Chapter 25

"Good thing I didn't bring my wooden stakes capped with silver," I muttered after my third turn through the metal detector. My dress was so fitted that not even Houdini could sneak anything in under it.

I didn't doubt that Freyda knew that I could hurt her greatly without either. Even if I could, there was no way I would be stupid enough to try anything here in the heart of her territory. With all that in mind, I had no idea what this show was about. It could be that she wanted to keep me out altogether because my father had long cleared security. That didn't make sense either. There was no security measure scrupulous enough to provide such a time lapse. The answer came to me when I was finally allowed to enter.

It was a matter of timing. Freyda wanted me in the event at a particular time, not before or after. She was a real sadistic bitch, I thought to myself, no wonder she got along so swimmingly with Ocella. I walked in just as she was showing the vampires of her state her new husband; my ex-husband. God help me! I never thought those words but they were my reality. Even unspoken, they felt like dirt on my lips and acid on my tongue but they were the truth. Ugly and unwanted as they were, they were the truth all the same.

Seeing Eric's face sent all my plans to the wayside. All I could see was the man who had been my anchor when I'd felt so lost and alone in the world. When I had no memory of my past, my family, or myself, Eric was the one thing that made sense when I didn't even feel as if I did. I saw the vampire I loved. I saw the one thing that I'd wanted more than my father's approval since I was a toddler. Everything I saw in my ex-husband existed in a time before time it seemed. As much as I loved him, he'd hurt me like nothing and no one else. As I gazed at him standing proudly beside another woman with her hand in his, I felt as though he was just somebody I used to know from a dream I'd once had. I ran through all the languages I spoke and there wasn't a single word or phrase to describe just how much pain I was in.

I'd known that people would be watching. It took more willpower than I thought I possessed, but my eyes were on anything but Eric. I was able to keep tabs on him by entering the minds of the scant humans around. It was a way for me to assuage a twisted longing. I appeased the part of me that loved and hated him.

There was no way Eric hadn't caught my scent, but he didn't so much as flinch when he glanced my way. He saw me but he looked through, past, and beyond me, leaving me feeling abandoned all over again. My face didn't give away any of the emotions churning inside but I wondered. How was it possible that the man to whom I'd given my heart and devoted my life could hurt me so much?

What had I done? What hadn't I done? Why did I want to want to break down and cry? All I'd done was cry and hurt. Why was there no end in sight?

"Dance with me."

It took me a second to realize that my father had pulled me from my thoughts. He hadn't heard them, but he must have known how much pain I was feeling. I was pieces but not too many. My mind was in one place, my heart another, and my body was just there, present and disengaged, just enduring. For the first number he was all but controlling my movements.

I felt my father testing the edges of my mind. After nearly thirty years I knew his mind's voice well. It felt just like him, certain.

'Has Oliver ever told you about his Buddhism and Aristotle phase?' He asked mentally.

For starters, the main principles of both those teachings contradicted widely. My expression was interested and more than a little disbelieving. He smiled as he leaned in and kissed my temple. His smile wasn't his smile for me, but the kiss was.

I shook my head as we continued to dance. He had taught me how to out think my enemy but also how to waltz with the best of them. I could do this in my sleep.

"I have no idea," I said aloud.

"That is not surprising,' He replied. His words were unspoken as he continued the conversation.

'It was embarrassing for all involved. My turning him was his rebirth, or so he said. He went to rediscover what had been and what was to be.'

I burst out laughing. I just couldn't help myself, not that I tried. "That doesn't even make any sense!"

He gave me an eyeroll that said I didn't even know the half. I laughed so hard that I nearly missed a step. Ollie was the practical, forward thinker. I just couldn't fathom it. My father was using a classic battle tactic, distraction. I'd known it the second he pulled me up to dance. I'd taken the bait but my sheer amusement wasn't feigned. The subject matter couldn't have been better. There was nothing I liked more than learning about my big brothers. It was in part because I couldn't stand not knowing things. Mostly it was a way for me to feel closer to them.

I wasn't yet three decades old. My immediate eldest brother was over seventy-five years my senior. Meanwhile, Sai had been there while the other four of his siblings came into the family. I guess knowledge was my way to make up for my young age and lack of blood bonds. I'd envied them that, even knowing the perils it posed to my free will, I envied it still. Much like my ex-husband couldn't explain the mating phenomenon, none of my brothers could explain the ties to their Maker, my father.

'What happened?" I asked mentally.

"Tell me about it?" I voiced.

My father shrugged, but I saw the slight tick in his brow as he suppressed a frown. "I let him go," He said.

'He was my third so I'd already learned. Nothing has the ability to cure like distance and nothing heals like time.'

