The end...
Warning: super-sad chapter
EDIT 25.06.2011: Hello again, nice to see you all again. I know some of you were wondering whether I'm still alive...Voila! here I am! I am on the slow and painful task of editing Her Existence. I was so flattered by the PMs and fave-list adds I get and so ashamed of my grammer and typos -particularly in the first chapters of HE- that I decided to start editing. I believe that I am slightly better in my command of english compared to 4 years ago but alas! My english isn't perfect, but I will try my best.
Some of you might want to know about Midnight Wings, and I must say; no, I am not continuing the story, it's painful for me as I like it, but I think it's better this way. On a brighter note, I am working on another angsty anf gloomy RK fanfic, however since I have a career now, it is a slow process, but please look forward to it!
Chapter 25: Her Existence
Kaoru sighed sleepily and flipped over on her back. She frowned as she felt brightness from behind her closed eyes. Her eyelids flickered open and blinked several time before she brought her hand to her eyes and rubbed them gently. Then she glanced around her. The sun rays seeped from the window, illuminating the room.
Kaoru immediately sat up, looking around.
A kimono was hanging at the further end of the room; a small table with two drawers was located to her right near the door.
She was in her room in her dojo, sitting on her futon. Her eyes travelled down her body and found that she was wearing her sleeping yakata. Suddenly her hand shot to her neck, feeling the smooth skin there.
Smooth skin?
There was no scar...no bandage
Kaoru let out a sigh of relief. What a nightmare...she thought as she started to un-braid her hair but it felt so real, the torture, the sadness and despair.
Kaoru shook her head, trying to dismiss the long nightmare and rose to her feet.
I better get dressed and prepare breakfast.
Once she was dressed, she pulled her hair up in the usual ponytail and stepped out of the room. She made her way to the kitchen, where she could hear noises. Kaoru sighed in relief when she saw Kenshin inside. See everything fine, everything is normal.
"Good morning Kaoru-dono" Kenshin greeted as he sliced few vegetables.
"Good morning Kenshin" he smiled before going back to his work.
"I have planned make breakfast today, let me take over now" Kaoru said.
"No need to trouble yourself, Kaoru-dono, I'm almost done"
Kaoru shrugged "then I better go and rouse Yahiko" and she walked out of the kitchen.
As she walked on the porch the gate was opened and Sano strolled in lazily, hands in his pockets.
"Yu, Jou-chan!" he greeted.
"Sano," Kaoru smiled brightly, feeling more relaxed "you decided to wake up early"
"Didn't want to miss Kenshin's breakfast" he said as he perched on the porch, leaning against the wooden post.
"Kenshin is cooking!" a voice said from the other part of the yard. Yahiko walked towards them, with his bokken resting against his shoulder "glad I took the risk and woke up early, I would have been mortified if it was Kaoru's awful cooking" he slumped casually beside Sano.
"Shut up, Yahiko" Kaoru said angrily "since Kenshin has made breakfast I will be cooking lunch today. So if you have any problem with that, go and find your own food"
Both men paled visibly and looked at each other.
"You think we should go to Tea's?" Sano whispered.
"Yes, I don't want to die from poisoning, I'm too young" Yahiko whispered back.
Kaoru gritted her teeth and fisted her hands "you idiots! You better-"
"Oh Kenshin is done!" Yahiko interrupted her deliberately and rose his feet as Kenshin made his way towards them.
They all sat eating and chatting. Kaoru felt like a fool for worrying over nothing. Everything was normal. However, she kept glancing involuntarily at Kenshin as he talked with Sano.
He's fine, why are you worrying? He was only injured in your dream.
Despite repeating this in her mind, she couldn't help this sense of wrongness, the feeling that something wasn't quite right. What happened after he had fought Enishi in her dojo? Kaoru shuddered as she remembered him and touched her neck again, it was smooth and scarless so this means that she hadn't been kidnapped by him. Her eyes travelled to her own wrists, the skin was intact and flawless.
You are being silly, no one had tortured you or...Kaoru shook her head again, refusing to even think about what she had been through in her nightmare.
She glanced around at her friends, who were chatting and laughing with ease.
They all here with me, they are fine. This is real and no one can take this away from me.
Kaoru smiled now, pushing the dark thoughts and feelings away.
By the afternoon, Kaoru was alone in the dojo. Kenshin had gone to the town to get few things but he should be back any minute now so Kaoru was walking in the corridors of her house, heading for the front porch to wait for Kenshin. As she stepped on the porch, she noticed a figure standing by her open gate.
The sun was high in the sky, making it difficult to see properly in this angel. Kaoru squinted her eyes and shielded her brow with one hand to see better.
"Hello," Kaoru said as she stepped down the porch "can I help you?"
The figure didn't say anything but he took two steps inside her yard.
Kaoru stopped and looked at him.
The figure was wearing a dark hakama and a light blue gi. His brown hair was tied in a high ponytail and his kind and gentle brown eyes regarded her.
"Okita...what..." Kaoru froze. What is he doing here? How do I know him? She had only met him in her dream and he had died. Kaoru started to panic this isn't making any sense, something is wrong, what should I do? Kenshin...
"Kaoru" Okita said gently "this is not real"
"What...are you talking about?" fear appeared in her blue eyes as she took a step back.
"This is not where you belong"
"No!" Kaoru shook her head "this is my home; this is where I belong, with my friends. This is my real life..."
"This used to be your life, Kaoru" he said and his eyes were filled with sympathy "you can't go back to this, things have changed...you have changed"
"No...no...I'm still..." she looked around her "this is real, Kenshin is coming any moment"
Okita shook his head sadly "nothing is real here, this is a fragment of your mind, you are trying to protect yourself from the harsh and cruel reality you're facing. But you can't stay here forever, you have to face your pain"
"There is nothing to face, it was all a dream, the time travel, meeting the other Kenshin and you and even being kidnapped and tortured by Enishi," she paused and her eyes lit for a moment "see" she lifted her hands "there are no scars, nothing-" Kaoru froze as he caught sight of her own wrists. Dark red circles were clearly visible on the delicate skin where she had been bound and chained before. And at the same moment she felt warm and wet liquid on her neck. With a quivering hand, she felt the skin on her neck and when she looked at her hand again, her fingers where stained red.
