Chapter 25

Peeta woke to sunlight streaming in, onto his face. For a moment, he forgot where he was and reached out across the bed for Rayne. Cold sheets slipped through his fingers instead. Groaning at the memories of the last few days that came flooding back to him, he flopped on his back and stared numbly at the ceiling. This was his protest: he was refusing to get out of bed.

While he lay there, contemplating his life thus far, someone knocked on his door. With a sigh, he mumbled for them to come in. to his surprise, Katniss walked hesitantly through the door carrying a tray of breakfast food.

"Hey sleepyhead. You missed breakfast."

Peeta scrambled to sit up in bed as she strolled across the room and set the tray down on his bed. "Thanks," he muttered, his stomach suddenly growling.

As he reached out to grab a muffin, Katniss put her hand on his arm. "Peeta . . . I'm so sorry." Then she burst into tears.

Caught off guard, he leaned over and pulled her into a hug. Absentmindedly, he started tracing figure eights on her back, and started to shush her. "Hey, what's the matter? It's okay Ray-" The name died on his lips. Abruptly, he let go of Katniss and backed away, afraid she would have heard.

"Peeta! I'm so so sorry." She sobbed, reaching out with her arms for him. When he refused to hold her, she sniffed back the tears and tried to compose herself. "I thought you died Peeta! They said you died! How did you . . . how are you . . ."

"It's a long story," he found himself saying. His heart started aching once more, as he tried to console this girl who was still 'Not Rayne'.

"Please tell me."

Peeta shook his head and smiled sadly. "It doesn't matter anymore."

"But –"

"I would rather hear your story. How did you win the games last year?"

A shudder passed through Katniss. Her face paled, and she steeled herself for the retelling, something she had done a lot over the last year. Tucking her hair behind her ears, she took a deep, steadying breath. "I was allied with Rue. The little girl. They killed her . . . and then not long after, they fired your cannon. I was . . . a mess. Thresh killed Clove, then Thresh died. There were these mutts," Katniss closed her eyes and shuddered. "They cornered Cato and I at the cornucopia. It was awful . . . he was a bloody mess and . . . I killed him too. The mutts left. I thought that was it. But I was missing something. I was missing someone."

Her voice trailed off, pain filling her eyes. Peeta gently nudged her to continue. She sighed, "It was Foxface. The mutts chased her from wherever she was hiding in the forest. She ran towards the cornucopia. Towards me . . ." She turned to Peeta, tears spilling down her face, "there are so many faces. So many different looks of fear."

Peeta tried to push the thought of Rayne out of his mind. But his mind was so totally focused on Rayne, he barely heard the rest of Katniss's story. "I helped her onto the cornucopia. We stayed there, for days. I couldn't handle anymore killing. Marvel, Glimmer, the girl from four, Cato . . . Rue . . . you." she shook her head, as if clearing away something bad, "but we didn't trust each other. We had to do something, but by that point, we were starving to death. Foxface was so weak, she couldn't even stand anymore. The game makers wanted me to kill her. I was out of arrows and had no other weapons. So they sent me one . . . a gift. A dagger. She died just as I received it."

"And then . . . that was it?"

"No," she shook her head sadly, "I was so angry and confused . . . all I could think of was what you said to me. How you wanted to show the Capitol that they don't own you. So . . . I used the dagger. I tried to kill myself." She snorted, "And I almost did it. I was as good as dead once they collected me. But they managed to patch me back together, good as new. And well . . . here I am."

At that, there was a knock at the door. Peeta glanced over Katniss' head. To his surprise, a relatively sober Haymitch strolled in. "Well look who decided to wake up. Effie's pretty upset you slept in so late. Apparently you're throwing off everyone's schedule." He nodded at Katniss, "That means you sweetheart. You better find Cinna."

"What about Peeta?" She asked, rising and walking to the door.

"Don't worry, I'll send him out soon. We've got a lot of catching up to do." Haymitch sat on the edge of the bed and looked pointedly at Peeta.

Peeta cleared his throat nervously, and tried to act casual. As if the look Haymitch gave him had not just shaken him to the core. "So Haymitch, it's nice to see you so. . .alert. How've you been?"

By then Katniss left the room and shut the door behind her. Haymitch turned his attention back to Peeta. "You can cut the crap now. She's gone."