His eyes weren't light or filled with humor. This story was a distraction but he was trying to school me. He had taught me a similar lesson when I was a little girl.

'There are things that are beyond our control. Accept that those are the things you cannot escape or fight. Those are the things that will cause us the most pain. It is those things that you must endure but only if you deem your survival worth the suffering.' I sent to him.

He nodded, but on his face I saw the question. Was it worth it? That was a question I hadn't asked myself. Eric had divorced me and married another woman. He had betrayed my confidence and trust. So was my suffering worth what was to come? Yes, because I refused to believe my pain had been for nothing.

My father was ever confident in me. Once he got the confirmation he needed, he ended our dance and moved on as if that encounter had been nothing. I smiled after him as Galleon and Heidi sidled up behind me as if they'd never left. For all the insecurities I claimed to have about not being full vampire, having my dad ignore my anxiety and duress was more than comforting. It was empowering. It made me feel as if I needed no one or anything else but the two legs that I stood on. That was why he had raised me the way he had because that was as it should.

I pulled in a breath and held it in until I was almost dizzy with the want of air, and then I let it go. Thereafter I was able to ignore Eric. It was probably easier because he was no longer on the same side of the room as me. Considering this was a wedding there was much to do and vendors to see. Saul, the vampire salesman extraordinaire wasn't here so there was nothing I wanted, but I was intent on entertaining myself.

I was admiring a shitty piece of art when the newlyweds came my way. Humans with an acute sense of smell would say that vampires smelled dry. Weres or two-natured insisted that the undead were sickly sweet, almost like trying to breathe through cold molasses. To me, Eric smelled like all my favorite things, regardless of my emotions. Combined with Freyda, he was like all my favorite things in strange and foreign land.

"Hello again, telepath," Freyda greeted.

Freyda's voice grated on me like silver and dirt. I knew what kind of behavior was expected of me. I knew that attacking her or ignoring wasn't an option. Currently Freyda was out of my control. No matter how badly I wanted to give into blind rage I had to endure her, no matter how much it hurt.

It took every single shred of decorum and restraint I had, but I turned to face them. I'd been holding my breath as the pair approached, but I turned to answer Freyda's greeting and my knees went weak with the scent of him. After so long without it, or him, or any form of intimate touch, my legs made all the motions to take a step forward. My arms wanted to rise and open for him.

The thing about emotions that made them dangerous was that they operated beyond the realm of reason. That was about to happen. My emotions were about to win. I was my father's daughter. I checked my impulses. I moved my feet, but it was to offer Freyda a curtsey and a nod. It was befitting of a Queen in her court. No matter how much I hated her, it was her due.

"Your Majesty," I replied.

All the while Eric didn't betray the fact that he knew my face, my name, or that just a few months ago, I was his wife. I'd expected Freyda to pick at a sore wound. I'd been geared to go tit for tat for any jab she might take to try to make my humiliation complete. She didn't. Freyda nodded at me in dismissal, and then she moved on to other guests.

The distractions I'd found were gone. I thought anger and fierce determination to task had snuffed out any and all reflexes to shed tears over what one man had done to me. It hadn't though, not when I could see his face and catch his scent. Even as he had stood in front of me with Freyda's blood wafting from his lips, his own had been there. It had tempted me and called out to me, but most of all it tormented me as nothing else in this world could.

I don't know why, but for some reason my mind played over my life with my ex-husband. It was a hyper-fast reel but I knew every second well, they had been the happiest days of my life. It wasn't just that. I knew that even if I lived forever, I would never find love or peace like that again. So what was the point? My plans would work and then what? What was there left for me? Nothing. I was nothing to him, and that was what I felt like without him.

My necklace, my tiara they were choking me; crushing me. Both pieces were suddenly too tight. It was that or all the air left my lungs and the room entirely. I made my way toward the restrooms and because this was a mostly vampire event there were only a few people who had need for the facilities.

My sixth sense was flaring to reach out to my father. I needed him to help me, but I just couldn't. This utter lack of will to do anything, even live, wasn't something I ever wanted to share with anyone. Without needing to be told, Heidi moved ahead of me to clear the way before I entered. There were only two other women there and they were chatting it up about the vampires with whom they had come. I could have taken control of their mind but I didn't. If I wasn't alone, then I wouldn't shed the tears and I could taste them.

I just made the women run their conversation in a loop. It rang over and over. It took concerted effort but I was able to focus on them. A few more minutes later and it didn't feel like I was dying anymore. I wanted to believe that I healed as quickly emotionally and mentally as I did physically, but I knew that wasn't true. Later I would have time to contemplate the details, but for now, I was just glad that I wasn't falling apart in a grand fashion. That was the best I could hope for.