"No..." she whispered in a broken voice as she sank on her knees "no..."
Okita who had been observing her initial hope and then her despair with great sadness, moved towards her.
"Kaoru-" he started.
"NO!" Kaoru's hands flew to her ears "I don't want to go back!" tears were streaming down her cheeks "I don't want to be hurt anymore...please" she sobbed.
Okita's face was shadowed with sadness and pain for her. He knelt before her and enveloped her with his arms, trying to protect her even if it was for a short minute "shhh" he whispered as he rubbed her back "things will be alright" the scenery around them, her home, her dojo, the trees, the sun...all started to melt slowly and be replaced with darkness...nothingness. Okita tightened his arms around Kaoru, not wanting her to see her world crumbling around her "all will be fine" he whispered in a soothing voice "it will be over soon" his voice was sad now as he talked to the sobbing girl "yes It will be over soon...I promise"
"Kaoru, wake up" Kaoru heard Tomoe's voice "her scar is bleeding" Tomoe said to someone else.
Kaoru opened her eyes and saw Tomoe staring down at her with her usual impassive face. Kaoru blinked several time and when she focused she noticed someone standing behind Tomoe and staring at her intently.
Enishi
Kaoru started to rise from her lying position on her side. They had moved to the dojo which connected the present to this time and Enishi had made Kaoru sleep in one small room inside the main house. Now she sat on the futon, her back against the wall. Her hand rose to her face and she wiped the tears flowing down her cheeks. She had been crying in her sleep.
"I will search for something to bandage her neck" Tomoe said as she stood up and made her way to the door.
Now Kaoru was alone with Enishi, who was standing few paces away from the futon. She was still too lost in her dream to feel afraid, but Enishi suddenly moved towards her and knelt on her futon before her, making Kaoru jump.
"I guess I'm present even in your dreams" a small smirk was playing across his lips as he said that.
"Not this time" Kaoru said, trying to ignore how close he was.
Enishi raised an eyebrow "so what were you dreaming about?" he asked, curious.
"I..." Kaoru looked away, remembering her home, her friends, Kenshin and her old self "I dreamed that I was back to my home" she finally said "that none of this had happened, no pain, no torture. That I was the old Kaoru"
Enishi remained silent, studying her. She was fully dressed, but her hair was loose and little bit dishevelled. She looked beautiful but what caught his attention was the look in her eyes, it seemed as if she was still living her dream.
"How was it like?" Enishi asked "going back"
A smile -a very small smile- tugged her lips upward "it was like a dream"
Enishi stared at her sharply, she seemed somewhere else, possibly re-living her dream.
True. Kaoru was remembering how they sat together eating breakfast, chatting and laughing with no worries; they hadn't done that since she had been taken by Enishi.
We were so happy
Just as she thought this, a hand touched her cheek, making her jump again.
Enishi had extended his hand and was now caressing her cheek making her look at him.
"You can dream all you want," he said, looking directly into her eyes "but you will never go back there. I will not allow it" and he leaned over to kiss her but Kaoru instinctively turned her face, making his lips touch her cheek instead.
Enishi paused for a moment, before planting a soft kiss on her cheek "you can't turn the other way forever" he whispered "soon I will have you all alone, where no one can reach you and you know that you can't do anything against me"
"Kenshin will come" although Kaoru couldn't wait to see Kenshin, she was dreading that moment too. She tried to sound confident but she shivered as Enishi's breath tickled her cheek.
"Yes, he will" Enishi said as he pulled away slightly to look at her "and I will kill him this time" he said confidently "tomorrow you will watch him die" he smirked when he saw fresh tears rolling down Kaoru's cheeks.
"Please don't hurt him" Kaoru pleaded. She knew that it was the younger Kenshin who's coming tomorrow and he stood no chance against Enishi's strength.
Her pleading voice only made Enishi's smile deepen "I hope you haven't forgotten the most important rule I had taught you; if you want something, you have to give something in return" he leaned closer to her again, his mouth almost touching hers "kiss me and I will consider your request"
Kaoru's breath began to quicken, she wanted to pull away, to be away from him but her back was pressed against the wall. She couldn't move away. However, if there was anything she could do to spare Kenshin some pain, she would do it. So, with a trembling body, she closed the short distance between their mouths and kissed him.
At first Enishi responded slowly, nipping and sucking at her lips gently, then his kiss deepened and his arms sneaked behind her, pushing her against his body. As Kaoru felt herself being lowered on the futon, she glimpsed a figure by the door, and then it disappeared.
Tomoe?
This thought flew out of her head when she felt Enishi's hand sneaking between the fold of her kimono.
Kaoru turned her head to the right, breaking the kiss "no! You've only said a kiss"
Enishi lifted himself up slightly, he was on four on top of her, his hands pinning Kaoru's at either side of her head "indeed, I have said that" but he didn't move, instead he stared at her cross-shaped scar "this should have been healed long ago"
"It never has" Kaoru's heart was beating fast, afraid because she felt trapped in this position underneath him, so she tried to distract him by talking "it always bleeds when I'm stressed or...or if I remember my suffering during that time"
Enishi appeared to be thinking for several moments before he spoke again "You have never managed to forget what I've done" it wasn't a question.
"How could I?" Kaoru looked into his black eyes "the memories keep haunting me every minute. You have won, in the end everything went exactly the way you wanted" Kaoru turned her head the other way, unable to look at him any longer.