Strangely enough, this relieved some of the tension from the room. "What's up?"

"I want to know how a baker's son survived the arena." Haymitch leaned forward expectantly.

Peeta tried to move away from him. He may have been sober, but he clearly had not showered yet. He chuckled and plastered on a good humored grin. "Well you see, when I was attacked, my tracker fell and –" Haymitch's eyes flashed angrily, causing Peeta's thought to trail off to silence. "What?"

"The truth this time. this is your chance to tell me the truth."

"I . . . I don't know what else you want me to say. I was attac-"

"Oh forget it. I know Peeta!" Haymitch fairly shouted. Remembering where they were, he lowered it, barely above a hiss. "I know about the girl."

Peeta's blood ran cold, a thousand thoughts flew through his mind. So many questions he wanted to ask, but his mouth could not even form a word. Haymitch used this moment of silence to continue his speech. "I know there was a girl who helped you escape and survive. No, I don't know what's happened to her. And yes, it was Cinna who told me. He thought I had a right to know. The only reason I'm bringing this up . . ."

"What is it?"

Haymitch sighed, rubbing his forehead, "Listen, I'm having enough trouble keeping Katniss out of a jam. Snow's not too happy with her. But that pales in comparison to how angry he is with you. I'm warning you now, you better keep your head down, or we'll find it on a stake in the yard. Because this affects all of us."

Peeta had come to a realization a while ago that he no longer cared about what happened to him. Rayne was gone. He couldn't help her anymore. There was nothing left for him to do. Now, however, what he did and what happened to him no longer affected only him. "They're going to take it out on all of us, aren't they?"

"All of us, and especially Katniss."

Peeta sat, thinking deeply about this. "So what's the plan this time? Last year we agreed on keeping Katniss alive."

"She's asked me the same question. This time, she wants to keep you alive."

"No . . ." Peeta shook his head. He could not stand it if anymore of his friends were hurt trying to keep him safe.

"If you ask me, there's no point in trying. If Snow wants you dead, you're as good as dead. Nothing can change that. But she claims that there's nothing left for her anymore."

"Haymitch . . . how is she?" Peeta asked hesitantly. He tried to remember what she looked like before, but all he could see was what she looked like now. It was a huge difference.

"She's . . . not so good. Since the games last year . . ."

"She never really made it out alive, did she?"

Haymitch was struck at this deep understanding, and softened his tone. "A part of her died in there. Just like everyone else who has made it out of the arena. Except maybe you."

Peeta recalled a time when Rayne had said those exact words. The memory stung, and he tried to push it out of the way. "What's happened?"

"She won. She came home. . . Peeta, you have to understand something. When a Tribute wins . . . when we win, nothing is the same anymore. We really are the losers. Because we have to keep living and try to move on. So she came home, but the old Katniss you remember died in that arena. And . . . well . . . she took your death pretty hard. It didn't take her long to come over and try to drink her troubles away. Just like me." At this he hung his head in shame.

"Haymitch, don't be hard on yourself."

"I was a selfish drunk last year, Peeta. This year I'm going to do it right. I will do what I can to help you both stay alive for as long as you can."

"That leads you to the plan?"

"Actually, it's more of a rule. The plan is slow in coming. But there is one thing you have to do."

"Ok. Shoot."

Haymitch took a deep breath. "You can't tell anyone about how you survived, how you escaped, and especially not about the girl. And you must not, under any circumstances, tell Katniss about the girl."

"Ok. I wasn't planning on it," Peeta tried to joke.

"Seriously kid. You were supposed to be 'star crossed lovers'. We can't have people finding out there was another girl this whole time."

"So we're playing that card again?"

"I'm just keeping our options open for now."

Peeta stared at his hands, then said quietly, "I don't think I can do that."

Haymitch was taken aback. "What? Why not? That was good stuff last year!"

"I just can't do it."

"Can't or won't?"

"Can't. Really can't. Physically and emotionally can't, it's going to be impossible. Besides . . ." he added softly, almost to himself, "she never loved me back."

Haymitch considered this comment for a moment. Out of curiosity, he asked gently, "Which one?"

With a sad half smile, Peeta looked back at him. "Both of them."