Thanks to the aninom, TessTrueHeart and Edge 15684 for reviewing my last chapter it meant a lot. I'm so glad that you enjoyed it. So here is the next chapter. WARNING: You may need tissues
Chapter 25 – Goodbye our Angel
As Sara entered the church she could hear the piano playing the tune to 'My Immortal' by Evanescence. The church was a very small traditional church with a lot of character. Sara chose this church because the scenery was beautiful and the cemetery was well looked after. She wanted only the best for her daughter. She could see Catherine, Warrick and Greg sitting at the front. Greg was holding Laura in his arms whilst Catherine attempted to soothe Eleazar. At the very front of the church were candles and pictures of Sara and Gil holding their daughters hand as she lay in the Intensive Care Unit, and one taken shortly after she died as she lay in Gil's arms. Sara felt a tear trickle down her cheek at the memory of that day.
Sara always thought that the only time she would have to walk down the aisle would be when she married Grissom. This made the pain hurt even more at the thought that her daughter would never be able to be her bridesmaid and watch her parents get married. It seemed to take a lifetime for Sara to follow the coffin down the aisle but she eventually reached the front of the church and took a seat next to Greg as Gil laid the coffin at the front with Nick. Gil and Nick both then joined them on the front bench as the vicar stood up.
"We are gathered here to say farewell to Angel Hope Grissom and to commit her into the hands of God" the Vicar began. "Death of a loved one is always a cause for mourning. However, when a baby dies, there is a sadness that goes beyond normal grief. We are programmed to expect that the old outlive the young. When a person who has lived a full life passes away, there is a sense that everything is as it should be. When a baby passes, who has not even has the chance to experience life, her death seems meaningless. If she was meant to die so soon why did she even come into the world? Only God can answer this question, only God knows why this baby was needed back into heaven" The vicar took a short pause and then continued. "Now let us pray" the vicar said as he lowered his head to look at the floor and shut his eyes. "Lord our God; you are the source of life. In you we live and move and have our being. Keep us in life and death in your love, and, by you grace, lead us to your kingdom, through your Son, Jesus Christ, our Lord." Once the vicar had finished saying the prayer, the congregation simply said 'Amen' and opened their eyes. "There are now a few people who wish to read a few poems out so I will allow them to say them. Nick was the first to stand up and walk to the front of the church.
"This is a poem that myself, and Warrick wrote for you from the point of view of Angel" Nick said as he unfolded the piece of paper.
"Time has taken me from you,
Although not very far.
I'll be watching through the sunshine
And through the brightest star.
I'll be watching all of you,
From the heavens up above.
So take good care of each other
And carry all my love.
If you're ever wondering
If I'm there, here's where you can start.
Take a look inside yourself
Deep within your heart.
I'll always be your baby,
Your child (grandchild), your best friend.
So anytime you need me,
Close your eyes I'm back again."
Nick finished and looked up. He could see Sara and Gil smiling through tear stained cheeks. "Thank-You guys for that its perfect and it means a lot" Gil said and Nick looked at him.
"You're welcome" they all said. "I think Cath has something she wants to say as well" Nick said as he walked to sit down. As Catherine stood up she placed Eleazar into Nick's arms and walked to the front.
"This is also a poem that I wrote myself" Catherine said.
"The world may never notice
If a Snowdrop doesn't bloom,
Or even pause to wonder
If the petals fall too soon.
But every life that ever forms,
Or ever comes to be,
Touches the world in some small way
For all eternity.
The little one we long for
Was swiftly here and gone.
But the love that was then planted
Is a light that still shines on.
And though our arms are empty,
Our hearts know what to do.
Every beating of our hearts
Says that we do love you."
Catherine looked up to see that Gil was hugging Sara who was beginning to cry quite strongly. "Catherine that was beautiful thank you very much" Sara said whilst trying to hold back any more tears that threatened to spill over. "You're welcome" Catherine said. "I'd like to say something now" said Greg as he stood up, handed Eleazar to Warrick and took a piece of paper out of his top pocket. "This poem is from Angel's point of view as though she is talking to all of us"
"When tomorrow starts without me
and I am not here to see,
if the sun should rise
and find your eyes all
filled with tears for me.
I wish so much you wouldn't cry
the way you did today,
while thinking of the
many things we didn't get to say.
I know how much you love me,
as much as I love you,
and each time you think of me
I know you'll miss me too.