Enishi was silent for a while
"You think I have forgotten about you after the last day on that island, you think I have gone away and celebrated my success" he said "well, you're wrong, you kept haunting my thoughts too, constantly. I have sent many people to check on your condition for several months after I had released you. Even in the weeks you were captive, there was always this feeling that tormented me every time I entered that dark cell where I had locked you and every time you cry and beg at the mere sight of me. I wanted to let you go, to try to make things right before it was too late but for some reason I couldn't"
"It's because your revenge," Kaoru now looked up at him "because you wanted to hurt Kenshin, that's why you couldn't let me go"
"Yes, maybe that was part of the reason, but the other part was you" Enishi sat up and pulled Kaoru slowly she would be sitting before him "I kept telling myself I will release you the next day, but I just couldn't. Maybe it was lust, maybe obsession..." he paused, then stared directly into her sapphire eyes "maybe it was love"
Kaoru's eyes grew wide "no...love is not like this..."
Enishi surprised her by chuckling
"Yes, yes love isn't like this, normal people don't express their love by forcing their loved ones," he extended his hand and touched her cheek gently "but I'm far from normal, I know that. I have been through a lot, have seen too much since I was nine. Yes I have survived watching my sister die, survived the beating, the starvation in China, or at least my body has...but my mind hasn't" he paused, his handsome face appeared to be deep in thought "sometimes I think this is the only form of loving I'm capable of" his thumb wiped a fresh tear on Kaoru's cheek gently "Kaoru, Kaoru...crying for the man you had ruined you" he shook his head "you have always puzzled me"
Kaoru couldn't understand either, why was she crying? She felt herself being pulled against Enishi's muscular chest.
"I don't know how you do that" Enishi whispered "how you could retain your innocence and purity after all what I have done to you" he stroke her hair and kissed the top of her head "I don't want to hurt you anymore, but you should co-operate, you should accept the fact that you will always be with me starting tomorrow"
Kaoru didn't resist his touch, she didn't struggle in his strong arms, oddly she felt safe, she felt that this was how it's supposed to be.
Maybe I should just give in, accept him...
But why was she crying? Why was her heart aching so much?
"You should wait" the rurouni said weakly, as he lied staring at the younger Kenshin fastening his arm protector "you can't beat him alone"
"Waiting isn't an option" the assassin said calmly as he secured the other arm protector "he has clearly stated in his letter that I will never see Kaoru if I'm five minutes late"
The rurouni sighed and closed his eyes. He was lying on his back on a futon in the town's clinic. His chest was bandaged and his body was still so weak that he could barely walk. It had been only yesterday that he had regained his senses and today someone arrived bearing a letter from Enishi challenging the younger Kenshin. It was obvious that Enishi's victory depends on separating them. The younger Kenshin had a slim chance of defeating him alone. But there was little they could do. Enishi had planned well.
"You know that you can't defeat him by yourself" the rurouni repeated, opening his eyes.
"I have to try. Kaoru has been under his mercy for three days," the younger Kenshin fisted his hands "he might be hurting her as we speak"
"You might die" the rurouni pressed.
"If I die I will make sure that I take him down with me," the younger Kenshin replied and he looked down on the rurouni intently "and I trust you to take care of Kaoru" he finished with a nod.
The rurouni looked directly into his eyes "your death will only serve to hurt Kaoru, she won't forgive herself"
The younger Kenshin was silent for a while, and then he knelt by the futon suddenly "have she ever told you what she had been through in the month of her captivity?"
The rurouni looked at him, puzzled at the abrupt change of subject "no...never, she wouldn't tell anyone what had happened on that island. All we know is based on Megumi's diagnosis"
The younger Kenshin nodded "you have to make her speak. She had been carrying the burden of those memories and experience alone. I should have made more effort to make her share the burden. Now I have lost my chance, but you can help her to forget"
"Why are you talking like this?" the rurouni was truly puzzled, he tried to sit up but his chest hurt so much that he slumped back on the futon "you can't die, think of Kaoru"
"She is all I'm thinking about" the younger Kenshin said as he stood "I don't need to make you promise to take care of her and my child" he moved to the door "I know you will" he stopped by the door and appeared to be thinking deeply, one hand resting on the door's edge.
The rurouni sensed that he was hesitating but the younger man finally spoke "I have always wondered," only his profile was visible to the rurouni " whether I would live through the war and conflicts of my time, and this had prevented me from thinking about my future, about the kind of man I might become" he paused "but I certainly wouldn't have expected to be the man you are" he hesitated again, this time for a longer time "my jealousy has blinded me, I was wrong about you" now he looked at the rurouni, a small smile appeared on his youthful face "I'm glad to have met you" and he stepped out of the room.
It was the first time the rurouni had seen him smiling since he had arrived in this time.
"Am I clear?" Enishi asked Kaoru in a stern voice "don't even think about interfering"
Kaoru didn't look at him, instead she turned her head towards the open door. They were inside the dojo, the place where she had first found herself in this time, standing furthest from the door.
Maybe he won't come Kaoru tried to lie to herself, hoping that something would stop Kenshin from coming maybe Katsura-san has summoned him, his duty will be more important.
"Ah!" Kaoru cried out when Enishi suddenly gripped her upper arms in a painful hold.
"Don't ignore me, Kaoru" Enishi almost hissed "I asked, am I clear?"
Kaoru could see the rage in his eyes, but she was more worried about Kenshin than Enishi's temper.
"Please, don't fight him" Kaoru tried pleading again "I will do anything"
Enishi smirked, releasing her "this time it isn't about you Kaoru" he said "I'm doing this for my sister" he glanced with a warm smile at Tomoe, who was standing near the wooden table where the names of many students were written.
"Please," Kaoru insisted, taking a step toward him "I will obediently go with you, I..."
"You're not going anywhere with him, Kaoru"
Kaoru froze when she heard this voice, the calm, cold voice. A voice she had longed to hear for days, the voice she had held to during the previous three nights huddled under the covers, fearing Enishi's visits. She turned slowly towards the door "Kenshin..."
The younger Kenshin stood at the threshold of the door, morning light outlining his figure. He took two steps inside, his eyes fixed on Kaoru. His sharp eyes swept over her figure, checking for any injuries, and noticed the stains of blood near her neck.
