's, and she pulled up from his arm with her left hand, not trying to get him out of the hole but exposing his chest. Zuko was confused for a moment, but his confusion turned to horror when her right hand went behind her back and she pulled out her dagger. Then her face contorted with rage, and she bared her teeth in a wild animal expression before ushering a long wail. 'I will never forgive you!' she shrieked, and she stabbed the dagger in Zuko's heart.

Zuko jolted awake with a gasp, his chest slick from the sweat, his breath quick and his heart jamming against his ribs. He took a hand to his chest, checking he did not actually have a dagger stuck in there, as he tried to calm down. This was a recurring nightmare, he'd been having it since he had left Ba Sing Se.

He banged a fist against the mattress in anger before slipping out of bed, getting dressed and walking out to deck. He didn't know exactly why he was having these dreams, but one thing was sure: Kira had betrayed him. She had left him alone when he needed her the most; and then she had turned her back on him, even attacking him when he did not follow her.

Zuko had been dealing with an array of contradictory emotions since that fatidic day when Azula had killed the Avatar. He had made his choice, and he wasn't going to back up now, but his mind kept fussing over those events, and the figure of his Uncle was the most confusing part of all. He knew he had betrayed his Uncle, somehow, his heart told him so, but he was also sure he had done the right thing. He had helped his sister, and he was on his way to see his father again, after three long years. Zuko would regain his honor, his birthright, his throne, his identity as Prince of the Fire Nation. He was following his destiny, and he didn't understand why Kira and Uncle had turned away from him. Azula said they had betrayed him, and Zuko wanted desperately to believe her, but something just wasn't right, in regards to his Uncle, at least.

As for Kira, all he could feel was pain. Pain because he had loved her, she had turned his life around and even though he didn't like it at first, he had come to realize she made him happy, and he had accepted and embraced that longing he felt of being with her, touching her, looking into her eyes, holding her hand, talking with her, listening to her singing. He figured it was love, and the moments of joy and peace he had shared with Kira were bliss previously unknown to him. And he missed her now. Oh Agni, how much he missed her.

But the more he missed her, the more that awful yearning burned inside his stomach and hurt like he'd been stabbed in the abdomen, the more hurt he felt at knowing she had turned away from him forever. The first days had been hell, and only the other desire he had at the moment, which was getting his father's love again, had been strong enough to keep him from turning around and running after her.

But as the days passed, the hurt began to fade, replaced by a no less horrible empty feeling. He felt hollow, and only the burning desire to return home filled him. He had never been more obsessed about it. He wanted to push the ship forward and make it fly over the ocean, make it return his life to him, because that was the only way his life would gain meaning again and losing Kira would have been worth it.

Besides, he had found relief in Mai. The tall girl had been his childhood crush, one of Azula's best friends, and it turned out she was there in Ba Sing Se with his sister, helping her develop her masterplan. The first time Zuko saw Mai after all that had happened, he had felt a distinct warmth inside that seemed to have disappeared from his life so far, that warmth he had felt when he hugged Uncle, or when he held Kira's hand, the warmth of affection, of friends, of caring.

And Mai had been immediately drawn to him. Zuko had instantly perceived that she still had a crush on him, and he had been greatly surprised when she greeted him with a kiss full on the lips. He had blushed, having always thought of her as a friend, but when his eyes fell upon her worked up body he realized that she was no longer a child, she had grown to be a strong independent woman.

And Zuko was so devastated after the break up with Kira, that he figured dating Mai would help him recover more quickly. All he wanted was to escape that dreadful pain he felt all the time, that guilt that was stationed at his gut and wouldn't let him sleep at night, those what ifs that burned inside his brain when he went to bed. He wanted to forget, to bury the past, to pretend it had never happened, and that he could return to his old life. He would be the Prince again, he would get served again, and his father would accept him.

Zuko could pretend his life was perfect once again, and he could forget all about the girl that had broken his heart.

After about a fortnight, the Mai effect began to work. He began to be able to sleep at night, and the pain began to fade away. Some days he woke up with a large smile, ready to take on the day, to take on the world. But some other days the nightmares would plague his mind, and he'd wake up with a horrible feeling of loss.

But even though he was finally beginning to get over Kira, there was still one thing that hurt, one needle stuck in his heart, something he could not just forget no matter how hard he tried.

Uncle.

What was he going to do about Uncle? Azula wanted to throw him in jail, and undoubtedly their father would agree to the idea, since Iroh had been considered a traitor since the fiasco at the North Pole. Zuko wished there was something he could do to prevent it from happening, but still, deep inside of himself, he was relieved that there was actually nothing he could do. Because this way, he escaped temptation.

Besides, Uncle had known perfectly what he was doing, and what the consequences would be.

He should have sided with him, Zuko thought with a grimace. It was the only way he'd come alive out of it all. Zuko would even have made something up to justify his behavior. Uncle was slightly senile, sometimes he didn't know what he was doing, he hadn't really intended to defend the Avatar at the North Pole, Zuko was there, he could testify.

But no, Uncle had decided to support the Avatar at Ba Sing Se too, and confront Azula. Now not even Zuko could save him.

Why had Uncle done that? It was ridiculous! And Zuko couldn't help but to feel that he had betrayed Uncle somehow. It didn't make sense, because he had made the right choice, he had done the right thing, and Uncle hadn't, but still, just the memory of his Iroh's disappointment when he had looked away haunted Zuko every day.

Azula had been smart enough to understand the deep connection that Zuko and his Uncle shared, so she had locked Uncle at the deepest cell in the ship, and she had hinted that Zuko's innocence had not been proved yet, so if he visited the traitor, he may be held as a traitor himself. As a consequence, Zuko was alone when he needed his confidents the most. Kira had run away, turned her back on him, and Uncle was locked down in prison and he could not visit him.

That was probably why he had leaned on Mai, the only other person he trusted aboard this ship. And speaking of Mai…

'Aren't you cold?' the voice of the girl sounded behind his back, but Zuko was not surprised. He had smelled her perfume a few seconds ago.

Zuko sighed. 'No, I just have a lot on my mind'. He wished he could tell her everything that troubled him, but she would definitely not appreciate his worries over his traitorous Uncle and the girl Mai knew he had been dating on Ba Sing Se, so he twisted the truth just a little. 'It's been so long. Over three years since I was home. I wonder what's changed. I wonder how I've changed'

It wasn't a complete lie after all. He was concerned about it. Part of his nightmares sometimes involved being rejected by his father and having to roam the seas again as the banished prince.

But the girl did not press on. Instead, she yawned.

'I just asked if you were cold. I didn't ask for your whole life story' Then she smiled as she wrapped her arms around him. This was what Zuko liked the most about her. She could always surprise him, and comfort him in ways he would never have imagined. 'Stop worrying' she added, before turning his face to deposit a soft kiss on his lips.

Then she walked away, the ghost of her hand on his scarred face. Zuko closed his eyes for a moment, and then opened them to stare at the moon, -the princess that had died to bring it alive again-, and he sighed.

He wished it was that easy.