But when tomorrow starts without me,
please try to understand,
that an angel came and called my name
and took me by the hand."
"That was amazing Greg" Said Gil. After they all said their thanks. Gil decided it was time for him to stand up and say the poem he had been working on all week. "I have wrote two poems but they will never be anywhere near perfect for out little Angel because words cannot describe how much pain me and Sara are in but I just wanted Angel to know a little bit about how we feel"
"Your time was not now
You were not meant for me
A soul to look after
A child not to be
You were a gift
From the lord up above
A gift of an angel
Given with love
You were so tired
Of life not yet had
An angel in waiting
You left us so sad
But I am so grateful
For the time we were given
And I know that you watch us
With the other angels in heaven."
"And I wrote this one also" Gil said before he began.
"When God calls little children to dwell with him above,
We mortals sometimes question the wisdom of His love.
For no heartache compares with the death of one small child,
Who does so much to make our world seem wonderful and mild.
Perhaps God tires of calling the aged to his fold,
So He picks a rosebud, before it can grow old.
God knows how much we need them,
and so He takes but a few
To make the land of heaven
more beautiful to view.
Believing this is difficult
still somehow we must try,
The saddest word mankind knows
will always be "Goodbye."
So when a little child departs,
we who are left behind
Must realize God loves children,
its just that angels are hard to find."
"Sleep tight little Angel, mommy and me will love you forever" Gil said as he began to cry. He decided to sit down. Sara got up and walked towards the front of the church. Sara already knew this was going to be hard enough so she decided to start as quickly as possible before she broke down. "I have a few poems that I have written and would like to read aloud"
"I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today.
I asked what makes a Mother
And I know I heard him say.
A Mother has a baby
This we know is true.'
But God, can you be a Mother
When your baby's not with you?
Yes, you can, He replied
With confidence in His voice
I give many women babies
When they leave is not their choice.
Some I send for a lifetime
And others for a day.
And some I send to feel your womb
But there's no need to stay.
I just don't understand this, God
I want my baby here
He took a breath and cleared His throat
And then I saw a tear.
I wish I could show you
What your child is doing today.
If you could see your child smile
With other children and say:
"We go to earth to learn our lessons
Of love and life and fear.
My Mommy loved me oh so much
I got to come straight here.
I feel so lucky to have a Mom
Who had so much love for me
I learned my lesson very quickly
My Mommy set me free.
I miss my Mommy oh so much
But I visit her each day.
When she goes to sleep
On her pillows where I lay.
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek
And whisper in her ear.
"Mommy don't be sad today
I'm your baby and I'm here."
So you see my dear sweet one
Your children are ok
Your babies are here in My home
And this is where they'll stay.
They'll wait for you with Me
Until your lesson is through.
And on the day that you come home
They'll be at the gates for you.
So now you see what makes a Mother
It's the feeling in your heart.
It's the love you had so much of
Right from the very start.
Though some on earth may not realize
You are a Mother until their time is done.
They'll be up here with Me one day
And you know you're the best one!"
"This following poem is off me and your daddy" Said Sara talking to Angel.
"At night when we look up to the skies
And see a twinkling star,
That sparkles brighter than the rest
We know that's where you are.
Because you're in a special place
That's not so far away
A place of peace and endless love
Where angels dance and play.
Little Angel you mean everything
But heaven made you free
To dance with joy among the clouds
For all Eternity."
"I also wrote this one for Gil because everyone always asks me how I am but very rarely to they ask Gil. I also wanted to thank him for everything he has done over the past few days"
"It must be very difficult
To be a man in grief,
Since "men don't cry" and "men are strong"
No tears can bring relief.
It must be very difficult
To stand up to the test
And field the calls and visitors
So I can get some rest.
They always ask if I'm all right
And what I'm going through.
But seldom take his hand and ask,
"My friend, but how are you?"
He hears me crying in the night
And thinks his heart will break.
He dries my tears and comforts me,
but "stays strong" for my sake.
It must be very difficult
To start each day anew
And try to be so very brave -
He lost his baby too."
"God gave you too us but he missed you so much that he needed you back with him. Angel we will never stop loving you and you will never be forgotten. You will live on in the hearts of all the people whose lives you ever touched." Sara looked at the tiny coffin and wept.
"While we were dreaming of your baby ways,
God was planning your heavenly days,
While we wept when we were alone,
God rejoiced because you were home"
"Night Night Angel, until we meet again" Sara said placing her hand on the coffin and walking to take her place next to Gil.
