Chapter 25 A Solemn Promise

There was a stunned silence following the King's shocking announcement. Arthur gaped at his father, his mouth wide with astonishment. Merlin stood shakily on his feet, his insides crumbling to dust ... and his heart breaking.

Recovering slightly, Arthur stuttered his reply, almost choking on his words. "Father! I ... I don't know what to say. This is so ... so sudden. I would have liked more time to think about this. I'm still a bit ... groggy on the medications Gaius has given me. Please, father ... please. Delay this because I don't feel able to give an honest response. It's too soon, father. I appreciate your efforts on my behalf but this is ... this is just huge; so life-changing and I can't give my consent in these circumstances. I hope you understand."

The stern expression powered by an icy glare, showed quite plainly that the King did not understand his son's hesitant response to his news. His lips pulled into a hard line before barely concealed anger spat out exactly how he felt about Arthur's attitude.

"You are under the mistaken impression, Arthur, that this is merely a suggestion for you to ponder. It is not! I have made these plans for you to court and wed Princess Mithian, for the sake of Camelot! We need this alliance as much as King Rodor needs it. To strengthen both our kingdoms. Surely I don't need to remind you of important state matters such as securing allies for the future? Cenred is ever a thorn in my side and our alliance with him is shaky at best. I will do everything in my power to ensure the future security of Camelot. I do not wish in my lifetime, or indeed when it is your turn to reign; to find Camelot heavily outnumbered by an enemy army just because the Crown Prince didn't feel 'okay' about ensuring Camelot's future!"

"The fact that my plan implies that maybe there is a silver lining in it for you, is beside the point. The important point is that Camelot's position in the land is strengthened. Nothing else matters, Arthur, not even your preferences in a wife. You should be grateful to me that I am working on your behalf. This nonsense with that servant is behind you, Arthur. Time to move on. And I'll reiterate the point that at least you will be paired with a more suitable partner with impeccable breeding. Now I know you are still not fully recovered from your ... ordeal, therefore I have taken charge of all plans for you. It is possibly Gaius' potions that are addling your brains at the moment. I understand how that works, son. I have also been on the receiving end of Gaius' medications."

Arthur stared up at his father, his fine features stiffened into his usual 'I am the Crown Prince' mask, but his sorrow and heartache displayed like dark streaks in his sky-blue eyes. Despite how he felt about this devastating news, he knew his father well enough to know that there was no negotiation. His father's word was final.

Out of the corner of his eye, he caught the shaky form of the man he cared about more than anyone else in the world. He knew that this news would have been every bit as heartbreaking for Merlin as it was for him. He hoped the young man wouldn't collapse in a heap or even worse still, voice his disapproval to his father. That would be disastrous.

Arthur wished he could pull his young ... friend ... into a consoling embrace but he knew that it was impossible while his father was still in the room. He hoped he had the opportunity to do just that soon. He knew he had absolutely no intention of joining with Princess Mithian in a marriage agreement. His heart belonged to Merlin and he would not betray them both by playing such a dishonest part in Princess Mithian's visit.

A deep sadness that gnawed beneath the sharp pain in his heart gave him an insight he never wanted to acknowledge. No matter how much he cared for ... loved the young man who had captured his heart, he worried that nothing would come of it; could come of it. They were doomed to live closely together, loving each other deeply and passionately; but never being able to come together publicly as a couple. It was beyond the worst cruelty that Arthur could imagine. If only he could change that ...

The King's stern look at his son changed slightly, his brows knitting into a slight frown. Arthur suddenly realised that his father was waiting for a response from him. Swallowing down the bile he felt rising up from his stomach, Arthur cleared his throat. That made him feel worse.

"Father" he began hesitantly. "I understand that your priority is Camelot. As it should be. I agree to meet with Princess Mithian and give her a chance. However, I would ask that you do not force me into a relationship with her if I feel I cannot do it justice. I've never met Princess Mithian but from what I've been told from members of the court who have met her; she is no fool. I've been told that she is a strong woman whose feet are planted firmly on the ground. She will not be fooled if my feelings do not match my words. I promise you this, father, I will try my very best. For Camelot."

