Title: Tweet Like A Man
Author: rekkidbraka
Rating: T
Pairings: Tony D. and Ziva D.
Category: Romance
Disclaimer: No infringement intended.
Spoilers: None
Summary: Real men don't Tweet. Right, Tony?

-------------------- Tweet Like A Man ---------------------

"You have many followers," Ziva teased, sneaking up on Tony from behind. She purred the words breathily into his right ear. He frowned, cutting his green eyes over at her.

"I like to think I'm loved by one and all," Tony shot back, not missing a beat. "Always been a leader, Zee-vah. A pioneer. A vanguard of... vanguarding." Frowning suspiciously, he asked, "What're we talking about?" Ziva snickered.

"You are 'VERYSpecialAgentTony,' yes?" she prodded, her breath hot in Tony's ear. He quickly adjusted his tie, swallowing hard.

"Of course I'm a very special agent," Tony snapped, staring straight ahead, his eyes big as saucers. Lowering his voice to a near-whisper, he asked, "Why? What've you heard?"

"I enjoy your... tweeks," Ziva purred, her nose barely brushing Tony's neck. He swallowed hard again, shivering at the feel of her skin on his, even for a second.

"Tweeks? What the hell are tweeks?" Tony barked, looking around the bullpen nervously. His voice was so low he could barely hear himself. "Who tweeks? What is a 'tweek'? Backsliding again I see, my ninja. So sad."

"Got lucky in Vegas. Hit jackpot every single night. Never saw casino." Ziva's cheek pressed against Tony's, causing him to shift in his chair. "Does that sound familiar?"

"No... idea... what you're... talking... about," Tony gasped, trying to maintain some degree of control. He was feeling incredibly uncomfortable now.

"Threw my back out last night. Too much heavy lifting. But she likes it on top." Ziva paused after repeating this sentence into Tony's ear. "Does THAT ring your bell?" Tony smiled and stuck out his tongue, snickering.

"Heh heh heh... Ohhh yeaaahhh... Got 129 new followers with that one and..." His grin turned to a grimace when Ziva suddenly Gibbs-slapped him upside the back of the head. Tony did a double-take, scowled and rubbed the back of his head. Ziva physically turned Tony around in his chair so that he would face her.

"YOU have been tweeking our... private moments!" she hissed, furious. "VERYSpecialAgentTony," Ziva scoffed. "HA! As if I would not be able to figure THAT one out!"

"You can't prove it's ME," Tony shot back. "PROVE it's me! PROVE it! Let's see the PROOF! You've got no proof." He leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms, smirking smugly at Ziva.

"MA-Gee!" Ziva commanded. Tim emerged, sporting a giant grin and his trusty laptop. Tony looked horrified and began adjusting his tie.

"Well, Ziva, I've traced the IP address for 'VERYSpecialAgentTony' back to Tony's home computer, have records of all his logins and logouts to Tweeter and..." McGee hit a button on the laptop and a screen of personal information popped up on the big-screen plasma TV in the bullpen area. "... here's the personal information sign-up profile for -- well, whaddaya know? -- Anthony DiNozzo Jr. Of Washington D.C. Born July 1968 and..."

"LIES!" Tony shouted, standing up suddenly. He pointed accusingly at McGee, who only smiled that much more. "ALL LIES! VICIOUS... SLANDEROUS... LIES!" Tony bolted from behind his desk, pushing past Ziva to get to McGee. "GIMME THAT! GIMME IT!" Tony grabbed for the laptop computer and McGee desperately played "keepaway" with his machine, trying to save it from the furious DiNozzo. "YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS, McHACKER! McKNOW-IT-ALL! McTECHNO-TRAITOR!" Tim, now seriously afraid of Tony's blind rage, tossed the laptop to Ziva, who caught it and snapped it shut. Tony's personal information disappeared from the big-screen plasma TV, which went black and then back to its screensaver.

By now, Tony had chased Tim out of the bullpen and was stalking back towards Ziva, his face red and sweaty from all the commotion. Tim had escaped to the relative safety of Abby's lab where a strict "No Fighting Unless Gibbs-Approved" rule remained in effect.

"HAPPY, Zee-vah?" Tony panted, loosening his tie. "It was a nice day -- a quiet day -- until you started in about... tweeking! WHO TWEEKS? NOBODY TWEEKS! TWEETING, ZIVA! IT'S CALLED TWEETING! PEOPLE TWEET -- THEY DON'T TWEEK!" Realizing that his yelling had attracted the attention of the entire office, Tony lifted his chin haughtily, looked around at the staring agents, adjusted his tie and muttered "Somebody had to say it!" before again taking his seat. Shooting Ziva one final threatening snarl, Tony angrily started hammering away at his keyboard.

Ziva raised an eyebrow, narrowing her brown eyes at him, before casually making her way over to his desk once more. She opened Tim's laptop and set it before Tony.

"Perhaps this... Tweeter site will interest you. She is among your followers." When she returned to her own desk, Ziva started on her own work for the day, occasionally glancing up to gauge Tony's reaction to what was on the screen. He pretended to be completely uninterested but Ziva saw him sneaking peeks at the laptop's display. At length, Tony's green eyes, sparkling with mischief, met Ziva's gaze. He got up from his desk and made his way over to hers, leaning down over her left shoulder to speak directly into her ear.

"CrazyNinjaChick," Tony whispered huskily, "really doesn't hold anything back, does she?" Ziva smiled primly, continuing to study a file on her computer screen. "American slang = crazy. Rode hard & put up wet? He sweats. A lot." Tony's breath was hot against Ziva's neck. "Somebody's been a baaaaaaaaaad little tweeker."

"The sort of tweeker VERYSpecialAgentTony would follow?" Ziva asked, shivering at Tony's touch.

"Oh, absolutely," Tony answered, planting a surreptitious little kiss on Ziva's neck. "On Tweeter and... anywhere else she might happen to turn up."