Coda 5

Nikki was about to stow her bag in the overhead locker when she remembered that Harry had given her a book for the journey, she didn't expect to be able to concentrate on it, but she felt she ought to try. It was an overnight flight. She was unlikely to be able to sleep and the book would be more soothing than the inflight entertainment. She placed the bag on her lap to open. She felt the man in the next seat move firmly away from her as the tears began to roll down her face once more as she examined the contents of her bag.

Inside Nikki's bag other than her few belongings, was the latest Patterson thriller, Amira's picture, a cereal bar and her beloved unicorn torch. She must have sneaked them all in, when she was putting in the picture. That explained Harry's cryptic talk about airports, planes and bombs earlier. Amira would have wanted to put one or two of her revolting juice boxes in, but she wasn't allowed. She had really taken seriously the role of looking after Nikki. So instead of the drink, she'd given her the unicorn. Nikki's heart melted as she considered the thoughtfulness and sacrifice of that little girl. She pressed the button and watched the rainbow effect light up her bag. She'd have to tell Harry what had happened to it, he'd probably turn the apartment upside down looking for it. She would call them to tell them that the unicorn was safe, the minute she landed, offer to send it back. She'd find a phone somehow. She would find out where it came from, try and send her a new one.

It seemed the further she moved away from Harry the more her agitation increased. She desperately wanted the journey to be over and to be back in her home, but when she really considered it, did she want to be there? Alone. Forever checking over her shoulder, doubting every friend, every stranger, seeing danger at every turn?

Harry had practically dragged her through check in and to the security gate. It reminded her of the first vision she'd had of him, half carrying Amira across the concourse, only this time it was her he was supporting. The crowds, the noise, everything seemed to overwhelm her. It was exhausting.

Getting back to work would be better. Something to focus on. But would Thomas let her back? Not without therapy and proof that the dehydration hadn't permanently damaged her kidneys. And what of Jack? He was a mess. She didn't know how long she could cope with his silence and refusal to look her in the eye. He hated her for what she'd done in Mexico and stopping off in New York would have only exacerbated the pain.

She thought back to the time she had spent with Harry, indulging herself in his warmth, the safety of his arms and the oblivion of making love with him.

Was she really on some post traumatic high as Harry suggested? She hadn't felt confused. But then Harry had taken care of all the decisions: what they did, what and when they ate, everything. She began to feel the first claws of uncertainty take root in her brain; roots that would spread and grow and cripple her ability to make even the smallest decision and to think clearly. Why did Harry always have to make it sound like he knew everything?

And yet he had asked her to stay.

And he'd meant it.

She turned the unicorn over in her hand again, and pressed the button to make it light up. Maybe she wouldn't have to send a replacement. Amira was strong, she'd known that Nikki was more in need of the torch than she was. Amira still had Harry. Maybe she could email her a picture of the unicorn somewhere new every day. Perhaps once a week was more realistic as a wave of tiredness rippled through her body, bringing with it Harry's warning about how careful she needed to be in her relationship with Amira. But for all his warnings the unicorn in her hands was evidence that Amira had not yet given up her role of 'looking after Nikki.'

She lit the torch again, and watched the light reflect off the seat in front and heard the man in the adjacent seat huff.

Six months.

It wasn't that unrealistic.

Six months, to sort herself out and get Jack back on track and then she'd be in a position to decide.

She'd make sure Amira knew the unicorn was safe, and that she was looking after it for her and then perhaps she'd get on a plane and return it to her herself.