"Are you hurt?" Kenshin asked, his eyes narrowing.
"No...I'm fine...I..." she took one step towards him but Enishi held her arm and yanked her backwards.
"Not so fast" he said to Kaoru before facing Kenshin "so you have decided to come"
"Take your hand off her" Kenshin said in a chilling voice.
Enishi smirked at that "now, now, now I had done more than touching her" and he pushed Kaoru to the side before moving to stand in the middle of the training hall.
Kaoru stumbled, but managed to hold her balance "Kenshin don't fight him!" she said urgently.
"Too late now" Enishi said as he unsheathed his long sword "your life was forfeited the moment you stepped inside this dojo"
"I do not intend to back away; I've come here to kill you"
"You can try" Enishi said as he pushed back his glasses with one finger "I will enjoy spilling your blood"
"Woman!" Kenshin said, addressing Tomoe.
Tomoe looked at him with an emotionless face, but her eyes reflected her true feelings.
Hatred and loathing
"If I die, will your hatred be appeased?" he asked this question coldly, as if he wasn't talking about his own life.
"No..." Kaoru shook her head, her eyes wide.
"Yes," Tomoe answered "only then justice will be served"
"Then Kaoru should be released, your revenge will be over"
Enishi raised his eyebrow at this and Kaoru felt a chilling fear gripping her heart as she listened to Kenshin's word.
He won't die...he can beat Enishi...he can
"What is between my brother and Kaoru is none of my concern" Tomoe replied "I will not ask him to release her" her now emotionless black eyes were in contrast to Kenshin's furious golden eyes.
"Then," Kenshin unsheathed his sword slowly "you better be far away when I kill your brother" and he charged at Enishi.
Enishi leapt forward at the same moment, ready to receive Kenshin's blow. But instead of sweeping the blade in great curve, Kenshin lunged with it, trying to drive its point through the muscle of his left arm. Enishi dodged. He moved just as Kenshin whipped the stab towards his arm.
Enishi kept his gaze fixed on Kenshin's calm amber eyes.
"No matter how long you stall," Enishi said "you will lose. You're no match for me"
Kenshin hefted the sword in his right hand, flicked it forward to touch Enishi's blade, then he swung.
Enishi Smirked "I will play along with you" he blocked Kenshin's attack and swung at him forcefully.
Kenshin parried, and was pushed backward as a result of the sheer strength of the blow. He noticed that Enishi was counting on brute strength as he edged forward and swung blow after blow. It was as if his intentions were to rob Kenshin of his strength slowly.
Kaoru's attention was directed solely on the battle. She winced whenever Enishi struck at Kenshin. He was so strong and large that Kaoru found it hard to remain still. But looking at Kenshin eased her fear slightly. Although his eyes were sharp and calculating, His demeanour was calm.
Enishi dodged one of Kenshin's strikes. His sword edged toward the lunge, then he whipped back at Kenshin as he sidestepped. Kenshin made the same quick sidestep, so that each of them missed. Instead they clashed, chest to chest. They stayed like that for a minute before Enishi suddenly jumped backward two steps and thrust his sword at Kenshin's chest. Kenshin instinctively backed away and swung his blade.
"Got you!" Enishi smiled in triumph, and at the last minute swept his sword sideway and slashed at Kenshin's side.
Kenshin hissed as blood appear at his left side.
They both stood facing each other, their breathes were loud gasps of air
"Kenshin!" Kaoru made it to run toward him but stopped when Tomoe suddenly appeared at her side, knife in hand.
"Don't interfere, Kaoru" Tomoe said calmly.
Kaoru stared at the knife for few moments before her attention was pulled by the fight as Kenshin charged again at Enishi.
"Give up" Enishi said.
"Never" Kenshin swung a blow at Enishi, who parried easily.
"Then I will end this," Enishi said "now!" and he skipped forward so fast that for a moment Kenshin was startled, only a moment, but it was enough for Enishi.
He cut at Kenshin fast. Kenshin's blade met the cut hard and he saw Enishi draw back with a smirk before sweeping his sword in an almost vertical blow at his chest.
For a moment Kenshin didn't feel anything, then it hit. Blood spurted from a long cut across his chest and he fell on the ground.
The rurouni's eyes snapped open and he immediately sat up.
Kaoru
His eyes were wide and his breaths came laboriously.
I have to go to her...I have to stop the fight
He struggled to stand, his fever had gone down, but he still felt weak. He tried to put on his gi and yakata as quickly as allowed by his weakened state.
I should have gone with him and...and what? Get myself killed?
Kenshin shook his head, he didn't care; he just had to see Kaoru, to make sure she's ok.
Kaoru's leg could no longer support her and she was on her knees, staring with wide eyes at the bleeding Kenshin. Tomoe stood over her, knife in hand.
"No...Kenshin..." tears were streaming down her cheeks, making her vision blur.
Blood oozed from the long wound across Kenshin's chest. He had collapsed on his knees, gripping his chest tightly.
Enishi took his time walking towards him, sword resting on one shoulder "you are a fool," he looked down at Kenshin "you were dead the moment you stepped inside this dojo"
Kenshin didn't reply, his head was bowed and his breaths came in short loud gasps.
"In the end you couldn't save Kaoru," Enishi smiled maliciously "and I'm sure before you die you want to know what is going to happen to her" he confidently pushed his glasses back with his free hand "I will not torture her, but she will be in my bed for-"
Enishi's talk was cut short when Kenshin suddenly pushed himself up and punched Enishi on the face, making his shades fly off his startled face.
Kenshin glared at him with blazing amber eyes "you," he said through his hard breathing "will...not hurt her...anymore"
Enishi stared at him as he wiped the blood off the corner of his mouth "you can still move? Good I want you to suffer longer" he watched with smiling eyes as Kenshin bent over to retrieve his fallen sword.
