A/N: Sorry that it took so long, but here's the next chapter of Paranoia! It's a bit of a change of tone from the last one, but I hope you all still like it, and please send me a review to let me know!
Thank you for all your lovely reviews, and I really appreciate your support when I'm trying to write - the writer's block is still coming and going sporadically, so it's good to have some feedback to help push myself through it and convince myself that it's worth carrying on with it.
Also, everyone who has reviewed 'Grievance', thank you for your support, and as of yesterday I was frantically plotting out the entire thing chapter by chapter so I can really get started on it! (Also, if you were enjoying the graphic smutfest that is 'Nollaig Shona Daoibh', I'm going to write that new chapter for you =) so that should make you very happy indeed.)
Anyway...
ladybugsmomma, I'm glad you liked it, and I hope you like this one just as much.
Jennifer, Liv's going to get better over time, because it's still really early days for a major neurological injury like she had - plus she was pretty seriously doped up in the last chapter... which can make even the best of us a bit dappy...
courtneylovejason, no, she probably shouldn't be home, but you know Liv... she wants to do something, she's damn well going to do it, and if she has to she'll rope Elliot into helping her out...
inspirationimagination, I'm really happy it made you laugh - I have kind of a weird sense of humour so someone else 'getting' it is always a good thing! I also adore Munch, he's one of my favourites... I've probably mentioned this before several dozen times, but it is nonetheless true. The whole take on E/O I do... the way I think of it is, they've known each other so long and they already have such a deep bond, that it probably wouldn't be like 'first days of a relationship, let's do it everywhere in every possible way', but more of a considered thing. I think that when it comes down to it, Elliot wouldn't want to rush something like that when he's already been waiting so long for it, especially since he can tell that she's clearly doped out of her mind...
balseirocharmed, I too love Munch =) and patience is a virtue, they will be 'intimate' in the next chapter... so you have that to look forward to!
lexiaalia93, I'm happy you thought it was funny and cute =) and like I just said to balseirocharmed, the 'radishing' is coming soon...
Kristy6, don't worry, a lot of how she was acting in the last chapter was because of the drugs, and she is getting better all the time. She'll never be completely back to how she was, because an injury like she suffers does cause irreversible brain damage, but you'd be amazed how good the brain can be at working around stuff like that - I have a brain injury in my left temporal lobe, as in, a huge scarred patch right in the middle of it, but you'd never know looking at or talking to me except for the fact I still have seizures sometimes. So, for someone as determined as Liv is, I'm sure she'll find ways to work around it... plus, she's lucky enough to have Elliot to take care of her and help her relearn everything. Also... I'm glad you like my humour. Like I said to inspirationimagination, I do have a really odd sense of humour... so I'm happy you enjoy it!
gemfinder360, yes, Gerard is indeed a jackass... but he will get his comeuppance, believe me. And I'm sorry the update took so long... I hope it was worth the wait.
lou3174, I'm sorry I made you wait so long for the new chapter but here it is. It's a different tone from the last one but I hope you still enjoy it.
So... marathon note over, here is the new chapter for you all. I hope you all enjoy it, and please send me a review to let me know!
After a few hours, Elliot had gotten quite interested in the book. He'd never really given much thought to - he checked the cover again - 'How To Further Your Relationships With Others By Furthering Your Relationship With Yourself,' but he'd already resolved to spend more time thinking about what he actually wanted, rather than what he thought he should want.
Next time I'm at the grocery store, I'm definitely buying some of those giant pretzels instead of the nasty rice pop things. And beer. Lots of beer. Elliot smiled smugly to himself. He would have achieved personal and spiritual growth in no time.
And according to the book, that was a Good Thing.
Although... Elliot looked back down at the page and frowned. There was still all that stuff about having to take lavender baths and keep hope journals...
Well, maybe you could skip that part and just buy extra beer instead to make up for it. He nodded to himself. Good plan, Elliot.
Suddenly he heard a sniff. Was that Liv? He put the book down, held his breath and leaned forward, listening carefully. 'Liv?'
The sniffs abruptly stopped and she lay completely still.
Elliot rolled his eyes. Typical. He got up and sat on the edge of the bed behind her. 'Liv?' He put his hand on her shoulder, his heart sinking as he felt her tense up for a second. Oh, Liv... 'Come on, Liv, it's me.'
There was a minute of silence, and then he heard a quiet and extremely unconvincing snore.
He stifled a laugh. She never was very good at the whole 'acting' thing... 'Liv...' He shifted across and lay down on his side behind her, wrapping his arm around her middle. 'Liv, it's OK...' He felt her shoulders started to shake again, and he sighed and began to stroke her hair soothingly. 'Come on, Liv, sssshhhhhh, it's OK...'
I'm fine, go away, can't you seal I'm asleep? Olivia squeezed her eyes shut and held her breath. Go away go away go away...
'Liv...' She felt him kiss her cheek. 'Liv, I know you're awake.'
Fuck.
'Liv... do you want to talk?'
She shook her head. Leave me alone...
'Do you want to talk and me to listen?'
She shook her head again and wiped her eyes with the back of her wrist. Please, please just leave me alone...
She felt Elliot shift slightly, and then he was pressing a handkerchief into her hand and kissing her cheek. Oh God... She scrunched it up in her fist and bit her lip, trying not to cry. Why is he so lovely to me?
'OK, Liv.' He sighed, stroked the side of her face and sat up. 'Do you want me to just leave you alone?'
Ye- She hesitated, and then shook her head again, grabbing his wrist and pulling him back down beside her. No, please don't go...