The King's frown deepened ... then he dismissed his irritated and disappointed expression from his face. "Good!" he declared loudly. "I have every confidence that you will find more of a woman in Princess Mithian than you have every encountered before. I believe that you will be pleasantly surprised when you meet her. Princess Mithian is indeed a strong woman but she is also very comely. I don't believe you will be disappointed."

His eyes twinkled with mischief as he added. "I've met the young headstrong Princess. She is everything you will need and I'm sure that she will be everything you would ever want in a woman. Brains and beauty. You are indeed a most fortunate young man."

Arthur tried to smile at his father but it came out more like a grimace. He felt lost and empty with only pain filling the vast void inside his chest. He never realised how much his father would exert his authority over him concerning something as important as choosing a life partner.

Somehow, Merlin had managed to sit down on the small bench seat before his legs gave out on him. He didn't notice Gaius' concerned gaze; he didn't notice the surreptitious glances that Arthur was casting, eyes full of concern; he didn't notice that his shaking had increased to the point where he resembled an icicle trembling in a chill wind. All Merlin was focused on were the damning words the King had spoken; revolving like a blazing Catherine wheel in his mind and causing so much pain without drawing a drop of blood.

'She is everything you will need and I'm sure that she will be everything you would ever want in a woman. Brains and beauty. You are indeed a most fortunate young man.'

The irony that he was rid of Guinevere, only to have a prospective royal bride dangled before Arthur like the prize in a tournament, was not lost on him as he felt trapped in its cold steely grip. Merlin wished the floor would swallow him up as he drowned in his grief, wondering what he had ever done wrong to deserve this. His gaze turned forlornly towards the wall, but his eyes were unseeing.

Arthur was heart-sore at what this would mean to Merlin, despite the fact that the young man would know that this was not his will. He desperately wished his father would leave so that he could offer Merlin some kind of comfort at least. Merlin looked terrible, shaking so badly that he looked as if he would fly apart at any moment. His skin was shockingly white with his eyes standing out like blue-grey beacons in a snowstorm.

He wanted to reassure the young man that he was adamant that he would not be marrying Princess Mithian. It wasn't in his future ... wasn't his Destiny. He didn't know why he felt that conviction. He just did.

The King smiled broadly at his son, confident that he had persuaded Arthur that his plans would prove beneficial to both the Kingdom and the Crown Prince. His good mood returned and as an extra sweetener to his plans he added, "Arthur. I will release your knights immediately. They have not been treated badly so I see no reason for complaints from them. I just have a few minor matters to deal with first, which won't take more than an hour."

He turned to leave, when Arthur reached out a hand to his arm. As the King turned back to his son, he was immediately rewarded with a smile as bright as the sun beaming back at him.

"Thank you, father!" Arthur declared in a joyful voice. "That means a lot to me."

The King's features softened into the handsome expression that had turned many a woman's eye over the years. His gladness at Arthur's response was evident and he smiled broadly, feeling the weight of many burdens lift from his shoulders. Especially the guilt at what he had unwittingly inflicted upon Arthur. He nodded, then turned back to the door and stalked out only briefly acknowledging Gaius as he passed with a wink and a cheeky grin.

The door closed with a hearty thump and Merlin felt as if a dungeon door had closed deep inside him, trapping his broken heart in a dark, damp prison. His eyes filled with tears as Uther's words to Arthur about Princess Mithian, impacted on his senses. His shock began to wear off and he was left with searing pain shredding his heart with fiery slashes.

Gaius felt the tension thick in the air and decided it was prudent that he leave the two young men to ... digest the King's announcement. His own heart felt heavy at what this would mean to Arthur and Merlin. Despite the inevitability of Arthur's responsibility to the kingdom in the matter of securing an heir for the future, Gaius wished it had come later, rather than sooner. He pondered bitterly on the fact that this way was more merciful in the long run, rather than allowing the two young men to continue their brief 'dalliance' which would only deepen Merlin's feelings. Better the bitter blow now when the young warlock would survive it than letting it carry on to the point where he would be completely incapacitated by what needed to take place. The Crown Prince had to fulfil his royal duties as the future King.