Kenshin looked towards Kaoru, who was still on her knees. Panic filled her wide eyes, which were fixed on his bloody form.
"Kaoru, Kaoru calm down" he tried to reassure her "I'm fine" the wound was not deep; however, he was losing blood. But of course he wouldn't say that to Kaoru, she looked shocked and pale. He was worried...
So he smiled
"I'm fine" he repeated and saw her blink, he stared at her until she rose to her feet and she smiled at him too, though the fear was still obvious in her eyes.
He would do anything to protect her smile
Kenshin turned to Enishi, who had been observing them with amusement in his eyes.
"You are only prolonging both of your suffering" Enishi said "in the end you two can't be together"
Now it was Kenshin's turn to smirk "you're wrong" he said "I'm always with Kaoru, a part of me is already inside of her"
It took only a moment for this to register before Enishi's face twisted in rage "I will KILL YOU!" and he charged at Kenshin.
This time Enishi attacked with all his strength, he didn't hold back. He whipped his sword at Kenshin, and Kenshin dodged as Enishi had anticipated so with his free hand he slammed his fist on Kenshin's face, making him stumble backward. He heard a gasp from Kaoru, and for some reason this made him angrier. He charged at Kenshin again, not giving him time to recover and again punched him, this time on his stomach. Enishi could kill him now, he could see that Kenshin was becoming weak from blood loss and was whipping his blade blindly at Enishi. But he wanted to hurt him, to make him suffer, to appease his sister's hatred as well as his own, so Enishi continued to beat him mercilessly. At the same moment, he was remembering a certain snowy day, more than ten years ago. He was a boy, hiding in the woods looking as another Battousai gotten beaten by a shogunate. Enishi dodged one of Kenshin's blows easily. The day when Battousai's sword had cut his sister, killing her painfully. Don't worry, your sister is alive, just kill this Battousai and she will be happy. With a cry of rage Enishi delivered a direct punch on Kenshin's wounded chest, the blow was so strong that it pushed Kenshin several steps away from Enishi, before he fell on the wooden floor. Enishi stood motionless, breathing hard before he straightened his posture.
Kaoru felt her heart stop beating for a moment when Kenshin collapsed on the floor "No..." she took a step forward, Tomoe didn't stop her, a small smile was playing on her lips as she looked in Kenshin's direction.
"Kenshin..." Kaoru took another step but stopped when she saw him struggling to stand.
Enishi walked over to the struggling Kenshin and kicked him on the side.
Kenshin grunted and fell back on the ground.
"It's over," Enishi prepared to deliver the final blow "you die now"
"Kenshin, NO!"
The rurouni walked in the streets, he was struggling to remain standing, but he kept going.
I have to go on, I have to reach her...
Kaoru
I have killed many people to create a brighter world for the common people...
The younger Kenshin was standing in place filled with corpses. Everywhere he looked, corpses filled his view; he was surrounded by them.
But my own world was dark and stained with blood...
I was losing my mind but...
A girl appeared in my dark world and became my light...my hope...
She cried for the burden I carry...shed tears for my sake...
And I hurt her...
I kept hurting her but...
She forgave me everything...
I didn't deserve her yet...
I couldn't let her go...I wanted to possess her...to keep her away from everyone...
I wanted to protect her but...
I have failed...
I'm sorry...
Kaoru...
"NO! Kenshin" Kaoru crossed the distance between her and Kenshin in few moments, just when Enishi was about to drive his sword into Kenshin's back. Kaoru threw her arms over him, shielding him with her body.
Enishi stopped himself, his sword was few inches away from Kaoru's body.
"Move" Enishi said, barely suppressing his rage.
"No...I will not let you kill him" despite the tears, Kaoru stared at Enishi defiantly.
"Kaoru, I swear I will..."
"You have to kill me first" Kaoru pressed herself closer to Kenshin.
"Kao...ru..." Kenshin's voice was low and weak "move...I will...fight..." he was on his side and now he struggled to sit.
"No, you can't" Kaoru looked at him through her tears, he was so pale "enough, you have done enough...you can't go on"
"I'm sorry..."
Kaoru's eyes widen "no..." more tears flowed down her cheeks "I'm the one who's sorry..." Kaoru turned to look at Enishi and moved little bit away from Kenshin to do so "please, Enishi, you have taken everything from me, you have destroyed every happiness in my life...please, I beg you don't take him too"
Enishi seemed to get angrier by her words "I will kill him" he spat "and you will have no say in this matter" and he bent over and gripped her arm to move her away from Kenshin.
"NO!" Kaoru struggled "don't!" but Enishi pulled her up and then pushed her to the side, directly at Tomoe's feet, who had moved closer to them.
Enishi moved closer to Kenshin, who had managed to sit on his knees now.
"Want to look me in the eyes when I kill you?" Enishi smiled.
"NO!" Kaoru was sobbing uncontrollably and was becoming more hysteric, she looked up at Tomoe "please stop him" but Tomoe ignored her, looking satisfied at the outcomes of the fight. Kaoru paused, staring at the knife in Tomoe's hand.
Kenshin...
Enishi raised his blade to drive it into Kenshin's heart.
At the same moment Kaoru jumped to her feet, surprising Tomoe and snatched the knife off her hand.
"NO, Enishi!" Tomoe yelled.
Enishi stopped his strike and turned towards them...
...and felt a sharp pain in the middle of his abdomen area.
Enishi froze and looked down.
Kaoru had stabbed him on the abdomen, piercing a vital organ.
"I'm sorry..." Kaoru sobbed "I'm...I'm really sorry..."
Enishi's black eyes were wide with shock, not believing what was happening, then suddenly he smiled as he looked down at her, blood was starting to trickle down his chin.
"Kaoru..." his sword fell off his shaking hand and he touched her wet cheek before suddenly gathering her in his arms, making the knife go deeper inside him.