'OK.' He lay down and wrapped his arm around her again, taking her hand in his, and then she felt him kiss the back of her neck. 'I'm just going to stay here, OK?'
Olivia nodded and wriggled backwards, feeling him hug her body tightly against his chest as he tucked his chin over her shoulder, and she smiled to herself, pulling his arm tighter around her middle as he interlocked his fingers with hers. I'm so gland that he's here. She closed her eyes, feeling his breath on the side of her face as he kissed her cheek and began to stroke her hair again, whispering soothingly into her ear as he squeezed her hand tightly in his.
x-x-x-x-x-x
Around two hours later, Elliot was on the verge of falling asleep when he heard her clear her throat. Uh oh. 'You OK, Liv?'
'No, I...' Olivia swallowed awkwardly. Oh God... 'El?'
He squeezed her hand. 'Yes, Liv?'
'What... what if I hadn't beans there? What if I'd let you go on your owed?' She suddenly burst into heavy, racking sobs. 'I'm so sorry, Elliot, I'm so sorry...'
'Ssssh, come on, Liv, it's OK.' She felt him hug her tighter. 'We've talked about this. It wasn't your fault.'
She cried harder. 'But Elliot, I...'
'Look, Olivia,' Elliot said firmly. 'Stop it.'
She swallowed and took a deep breath. 'El, I...' She took another deep breath and then immediately broke down sobbing again. 'Oh, Gold, El, I...'
Elliot sighed. 'Olivia, we don't know what would have happened if you hadn't been there. I might have been fine, I might not. There's no point worrying about it now, OK? What you did, Liv, was amazing, and... I honestly can't imagine anyone else who would have done that for me.'
She choked back another sob. 'I would do anything for you.'
'I know.' He turned his head and kissed her on the side of her neck. 'And apart from my children, I honestly can't think of anyone I would have done that for except you.' He hugged her tighter. 'And I would have, Liv, I would.' He stroked her hair. 'I really would.'
She sniffed and wiped her eyes with the handkerchief. 'I know.'
She felt him smile. 'I'm glad.'
Outside the sun was beginning to come up, and she could already hear people in the apartments around hers beginning to get up and move around as they got ready for work. She sighed. I miss word...
Elliot kissed her cheek. 'You'll be back to work before you know it, Liv, and it'll be like you never even left.' He stroked the side of her face with his thumb. 'I promise.'
She smiled to herself and squeezed his hand. He always seemed to know what she was thinking, and to be honest it was more often a curse than a blessing. 'If you say so, El...' Although we both know that you're lying out of your ass.
'I do say so.' I'm going to make sure of it. Elliot smiled to himself. 'And however long it takes you, I'll be here, OK? When you go back, we'll go back together.' He laughed and kissed her cheek. 'For one thing, I really don't want to have to mess around having to break in a new partner anyway, waiting for you to swan back in from your life of leisure, lying around in bed all day, watching soaps and eating pudding...'
She laughed and elbowed him gently in the ribs. 'Asshole.'
She felt him smile again. 'That's my girl.' He squeezed her hand and kissed the side of her neck again, and then he cleared his throat. 'Olivia... in the ambulance, and then in the hospital, sitting outside the OR and next to your bed, waiting to see if you'd wake up, and even if you did wake up, whether you'd still be you...' He coughed uncomfortably. 'It... it was one of the worst times of my entire life.'
Olivia just lay there, stroking the back of his hand with her thumb, listening. He'd never told her any of this before, and she knew it was a big deal for him to admit it.
He swallowed awkwardly. 'I didn't sleep for almost three days, because I was afraid that if I did, the next time I was awake would be when a nurse woke me up to tell me you'd died.' She heard his voice catch in his throat. 'And the worst thing...' He paused, and then the rest poured out in a mad rush. 'The worst thing would have been knowing that you'd had to do it without me there with you.' He broke off and sniffed, his fingernails digging into her hand. 'And... and...'
She bit her lip. 'El-'
He cut her off. 'And I hate that you would ever feel bad about any of it, so please, Liv, don't work yourself up into thinking that there was something you should have done but didn't do, because everything you did, Liv, was far, far more than I could ever hope to expect from anyone, and...' He squeezed her hand. 'And I will spend the rest of my life trying to thank you for it.'
'I don't deserve you, Elliot,' said Olivia quietly.
'NO. No, do not EVER think that you don't deserve me, Olivia, because I... it's not that I can't imagine life without you. I can. I did. And it wasn't just imagining it, Liv, it was knowing that, without some kind of semi-miracle, that was how life was actually going to be, and... and it was worse than anything else I could ever have imagined...' She heard his voice catch again, and then he swallowed awkwardly. 'I... I couldn't live without you, Olivia, and I can't stand the idea of you somehow thinking that I'd be better off that way.' He kissed the side of her neck again, holding his face against the base of her jaw for a second, and squeezed her hand. 'OK?'
She nodded, feeling a dampness beginning to soak through her hair. Oh, El...
'Good.' Olivia felt him tighten his arms around her and tuck his chin back over her shoulder. 'I'm glad.'
She bit her lip, listening to the sound of his breathing and stroking her hand with her thumb. 'Uh... El?' Deep breasts, Olivia, you can do this.
He started to stroke her hair again. 'Yes, Liv?' Can we not talk about the whole me crying thing?
Say it. She took a deep breath. 'I, uh... I clan touch might nose wish my finger noun.'
A/N: What do you think? Are you looking forward to the next chapter? Send me a review and let me know!