He grabbed his medical bag quickly and with a brief nod to the two forlorn young men, muttered "I need to check on some patients in town, I'll be back within the hour to prepare for Arthur's transfer to his chambers." He shuffled quickly out of the room, wondering if either men had even heard what he had said ... or even noticed that he was leaving. Gaius sighed heavily as he closed the door behind him.

Silence as thick as a wintry morning's fog descended in the room. Arthur craned his neck around to see Merlin, his heart stopping at the picture of woe the young man presented. Words caught in his throat. Deep down the young Prince knew that his responsibilities to the throne were inevitable. Unavoidable. Yet his own heart cried out against the coldness of his logic at the agony and misery etched in every part of Merlin's slim body ... and echoed in his own scarred body.

"Merlin" he whispered, tenderness coating his tone. "Please ... please ... come to me." His heart squeezed tightly inside his chest as his gentle call passed unheeded by Merlin. The seconds ticked by slowly as he waited. He knew that the young man had heard him and it hurt to have him ignore his words. But he loved him. He tried again, putting more volume into his voice.

"Merlin! Please! Come to me!" Arthur's hand extended out to Merlin, but the young man remained motionless, staring with unseeing eyes at the cracked plaster of the wall, tears slowly trickling down his pale cheeks.

Arthur knew that Merlin could hear him, but that he was too deeply locked into an emotional abyss to be able to respond. Arthur sighed. He would have to go to him. Shaking his head from the foggy side-effects of the potion, Arthur groped around for a firm hold on the sides of the bed.

Despite the numbing effects of the unguent Merlin had smeared on his wounds, the minute Arthur began to move, tiny shards of pain stabbed as muscles and nerves bumped up against his cuts. This was going to hurt, but lying in bed and watching Merlin in a state of emotional agony, was something Arthur couldn't do. He set his jaw determinedly.

Slowly he began to manoeuvre himself off the bed, trying desperately to save himself unnecessary pain. It didn't really work. Arthur was hurting and he realised that Gaius had given him pain medication that would work as long as he remained relatively still. Arthur grit his teeth and couldn't help but feel pleased that he could endure the pain enough to set his bare feet on the cool, stone floor. That in itself was a relief of sorts. Using his arms he levered himself up and applied his weight gingerly on his legs. He bit back a groan as he realised they were weaker than he expected.

Grateful for his body-building regime training with his knights, Arthur pushed upwards off the bed and grabbed the nearby bench for support as he sought to find balance on his legs. The painful effort that last manoeuvre cost him brought beads of sweat onto his brow but he bit back the groan that threatened to escape his lips. Feeling able to attempt his first step, Arthur leaned his weight down on his arms finding the balance he needed to move forward. He grinned as he successfully took one step, then another firmly leaning on his hands as they anchored themselves on the bench in a support position as he moved forward.

Progress was as slow as a snail's pace, but Arthur was mindful of how much more pain he would caused for himself if he moved too quickly and fell. It sorely tested his patience, an attribute he was not known for; but he also recognised the fatigue that was quickly developing and knew he had to move carefully. He was determined to reach Merlin and offer him comfort and hope, no matter how much it cost him.

Merlin was still lost in an unseen world, tears tracking solemnly down his cheeks. He should have seen Arthur moving out of the corner of his eye, but he didn't. Nor did he hear the shuffle of Arthur's feet on the floor. It wasn't until Arthur's strong, salty scent intruded upon Merlin's senses, that the young warlock suddenly snapped his head around in shock. Less than two feet away from him, he saw Arthur teetering precariously on his weak legs, trying desperately to walk to him. Horror transformed Merlin's features.

"Arthur! Stop! What are you doing?" Merlin cried out in alarm, leaping forward to Arthur's aid. Arthur's head jerked up and Merlin could see the great pain in his reddened face and sweaty brow as he tried to reach him. In an instant, Merlin was by his side and ducked under Arthur's nearest arm, allowing the young Prince to lean on him.

Arthur smiled weakly through a fog of pain and weariness and gasped "You didn't come when I called you."

Guilt flooded through Merlin as he realised that by refusing to answer the summons he had heard Arthur make, he had inadvertantly caused unnecessary pain to his Prince. Arthur's actions were stupid and it really was his own fault that he was suffering now when he shouldn't be. But Merlin knew that he had a share in the blame for Arthur's foolish actions.