"You are and always will be too innocent..." he whispered "apologizing...to...me...I...to think...in the...end..." as he was starting to slide down, he looked over Kaoru's shoulder at his sister, the woman he had lived for, had killed for "nee-chan..." and he fell on the wooden floor, taking Kaoru down with him.
"I'm sorry...Enishi..." Kaoru repeated, she seemed on a shock as she looked down at his lifeless, open eyes. She felt a hand on her shoulder but didn't turn, she kept looking down at the man who had tormented her, who had ruined her life. The hand pulled her away from Enishi's corpse.
"Kaoru..." Kenshin said "Kaoru look at me, it's over" he cupped her face with shaking hands "it's over" he kissed her forehead.
"Kenshin...I...killed him" her eyes were wide.
"You did it for me, I would be dead if it weren't for you"
Kaoru wrapped her arms around him and clung to him desperately, her kimono becoming stained with Kenshin's blood. Over his shoulder she could see Tomoe leaning over Enishi's body.
She was crying
Kenshin pulled away slightly and kissed Kaoru on her mouth "you're safe now, you will be fine" he murmured.
Kaoru was glad to be in his arms, to feel his body against hers. Although he was shaking and weak his body would hold on.
"I love you Kaoru" he said as he helped her to stand
"I love you t-" Kaoru stopped when she heard a click, a very familiar sound and she again glanced over Kenshin's shoulder and her eyes become wide with panic.
Tomoe was pointing a gun at Kenshin's back
"KENSHIN NO!"
The gun's thunderous explosion echoed through the day.
The rurouni stopped.
What was this sound?
He was nearing the dojo and he heard an explosion, like a gun being fired.
Enishi's gun
Kenshin pushed himself and quickened his pace.
Kenshin shook his head as he pushed himself off the floor. Kaoru had pushed him away seconds before he heard the gun shot. Kenshin whipped his head to the side quickly, looking for Kaoru.
"Kaoru!"
She was lying on the floor, on her side, her back towards him.
She was not moving
She's fine, she has just fallen
He tried to reassure himself as he knelt behind her and gently turned her on her back.
"No..."
The front of her kimono was dark red, and it wasn't from his blood.
Kenshin felt his world collapsing as the blood stain on the middle of Kaoru's chest kept getting bigger.
The bullet had either pierced her heart or lung, either way, it was fatal.
"He's the only one who had understood me" Kenshin glanced over at Tomoe, who was caressing Enishi's cheek gently "he wanted to make me happy"
Kenshin looked back at Kaoru
"Kaoru, you will be fine," he moved to carry her "I will..." he stopped when Kaoru's eyes flickered open slowly.
"Ken...shin..." she whispered
"Yes Kaoru? I'm here"
"it's...it's so cold" she said weakly.
"You will be fine, I promise" Kenshin moved her carefully, so he can cradle her small body in his arms "me and you and our child will live together, no one will hurt you anymore"
Kaoru smiled dizzily, blood was starting to appear at the corner of her mouth "yes our child," her trembling hand moved over her stomach
Kenshin's eyes were wells of horror and sorrow as he held Kaoru to his chest. A sound escaped his lips, the sound of a soul at its utmost limit of suffering.
"I'm sorry Kaoru," tears started to pool in his eyes "I have failed you"
Kaoru raised her quivering hand to his face, touching his cheek.
Her skin was cold
"Don't...I..." her breathing began to slow "I...glad to...have...protected you...I..." suddenly she started to cough, her hand slipping down. Kenshin pulled her tighter into his embrace, closing his eyes as she bled her life out against his chest.
"Kaoru..."he whispered, his voice reflected his grieve "Kaoru..." he lowered her slightly to look into her eyes, they were beautiful sapphire, shining in contrast to her pale skin.
"I'm...sorry.." Kaoru whispered, for a moment sadness was all that he could see in her eyes "I wish...you...happiness...Kenshin" she sucked in three more laboured breaths, and then sighed out her life in Kenshin's arms, her eyes fluttering close and her head rolled to the side as her whole body became limp.
"Kaoru..." there was a change in the air, but Kenshin ignored that as he cradled her lifeless body closer "don't..."
Kaoru...
The rurouni stood frozen at the dojo's door, staring at the scene before.
"No..." he stepped inside slowly, his eyes fixed on the younger Kenshin as he cried holding Kaoru's motionless figure "no...it can't be...not her..." he went down on his knees, his eyes wide with disbelief. He bowed his head in despair, refusing to believe what he's seeing.
His eyes closed and as tears fell along his cheeks he felt things starting to change around him, they started to move so fast. And Kenshin suddenly felt like he was falling, he tried to open his eyes, but couldn't. Different sounds surrounded him, but the most dominant of all was the voice of a child's laughter. And then he felt himself being slammed at something...at nothing, before darkness overwhelmed him.
The moment he regained consciousness, the rurouni felt very fatigued. He strained to open his eyes and when he finally did, he saw that he was in a dojo.
Alone
He struggled to his feet and noticed that this dojo seemed familiar.
Kaoru's dojo!
Despite his weak state, he ran to the door and slid it open urgently...
And came face to face with Kaoru
"Ah!" she cried out and jumped away in surprise.
"Kaoru" he smiled and took a step towards her "I knew, you were all right...I'm glad" but his relief started to fade as he noticed her expression.
"Who are you?" Kaoru asked, she was wearing her training outfit and had bokken in one hand.
"Kaoru...it's me Kenshin"
"I...I know you look like him..." she seemed confused "but no! You're different"
"Kaoru!" a third voice echoed in the day and a moment later, the younger Kenshin appeared his hand on the hilt of his sword. He was still wearing his hair in a high ponytail, but his features appeared more mature.
He froze when he saw the rurouni
"Kenshin," Kaoru addressed the younger man "what's going on?" she looked from him to the rurouni, who was staring at his younger self with evident shock.
What's going on?
"Kaoru, I have-" the younger Kenshin started but was cut off when a fourth person appeared from behind the corner, coming from the main house.
A child
"Outo-san!" the child squealed happily and walked toward the younger Kenshin, stumbling every now and then.
