Two and a half months later…

Back in Manhattan

As I walk into the Manhattan streets after leaving the café and encountering the woman named Theresa, it's not a wonder that my thoughts are now filled with Simon. Four long months of not seeing him, not hearing his voice, not even receiving a word from him are surely enough reasons for me to start moving on, right? Surely it's a sign that he's never going to come back to me. Maybe he thought this is for the best. Maybe, he's right.

I wonder how he's doing right now, where he is, is he okay. Yes, maybe I'll be thinking of Simon everyday. Maybe I'll be thinking of him forever. But whatever it will be, I still don't regret meeting him. I don't regret working at Java Jones and meeting all of them. I don't regret knowing someone like Simon who would never age. I still love him and I don't know if I'll ever love someone as much, but whatever life may come my way, I would never forget him. Not even in the after-life. He's still the best thing that has ever happened to me, regardless of how it turns out.

I saw my favourite bookstore and decided to go inside since I have no work today. I work at a bar—a real bar, this time—as a singer. Dan knows the manager and he hooked me up. I didn't want to do it at first because…let's just say that I can't sing anymore without thinking of Simon and my life back in Brooklyn, but Dan insisted and we had a bit of an argument—a first for such a trivial matter. But in the end, I accepted the job just so he'd stop pestering me.

After we arrived here, without doing it deliberately, I've been distant; to Dan, to Rae and Amy—although they still call, but sometimes I don't take it because it hurts of being reminded of what I left. I'm a selfish woman, yes, and I know it. Dan noticed how I changed and when he pointed it out, another argument ensued. Eventually, when he talks to me, he's careful not to mention anything about Brooklyn anymore, especially Java Jones. It has become a taboo now.

Shrugging off my thoughts, I entered the bookstore and inhaled its familiar scent: the scent of books, of course. If there's a scented candle that smells like this, I would definitely buy it and put it all over our apartment.

The bookstore looks like an antique shop—which I love—with dark red walls, 19th century lampshades displayed on the counter where the owner—an elderly woman—always sits. I've admired her since I first discovered this place. She's tenacious, witty and sardonic at times, which contrasts her serene and regal look. I've been trying to talk her into selling me one of her lamps but she just wouldn't. She said they were given to her by her late husband and she promised she would never sell them.

Yeah, that's love and I don't think I'll ever experience that kind, not after what I've been through.

When she saw me walked it, she smiled so wide. "Florence," she greeted me as she stepped out of the counter and gave me a hug. "How good to see you again."

I grinned, my mood lifting up. "Victoria, it's not like I haven't been here the other day."

"Bah," she exclaimed, waving a dismissing hand and turned to walk back to her counter. "If I know, the only days you're coming here are the days my grandson is not around."

This made me chuckle. Ever since her grandson Michael came back from London two months ago, Victoria has been endlessly pairing us up. "That is not true," I said, leaning to the counter. Although it is, because I have no time for love now. Actually, I have no time for everything. I don't know what I've been doing for the past four months.

"It is and you know it," Victoria said. "Ever since you came back from Booblyn—"

"Brooklyn."

"Psshh. Still the same, what with all the women there having big…" she trailed off and demonstrated the rest of the sentence with her hands.

"Vicky!" I exclaimed in between chuckles.

"Whatever. Well, ever since you came back from Brooklyn, you don't go out on dates anymore."

"I never go on dates."

She gave me a look.

"Well, okay. But everything's changed now. I realized many things and I'm a changed woman."

She stared at me for a moment before touching my hand. "Child, I've known you for years. You even worked here for me. So don't lie to me when I tell you something happened to you back there."

I sighed and looked away. "I'm still not ready to talk about that, Nana." That endearment slips off my tongue everytime she says something that makes me uncomfortable.

"When will you be?" she asked. "But I respect you're silence, okay. Just…"

"What?"

This time, it was she who sighed. "Just talk to you brother, Flo. He's been worried about you."

I know Dan talks to Victoria. I just don't know that he's been talking about me. "Okay. I'll talk to him."

She smiled and patted my hand before sitting back to her chair. "So, what book now?"

"Nothing in particular. I'll just go around and see if I would find something I like." Victoria nodded and then I proceeded inside, deliberately avoiding the Romance section. I don't need that anymore. I've been reading books that bore me to death so I can sleep at night and I know just where to find them.