"Clot pole! You shouldn't have got up! I _ I just needed some time to wrap my head around your father's announcement. I'm fine."

Arthur stared pointedly at Merlin, daring the young man to repeat the lie. Merlin ducked his head and remained silent as he carefully helped Arthur back to the bed and as gently as he could, helped the Prince to a comfortable position. Arthur was panting with exertion and pain after he had settled down on the bed. Merlin's cheeks were flushed, his eyes glassy with unshed tears and his head bowed in abject misery and defeat. He couldn't meet Arthur's eyes but he did allow the young Prince to hold firmly onto his hand.

Arthur spoke gently. "I'm not going to marry Princess Mithian, even if she is the most beautiful woman who walked the Earth. I will not marry anyone, Merlin, because I have nothing to offer. You hold my heart in your hands and nothing and nobody ... including my father ... can force me into a marriage that I don't want. I know my father, my subjects ... everyone in Camelot, expects me to do my duty and marry whoever provides the best alliance for Camelot. It's not going to happen."

Merlin glanced briefly at Arthur, scepticism evident in his gaze. He couldn't bring himself to speak. Acid was coating his tongue as bile had worked its way up into his mouth. He was too heart-sore to make any remark and certainly not a witty comeback. Arthur's eyes filled with pain at Merlin's disbelief. He believed he had just proved to everyone to what lengths he would carry his convictions through to and he had a horribly scarred body to prove it. He paused for a moment before continuing.

"Merlin. I'm sorry you doubt my word. Doubt me. If what has happened to me doesn't convince you of my sincerity, then I guess anything I say, will not convince you either. I'm sorry that you question my love."

Merlin's face creased in consternation. "Arthur! It isn't that. I don't question your love or doubt your word. It's what the King might do that scares me. I'm actually afraid that you might just be stubborn enough to stand up to him. Please Arthur, please don't! I couldn't bear to think of what he might do to you. You've suffered enough."

Arthur turned to look calmly at Merlin. "I don't think you understand. I gave you that ring ... a very special ring ... and you know the question I hope to ask you when I am King. How can I possibly marry someone else when I've already made a solemn promise to you? I do not make promises or vows lightly, Merlin. I can't marry anyone else, therefore, I won't allow myself to be manoeuvred by my father into a loveless union."

"It was you Merlin, who told me something quite profound a long time ago. It was when Princess Helena was here and father was once more trying to broker a marriage on my behalf for Camelot. Remember? I had strong feelings for Guinevere and dreamed of one day making her my wife, but my father put a stop to it. Or so he thought. Do you remember what you told me as we waited in the antechamber before walking through to my marriage to Helena? I do and it gave me the courage to follow my heart and do the right thing. As it turned out, it was the right thing for Helena as well. Do you remember?"

Merlin lifted his eyes, the doubt slowly dissipating in his stormy blue eyes. His voice was hoarse and quiet, barely more than a whisper when he replied.

"Yes. I do. I told you that I thought you were all mad and that if Uther ... I mean, the King ... thought that an unhappy King makes for a better kingdom, then he was wrong. I told you that people should marry for love and not for convenience."

Arthur offered him a small smile. "You know, I've mentioned this before, Merlin. Sometimes ... just sometimes ... you come out with words of wisdom. I followed your advice and stopped two people and two kingdoms making a terrible mistake. I intend to do the same thing now with Princess Mithian. You see, Merlin, you do talk a lot of rubbish sometimes but other times? Well, when you say something worthwhile, I never forget it. When I'm King, I would really like to have you as my advisor. I couldn't think of anyone better. Even the knights turn to you for advice. Well, the younger ones do."

Arthur sighed. "The point is, Merlin, I want you to trust me. I ask you to trust me. I know what is expected of me, but I know I just can't blindly follow the path I am led down. I intend to fulfil my duties as future King of Camelot. There are ways, Merlin, alternatives that can be taken to produce an heir. I could take a concubine who could bear me an heir but in truth, we would be the parents. Or, as my father has shown, I could take a child as my ward and groom them for the throne to rule after me. And I'm sure there are other options to be explored. I know it demands a great sacrifice on your part, Merlin. To wait ... to wait until I am free to acknowledge our relationship publicly. I ask a lot of you, I know. All I want to know, Merlin, are you are willing to wait for me?"