He couldn't be more than three years old
The rurouni stared at the brown haired child as the younger Kenshin bent over and picked him up.
The child laughed loudly and clung to Kenshin before turning a pair of wide eyes on the rurouni.
"Outo-san!" he extended his hands towards the rurouni too.
"Ah, Kaoru," the younger Kenshin said "please take Kenji, I need to talk to this man alone"
Kaoru sighed and placed her bokken on the floor before taking Kenji off Kenshin's arms "alright, but you will tell me all about it later"
The younger Kenshin nodded "I will"
The rurouni watched as Kenji threw a ball at Kaoru and the child squealed happily when she caught it. He and the younger Kenshin stood on the house porch, while Kaoru played with Kenji in the yard. But she kept darting few looks towards them.
"This is not Kaoru" the rurouni said. Or she was Kaoru, but the one before Enishi entered her life. There was no bandage around her neck...no scar.
"Not the Kaoru me and you have known" the younger Kenshin replied. He glanced at Kaoru before looking at the rurouni "where have you disappeared to? I couldn't find you after..." he trailed "after that day"
"I haven't been anywhere, I have just been thrown out of that time" the rurouni kept looking at Kaoru "you were holding her...crying"
The younger Kenshin's face twisted in pain "I have failed, she died because of me"
"No it was Enishi"
The younger Kenshin paused, then realised that the rurouni hadn't witnessed what had happened "it wasn't Enishi who had killed Kaoru"
Now the rurouni looked at him "who..."
"Tomoe"
The rurouni's eyes grew wide, then he close them as if the pain was too much to bear.
"She wanted to kill me, I was the one who should be dead but..." he paused "Kaoru pushed me out of the way"
The rurouni opened his eyes, grieve and pain were visible in his violet orbs "if only I was there" he whispered as he watched Kaoru carry her son, twirling him around "what year is this?"
"Meji Era 1875"
"So eleven years has passed since that day" the day when Kaoru died. But to him it was only few minutes ago that he watched her lifeless body in the younger man's arms.
"I told myself that I shouldn't go and find Kaoru, the other Kaoru" the younger Kenshin said "but I couldn't. Immediately after the war I travelled to Tokyo. I kept watching over her, telling myself that I'm only protecting her, but I was weak I couldn't resist, she was so close"
The rurouni nodded "you said the Meji Era, so it means Katsura-san had won, right?"
"Yes, we had defeated the shogunates"
The rurouni was glad to hear that their middling with the past hadn't changed the outcomes, except...
"Only the three of you live here?" the rurouni asked.
"Yes, who else is supposed to be here?"
"Sano, Yahiko, Megumi, don't they visit?" the rurouni stared at his younger self, who wasn't younger than he anymore. They were about the same age, yet the other man was different, he wore a dark hakama and gi, his hair was pulled back in a high ponytail, there was no scar on his cheek, but most important of all...
His eyes were still amber
The younger Kenshin frowned "I don't know any of them, Dr. Genzai visits from time to time"
The rurouni felt something grip his heart. Their world was no more. Had it disappeared for good? Or had he been simply thrown in the wrong time? If so, what happened to his friends? Were they still waiting for them?
The rurouni sighed, too many questions. He wondered if he ever going to get the answers.
"Kaoru's body," the rurouni asked "where have you buried it?"
"In Kyoto" the younger Kenshin answered, his featured shadowed "I have never wanted to let her go, I stayed in that dojo, holding her cold body tightly, I was barely aware of the other body…Enishi's body"
"So you succeeded, you killed him"
The younger Kenshin shook his head "Kaoru killed him, she protected me twice"
"I see" the rurouni simply said, the pain in his heart was so great that he was starting to feel numb "I need to look at something, do you mind if I looked in Kaoru's room for a moment?"
"No, not at all"
The rurouni stood in the middle in Kaoru's room. It was obvious that nobody had used it in a long time. It made sense because Kaoru wouldn't be sleeping alone anymore so she had moved to a bigger room, possibly her parents' room. He remained standing for a while, looking around. All the memories of his time here flooded his mind. How long had he spent in this dojo? A year? No more than a year. It was his home, he possessed many memories here, good and bad ones.
We were happy
He moved towards a set of drawers opening them and he found what he sought in the second drawer.
Kaoru's diary
He flipped it open, going over the pages.
It was empty
Of course it would be empty, what had I expected? Kaoru had only started to write in her diary after she had been taken by Enishi.
The moment he thought that, something fell off the book and drifted to the floor. Kenshin knelt on one knee and retrieve the flat paper. He looked down at it.
Tears started to pool in his eyes, but despite that he smiled. He smiled sadly as his tears fell on the object in his hand.
I knew it...those times were real
He cradled it to his chest and cried like he had never before.
He cried for Kaoru
"You're still weak" the younger Kenshin said "you should stay"
The rurouni shook his head "I should go" they were standing near the open gate "I don't want to cause any confusion here"
The younger Kenshin didn't press him further because he seemed determined to go away from this dojo "I keep asking myself," he said instead "had I allowed Kaoru to go with you from the very beginning, would she still be alive?" although his voice was calm, the rurouni could see clearly the pain in his eyes "but I can never know the answer to that because I can't turn back time"
The rurouni was silent, he could still see that despite the long years, despite finding the other Kaoru, the younger Kenshin had never forgotten Kaoru...his Kaoru.
"Have you ever wondered why Kaoru has been thrown back to my time?" the younger Kenshin asked.
The rurouni appeared to be thinking "yes I had, but I have always thought it was to save Akira so Tomoe can be happy...I was wrong"
"I was thinking about it and I believe that Kaoru had travelled back in time to save herself"
The rurouni appeared puzzled "herself? But Kaoru is..." he couldn't bring himself to say it, his mind refused to believe that she was gone...forever.