The time came for the coffin to be taken behind the curtain ready to be taken to the cemetery. As the curtain came down the song 'My Immortal' played in the church.
My Immortal by Evanescence
I'm so tired of being here, suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave
Your presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone
These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me
You used to captivate me by your resonating light
Now, I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me
These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me, I've been alone all along
When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me, me, me
Sara watched as her daughter's coffin disappeared behind the curtain. Knowing that it was the last time she would ever see her daughter broke her heart. Gil and Sara both broke down into hysterical sobs. They were clinging to death as if their life depended on it. They both felt like someone had stabbed them in the heart and was twisting the knife. They had never felt true pain until this happened. All they wanted was their daughter back and that was the one thing they could never have.
10 minutes later they were both stood outside surrounding the grave and the vicar was talking. Sara's legs were shaking and she felt like she was about to collapse to the floor but she knew she had to remain strong for Gil, Eleazar, Rose and even Angel.
"In the Name of God, the merciful Father, we commit the body of Rose Hope Grissom to the peace of the grave and your hands" The priest said. He then made the sign of the cross and let three hand-full's of earth fall onto the coffin, saying: " You gave her life, receive her in your peace and give her, through Jesus Christ, a joyful resurrection" He took a short pause before continuing. Lord God, our Father in heaven, Lord God, the Son, and Saviour of the world, Lord God, the Holy Spirit, have mercy on us. At the moment of death, and on the last day, save us, merciful and gracious Lord God." He made the cross with his hand. "Let us now listen to the words of Holy Scripture that assures us of God's safe-keeping in life and death." After a few passages from the bible it was time to pray.
"Our Father in heaven, we thank you that, through Jesus Christ, you have given us the gift of eternal life. Keep us firm in the faith, that nothing can separate us from your love. When we lose someone who is dear to us, help us to receive your comfort and to share it with one another. We thank you for what you have given us through Angel Hope Grissom. We now entrust ourselves to you, just as we are, with our sense of loss and of guilt, When the time has come, let us depart in peace, and see you face to face, for you are the God of our salvation." After the prayer everyone quietly said 'Amen'
The coffin began to be lowered into the ground and Sara and Gil placed a Lily onto the coffin and 2 teddy bear's; one saying daughter and one saying sister. The coffin reached the bottom of the hole and Sara and Gil just stood there crying. Everyone around them began to walk away to give them some distance. Gil's mother was stood talking with Catherine, Greg, Warrick and Nick and was holding Laura and crying.
Sara looked at the headstone. It was a small one in the shape of a teddy bear. It read:
"Here lies a special and much loved Daughter and Sister
Angel Hope Grissom,
Born July 10th 2011, Died July 11th 2011.
Until we meet again sweetheart.
May you fly with the angel's
Always loved, sadly missed.
'An angel in the book of life wrote down my baby's birth. Then whispered as she closed the book "too beautiful for earth'"
"She was too young" Sara said.
"I know she was" Gil replied. "She's still with us though all the time, even though we cannot see her".
They stood there for over 30 minutes just talking and crying. Eventually the digger came around to fill the grave in. They watched until the coffin was completely covered before walking away ready to go to the wake.
So what did you guys think? I don't know about you but I'm crying. It took me hours to find all the poems and such. I also apologise if any of the funeral sayings are wrong. I do not attend church as I am an atheist and I have only ever attended one funeral so I apologise. I really hope you liked it. Please, Please, Please review. This chapter was so hard and heart breaking for me to write and I would love to know what you think. I won't update until I get at least 155 reviews for this story so please review. They really mean a lot to me and could cheer me up right now lol. Love you all, Laura xxx.
Also, a few people have asked me but yes they will find out who the father of the babies are.
This is the kind of church I pictured whilst writing the chapter:
./imgres?q=st+peter%27s+church+of+england&um=1&hl=en&sa=X&biw=1280&bih=587&tbm=isch&tbnid=NJ0vhfbg7KwAVM:&imgrefurl=.&docid=jKFGDf9DLzMb3M&w=450&h=300&ei=18ddTurNOMXX8gOm1ridAw&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=964&vpy=250&dur=1417&hovh=183&hovw=275&tx=212&ty=108&page=1&tbnh=145&tbnw=213&start=0&ndsp=15&ved=1t:429,r:9,s:0