Merlin's eyes glistened brightly as tears pooled in his eyes but this time, it wasn't grief or pain that prompted them. It was great hope ... and unwavering love. He couldn't find words to express what this meant to him, so he merely nodded his answer to Arthur. Reaching out for Arthur's hand, Merlin took the seat besides his bed.

"I can't action any of the plans I have while my father rules Camelot. But I solemnly promise you, I will make changes. Changes that affect our lives and the lives of our citizens. Hopefully, for the better. You know that I don't agree with many of the decisions my father has made or many of the ways he deals with the kingdom. I stand up to him already, even if he just shouts me down or ignores me. The one stand I won't make now is regarding you, Merlin, because it isn't me he would hurt. It's you. He would punish me by either sending you far away from Camelot or by having you executed. I couldn't live with either of those alternatives. That's why I have to keep our relationship secret for now and why I ask you to do the same. Trust me, Merlin ... please. Our time will come."

Merlin squeezed his hand gently in reassurance before responding to Arthur's words. "Of course I'll wait for you. You are worth more to me than anyone else in my life. I'll wait for as long as it takes, Arthur, because I love you. And I'll always be at your side, where I belong. Looking after you. Protecting you. You are my life, Arthur and I wouldn't have it any other way."

Arthur grinned mischievously at the young man. "Glad to hear it. I know it'll be hard for us, especially now that Princess Mithian is coming to Camelot. I have to be gracious and courteous to her but I hope your faith in my love is strong enough to carry you through the time ahead. I love you, Merlin. No-one else. And I'm sorry I have caused you so much trouble in the past with my wandering heart. I just want you to know that it has found its true home. In your heart."

Merlin smiled at Arthur, tears of happiness trickling down his face. He really didn't want to break down like a ... girl ... but he realised he was very close to doing just that. He sniffed loudly and then used his free hand to grab his hanky and wipe his nose.

An exaggerated sigh escaped Arthur's lips and he rolled his eyes. "Merlin. Stop behaving like a girl. Honestly. We've resolved our relationship so you should be smiling and happy, not weeping and miserable!"

Merlin snorted loudly. "Don't accuse me of being a girl, Arthur. You're as soppy with matters of the heart as I am. Go on, admit it! There's no shame for a man in expressing genuine emotions, Arthur. Especially in matters of the heart. You need to learn that. I am more ... gentle than you are but I can assure you, I am all male!"

Arthur's eyebrows shot to the ceiling in what Merlin realised, was genuine horror. "I am not a girl, Merlin. How could you say such a thing?"

Merlin smirked at Arthur. He loved to make Arthur squirm with his comments questioning his masculinity. It never failed to make the young Prince rise to the bait. Very satisfying. Secretly, Merlin believed that Arthur was the manliest young man in all of Camelot. Of course, he had no intention of telling Arthur that. It would only cause his already swelled head to balloon even more with that piece of information.

Arthur sighed softly. "I shouldn't even ask you to wait for me. It isn't fair. I'm being selfish without a thought for you and what you have to go through. Perhaps ... perhaps we should just _"

Merlin snapped sharply at Arthur, interrupting him immediately. "Don't you dare finish that sentence, Arthur Pendragon! I want our relationship as much as you do and I'm willing to wait until we are free to be public with our feelings. You are worth waiting for, Arthur, even though you can be a right clot-pole at times. I love you Arthur and I will wait for however long it takes to make you mine. Never doubt that. You have my love and my fidelity. I don't want anyone else!"

Arthur stared up in shock into Merlin's pale face and marvelled at how his stormy blue eyes were ablaze with passion and determination. He reached up and curled his fingers around Merlin's neck, drawing the dark-haired young man down into a toe-curling kiss that left no doubt in the younger man's mind, exactly how he felt about him. It deepened with earnestness, almost desperate to cement the bond they shared, rather than heat their loins with lovers' fire. They broke apart after awhile and drew breath into their lungs, resting their heads together.