"Yes, by going back she had died instead of Tomoe, and now Tomoe must be living peacefully with Enishi so it means he won't be coming after Kaoru to get to me" he paused "she had spared herself the torture and pain by altering the past, by saving Tomoe and young Enishi"
The rurouni thought about that. It was a good explanation, now Kaoru won't be subjected to all the agony and pain Enishi had put her through. As he was thinking that, Kaoru appeared from inside the house and she stood on the porch, looking at them.
The rurouni stared at her, committing her look to memory, it was the last time he would see her.
The younger Kenshin turned to look at her, they were silent for a moment before he spoke again "she is Kaoru"
"Yet," the rurouni said "she's different"
"No one is ever going to be like her" the younger Kenshin said "she was special. Her experience, her pain and suffering had made her into a different woman. But it's over now"
"Yes...finally, she's at peace" the rurouni gave Kaoru one last look before turning toward the gate "I must be on my way"
"What are going to do?"
"I will go to Kyoto, to visit Kaoru" the rurouni said as he moved towards the gate.
"And then?"
The rurouni turned his head and smiled at his younger self "I'm a rurouni, so I will continue my wandering. Maybe we will meet again, but farewell for now" and he stepped out of the dojo.
The younger Kenshin kept looking after him for a while before he turned towards Kaoru. She had descended down the porch and was now making her way to him.
She stopped when she neared him "who was-" she was cut off when Kenshin suddenly hugged her, pressing her to his chest.
"I love you..." he buried his face into her hair "I love you, I love you...
...Kaoru"
The rurouni strolled along the road they used to take whenever they had gone to town. He glanced to his right at the river.
Soon spring will come and the cherry trees will blossom
They used to go every time to watch the trees, he, Sano, Yahiko, Megumi and...
Kaoru
Could it be that there world is no more?
He stopped by a certain tree, the tree under which he had once said goodbye to Kaoru. Gentle wind blew, ruffling his hair.
Other would think that his time with his friends was a dream, a part of his imagination, nothing real. That Kaoru had not brought them together, had not opened her house for them. Maybe he was crazy, maybe he hadn't been through all that adventure with them.
Kenshin smiled as he looked up at the huge tree.
No it was real, all their laughters and tears, their happiness and sorrow...all was real
He buried his hand in the pocket of his sleeve and retrieved the object he had taken from Kaoru's diary. He traced it with his finger.
It was a picture of the four of them. Kenshin smiled as his finger touched Kaoru's face in the picture. She was smiling brightly, her smile seemed to illuminate the entire picture.
Kaoru , even if our world is no more, our time together was real, you were real, and this is a proof, a proof of a happy time, a proof of a strong friendship, a proof of our lives...
Yes this was the proof of...
Her existence
I can't believe it, it's over! I don't know what makes me sadder, Kaoru's death or the fact that this story is over, I will miss writing it, it's my first baby. (sobs)
I'm really sorry for taking forever, but I think I was delaying writing this chapter on purpose, it's just so depressing, I have almost changed my mind and deleted it all to write the other ending. I know many of you will hate me for this, but think about it, Kaoru is finally resting in peace...sh!t even thinking like this makes me cry :-( I couldn't help the picture part at the end, I know many of you rolled their eyes, but oh well...
Yah and I had altered the year to make it like 11 years had passed, but it isn't too important, I had messed with history so much in this fic. And I will leave it to you to think what has happened to the others i.e. Sano, Yahiko and Megumi, it's kinda like an open ending.
I can't help but to think how Enishi will be, I mean as a normal man, I can't imagine him thus. It hard to imagine him anything but a psycho!
I do apologize about my fighting scenes, I know they suck, but I can never get around writing a decent fight and finally, I know that my story was anything but perfect, with all the grammar mistakes and typos, I admit that I'm not a good writer, but that wouldn't stop me from writing another fic! I have two ideas, one story is as bleak and sad as Her Existence and the other is also angsty but not so bad, I think I will post the 1st chapters of both fics and see which one gets most reviews.
Last but not least, thank you all my great reviewers, you have kept me going for 2 years, and sorry if I have disappointed anyone.
See ya
EDIT: now you remember I have said that there are three endings:
1- The ending I've used.
2- This is the original ending which is similar to no.1 i.e. Enishi dies, Kaoru dies shortly after, the rurouni being transported to the future in Kaoru's dojo...BUT! He finds that the dojo is deserted, that no one had lived there for many years. He goes around asking what has happened to Kamiya Kaoru and they tell him that she had died years ago when she was about 7 and no one had lived in the dojo since then. Of course Kenshin is shocked, it means that to other people the Kaoru he has known and loved doesn't exist hence the title, Her Existence. And in the end he finds the picture which serves as the proof of her existence.
It's an awful ending I know, I couldn't bring myself to write it.
3- This ending has sprung to mind as the story progressed. I just felt bad when thinking that Kaoru might die so I have decided to come with an alternative. This is kind of lame ending because I haven't had the time to think about it as the other two. It is a happy ending for all three. Things will be the same till Enishi's death...Kaoru does not die, but goes back to her time with the rurouni (I had planned to write a heart-shattering farewell scene between Kaoru and the younger Kenshin). The younger Kenshin participates in the war and then goes to Tokyo to look for Kaoru. He meets her in the cemetery, kneeling by her father's grave. She asks him if he had lost someone important and he answers "yes, but I believe she's in a better place now". The scene changes to the future where young Kenji is playing in the dojo, being watched by the rurouni and Kaoru. The rurouni thinks that it will take time for Kaoru to heal but he and Kenji will always be there for her. Both the rurouni and Kaoru's scar starts to fade as time passes by and better days are coming. And there you go! You can see that it's not that good, given that I haven't thought about it properly. And this ending would have allowed me to write a sequel, however, I felt that it does not go well with the nature of the whole fic.
I hope this satisfies your curiosity ^_^ and just want to note that I have placed a summary of the two new fics I plan to write on my profile, hopefully chapter 1 of both fics will be out this weekend! So you haven't seen the last of me yet XD