Fatigue lined Arthur's face despite his serene expression. Merlin gently stroked his hair to help him relax into slumber, even if it was only for a short while. "Rest Arthur" he whispered gently into the tousled hair he loved so much and his eyes flashed gold. Arthur's body completely relaxed and Merlin gently laid him into a comfortable sleeping position. Soft exhalations broke the silence with an even rhythm and Merlin quietly moved back.

As he sat on the stool to watch over Arthur, an unbidden thought came to mind. It jolted him with its stark frankness and blatant logic. Guinevere. She was bearing Arthur's child. Would she give up the child she was carrying so that he and Arthur could raise the new heir to the throne? A wild hope born of deep heartache and even deeper desperation sprang to life. The force of it was so great in his mind that he momentarily wavered on his stool.

Merlin did not dare raise the subject with Arthur when the young Prince awoke. Not yet. First he would need to speak with Kilgarrah who seemed open to him and Arthur drawing closer together. He could not tell Gaius because he knew that his old mentor would not approve. He scarcely could believe that he was not just thinking about it, but seriously contemplating it as a viable course of action. He would need to ponder this privately before even bringing up the matter with the dragon, let alone Arthur.

He pondered long on the idea of helping Arthur to raise his child, not caring whether Guinevere was carrying a boy or a girl. As long as the babe was healthy. He knew how dangerous it was for him to hold onto that impossible dream when it may never come to pass. But Arthur's declaration, coupled with his amazing kiss, made the young man dizzy with hope and anticipation.

Merlin's revelry was abruptly disturbed by the heavy tread of footsteps in the corridor. Merlin jumped away and positioned himself by the bench, hastily packing the unguent and pain medications for Arthur. He kicked himself mentally as he realised he would earn another glare from Gaius for not having packed all the supplies that Arthur would need before they moved him. He sighed quietly as the door swung open and the King, Gaius and the King's knights strode purposefully into the room.

The King was beaming as he entered the room. Gaius' face was fixed in a blank expression, his eyes flitting quickly to check on Arthur. He relaxed a little and offered Merlin a conciliatory glance. He was tired ... beyond tired ... exhausted. The whole sordid business surrounding Arthur's incarceration, his own incarceration and the aftermath of the terrible events that had ensued; had taken all of Gaius' strength. It had stretched him beyond his limits and he stood by the King, shoulders hunched and back bowed. He was drained. Completely.

Merlin stood straight and waited for the King to speak as the Knights stood back from the trio, their eyes fixed on Arthur. Relief shone out of their weary eyes.

"Ah, Merlin. Gaius has told me how much you have helped my son, beyond that normally expected of a servant. I'm grateful to you. If I was a bit harsh with you earlier, it's only because of my concern for Arthur. So ... as a reward for being so loyal to my son, I'm giving you the rest of the day and the night off. One of my servants will tend to Arthur. I've just released Arthur's knights from the dungeons because Gaius said that they could visit him after he's settled back in his room. And Morgana is arranging a private dinner with him in his chambers as a way to make amends for her part in this sorry affair. I believe she intends to prepare his meal herself. Morgana is a young woman of many talents and cooking is one of her best! Arthur is in for a treat! I'll just get you to bring his clothes and help settle him in his chambers before my servant takes over. Arthur might worry if he awakens and finds you not there. I'll explain it to him when he wakes up."

Merlin stood in numbed shock, his mind racing with a growing dread. Why was Morgana doing this? Was Mordred behind it? Would Arthur be in danger again? Merlin knew he couldn't risk leaving Arthur alone with Morgana, whether Mordred was present or not. The young druid boy was a powerful sorceror and could easily control Morgana again. He would have to try and find a way into Arthur's chambers so he could hide and wait to see what happened. And intervene if need be. Merlin knew exactly the place he could lay in wait. Arthur's wardrobe, after the young Prince had changed for bed. He was confident he could use his magic to put the King's servant to sleep quickly.

Merlin pulled himself back into the present and plastered a huge grin on his face. "Thank you, Sire! I'm grateful. I'd do anything for Arthur, anything at all."

The King nodded at Merlin, then began to give crisp orders to his knights for the smooth transfer of Arthur from Gaius' chambers back to his room.